Have you had "the talk"?

[Samiam]

In 5th grade, I had DS read a book about his changing body, think it was The Book for Boys...can't remember exact title without going to the bookcase. That was just about what will happen to his body. We called it Boys Health, in terms of "lesson name". Then DH would talk to DS about what he read, while they were out doing boy stuff, practicing baseball etc.

 

Then in 6th grade, I had DS read the puberty book by Dobson, (sorry again would have to go to the bookcase to get the title, too lazy!:tongue_smilie:).

Again DH would discuss with DS.

 

I had DS skip the chapters that talked about "girl stuff". We stopped just before the chapter on s.#.x. My intention was to wait a few months on that. It's been about a year now, lol!

 

DS12 will be 13 in July. Although he has never indicated that he knows anything about s#x, and we are careful about media exposure to that type of stuff, on the other hand, he has hung out with neighborhood boys quite a bit, our neighbors. All great boys, families go to church, etc, but I know the public school environment and it is just there. There is no way to avoid hearing and learning about that stuff. So I am sure those boys know something but how much of that comes up in conversation between 12 year old boys out playing basketball and having tent sleep overs, I do not know.

 

I probably need to get that book out and have him finish those chapters. Ugh!

 

How old was your child when you had that conversation?

[rootsnwings]

:bigear: listening in as we celebrate ds's 10th Birthday this weekend :lurk5:

 

:confused:

[Heather in WI]

My oldest two were 9 and 7. We have the Kingfisher Human Body Encyclopedia and it came up. We are pretty conservative Christians, and I never expected to have the conversation that young, but they were asking, so I told them. They were grossed out (LOL!) and it was soooo awkward, but we got through it. We've actually had several conversations since then when particular questions arose. :-)

[Halcyon]

My 8 yo asked last year about how babies are made, so I told him. It was no big deal for us. In fact, I am beginning to suspect that it was SUCH a non-issue that he's totally forgotten the conversation; he asked me last week if the woman is "automatically pregnant" once she gets married :lol::lol:

[Lolly]

Ds was 10. As far as how much does that type of conversation come up with a bunch of 12 yos?...Some that I know it would come up a whole, whole lot with excruciating detail. Other groups, never.

[catz]

My 8 yo asked last year about how babies are made, so I told him. It was no big deal for us.

 

:iagree: My son was 9. It was not a big deal at all to him.

[5Wizards]

I think my DD was 9 (but it might have been right before turning 9, I can't remember for sure).

 

She finally got around to asking about how the daddy's DNA gets to the baby. It was a pretty comical conversation actually. She asked, "You guys did that?" with a disgusted look on her face and the tone of voice was hilarious. That was followed by "EWW!" A few days or weeks later (again, the timing is blurry now), she was even more disgusted to learn that people not only have sex to procreate, but also because it feels good. :lol:

 

My 5 year old was right there for both conversations, but I'm not sure if she was paying attention. She has a tendency to seem busy and later ask questions about things she has overheard. She hasn't asked anything yet, so who knows. We try to make anything having to do with sex/puberty/etc..... just a natural, everyday part of life in our house.

[regentrude]

DD was 5 (she asked). DS was 8.

No big deal (they thought it gross).

The younger they are, the easier it is because it's not yet embarassing - they don't feel that it has anything to do with THEM, YKWIM?

[NanceXToo]

Honestly? My daughter was only about 5 or 6 when we had "the talk." She asked, I read her a book geared toward children about it- very matter of fact but in words a child could easily understand- I think the one I read her was by Dr. Ruth- and she said, "Thanks for telling me about where babies come from, Mommy!" and that was that.

 

Periodically since then (she's now 10) she's asked if she could read the book again, and I say "sure" and let her read it. If she asks questions, I answer them.

 

It hasn't really come up with my son, who is now 5. He did ask me once if I ate him when he was in my belly (haha) and then he wanted to know how he got out. But we haven't really had any further discussion yet.

