Halftime Hope Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 OK, this question comes because some of us ladies were talking about improving our marriages, taking risks, making changes, staying engaged when things are rough, "dancing together in the minefields" to use the analogy of one song that someone linked. Guys, if you are in a good relationship (and you wives can ask them--but do really *ask* them, please, and then post their reply), what do you value most about what your wife does for you or who she is to you, and I'm not talking about the hot beverage reply. :) Let's let that be a given. : ) What is there in your relationship that no one else could be to you? Thanks for your input!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Asked dh. Silence. Hmmmm.....still silent. Asked him, "Are you thinking?" :D "Did you here me?" He said, "What?" :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 what do you value most about what your wife does for you or who she is to you, and I'm not talking about the hot beverage reply. :) :D:D:D:D I think it's cute that we're now coming up with ways of not actually coming out and calling it, "tea." I guess we don't want to be too suggestive. Who knows what perverts are doing online searches for orange pekoe or Earl Grey or English Breakfast, and might stumble upon our innocent little group? ;) Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 I'm tryin' to get some insight into the way hubbies perceive this -- please? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in KY Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 You're not going to believe this.... I asked my Indian-born dh and the first thing he said was, "You Americans, why do you have to analyze everything?" and the second thing he said was, "You bring me tea in bed every morning." :) Only it's real tea—PG Tips with sugar and milk in a cup from White Castle. :lol: I swore I never would, and even less so when I learned he expected it once we were married, but here we are 15 years later, and I am bringing him his morning tea most days. So much for my liberated self.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tylianna Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 DH says that I'm fun to be around. (IMO it's that I put up with him...j/k lol) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Dh says I do and am many wonderful things, but the one thing I do that no one else could do is put up with all his BS. Not sure how I feel about that one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 :D:D:D:D I think it's cute that we're now coming up with ways of not actually coming out and calling it, "tea." I guess we don't want to be too suggestive. Who knows what perverts are doing online searches for orange pekoe or Earl Grey or English Breakfast, and might stumble upon our innocent little group? ;) Cat :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 My dh says it's how I can make our visions and dreams into reality. He also says he's learned to be careful about being wishful out loud. Apparently, I've made transient dreams of his come about... :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Well, I just asked him, and he laughed a little and then asked our 13 yr old dd for an idea, real quick. He's now trying to make it up to me. It's all good. He's still with me after 25 years, so I know there's something he must value. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Hubby got all sentimental on me and said, "Because your my best friend." :D Edited for him to add..."We finish each other thoughts. We are...you know, ONE in everything." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 :D:D:D:D I think it's cute that we're now coming up with ways of not actually coming out and calling it, "tea." I guess we don't want to be too suggestive. Who knows what perverts are doing online searches for orange pekoe or Earl Grey or English Breakfast, and might stumble upon our innocent little group? ;) Cat :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpidarkomama Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 DH says I pack a good sack lunch, and there's no one he'd rather talk with. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn in OH Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Hmmph. I SAW him reading this thread. He didn't say anything to me or post a reply on his account. To his credit though, he did just wake up and was getting ready for work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 You ever wonder if women just overthink things and the guys just don't really bother with contemplating it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle in MO Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 (edited) You ever wonder if women just overthink things and the guys just don't really bother with contemplating it? That is SO my dh (dad 4 boys). He's not on the forums right now or I'm sure he would chime right in. Ha. He's sitting across from me at the kitchen table with another laptop watching "how to restore the clarity to your car's headlamps". That's my guy. :D Edited January 28, 2011 by Chelle in MO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 "She puts up with me and I don't think anyone else could. She's willing to try again when the going gets tough." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caitlinsmom Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Dh often tells me I am the only one in the world he can be himself around completely. He feels utterly at ease because I do not judge nor expect him to be a specific way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyhappypeople Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 He's thinking.... This is taking far too long.... (theme song from Jeopardy) Whoops, he didn't realize I was waiting for an answer. More thinking... DUDE! Come ON! OK, finally, an answer: He likes the domestic stuff I do (cooking/cleaning) and just hanging out with me. He thinks I'm fun to be with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 (edited) You're not going to believe this.... I asked my Indian-born dh and the first thing he said was, "You Americans, why do you have to analyze everything?" and the second thing he said was, "You bring me tea in bed every morning." :) Only it's real tea—PG Tips with sugar and milk in a cup from White Castle. :lol: I swore I never would, and even less so when I learned he expected it once we were married, but here we are 15 years later, and I am bringing him his morning tea most days. So much for my liberated self.... Editing to say, I think it's a very sweet gesture. I also love your dh's attitude - I wish he could teach my dh to not be so analytical all the time :) Edited January 28, 2011 by Sparkle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Ok, I read my dh the OP. His first answer was, "Now that's something that's come from women!" :lol: Now he's saying that guys don't sit around analyzing relationships!! :001_huh: He values my child - like enthusiasm about things and my honesty. He likes how I dance around in excitement over little things. He values my faith because he doesn't have it. (My 14 y/o just begged me to let her answer. ::heart:: She said I am a really good mom, a really good cook, and I am hilarious. She also loves that even when I am busy trying to cook and clean, I make things happen; IOW, I find a way to get all of them to whatever it is they are wanting to do or where ever it is they want to go.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Dh says "I get his jokes." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarinesWife Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 This thread is making me laugh and cry. So sweet of them to answer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Dh's reply pretty much word for word: "This is going to be hard to explain, but we exist on a thought level, our own plain, that, I don't think, anyone else could exist on." I used way too many commas but I didn't know how else to break up the words as he said them. Warn me if the grammar police are lurking...:leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 You're not going to believe this.... I asked my Indian-born dh and the first thing he said was, "You Americans, why do you have to analyze everything?" and the second thing he said was, "You bring me tea in bed every morning." :) Only it's real tea—PG Tips with sugar and milk in a cup from White Castle. :lol: I swore I never would, and even less so when I learned he expected it once we were married, but here we are 15 years later, and I am bringing him his morning tea most days. So much for my liberated self.... PG Tips is sooooo good! :tongue_smilie:That is me wanting some right now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mykdsmomy Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Dh says "I get his jokes." This is EXACTLY what my dh said! He said I get them when no one else does ;) (he has an extremely dry sense of humor). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 "Well, let's put it this way. I didn't marry the one I could live with. I married the one I couldn't live without." I think I'll keep him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 "Well, let's put it this way. I didn't marry the one I could live with. I married the one I couldn't live without." That is so sweet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 (edited) I asked dh. He said "I cant answer that". Then I said, well, just say something. He sat there. His eyes glazed over. Then he got up and walked off. I said to his back "cant you say something?" and he said " I will think of something." I will keep you posted! I am sure its a guy thing. He tells me how great I am regularly. But when put on the spot, he went blank. :lol: ETA: He just came back in and asked me what the question was again (its at least half an hour later now). I read it to him. And the same thing happened. His brain fried and he laughed and said- I cant answer that- and walked off again. He really does love me :) Its just that...his brain doesn't work like that. Apparently :) Edited January 28, 2011 by Peela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 our innocent little group? ;) Cat We may be discreet, but innocent?? Good-hearted, yes; innocent, no. The things I've learned on these forums! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RegGuheert Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Asked dh. Silence. Hmmmm.....still silent. Asked him, "Are you thinking?" "Did you here me?" He said, "What?" Well, I just asked him, and he laughed a little and then asked our 13 yr old dd for an idea, real quick. He's now trying to make it up to me. It's all good. He's still with me after 25 years, so I know there's something he must value. Hmmph. I SAW him reading this thread. He didn't say anything to me or post a reply on his account. To his credit though, he did just wake up and was getting ready for work. He's thinking.... This is taking far too long.... (theme song from Jeopardy) Whoops, he didn't realize I was waiting for an answer. More thinking... DUDE! Come ON! OK, finally, an answer: He likes the domestic stuff I do (cooking/cleaning) and just hanging out with me. He thinks I'm fun to be with. I asked dh. He said "I cant answer that". Then I said, well, just say something. He sat there. His eyes glazed over. Then he got up and walked off. I said to his back "cant you say something?" and he said " I will think of something." I will keep you posted! I am sure its a guy thing. He tells me how great I am regularly. But when put on the spot, he went blank. Just in case these replies have not made it clear to all the wives out there, please let Reg spell it out for you: This is a DANGEROUS question to answer, but it is even MORE dangerous to NOT answer! And that's NOT FAIR! :lol: On top of that, by removing THE default answer, you have left us pretty much like deer in the headlights: :blink: Why would you put these ladies up to this, Valerie? :glare: Since MomsintheGarden is gone and therefore not looking over my shoulder I have time to answer CAREFULLY! She will probably be reading this from the waiting room as DS13 has oral surgery this morning... It seemed pretty clear when she left that I am expected to supply an answer to this thread. Hi, Honey! :seeya: Time to get out your red pen and start grading my response... O.K. Enough stalling. Here goes: First, I will say that I REALLY like the way God put MomsintheGarden together! :001_wub: MomsintheGarden is a lot of fun to be around! (Usually!) We both have playful personalities and there is quite a bit of kidding that goes on around here. I love being married to a woman who has the confidence and ability to do anything, but who doesn't insist on doing everything. She often tells the rest of us Guheerts what things we need to be doing. ;) Dh says I do and am many wonderful things, but the one thing I do that no one else could do is put up with all his BS. "She puts up with me and I don't think anyone else could." DH says that I'm fun to be around. (IMO it's that I put up with him...j/k lol) Au contraire, I think one of the things I most appreciate about MomsintheGarden is that she REFUSES to put up with my BS. In fact, it is mutual. Both of us are the type to walk all over our spouse, so we tend to appreciate that we keep each other in check. Let's just say the movie Mr. & Mrs. Smith really spoke to us!Hubby got all sentimental on me and said, "Because your my best friend."MomsintheGarden is absolutely my best friend. There is NO ONE else with whom I would rather spend my time. Dh says "I get his jokes." This is EXACTLY what my dh said! He said I get them when no one else does (he has an extremely dry sense of humor).No, THAT's not it... How about "She LAUGHS at my jokes!" Yeah, THAT's it! (I mean really, who cares if she gets them! ;)) There. So, dear, how did I do? "Well, let's put it this way. I didn't marry the one I could live with. I married the one I couldn't live without." I think I'll keep him. Let me just say that smooth-talking husbands like specialpapa who raise the bar for the rest of us should be against the law! :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Hubby got all sentimental on me and said, "Because your my best friend." :D Edited for him to add..."We finish each other thoughts. We are...you know, ONE in everything." Any tips for your success at that? Did you start out that way, are you two alike by personality, is it an attitude that has fostered that atmosphere? Any suggestions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 You ever wonder if women just overthink things and the guys just don't really bother with contemplating it? I wish! I'm married to the thinker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 DH said it's the fact that I am his best friend; that there are many little things that when added together just come down to the fact that we are truly best friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 (edited) I think it's cute that we're now coming up with ways of not actually coming out and calling it, "tea." I guess we don't want to be too suggestive. Who knows what perverts are doing online searches for orange pekoe or Earl Grey or English Breakfast, and might stumble upon our innocent little group? Cat LOL This was too funny! hehe You're not going to believe this.... I asked my Indian-born dh and the first thing he said was, "You Americans, why do you have to analyze everything?" and the second thing he said was, "You bring me tea in bed every morning." Only it's real tea—PG Tips with sugar and milk in a cup from White Castle. :lol: I swore I never would, and even less so when I learned he expected it once we were married, but here we are 15 years later, and I am bringing him his morning tea most days. So much for my liberated self.... I literally almost choked when I read your post in light of the above mention of tea. hehehehe If your dh only knew just how perfectly ironic his response was. :lol: DH says I pack a good sack lunch, and there's no one he'd rather talk with. This brought tears to my eyes. So sweet! :crying: That is SO my dh (dad 4 boys). He's not on the forums right now or I'm sure he would chime right in. Ha. He's sitting across from me at the kitchen table with another laptop watching "how to restore the clarity to your car's headlamps". That's my guy. LOL Does he have a buffer for the car? He can just go over them with a light polish and a buffer or use a paint cleaner like Klasse All In One and do it by hand. I'm a bit of a car geek. lol :blushing: This thread is making me laugh and cry. Me too! "Well, let's put it this way. I