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Mama Anna's DH writing here...

 

Pr. 18:22 (NIV) - He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the LORD.

 

I am highly favored.

 

Pr. 17:1 (NIV) - Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.

 

Mama Anna bakes our bread, so we always have a dry crust or two by the end of the week. We never have the strife.

 

Pr. 19:14 (NIV) - Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.

 

Pr. 31:11 (NIV) - Her husband has full confidence in her, and lacks nothing of value.

 

I am a dirt-poor doctoral student. We have neither houses nor lands, but I can cheerfully say that I lack nothing of REAL value.

 

 

And... she makes a killer cup of teA! :drool:

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Guys, if you are in a good relationship (and you wives can ask them--but do really *ask* them, please, and then post their reply), what do you value most about what your wife does for you or who she is to you, and I'm not talking about the hot beverage reply. :) Let's let that be a given. : )

 

What is there in your relationship that no one else could be to you?

 

Thanks for your input!!

 

I have been in an extra-ordinary marriage for almost 20 yrs...Answering this specific question was easy for me.

 

This likely won't be a popular answer, but it's the truth, and a key part of our success, and sole credit goes to my dear wife.

 

She, from day one, has shown me unwavering respect, which is something all men crave from their wives. Not just respect "when I deserved it," or "when I earned it." ALL THE TIME (believe me there have been many, many times I did not deserve it, but she exhibited it to me anyway).

 

Respect is different than love. She has also shown me infinite love, which comes naturally to her...respect is something, particularly in western culture, that can take a little effort at times.

 

I'd love to delve into this more, but I don't feel like getting flamed any more than usual...so let me refer you to a resource that explains it better than I can...

 

There is a book called "Love & Respect," and a DVD series, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, which we watched together about 10 years ago...we were previewing it for our church board as a potential marriage enrichment resource...I nearly wept when I recognized just how good my DW had been to me, in giving me what I needed, and the thoughts gelled and crystallized by reading and watching the seminar. It thoroughly explained why our marriage was working so well, and could be very helpful to anyone looking to improve their marriage. I highly recommend it.

 

That's my number one answer. There are others, like we were friends before we considered dating, she'd always been my best friend, she shares my eclectic perspectives on life, she's a genuine, authentic person, we have a lot of passion for each other :drool5::001_tt1::001_wub: and she and I laugh together, a whole lot. But I think they come second to my original answer.

 

I am very well blessed! :)

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Why flames? As long as the respect goes both ways (and it sounds like it does), it's a great answer. :001_smile:

 

Because of all the images of female submission, servitude, etc. that it can conjure in the minds of some people...which is not the point at all. The point is that men and women need different things (and some of the same things) from a marriage to feel satisfied with it.

 

Delving a little...a typical conversation in many marriages that are experiencing difficulty.

 

Wife: "you should show me your love, all the time..."

Husband: "even when you act unlovable?"

Wife: "Yes, of course." (Which is the right answer :))

Husband: "Oh, Okay."

 

later...

 

Husband: "you should be more respectful of me..."

Wife: "well, I'll show you more respect when you DESERVE it. My respect of you needs to be EARNED! And you'll get it when you earn it!"

Husband: ":confused:"

 

See the difference? This is hard for a lot of people to get...As I said, I didn't get it consciously in my mind for 10 years of an excellent marriage, because we always talk in our culture about undying love, unconditional love all the time, but we hardly ever talk about unconditional respect.

 

There is a difference. And as I said, my dear wife's understanding of this has been the one thing ONLY she can give me, and the one thing above all else that has made my marriage completely satisfying. :)

 

Don't take away the impression that I think marriage happiness is all up to the wife, and that it's the wife's fault if the marriage is unhappy...far from it...I'm just being true to the OP's excellent question, by talking about Mrs. Goldwater. :)

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I emailed dh the question. Here's his reply. The first part wasn't pg enough for me to put here. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

u put up with my crap. With as much as im gone I don't have to worry about you are the kids. U are able to do for yourself and keep the family running without me. And whe I am around u are able to fit me back in the family. I don't think there are many women that could do that.

 

 

 

Just so you guys don't think he's perfect, he only gets mushy and sweet like that when he's been gone awhile. I'll keep him anyway. :001_wub:

 

Almost verbatim!!