 

ETA: I do definitely think it's WAY past time for your son to have all the details- ones that he gets from you (with the aid of books if you are more comfortable that way), because who knows what he's hearing from other kids in the neighborhood.

[catz]

Honestly? My daughter was only about 5 or 6 when we had "the talk." She asked, I read her a book geared toward children about it- very matter of fact but in words a child could easily understand- I think the one I read her was by Dr. Ruth- and she said, "Thanks for telling me about where babies come from, Mommy!" and that was that.

 

I should have added my 6 year old pretty much has the facts now too. She was much more interested in babies and where they come from than her brother was. I just answered her questions truthfully. We have a couple books around that target elementary ages.

[Samiam]

Okay, wow, I must be ultra-conservative or something!

 

DS has asked when he was younger, 7-8ish, when I was PG with other DS. But I wasn't explaining it at that age. I was giving blase answers that skirted the details. Can't really picture telling a child of that age about adults in the bedroom.

[regentrude]

DS has asked when he was younger, 7-8ish, when I was PG with other DS. But I wasn't explaining it at that age. I was giving blase answers that skirted the details. Can't really picture telling a child of that age about adults in the bedroom.

 

At that age, the whole thing is rather abstract. Such as volcanoes, and earthquakes, and magnetism. It has nothing to do with them, they feel. They can accept it and shrug and that's it.

When they are in puberty, this all hits much closer to home and they feel much more embarassed about the conversation. I'm just curious: do you really find it more comfortable to talk with a 13 y/o about what adults do in the bedroom?

[patchfire]

dd found my old "So That's How I Was Born!" book in the bookshelves when she was six or seven and read it cover to cover. She explained how babies were born to her brother when I was pregnant with #3.

 

More puberty-type stuff? She's 10 and has read a couple of books. We talk about periods and breasts more than sex, when she asks. This summer I intend to have her read Cycle Savvy, which is by the woman that wrote TCOYF.

 

She absolutely reads the chapters on "boy stuff," though, and ds will absolutely be required to read about the "girl stuff."

[Paula in PA]

She finally got around to asking about how the daddy's DNA gets to the baby. It was a pretty comical conversation actually. She asked, "You guys did that?" with a disgusted look on her face and the tone of voice was hilarious. That was followed by "EWW!" A few days or weeks later (again, the timing is blurry now), she was even more disgusted to learn that people not only have sex to procreate, but also because it feels good. :lol:

 

:lol:That was my dd's reaction, too! We still get an "eww" and "you guys are weird" anytime she sees us kissing.

 

She started having more involved type questions just after her 9th birthday when she started developing. She'd had general ones before, which I always answered to her interest. But after 9, they started getting more specific, so I guess you could say that's when we first had the talk. It's kind of an ongoing conversation though.

[ShutterBug]

DS12 will be 13 in July. Although he has never indicated that he knows anything about s#x, and we are careful about media exposure to that type of stuff, on the other hand, he has hung out with neighborhood boys quite a bit, our neighbors. All great boys, families go to church, etc, but I know the public school environment and it is just there. There is no way to avoid hearing and learning about that stuff. So I am sure those boys know something but how much of that comes up in conversation between 12 year old boys out playing basketball and having tent sleep overs, I do not know.

 

 

 

He's almost 13?

 

You might be surprised to find out that he may know more than you're suspecting.

 

My mom never had "the talk" with me. I didn't have friends who talked about it either. I didn't watch anything other than cartoons on TV and the internet was non-existent at the time. However, by 13 I knew what s*x was.

 

I think we have an inborn curiosity about s*x and s*xuality. Some kids just kind of figure it out on their own (they may be hazy on the details, but they understand the general idea) and others get small clues along the way...something on T.V. they quickly see (even in something as innocent as a commercial), something in a newspaper or magazine, hearing bits and pieces of conversation over the years at gatherings or even from a neighboring table at a restaurant.

