myfunnybunch Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Thanks for all the responses. I truly appreciate reading each of them. I do want to just say that I am honestly not one of these moms that has just brought this on myself. I am doing everything I can think of to help this child despite how hateful she is towards me. I love her and want the best for her. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You're a good mom. Keep loving your girl. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MicheleinMN Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Ds 19 has paid his own insurance since he got his own car. We told him he would have to pay the difference in our insurance when he got his license, but as the difference was only about $12 a month, we covered it. I can't imagine paying car insurance for an adult child who decided to move out. Maybe if they were just away at college, I might feel differently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 When they are away at college, we still pay but if they were to move out on their own we would not. In fact, I don't even know if your insurance would go for that since they are no longer in your household. This is what we plan on doing as well. I do not think you are being unreasonable at all. I applaud you for trying to show her what it will cost. I feel for you dealing with the disrespect issues. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 no car. problem solved. my children may not talk to me like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
parias1126 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I have not read all the replies, but wanted to add to this since I have a daughter who is turning 18 in a couple weeks. If my daughter EVER used the words, "F you" to me, every privilege she currently had would be revoked. This includes anything I pay for such as car insurance, cell phone, etc. If she wants to move out at the young age of 18, then everything should be her responsibility. She is making the choice to be a responsible adult by moving out of your home. If my DD treated me like you mention your DD is treating you, I would not pay for a single thing after she chose to move out on her own (especially after such disrespect). I don't understand how moving out can be a "dream" at the age of 11. :confused: That whole statement just baffles me immensely. How does she know what she wants at the age of 11? I could go on and on, but I am just disgusted that she would speak to you in that manner. How did you respond to this behavior? Why would she even think that is acceptable? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Absolutely not. A child with a temper like that has no business driving a car and I most certainly would not be insuring someone with that kind of sense of entitlement as I believe it would really transfer to her driving skills (an I own the road kind of mentality). I would say she has a lot of maturing to do and if she needs to disown you to do it, well I know it will be painful but probably better for her in the long run. You would not be doing her any favors to let her get away with this kind of behavior. I would wish her well and have her stuff at the front door on her 18th b-day. Just let her know that you love her and if she ever changes her mind, realizes the erros of her ways, and apologizes, then you'll be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Under these circumstances, it is not unreasonable for you to expect that she pay her own car insurance. I would keep her on your medical insurance as long as you can. In our situation, dd is living at home and in paramedic school and pre-med dual enrolled. There is no way she could hold down a job and maintain this school schedule. So, we of course pay her car insurance and even when she gets her first paramedic job and is only going to school part-time for a while after that, we will continue to do so because she is very, very responsible and it is far cheaper for her to be an addition to our policy instead of her getting her own. But, she will contribute to her portion of the insurance once she's working a part-time paramedic job. Every situation is unique. Your daughter is being disrespectful and unrealistic...this isn't something to reward. So, even if you decide that you want to help with insurance, she should at least be contributing a portion of the cost and if she doesn't like it, then she needs to get her own policy. Young adults need to learn that life lesson about the consequences of disrespecting their parents and employers. Too many kids get a way with that disrepect of parents and then go on to get fired quickly from every job they attempt to hold down because they don't think their boss should be able to tell them what to do and should give them a paycheck "just because". Whatever you decide, hold her accountable. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) No, she has not always been like this. She seems to have gotten into a small group of people who are not good influences on her at all. She is friends with a boy (they used to be boyfriend/girlfriend) whom she is obsessed with right now. Whatever this guy says is right, yet he is the one that has called her names and put her down, etc.... I have never done things like this to her and yet I am the bad guy & he is golden. Sounds like you've been fired from your job as parent. You know, sometimes they just need to learn through experience. Tell her you love her and wish her well, and she is welcome home any time she wants visit, as long as she behaves herself. Tell her she's not inspiring you to help her with all the cussing and name-calling, so she's on her own when she moves out. Make sure you transfer the car to her name, so she's responsible for it. Just stay calm while she is yelling and screaming. ETA- my 17 yo dd said your dd probably thinks you doubt her ability to live on her own, and that's why she resents you giving suggestions like making a budget. Your dd might think you're basically calling her stupid by trying to give her advise. (You're not, this is just insight into the teenage mind from another 17 yo.) She probably will take a break from you for a while. Hopefully she'll figure out how good she had it living at home in a loving environment. Hopefully she won't get caught up in anything really stupid. Hopefully she'll do just fine. Not all kids turn out the way you want. It's not always the parent's fault. Even if someone had horrible parents, once they are on their own they don't get to use that excuse any more. Edited February 4, 2011 by PiCO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Jenny Flint Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 And I would be very clear with her that if the disrespect doesn't improve a lot, the 18th birthday party will be on the porch, with her stuff packed and ready to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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