Must be something about being a military wife :)

 

:iagree:This must be a military spouse thing, because my dh said almost the same thing. Here's his response...

 

"I like that when I'm there she makes it so it's like I was never gone, but when I am gone as much as I am, I know that I can focus on the job at hand because she's got it all running like a well oiled machine back home."

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I asked my husband and here was his emailed response:

 

I'm trying to put it into words, hard to express literally, more a feeling.

 

I want to give you an honest answer that is very thougtful but in one sense you just get me and you don't judge me. When my nephew and my older brother asked how I knew I wanted to marry you, I said when the right person comes along you just know, there is no inner voice or list or words to really describe it, there was just a kind of soulful comfort, a nirvana of sorts.

 

:001_wub: oh and I told him he was not allowed to mention anything relating to brewing or drinking teA, but he did mention it.

 

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"You're my Little Head. You take care of us. You're home. As long as you're there it's all okay. And you're crazy, that helps."

 

:) Little Head is a nickname (along with a million others, this happens to be the favorite right now). There was a lot of eye rolling and head shaking, "uhhhs" and "well, you know what I mean" throughout the answer. I love Mr. Big Head, but he's not always articulate.

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I have been in an extra-ordinary marriage for almost 20 yrs...Answering this specific question was easy for me.

 

This likely won't be a popular answer, but it's the truth, and a key part of our success, and sole credit goes to my dear wife.

 

She, from day one, has shown me unwavering respect, which is something all men crave from their wives. Not just respect "when I deserved it," or "when I earned it." ALL THE TIME (believe me there have been many, many times I did not deserve it, but she exhibited it to me anyway).

 

Respect is different than love. She has also shown me infinite love, which comes naturally to her...respect is something, particularly in western culture, that can take a little effort at times.

 

I'd love to delve into this more, but I don't feel like getting flamed any more than usual...so let me refer you to a resource that explains it better than I can...

 

There is a book called "Love & Respect," and a DVD series, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, which we watched together about 10 years ago...we were previewing it for our church board as a potential marriage enrichment resource...I nearly wept when I recognized just how good my DW had been to me, in giving me what I needed, and the thoughts gelled and crystallized by reading and watching the seminar. It thoroughly explained why our marriage was working so well, and could be very helpful to anyone looking to improve their marriage. I highly recommend it.

 

That's my number one answer. There are others, like we were friends before we considered dating, she'd always been my best friend, she shares my eclectic perspectives on life, she's a genuine, authentic person, we have a lot of passion for each other :drool5::001_tt1::001_wub: and she and I laugh together, a whole lot. But I think they come second to my original answer.

 

I am very well blessed! :)

Thanks for sharing this. I am learning to respect my dh unconditionally. I am reading Love and Respect. It is simple but profound. I need to learn from your wife's example. I am glad to find someone who lives the respect for their husband.

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*This* is the key--seeing something that is important enough for your dh that you put your feelings aside. That kind of attitude goes a long way in a successful relationship.

 

Your post is making me think a bit here this morning. I'm wondering how long it's been since I've looked for that opportunity.:glare:

 

 

Well, I am sure there's a lot of room for improvement over here, but I learned I don't mind it nearly as much as I thought I did at first, especially since he appreciates it like that. kwim?

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I asked my man just now. He hmmed a bit and said "Well it's lots of little things that I can't think of but would notice if you stopped doing them" :confused: When pressed further, he said I was the Supreme Commander of Organization, keeping everyone and everything motivated and organized in the household. Not quite the answer I was looking for, but then he's never been the greatest at communication :tongue_smilie:

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I have been in an extra-ordinary marriage for almost 20 yrs...Answering this specific question was easy for me.

 

This likely won't be a popular answer, but it's the truth, and a key part of our success, and sole credit goes to my dear wife.

 

She, from day one, has shown me unwavering respect, which is something all men crave from their wives. Not just respect "when I deserved it," or "when I earned it." ALL THE TIME (believe me there have been many, many times I did not deserve it, but she exhibited it to me anyway).

 

Respect is different than love. She has also shown me infinite love, which comes naturally to her...respect is something, particularly in western culture, that can take a little effort at times.

 

I'd love to delve into this more, but I don't feel like getting flamed any more than usual...so let me refer you to a resource that explains it better than I can...