 

Ds was 8 when we had the talk. We used the book "God's Design for S*x" and he was pretty mortified at the whole idea. I really wanted dh and I to be the one he comes to with questions however and I knew it was inevitable that he would hear it from some other kid sooner or later. Not to mention I wanted him to have the correct information...not the half true, half myth talk that kids often pass along :) .

Edited January 28, 2011 by ShutterBug

[Halcyon]

 

ETA: I do definitely think it's WAY past time for your son to have all the details- ones that he gets from you (with the aid of books if you are more comfortable that way), because who knows what he's hearing from other kids in the neighborhood.

 

 

:iagree:

[elegantlion]

At that age, the whole thing is rather abstract. Such as volcanoes, and earthquakes, and magnetism. It has nothing to do with them, they feel. They can accept it and shrug and that's it.

When they are in puberty, this all hits much closer to home and they feel much more embarassed about the conversation. I'm just curious: do you really find it more comfortable to talk with a 13 y/o about what adults do in the bedroom?

 

:iagree: Ds and dh have those chats together. We've utilized a couple of books and dh keeps an open dialogue regarding the puberty issues. We discussed more specifics in biology last year. I think he was 8 1/2 or 9 when we first had the first conversation. He had not been remotely curious up to that point, but we felt it was important that he got facts from us.

[AngelBee]

Mine have all been very young. They have watched all there siblings be born.

 

They know that an egg and sperm make a baby from toddlerhood on. I just answer questions honestly from that point on.

 

I know ds11 and dd8 know about s&x. I am not sure ds6 really grasps it. Or dd4.

[AngelBee]

At that age, the whole thing is rather abstract. Such as volcanoes, and earthquakes, and magnetism. It has nothing to do with them, they feel. They can accept it and shrug and that's it.

When they are in puberty, this all hits much closer to home and they feel much more embarassed about the conversation. I'm just curious: do you really find it more comfortable to talk with a 13 y/o about what adults do in the bedroom?

:iagree:

[AngelBee]

For what it is worth, I am a pretty conservative Christian. :)

[5Wizards]

Someone on the WTM boards recommended a book awhile back that I really like, so I thought I'd pass it on.

 

It's so Amazing! A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families by Robie Harris

 

It says ages 7 and up. I bought it sometime this year at 9 and my DD seemed to like it.

[Rosy]

I just brought it up with DD10 because she's spending more time with friends and working out with me in a gym where tvs are tuned to the nightly news. I would much rather her hear it from me than from friends (and yes, they're from wonderful families and are conservative Christians...that doesn't mean kids don't talk) or especially tv. I explained the basics and she made a face when I got down to the nitty gritty, but mostly just processed it very scientifically (she actually used the word ovoviviporous at one point). I realized when we talked how we'll be needing to have many, MANY conversations on this and related topics. She knows she'll be needing a bra in a year or two...I figure we have a little while before we need to discuss periods in depth. <shudder>

[regentrude]

I figure we have a little while before we need to discuss periods in depth. <shudder>

 

If she's ten, don't count on having much time. Girls start younger and younger. Mine was 11 and I am very glad she knew what happened and did not freak out.

[Laura Corin]

Calvin asked me more and more questions about pregnancy until he knew the basics at age four. Hobbes didn't ask so many questions, so we sat down with a book (It's so Amazing) when he was nine. I'd rather tell him in a straightforward, accurate way, rather than his hearing inaccurate gossip from friends. You'd be surprised what boys, even quite young boys, talk about.

 

Laura

[LisaKinVA]

My son is getting the "talk" this spring... before summer camp... before his 12th birthday. My dh will most likely be doing the talking. He knows the physical differences between men and women... knows how babies come out of a woman...

 

It's "time" for the other stuff...