didn't marry the one I could live with. I married the one I couldn't live without." I think I'll keep him. :crying: So sweet! I asked dh. He said "I cant answer that". Then I said, well, just say something. He sat there. His eyes glazed over. Then he got up and walked off. I said to his back "cant you say something?" and he said " I will think of something." I will keep you posted! I am sure its a guy thing. He tells me how great I am regularly. But when put on the spot, he went blank. ETA: He just came back in and asked me what the question was again (its at least half an hour later now). I read it to him. And the same thing happened. His brain fried and he laughed and said- I cant answer that- and walked off again. He really does love me Its just that...his brain doesn't work like that. Apparently :) Awwww Poor Peela! lol I saw this marriage DVD series once where the guy was talking about the differences in men's and women's brains and this whole thread is probably a perfect illustration of exactly what he means. He was saying how women's brains are all about making connections and analyzing the relationship etc and he said men's brains have a place called "the nothing box" where they can go and literally think of nothing! lol And he says that when a wife comes and asks her dh, "what are you thinking about?" and he replies "nothing." That that probably really is the truth! lol I am looking forward to your dh's response. It probably will be something very sweet once he thinks of it. hehe :grouphug: I have yet to ask my dh the OP's question, but I'm sure it will be something along the lines of, "nobody else would put up with me the way you do." lol But we'll see what he really says when I ask him. Maybe he'll say something totally unexpected. Will update later. :) Edited January 28, 2011 by Ibbygirl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dad 4 Boys Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 (edited) That is SO my dh (dad 4 boys). He's not on the forums right now or I'm sure he would chime right in. Ha. He's sitting across from me at the kitchen table with another laptop watching "how to restore the clarity to your car's headlamps". That's my guy. :D Hey, different strokes for different folks, right? To clarify, I was looking for Youtube videos on how to degrease your engine and stumbled upon the headlight thing and got sucked into it. Here are the things I value about Chelle in MO and our relationship. 1. She pretty much lets me be me even though she would change a few things about me if I would let her. 2. She is the most generous person I know. She always seems to be finding ways to help others even with small matters like picking stuff up at the store. 3. She is my best friend, and I like to hang out with her whether it's at a movie, Aldi, the mall, Wal-Mart or wherever. 4. She thinks I'm really smart, but I'm really not. I'm just smart in the things that really interest me. Usually those are things that don't interest her so much. That's what usually makes me look so smart. 5. She laughs at my jokes and stories no matter how many times she's heard them. 6. She doesn't get mad if I forget to use the coupons she sent with me. 7. She puts up with 3 kids playing baseball close to year round. Baseball is my sport. 8. She put up with years of sleep apnea snoring before I gave in and did the sleep study. 3 years of CPAP use later, and we're both sleeping much better. 9. She's a great mother and teacher to our four sons. 10. When our 3rd son couldn't remain with his biological mom, my sister, she stepped in and has been his mom ever since. In summary, I know she loves me all the time and I think she likes me most of the time. However, most of all she supports our family and me, a lot of times to the exclusion of herself. Edited January 28, 2011 by Dad 4 Boys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 well... Why would you put these ladies up to this, Valerie? :glare: Reg, I'm genuinely sorry. I didn't realize that the question would put guys on the spot. I'm married to an "overthinker" (to use one of the other poster's word), so that's my frame of reference. I also thought that, within the specified framework of a "good relationship," it would be a reasonable question to ask. From the responses, I can deduce that the things that guys equate with being loved by their wives are very diverse, and they range from appreciating her domestic and/or home-building attributes all the way to connecting with their spouse on an intellectual plane, and some posts mentioned multiple levels within the same relationship. It all depends on the guy. For example, in my household, the "acts of service" things that I do--things similar to the other poster's bringing the gent his cup of morning tea in bed, things which speak "love" to him-- have very little "I love you" value for my spouse. It was interesting to me that some guys aren't able to articulate an answer, yet that doesn't stop their wives from being OK with it--they accept that their guys just aren't wired that way. Kudos to them. Let me just say that smooth-talking husbands like specialpapa who raise the bar for the rest of us should be against the law! :glare: Ha ha! Wonders if SpecialPapa is a politician? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 For one, my bride just handed me this so I could write a reply. She isn't looking either. That's trust. We laugh together, cry together, listen to eachother kvetch about the kids, laugh together some more and some more too. I've always said that the secret to a good marriage is the meshing of each partner's "give a crap level". Where we have differing opinions our give a crap levels are opposite. If I care passionately about the color of the curtains- she doesn't give a crap. This comes in to play less and less as we get older because it seems we both give a crap about less and less, but it used to help a lot. My uncle said once that the secret to his marriage is that he makes all the important decisions like whether or not we should be in the UN, and his wife made the unimportant decisions like what movie they were going to. That works. Bottom line is we just get along good, like two kids with no one to count on but eachother- we take care of eachother. And the tea, while no longer guzzled, is still enjoyed and served in a beautiful cup. Mark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 You're not going to believe this.... I asked my Indian-born dh and the first thing he said was, "You Americans, why do you have to analyze everything?" and the second thing he said was, "You bring me tea in bed every morning." :) Only it's real tea—PG Tips with sugar and milk in a cup from White Castle. :lol: I swore I never would, and even less so when I learned he expected it once we were married, but here we are 15 years later, and I am bringing him his morning tea most days. So much for my liberated self.... *This* is the key--seeing something that is important enough for your dh that you put your feelings aside. That kind of attitude goes a long way in a successful relationship. Your post is making me think a bit here this morning. I'm wondering how long it's been since I've looked for that opportunity.:glare: to your dh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RegGuheert Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 It all depends on the guy. For example, in my household, the "acts of service" things that I do--things similar to the other poster's bringing the gent his cup of morning tea in bed, things which speak "love" to him-- have very little "I love you" value for my spouse.For us, this issue is a little bit complicated. I consider myself one who *really* appreciates the many, many, many wonderful things that MomsintheGarden does for me and the family. And I express that appreciation often. That said, there have been times in the past when I have gotten hurt or upset about some issue and MomsintheGarden has said, "But I did this, this and this for you!" That has set me off on more than several occasions because I will point out that it is NOT what the fight is about. To me, it is like her saying "You asked me to do A (or not do A), but I decided I would do B, C and D for you instead." Yeah, Reg is a PITA to live with! :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dm379 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I emailed dh the question. Here's his reply. The first part wasn't pg enough for me to put here. :tongue_smilie: u put up with my crap. With as much as im gone I don't have to worry about you are the kids. U are able to do for yourself and keep the family running without me. And whe I am around u are able to fit me back in the family. I don't think there are many women that could do that. Just so you guys don't think he's perfect, he only gets mushy and sweet like that when he's been gone awhile. I'll keep him anyway. :001_wub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle in MO Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Hey, different strokes for different folks, right? To clarify, I was looking for Youtube videos on how to degrease your engine and stumbled upon the headlight thing and got sucked into it. Here are the things I value about Chelle in MO and our relationship. 1. She pretty much lets me be me even though she would change a few things about me if I would let her. 2. She is the most generous person I know. She always seems to be finding ways to help others even with small matters like picking stuff up at the store. 3. She is my best friend, and I like to hang out with her whether it's at a movie, Aldi, the mall, Wal-Mart or wherever. 4. She thinks I'm really smart, but I'm really not. I'm just smart in the things that really interest me. Usually those are things that don't interest her so much. That's what usually makes me look so smart. 5. She laughs at my jokes and stories no matter how many times she's heard them. 6. She doesn't get mad if I forget to use the coupons she sent with me. 7. She puts up with 3 kids playing baseball close to year round. Baseball is my sport. 8. She put up with years of sleep apnea snoring before I gave in and did the sleep study. 3 years of CPAP use later, and we're both sleeping much better. 9. She's a great mother and teacher to our four sons. 10. When our 3rd son couldn't remain with his biological mom, my sister, she stepped in and has been his mom ever since. In summary, I know she loves me all the time and I think she likes me most of the time. However, most of all she supports our family and me, a lot of times to the exclusion of herself. Awww, Babe! You're a peach! Care for some teA? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 (edited) when I said that they are of very little value to dh, I don't mean that he doesn't appreciate them, just that they don't "fill his love bucket". I was just thinking about this and had an epiphany: he is very "I pick up after myself, so no one else has to" (which I appreciate), but perhaps for him, my doing things for him doesn't mean so much, because they are things he could do for himself, even though realistically it makes more sense for me to. Perhaps the other, more relational, ways of being loved that are high on his Feel Loved List mean more *because* the very definition of relational requries two hearts and souls. Where's that slap forehead smiley? For us, this issue is a little bit complicated. I consider myself one who *really* appreciates the many, many, many wonderful things that MomsintheGarden does for me and the family. And I express that appreciation often. That said, there have been times in the past when I have gotten hurt or upset about some issue and MomsintheGarden has said, "But I did this, this and this for you!" That has set me off on more than several occasions because I will point out that it is NOT what the fight is about. To me, it is like her saying "You asked me to do A (or not do A), but I decided I would do B, C and D for you instead." We've had this same discussion, so I get this. I'm off to homeschool someone and to keep thinking. Thanks for the discussion...I'm one of those unfortunates who learn/think by discussing. Dh, otoh, thinks and things comes out of his mouth as Three Point Policy. ;) Edited January 28, 2011 by Valerie(TX) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 My husband's answer is that I love him even though he isn't always loveable and that I've never tried to change him. Then he followed it up with something naughty that I cannot disclose here. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RegGuheert Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Awww, Babe! You're a peach! Care for some teA? :lol:Note to MomsintheGarden: I understand completely if you would rather not offer me teA over the internet! (Or perhaps is it that my response is not worthy of teA? :D) when I said that they are of very little value to dh, I don't mean that he doesn't appreciate them, just that they don't "fill his love bucket". I was just thinking about this and had an epiphany: he is very "I pick up after myself, so no one else has to" (which I appreciate), but perhaps for him, my doing things for him doesn't mean so much, because they are things he could do for himself, even though realistically it makes more sense for me to. Perhaps the other, more relational, ways of being loved that are high on his Feel Loved List mean more *because* the very definition of relational requries two hearts and souls. Where's that slap forehead smiley? I think my whole point was that sometimes using the loving things that we do everyday to try to "fix" some other problem can backfire. (Except for teA, that is!) That's it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 My dh said, "I like that you're feisty; it keeps it interesting." And here I thought I was just being b*tchy. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KS_ Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Guys, if you are in a good relationship (and you wives can ask them--but do really *ask* them, please, and then post their reply), what do you value most about what your wife does for you or who she is to you, and I'm not talking about the hot beverage reply. :) Let's let that be a given. : ) What is there in your relationship that no one else could be to you? Hello all! DH here. :) Usually I just lurk and read over her shoulder, but today I am getting to participate! There are so many things that I appreciate about my wife (hot beverages included) that it's hard to narrow it down so I will use some generalities. I love the collective wisdom that we have gained together and that we both use to make cooperative decisions. This type of wisdom can only be gotten through shared experiences, both good and bad. I appreciate that I can trust her to make the best decisions for our family that she can, performing her duties as a mother and wife selflessly (Sometimes I think she needs to be more selfish, but she's not in agreement). I guess in short, I love and appreciate having a ally in this world that I can trust implicitly to do what is best for me and my children. Well, that is the generality. There are lots of little things that add to the quality of our relationship and life. Too many to list here, but suffice it to say that I consider out relationship strong and it's all of these things together that go toward keeping it that way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 DH says, "Beth has a great capacity to love intensely and deeply, and I see that in her love for me. It creates a feedback effect, going back and forth between us. I love her as intensely and deeply as she loves me." Yeah, my DH is a sappy kind of guy. We actually talk about feelings and our relationship alot. It's one of the things I love about him. Neither of us had that in our last marriages and we both treasure it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I emailed dh the question. Here's his reply. The first part wasn't pg enough for me to put here. :tongue_smilie: u put up with my crap. With as much as im gone I don't have to worry about you are the kids. U are able to do for yourself and keep the family running without me. And whe I am around u are able to fit me back in the family. I don't think there are many women that could do that. Just so you guys don't think he's perfect, he only gets mushy and sweet like that when he's been gone awhile. I'll keep him anyway. :001_wub: Almost verbatim!! Must be something about being a military wife :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 (edited) He's not a Tiger Mom/Lion Dad, obviously. ;) Edited January 30, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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