 

There is a book called "Love & Respect," and a DVD series, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, which we watched together about 10 years ago...we were previewing it for our church board as a potential marriage enrichment resource...I nearly wept when I recognized just how good my DW had been to me, in giving me what I needed, and the thoughts gelled and crystallized by reading and watching the seminar. It thoroughly explained why our marriage was working so well, and could be very helpful to anyone looking to improve their marriage. I highly recommend it.

 

That's my number one answer. There are others, like we were friends before we considered dating, she'd always been my best friend, she shares my eclectic perspectives on life, she's a genuine, authentic person, we have a lot of passion for each other :drool5::001_tt1::001_wub: and she and I laugh together, a whole lot. But I think they come second to my original answer.

 

I am very well blessed! :)

 

I totally don't mean to derail the thread but I think my question will be in keeping with what the OP is trying to learn.....

Can you please explain how your wife shows you respect? I am intrigued by your post and honestly believe it to be true for most men. I would just like your definition of respect :)

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I totally don't mean to derail the thread but I think my question will be in keeping with what the OP is trying to learn.....

Can you please explain how your wife shows you respect? I am intrigued by your post and honestly believe it to be true for most men. I would just like your definition of respect :)

 

I can try.:)

 

Trusting me to handle 'stuff,' without a million questions, without a ton of followup or nagging, even if I don't always do things on her timetable. Example: She tells me once if something needs to be done...then gives me space / time to do it.

 

Letting me fail and not treating me like a child for failing. Example: If we lost money in a bad investment, NOT saying, "Well, you don't know what you're doing! Don't ever ever do that again!!!" and NOT taking back control of the thing I failed at...Just saying, "We'll be alright...I trust you to do better next time." Or something like that.

 

Never tolerating anyone bad-mouthing me. Never complaining about me to anyone outside the castle.

 

Modeling respectful and polite talking at home, so that my daughters have naturally caught this habit.

 

Listening to me tell her about a serious problem (work related, or personal, or whatever), and not immediately TELLING ME how it MUST be handled...instead projecting a confidence in my ability to manage the issue successfully, and offering me her wisdom if requested.

 

Letting me lead the family spiritually, even though I do it imperfectly.

 

Letting me make big decisions for the family. It goes without saying that this husband jealously seeks the wise counsel of his wife before any big decision.

 

It can also be simple things, that don't really happen in my house much, but can happen in others (it's a little like the whole 'love language' thing), like preparing a good meal or ironing a shirt or tidying the house for him. (I love to cook, too, she can't iron to my neurotic satisfaction :tongue_smilie: and our house always looks, well, lived in. BUT THESE THINGS DON'T MATTER TO ME, so it's not disrespectful in my eyes.).

 

Sometimes it can be a simple statement to DH, completely out of the blue, like, "DH, I really, really appreciate how well you provide for our family." or how you coach little league, or how you handle all the home repairs, or WHATEVER...it's different in every marriage.

 

It's NOT treating your DH like you treat your DS's, even when you feel like he is acting like one of your DS's !!!

 

It's NEVER belittling him or criticizing him when he stumbles...

 

Remember, we love to be loved, but we need to be respected...most good-hearted men would prefer to die than lose the respect of their DW...literally. I know I would. And that is how men are called to love their wives, sacrificially, even to the point of death.

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I IM'd hubby, this was his answer....

 

"Wow, I love who you are, how passionate you are and how much you care for everything you do. I value almost everything you do for me and the kids. I know that may seem like a cop out answer but, you do so much to keep the home running smoothly and I know that I couldn't do half so much nearly half so well. I hate that I frustrate you so much."

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So I sent hubby the link, and then thought I should clue him in:

 

Lisa 4:51 pm

(4:51:11 PM): BTW hot beverages, or tea is sex

Charles 4:51 pm

(4:51:48 PM): OHHHH! I was wondering! So the lady who brings the indian tea in bed......?

Lisa 4:52 pm

(4:52:03 PM): that is really tea

(4:52:04 PM): lol

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Because of all the images of female submission, servitude, etc. that it can conjure in the minds of some people...which is not the point at all. The point is that men and women need different things (and some of the same things) from a marriage to feel satisfied with it.

 

Delving a little...a typical conversation in many marriages that are experiencing difficulty.

 

Wife: "you should show me your love, all the time..."

Husband: "even when you act unlovable?"