 

My dd will be getting the "talk" after her 9th birthday, because many of her friends are "blossoming" -- and I want her to be aware of the changes that are coming, so she doesn't freak out about them, and think she's dying. (She's my highly sensitive, internalizing girl... who stopped eating because someone told her she was fat... and when she learned she had a baby brother who died spent months worried about dying herself... so I don't need a bre*st bud appearing and have her thinking it's a tumor :tongue_smilie:)

[NanceXToo]

Yeah, four and five and six year olds just take everything in stride. They're very matter of fact about it and it's pretty abstract to them. I find it MUCH easier to just answer their questions right from the beginning and then build on it as they come back for clarification/more information/wanting to process it at an older age and just have it be a continuing education thing that they knew the basics about right from the very beginning...

 

...I find that SO much easier than the thought of having to talk about it with a pre-teen or teen from step one, where they ARE more likely to take it more personally or be dramatic about it or grossed out about it or embarrassed about it or whatever. That just seems so much more awkward, at that stage!

[Mom22ns]

My ds was 11 and in 6th grade. I actually tried it when he was a young 10yo because he was in ps then and was going to start at our upper elementary. If you don't already know the facts, you will learn them there - with lots of potential errors. Ds really didn't get it and didn't care. He did care when his body started to change a bit and that was 6th grade. Then we tried again and really had complete discussions.

 

Dd was in 4th grade. She was interested much earlier. Again, when her body started to change, we talked.

 

We got books for both, but they were body/puberty books not s*x ed books. I wanted to cover that part myself. Dh did talk to ds some instead of it being all me.

[Mallory]

I do definitely think it's WAY past time for your son to have all the details- ones that he gets from you (with the aid of books if you are more comfortable that way), because who knows what he's hearing from other kids in the neighborhood.

 

Mine have all been very young. They have watched all there siblings be born.

 

They know that an egg and sperm make a baby from toddlerhood on. I just answer questions honestly from that point on.

 

I know ds11 and dd8 know about s&x. I am not sure ds6 really grasps it. Or dd4.

 

And I talk about why I have a period with my toddlers (since they're the ones in the bathroom with me).

 

And we volunteer at a pregnancy center. and I run a breastfeeding support group.

 

And we have many animals (just had puppies, would you like one ;)), why our chicken eggs can't be fertile (no rooster right now).

 

I think it much easier to have it be a part of our lives (and there isn't any way to miss it in our lives).

 

If she's ten, don't count on having much time. Girls start younger and younger. Mine was 11 and I am very glad she knew what happened and did not freak out.

 

Yeah. My sis started at 9.

[Testimony]

My husband did a program called Preparing for Adolescence from Focus on the Family with my older son who is 13 years old. He did like this retreat him. He secretly took him away and the two of them went to this retreat center. It was neat because my son was not expecting it. The program answers lots of question that the child has and it helps you if you have difficulty with certain types of questions. My husband found it very helpful because he did not know how to talk about the subject.

 

Blessings,

Karen

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

[SailorMom]

We did an early talk at about 5 or 6 that neither remembered....

Then at about 10-11.

As for girls and Aunt Flo - I started at 11. My mom - 9. She thought she was dying at school. Very sad way to start that, so tell the girls young.

[shanvan]

having a reference like what DC has seen with farm animals is a big help. My DC have watched most of the All Creatures Great and Small series (and read the book) and it has proved to be a great reference point for transferring the details when they were ready. My great Uncle says his parents never had the talk, but he knew all about it b/c of his experiences on the farm. He never felt it was necessary *for him* and did not feel like his parents had neglected their duties. Of course, times were different (he's in his late 80s). I think its really important, as others have said, to explain what is happening to their bodies so they don't think something really abnormal is happening.

 

Shannon

[redsquirrel]

My church has a human sexuality curriculum so we go with that. It starts with 6 year olds. I have been the teacher of that for about 7 years now. It finishes with a very general discussion about how babies start. Mostly it is about family and how families grow and change. We spend a lot of time talking about themselves as babies, how much they have changed, all the different ways babies join families (we always have lots of adopted kids in classes). I have a pregnant church member come to class and talk about being pregnant, I have a family with a new baby come in and give a 'live baby demo'. It is a huge hit with the 6 year olds!

