Teaching a child who you clash with

[lisamarie]

I assume I am not the only person in the world with a child who does not like to learn from you. So I am wondering how you approach the education of a child who just does not like to learn from mom. I ended up putting my DD in PS-K this year because it is only half day, figuring she could get the bulk of her education from someone else and I would just focus on reading and math at home in the afternoons. This plan has worked out well. My hope was that she would mature over this year and be in a better place to learn from me.

 

Enter blizzard. We are on snow day #2 and I decided to stick with our HSing schedule and just do DD's work in the mornings along with my DS. OMG. By the end of it, I am ready to pull my hair out. I remember feeling like this all last year trying to teach her preschool skills. I successfully teach my DS and have for 2 years. He is doing really well. I know that I'm capable of HSing. I'm just not sure if I am capable of teaching my DD. To her face I remain calm and just press through, but inside I am developing a first class migraine.

 

Is there a point that you admit that you really do not work well with one of your children and that for the sake of the family, they would be better off at school? Do you just press through it and eventually reach a stride that works? Does that point ever come? I have been researching private schools in my area and there are 2 that we can afford and would be comfortable with--one uses abeka and BJP curriculum so it's stuff that I would use myself. I've also researched online virtual charter schools and there are 2 in my state, but I can't imagine trying to make my DD HS for 5-6 hours a day when it's a struggle just to get her to do 1 hour right now. Or we can just continue with HSing the normal way and I can invest in some really good migraine meds and pray that she actually learns something from me.

[Sue G in PA]

My ds9 and ds12 are my problem children when it comes to school. Both fight me. Ds12 will eventually get his work done but it is his attitude that drains me. We fight all.day.long. I hate it. I cry every day. I will be sending him back to school for high school in 2 years. Ds9 has other issues going on and as we get those under control, school remains a struggle. He still refuses to do his work. School is a def. poss. for him next year. It would alleviate a lot of my stress. I'm sorry you are going through this, too. I wish I had some good advice. If you do send dc to school, it will not be the end of the world. I do think that some personalities btwn mother/child just clash. KWIM?

[rieshy]

I had a daughter like this. I have pressed through because I didn't really have any other options- though I often dreamed of a magic schoolbus to come and whisk her away a few hours everyday.

 

I decided that instead of starting her in k at 5 we would delay a year and work on our "relationship." We spent the year spending lots of time together doing projects- knitting, drawing, gardening, cooking. This helped a lot- looking back I can see that even though she is very bright she has a different learning style and the extra maturity helped.

 

Her learning style does not mesh well with how I've always done my homeschool...

 

4th grade was rough. We switched math and history curriculum, that helped.

 

Now that she's in 5th grade she does more work on her own than any of my other kids have done at that age- she is just not an auditory learner and hates having things read to her, she ends up confused and then argumentative.

 

She does far more written and worksheet type school work because she loves it.

 

However, about a month ago her, 14 yo big sister spontaneously started reading novels (that are well above her head) to her in the evenings for fun- and I can see a huge leap in her ability and patience for listening.

 

Anyway- this was rambling but I'm now glad I didn't have other options because I feel like pushing through was worth it. I almost stopped liking the child- which is a horrible feeling- but we are so much closer now.

[RanchGirl]

do you clash with her over other issues or just academics? It is hard for me to understand this kind of strife with a 6 year old. (Just to clarify, I am not judging and it definitely sounds like you are trying.) Like, can you get her to clean her room, help out with meals, have fun times playing together, etc.?

 

I think that if you clash with her over *everything*, or more than just homeschooling, then I would be thinking I would want to work on the relationship. I would consider that much more important than academics and I would probably put academics on the backburner for awhile and just do reading together and relationship building type things.

 

If it just over academics that you clash, then I would want to try some other curricula or methods to see if there was a way to work together peacefully without losing your mind. Maybe she needs more/less time for creativity, more/less independence, etc. I have two boys with different personalities/talents/styles and I do have to approach their educations differently, but I have found hs'ing to be successful for both of them and fairly enjoyable for all of us as well

 

And if it turns out that the issue is that homeschooling is just not the right education method for this child at this time, then that's ok too! Maybe it's just that she needs more social time and/or peer pressure, or maybe she is jealous/intimidated by big brother's successful hs'ing? (I am just throwing out ideas here in the hopes that something might be helpful to you!)

[wapiti]

:lurk5: (been clashing with dd9 forever; new to hs-ing) I decided we would use this opportunity to work on our relationship. We still clash, but I've seen some growth lately. She admits when she's wrong (not in the moment, but hours later), complete with tears and love notes.

[lisamarie]

do you clash with her over other issues or just academics? It is hard for me to understand this kind of strife with a 6 year old. (Just to clarify, I am not judging and it definitely sounds like you are trying.) Like, can you get her to clean her room, help out with meals, have fun times playing together, etc.?

 

 

It is primarily just academics. She is very willing to help out around the house, does her chores with little complaint, she begs to help me make dinner, loves going places with me, snuggling with me, etc. She pretty much just likes to be around me.

 

I started her out with one curriculum that was a total bomb. I figured that it wasn't going to work about 6 weeks into it and dropped it. I switched to something that is working better and she is much happier, but she still fights me about school period. She just plain hates school. She doesn't want to do it. Doesn't matter what it is, how fun it is, if it's "school" she doesn't want to do it. She complains about going to school every single day, yet she has fun when she's there. She learns, she listens to her teacher, she loves it. Yet she complains because it's "school." She has already told us that she is not going to college. Once she learned that she could do virtual college, she decided that maybe she would do college after all.

 

In all other areas, she is generally a very sweet, complaint, loving kid. Just not with school.

[KidsHappen]

I am bi-polar as is one of my dd. Teaching her was very challanging for both of us. She started PS in 6th grade and not only are we both happier this was but she is learning more, better, easier, etc.

[rafiki]

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