Wife: "Yes, of course." (Which is the right answer :))

Husband: "Oh, Okay."

 

later...

 

Husband: "you should be more respectful of me..."

Wife: "well, I'll show you more respect when you DESERVE it. My respect of you needs to be EARNED! And you'll get it when you earn it!"

Husband: ":confused:"

 

See the difference? This is hard for a lot of people to get...As I said, I didn't get it consciously in my mind for 10 years of an excellent marriage, because we always talk in our culture about undying love, unconditional love all the time, but we hardly ever talk about unconditional respect.

 

There is a difference. And as I said, my dear wife's understanding of this has been the one thing ONLY she can give me, and the one thing above all else that has made my marriage completely satisfying. :)

 

Don't take away the impression that I think marriage happiness is all up to the wife, and that it's the wife's fault if the marriage is unhappy...far from it...I'm just being true to the OP's excellent question, by talking about Mrs. Goldwater. :)

 

Barry, while I agree with to a point, I do think respect is a two way street. You can have countless acts of betrayal or infedility towards one spouse and expect that he/she is just always going to treat you the same, or respect you on the same level. I am not talking about everyday stuff... but there are lines, and I think certain acts change the dynamic of relationships. Unconditional love is different... I can love him/her no matter what he/she does. But if he is looking at barely legal teen p0rn, or a serial adulterer, you can see them or respect them on the same level. You can not respect their choices or what those choices show their character to be.

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So I sent hubby the link, and then thought I should clue him in:

 

Lisa 4:51 pm

(4:51:11 PM): BTW hot beverages, or tea is sex

Charles 4:51 pm

(4:51:48 PM): OHHHH! I was wondering! So the lady who brings the indian tea in bed......?

Lisa 4:52 pm

(4:52:03 PM): that is really tea

(4:52:04 PM): lol

:lol::lol:

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Just in case these replies have not made it clear to all the wives out there, please let Reg spell it out for you: This is a DANGEROUS question to answer, but it is even MORE dangerous to NOT answer! And that's NOT FAIR! :lol:

 

On top of that, by removing THE default answer, you have left us pretty much like deer in the headlights: :blink:

 

Why would you put these ladies up to this, Valerie? :glare:

 

Since MomsintheGarden is gone and therefore not looking over my shoulder I have time to answer CAREFULLY! She will probably be reading this from the waiting room as DS13 has oral surgery this morning... It seemed pretty clear when she left that I am expected to supply an answer to this thread. Hi, Honey! :seeya: Time to get out your red pen and start grading my response...

 

O.K. Enough stalling. Here goes:

 

First, I will say that I REALLY like the way God put MomsintheGarden together! :001_wub:

 

MomsintheGarden is a lot of fun to be around! (Usually!) We both have playful personalities and there is quite a bit of kidding that goes on around here.

 

I love being married to a woman who has the confidence and ability to do anything, but who doesn't insist on doing everything. She often tells the rest of us Guheerts what things we need to be doing. ;)

 

Au contraire, I think one of the things I most appreciate about MomsintheGarden is that she REFUSES to put up with my BS. In fact, it is mutual. Both of us are the type to walk all over our spouse, so we tend to appreciate that we keep each other in check. Let's just say the movie Mr. & Mrs. Smith really spoke to us!MomsintheGarden is absolutely my best friend. There is NO ONE else with whom I would rather spend my time.

 

No, THAT's not it... How about "She LAUGHS at my jokes!" Yeah, THAT's it! (I mean really, who cares if she gets them! ;))

 

There. So, dear, how did I do?Let me just say that smooth-talking husbands like specialpapa who raise the bar for the rest of us should be against the law! :glare:

 

 

I think you did just fine.

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My hubby says, and I quote, "Easy: It is that you see the whole package, I mean inside the box, underneath the liner, and all of the this product may contain warnings, and you love me anyway. I would say that either makes are relationship very special or you very crazy.

 

I said that we both know that I am crazy but that it is easy to love him because he is the perfect match for me. To which he replied, "That's what I said."

 

We are each other's lobster. (Friends reference). Great teA helps too. ;)

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I've always said that the secret to a good marriage is the meshing of each partner's "give a crap level". Where we have differing opinions our give a crap levels are opposite. If I care passionately about the color of the curtains- she doesn't give a crap. This comes in to play less and less as we get older because it seems we both give a crap about less and less, but it used to help a lot.