 

Then it has an older child component that we teach in the 4&5th grades, boys and girls together. It covers all puberty issues as well as a review of reproduction. It is amazing to me how much misinformation they have. I have taught that as well. I wish it could be put off until 5th and 6th grade but far too many of them start puberty in 5th grade to delay. Our goal is to make sure they enter puberty well prepared.

 

Then in 8th grade they have a formal sexuality education and choices class. Again, it is boys and girls together. That class lasts for an entire school year. My husband taught that and it was a huge commitment. He had to go to Boston for training etc.

[Crimson Wife]

I didn't want to have "the talk" at 8, but so many folks in our neck of the woods seem to tell their kids way TMI. I was worried about her hearing stuff on the playground with "anything goes" values rather than traditional Biblical ones. I gave her book 3 of God's Design for Sex to read for her birthday and then answered her questions as they arose.

[AngelBee]

I didn't want to have "the talk" at 8, but so many folks in our neck of the woods seem to tell their kids way TMI. I was worried about her hearing stuff on the playground with "anything goes" values rather than traditional Biblical ones. I gave her book 3 of God's Design for Sex to read for her birthday and then answered her questions as they arose.

This is exactly why I tell my children young. I want them to know God's plan for sex, not society's.

[awstgs]

I'm betting he already knows. We chose have the talk early when our son was 8. I think sometimes it's easier when they are younger. I wanted him to be able to ask us questions and get the truth rather than some other kid who was clueless to begin with. I'd definitely talk to him now to see if he had any questions.

[NavyWifeandMommy]

Sadly I had to have the talk with my 10 year old. Nothing negative has happened but her friends are now in the middle school and well there are things that go on that shouldn't. Plus now the middle schoolers have been known to take the innocent spin the bottle to a whole new level.

Thankfully she thinks boys are still silly and all they do it play video games so they are not worth it. :) We wanted to be the first to tell her about it and our views on the subject. It's not just a fun 'game' to play.

[Jilly]

My twins had just turned ten when we had the talk.

[rafiki]

.

[IsabelC]

Mine have all been very young. They have watched all there siblings be born. They know that an egg and sperm make a baby from toddlerhood on. I just answer questions honestly from that point on. I know ds11 and dd8 know about s&x. I am not sure ds6 really grasps it. Or dd4.

Pretty much same here. All mine have known the basics of tea and babies since age 2 or 3. Although then they forget and ask again a few months later lol. They also get reminded when they see our, um, rather-enthusiastic-at-his-job rooster going at it with the hens :lol: They know about periods because that's just a part of life which I've never tried to hide from them. We haven't talked about specific puberty issues with ds as yet. It's not really The Talk for us, it's more a series of questions, answers and chats that happen over the years. Same with s*xual health topics - it's just another part of health in general, and I wouldn't try to tell them all that in one session any more than I'd try to explain everything I know about nutrition and exercise in an hour. S*xuality and morals - same deal. For us, it's not a special, self contained topic: it's part of a wider area of how to behave with respect, honesty and integrity towards yourself and others. But again, it's not a one off conversation, because they mature incrementally. They may be able to understand the physical sperm meets egg stuff, but that doesn't mean they're anywhere near to mature enough to grasp the full implications of choices they could make later on, so the 'talks' will go on into their teen years, I expect.

[mryann]

having a reference like what DC has seen with farm animals is a big help. My DC have watched most of the All Creatures Great and Small series (and read the book) and it has proved to be a great reference point for transferring the details when they were ready. My great Uncle says his parents never had the talk, but he knew all about it b/c of his experiences on the farm. He never felt it was necessary *for him* and did not feel like his parents had neglected their duties. Of course, times were different (he's in his late 80s). I think its really important, as others have said, to explain what is happening to their bodies so they don't think something really abnormal is happening.

 

Shannon

 

This. I grew up on a pig farm and you saw it all. I don't live on a pig farm anymore, but I do make sure that when my kids see animals shows, they hear that the animals are mating and there will be babies soon - not that the animals are 'hugging.' ;) By the time my kids were old enough for The Talk, there really wasn't much left to say.