 

I love this so much. I just chatted my husband and quoted it at him, and he responded that we needed a word for it - like "gackle" (stands for GACL - or "Give a Crap Level").

 

Like, "Honey, what's your gackle about where we eat dinner tonight?"

 

Anyway, I've asked him the question and he's mulling. I just wanted to comment on my love for this concept, because I think it's really true in our marriage. We respect each other's gackle. Heh.

Edited by Britomart
left out a word
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Hmmph.

 

I SAW him reading this thread. He didn't say anything to me or post a reply on his account.

 

To his credit though, he did just wake up and was getting ready for work.

 

So your dh posts? What is his screen name?

 

I wish all of the husband/wives who post would link their spouse in their signature line. Helps this brunette with blonde roots. :D

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You're not going to believe this.... I asked my Indian-born dh and the first thing he said was, "You Americans, why do you have to analyze everything?" and the second thing he said was, "You bring me tea in bed every morning." :) Only it's real tea—PG Tips with sugar and milk in a cup from White Castle. :lol: I swore I never would, and even less so when I learned he expected it once we were married, but here we are 15 years later, and I am bringing him his morning tea most days. So much for my liberated self....

I'm not surprised at his reply "You Americans, why do you have to analyze everything" but I would expect that type of response (maybe just silently by most) from a lot of husbands. I suspect they don't naturally gravitate towards putting into words what they appreciate about you, but they show you by how they live. For example, the fact that they work so you can be home with the children is one major way they show they appreciate us.

I don't think the best way to find out what husbands appreciate about their wives is to take a poll. :lol:

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I think that's a very GOOD answer!!!

 

Sure, it sounds great, but I know my dh waaaaay better than that. He only says syrupy things like that when he's joking. :tongue_smilie: Closer to the truth is him smacking me on the a$$ and saying, "you're a good girl." ;):D:tongue_smilie:

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Barry, while I agree with to a point, I do think respect is a two way street. You can have countless acts of betrayal or infedility towards one spouse and expect that he/she is just always going to treat you the same, or respect you on the same level. I am not talking about everyday stuff... but there are lines, and I think certain acts change the dynamic of relationships. Unconditional love is different... I can love him/her no matter what he/she does. But if he is looking at barely legal teen p0rn, or a serial adulterer, you can see them or respect them on the same level. You can not respect their choices or what those choices show their character to be.

 

:grouphug: Lisa :grouphug:

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I asked dh. He said "I cant answer that". Then I said, well, just say something. He sat there. His eyes glazed over. Then he got up and walked off. I said to his back "cant you say something?" and he said " I will think of something."

 

I will keep you posted!

I am sure its a guy thing. He tells me how great I am regularly. But when put on the spot, he went blank. :lol:

 

ETA: He just came back in and asked me what the question was again (its at least half an hour later now). I read it to him. And the same thing happened. His brain fried and he laughed and said- I cant answer that- and walked off again.

:)

 

 

OMG This had me LOL :D Men!!!

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Sure, it sounds great, but I know my dh waaaaay better than that. He only says syrupy things like that when he's joking. :tongue_smilie: Closer to the truth is him smacking me on the a$$ and saying, "you're a good girl." ;):D:tongue_smilie:

 

LOL!!

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Here is dh's answer, "My wife teaches me gentleness, humbleness and patience." To that I asked, "Is there anything else?" He then added that there was a lot more, but one thing, "Because of her sincerity, her honesty and her trustworthiness, we have formed a bond that just can't be broken. I can trust her and she can trust me."

 

I will add that in his childhood, dh didn't really feel that his parents were there for him. His dad was never around and never did anything with him... too busy bowling and playing bridge in his spare time. His mom had 7 kids and was raising them basically alone even before they eventually divorced. He was in a terrible tractor accident and hospitalized 4 months. His dad never came once and his mother only 2 times (she didn't have a car and the hospital was an hour away so she had to ask people to drive her). It took him a long time to really "let me in", so that is such a nice response from him.

Edited by BeckyFL
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Yvette's DH here (she's not entirely pleased with the post, so blame me, not her!)

 

Guys are pretty simple - we don't use secret signs and signals. So if you're really interested, ask them, not me. And don't get mad if they give an honest answer. :cursing:

 

If you want a very informal water cooler poll, I can tell you that most guys in my office seem to have pretty common complaints:

 

  • Their wives aren't fiscally responsible.
  • Their wives need stop giving them as much [CENSORED] during PMS.
  • They'd like [EXPLICIT CONTENT] on a more frequent basis, thank you very much.

 

The "fiscally responsible" is high on the priority list. One of my co-workers went through a divorce and something of a mental breakdown because ex spent him into debt, taking off on vacations and complaining that he was never around - while he was working several full time jobs just trying to cover the bills. Another co-worker has been trying for years to climb out of the pit of debt, and constantly complains that his wife is entirely clueless about handling money.

 

What I appreciate most is that Yvette's stayed committed to our marriage. This means that she's made some difficult adjustments, especially in the financial department. As anyone who's been married any length of time will tell you, a marriage is only as strong as the work both people are willing to put into it, and how committed they are to making it work.

 

That's not to say that in the short run we haven't had our difficulties. But in the long run, our commitment to each other had gotten us through some difficult times. Having someone who I can trust will be there for me is what I really value.

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My dh says "You always bail me out of group conversations when I have said or am about to say something stupid." :lol::lol::lol:

 

then later he says...

 

"I am impressed by how well you are able to balance so many things...family, career, grad school, homeschool.... and do it well and with so much joy."

 

and even later...

 

"Your vision for our family. Your crazy ideas and willingness to step out of the boat. The amazing experiences our family has had are primarily due to your vision."

 

 

Our anniversary is Feb 1st. 14 years and counting...

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Okay, dh came home from work and I just asked him. He says, "because when I look into your eyes I see a sea of possibility that nobody can equal."

 

I don't think he's taking the question very seriously. lol:tongue_smilie:

 

Ha. You wouldn't believe he was serious even if he was. ;)

 

 

Yvette's DH here (she's not entirely pleased with the post, so blame me, not her!)

 

 

 

  • Their wives need stop giving them as much [CENSORED] during PMS.

 

 

 

Tell your workmates to send their wives to the chiropractor every month, if they are willing to pay money to reduce the amount of [CENSORED.] They won't notice the difference until they stop paying for her to go, then they'll thank you for the tip.

 

Rosie

Edited by Rosie_0801
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If you want a very informal water cooler poll, I can tell you that most guys in my office seem to have pretty common complaints:

 

 

  • Their wives need stop giving them as much [CENSORED] during PMS.

 

 

Firstly, I will just say to David that this is not a "what men do not like about their wives" thread but rather it is a "what do we husbands particularly like about our wives" thread.

 

But since you brought this up you have reminded me of one more thing which I REALLY love about MomsintheGarden. When we first started dating I remember commenting to her that I was AMAZED that she didn't act like she had an excuse for murder once each month! Yep, that was definitely a BIG PLUS in her column! :001_smile: (Sorry, dear, I know, TMI. But it's TRUE! ;) )

 

Tell your workmates to send their wives to the chiropractor every month, if they are willing to pay money to reduce the amount of [CENSORED.] They won't notice the difference until they stop paying for her to go, then they'll thank you for the tip.
O.K. Rosie, MomsintheGarden and I have consulted on this matter and between us we CANNOT figure out how the CHIROPRACTOR fixes PMS! As a consequence we have concluded that you must go to the HOTTEST chiropractor in Australia! :D
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Thanks for your honesty. I am in the middle adjustments. Yvette, I'll take a double portion of whatever you used for motivation to make changes. I admire you!

 

May our 22 years (25 in my case) turn into 52 and 55 before we can blink.

 

Yvette's DH here (she's not entirely pleased with the post, so blame me, not her!)

 

Guys are pretty simple - we don't use secret signs and signals. So if you're really interested, ask them, not me. And don't get mad if they give an honest answer. :cursing:

 

 

 

If you want a very informal water cooler poll, I can tell you that most guys in my office seem to have pretty common complaints:

 

  • Their wives aren't fiscally responsible.
  • Their wives need stop giving them as much [CENSORED] during PMS.
  • They'd like [EXPLICIT CONTENT] on a more frequent basis, thank you very much.

The "fiscally responsible" is high on the priority list. One of my co-workers went through a divorce and something of a mental breakdown because ex spent him into debt, taking off on vacations and complaining that he was never around - while he was working several full time jobs just trying to cover the bills. Another co-worker has been trying for years to climb out of the pit of debt, and constantly complains that his wife is entirely clueless about handling money.

 

What I appreciate most is that Yvette's stayed committed to our marriage. This means that she's made some difficult adjustments, especially in the financial department. As anyone who's been married any length of time will tell you, a marriage is only as strong as the work both people are willing to put into it, and how committed they are to making it work.

 

That's not to say that in the short run we haven't had our difficulties. But in the long run, our commitment to each other had gotten us through some difficult times. Having someone who I can trust will be there for me is what I really value.

Edited by Valerie(TX)
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O.K. Rosie, MomsintheGarden and I have consulted on this matter and between us we CANNOT figure out how the CHIROPRACTOR fixes PMS! As a consequence we have concluded that you must go to the HOTTEST chiropractor in Australia! :D

 

Well I don't know about hottest. He's married to my previous chiropractor so I don't really want to think that way, not to mentioned I'm married(ish) to my resident computer guy :001_huh::lol:

 

If your vertebrae are out of alignment, they are squashing nerves. If the nerves being squashed attach to the sorts of places that produce hormones and regulate mood and stuff, they do a lousy job of it. If nerves attaching to the uterus are not squashed, the owner of the uterus has far, far less cramping than she has previously not enjoyed.

 

Ask me again in 15 years when I've studied my way through a rigorous science course with my kids and I should be able to make a better answer. That's the gist of it, though. :)

 

I skipped an appointment a few months back and spent most of the week in bed hiding from the world, behaving like a harpy towards anyone who dared to venture into my room. It was awful, just awful! I knew I was being Horrible but I just couldn't help it. Very nasty, bad experience for everyone. It's probably lucky we don't keep knives in the bedroom. Everything felt like an excuse for murder that month! Dh doesn't believe in the explanation I provided in the first paragraph there and believes it's just the placebo affect, but told me not to skip any more appointments. He would rather pay $45 per session for what he considers a placebo affect than live with Ms Medusa.

 

Rosie

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If your vertebrae are out of alignment, they are squashing nerves. If the nerves being squashed attach to the sorts of places that produce hormones and regulate mood and stuff, they do a lousy job of it. If nerves attaching to the uterus are not squashed, the owner of the uterus has far, far less cramping than she has previously not enjoyed.

 

Ask me again in 15 years when I've studied my way through a rigorous science course with my kids and I should be able to make a better answer. That's the gist of it, though. :)

I'll buy that explanation! DD18 has been considering studying to be a doctor of osteopathy (DO) and I have had little bit of exposure to the idea of Osteopathic Medical Manipulation, which is based on a very similar premise.
I skipped an appointment a few months back and spent most of the week in bed hiding from the world, behaving like a harpy towards anyone who dared to venture into my room. It was awful, just awful! I knew I was being Horrible but I just couldn't help it. Very nasty, bad experience for everyone. It's probably lucky we don't keep knives in the bedroom. Everything felt like an excuse for murder that month!
I'm glad you can find relief from that. It sounds terrible! Hopefully you will eventually find a cure!
Dh doesn't believe in the explanation I provided in the first paragraph there and believes it's just the placebo affect, but told me not to skip any more appointments. He would rather pay $45 per session for what he considers a placebo affect than live with Ms Medusa.
:lol::lol: I won't speak of the other posters here, but Reg has quite a bit of trouble imagining you as "Ms. Medusa"! ;)
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I can try.:)

 

Trusting me to handle 'stuff,' without a million questions, without a ton of followup or nagging, even if I don't always do things on her timetable. Example: She tells me once if something needs to be done...then gives me space / time to do it.

 

Letting me fail and not treating me like a child for failing. Example: If we lost money in a bad investment, NOT saying, "Well, you don't know what you're doing! Don't ever ever do that again!!!" and NOT taking back control of the thing I failed at...Just saying, "We'll be alright...I trust you to do better next time." Or something like that.

 

Never tolerating anyone bad-mouthing me. Never complaining about me to anyone outside the castle.

 

Modeling respectful and polite talking at home, so that my daughters have naturally caught this habit.

 

Listening to me tell her about a serious problem (work related, or personal, or whatever), and not immediately TELLING ME how it MUST be handled...instead projecting a confidence in my ability to manage the issue successfully, and offering me her wisdom if requested.

 

Letting me lead the family spiritually, even though I do it imperfectly.

 

Letting me make big decisions for the family. It goes without saying that this husband jealously seeks the wise counsel of his wife before any big decision.

 

It can also be simple things, that don't really happen in my house much, but can happen in others (it's a little like the whole 'love language' thing), like preparing a good meal or ironing a shirt or tidying the house for him. (I love to cook, too, she can't iron to my neurotic satisfaction :tongue_smilie: and our house always looks, well, lived in. BUT THESE THINGS DON'T MATTER TO ME, so it's not disrespectful in my eyes.).

 

Sometimes it can be a simple statement to DH, completely out of the blue, like, "DH, I really, really appreciate how well you provide for our family." or how you coach little league, or how you handle all the home repairs, or WHATEVER...it's different in every marriage.

 

It's NOT treating your DH like you treat your DS's, even when you feel like he is acting like one of your DS's !!!

 

It's NEVER belittling him or criticizing him when he stumbles...

 

Remember, we love to be loved, but we need to be respected...most good-hearted men would prefer to die than lose the respect of their DW...literally. I know I would. And that is how men are called to love their wives, sacrificially, even to the point of death.

 

This is a good post. These are things I try to do, but I need to be reminded. I agree, respect is a biggie for my dh. Thanks for sharing this.

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OK, this question comes because some of us ladies were talking about improving our marriages, taking risks, making changes, staying engaged when things are rough, "dancing together in the minefields" to use the analogy of one song that someone linked.

 

Guys, if you are in a good relationship (and you wives can ask them--but do really *ask* them, please, and then post their reply), what do you value most about what your wife does for you or who she is to you, and I'm not talking about the hot beverage reply. :) Let's let that be a given. : )

 

What is there in your relationship that no one else could be to you?

 

Thanks for your input!!

 

simka's dh: so, she passed her coveted laptop to me and said "it's your turn". i must say that my initial response was those of other men - deer in headlights. but, after a little thinking (and narrowing down to one) i think the one that i value most would be her compulsion to question every thing. i know this doesn't sound like a 'good thing' at first glance...but her refusal to accept things 'just because' has saved us a lot of heartaches. if the path of our family were soley up to me, i would say we'd be in the same house, eating the same foods, going the the same places. her desire for new and exciting adventures have at times made me feel 'dragged along'...but in the end looking back, i've cherished everyone of those experiences. we've done some pretty crazy things and there's not one that i would change.

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Yvette's DH here (she's not entirely pleased with the post, so blame me, not her!)

 

Guys are pretty simple - we don't use secret signs and signals. So if you're really interested, ask them, not me. And don't get mad if they give an honest answer. :cursing:

 

 

If you want a very informal water cooler poll, I can tell you that most guys in my office seem to have pretty common complaints:

 

  • Their wives aren't fiscally responsible.

  • Their wives need stop giving them as much [CENSORED] during PMS.

  • They'd like [EXPLICIT CONTENT] on a more frequent basis, thank you very much.

The "fiscally responsible" is high on the priority list. One of my co-workers went through a divorce and something of a mental breakdown because ex spent him into debt, taking off on vacations and complaining that he was never around - while he was working several full time jobs just trying to cover the bills. Another co-worker has been trying for years to climb out of the pit of debt, and constantly complains that his wife is entirely clueless about handling money.

 

What I appreciate most is that Yvette's stayed committed to our marriage. This means that she's made some difficult adjustments, especially in the financial department. As anyone who's been married any length of time will tell you, a marriage is only as strong as the work both people are willing to put into it, and how committed they are to making it work.

 

That's not to say that in the short run we haven't had our difficulties. But in the long run, our commitment to each other had gotten us through some difficult times. Having someone who I can trust will be there for me is what I really value.

:lol:

 

You missed the point.

 

By a whole lot.

 

Regguheert tried to set ya straight.

 

Now, come back and tell us what you LIKE about your wife :lol:

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:lol:

 

You missed the point.

 

By a whole lot.

 

Regguheert tried to set ya straight.

 

Now, come back and tell us what you LIKE about your wife :lol:

 

He did get around to that at the end. Maybe he holds to the principle of saving the best 'til last :)

 

Rosie

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