[ShutterBug]

I wonder what s*x education looked like back in the 1800's..say on a farm or log cabin.

 

You have to figure kids back then lived with and were spectator to animals mating and giving birth, lived in very close quarters with little to no soundproofing and babies were born at home.

 

I'm guessing there wasn't much of a need for "the talk", lol.

[Daisy]

Step by step. My daughter knew everything by the time she was 10yo.

 

I start out talking about inappropriate touch when they are 4yo. That's basic safety.

 

Around 6yo, we have the child development conversation and the kids learn about all pregnancy. They understand the science of the sperm & the egg without my really having to explain the whole ball of wax.

 

Around 8yo, we have the puberty talk. I've explained to my 8yo son about menstrual cycles, etc. He understands about abortion (sadly). They understand just about everything BUT s#x.

 

At age 10yo, I just seal the deal. No biggie. My daughter was grossed out but by that point she was wanting to know how the sperm managed to get to the egg anyway so it filled in the blanks. I explained it and then gave her a book to read. Then over the last year and a half we continued to discuss it as questions have come up. We've covered sexual assault, teenage pregnancy, birth control, homosexuality, dating, relationships, etc. I don't beat around the bush with my kids. I want to teach them about those topics from a clearly Biblical worldview and the only way to do that is to actually have the conversation.

[momto2Cs]

DD was 5 (she asked). DS was 8.

No big deal (they thought it gross).

The younger they are, the easier it is because it's not yet embarassing - they don't feel that it has anything to do with THEM, YKWIM?

 

:iagree: My kids were 7 and 9. They asked, I explained. They thought it was "weird and kinda gross" and "that's not how you made ME, was it Mommy?". Since then, no questions. Oh, and I did have ds (nearly 10) read The Body Book for Boys so he would be prepared for upcoming changes.

[Mrs_JWM]

I told my daughter about it last summer when she was 5. ALthough I don't remember using this phrasing, she began saying, "The man STICKS (emphasis ALL hers) his penis in the woman's vagina. Isn't 'vagina' a sparkly word?" Umm...yes...

 

I offered to hire her out to our friends who were less willing to have the talk, but after she told another five-year-old who immediately covered her ears and yelled, "STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!!!" I decided her delivery could use some work. ;)

[Daisy]

I told my daughter about it last summer when she was 5. ALthough I don't remember using this phrasing, she began saying, "The man STICKS (emphasis ALL hers) his penis in the woman's vagina. Isn't 'vagina' a sparkly word?" Umm...yes...

 

I offered to hire her out to our friends who were less willing to have the talk, but after she told another five-year-old who immediately covered her ears and yelled, "STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!!!" I decided her delivery could use some work. ;)

 

ROFLOL. :smilielol5:

[momto2Cs]

I told my daughter about it last summer when she was 5. ALthough I don't remember using this phrasing, she began saying, "The man STICKS (emphasis ALL hers) his penis in the woman's vagina. Isn't 'vagina' a sparkly word?" Umm...yes...

 

I offered to hire her out to our friends who were less willing to have the talk, but after she told another five-year-old who immediately covered her ears and yelled, "STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!!!" I decided her delivery could use some work. ;)

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Old Dominion Heather]

Oldest was 6, he has always asked lots of questions. I need to probably clarify with ds 8, and do the basics with ds5. Neither have been as curious. We need to talk!

[awstgs]

I told my daughter about it last summer when she was 5. ALthough I don't remember using this phrasing, she began saying, "The man STICKS (emphasis ALL hers) his penis in the woman's vagina. Isn't 'vagina' a sparkly word?" Umm...yes...

 

I offered to hire her out to our friends who were less willing to have the talk, but after she told another five-year-old who immediately covered her ears and yelled, "STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!!!" I decided her delivery could use some work. ;)

 

That is too funny!:lol: