Finding it hard to cope with my best friend's death?

[LuvingLife]

As many of you know, my best friend died 3 months ago in a drink driving accident, about 15 minutes away from my house and I am finding it hard to cope with her death. Over the past two years, we had become very close and now that she is gone, I feel like I lost one of my sister's in that car crash. I never talk about her to anyone and say little about her when she is brought up in a conversation. I have tired to hide my feelings and I have never really mourned for her, so now it's starting to take it's toll on me.

 

My friends and family have become really worried about me but I just shrug it off like it's nothing. I am the type of person that doesn't express emotions like getting angry or anything, I just stay very quiet about it until it becomes too much for me and I just burst out. I really don't know what to do, I don't want to talk to anybody about her face-to-face because then I know I will lose control and just start crying so hard I don't think I will be able to stop.

 

Would you all mind praying for me? And any advice is appreciated!

[Catwoman]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Praying for you, and for the friend you lost.

 

Cat

[Starr]

I will pray for you. I think you need to talk to someone and to talk about her and to cry like it won't stop. I'm so sorry. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[BMW]

It looks like it may be easier for you to write. Maybe you could start writing out what you feel... start with memories... dreams you two shared... and let the tears out... Grieving is a very personal thing. I just about never cry in front of anyone. I just don't like to. But, it has to come out. I'll be praying for you, too.:grouphug:

[goldberry]

I heard once that it is the things we keep inside that have the power to destroy us. By letting out those feelings in whatever way works for you, you will take your own power back, a little bit at a time.

 

Prayers for you, there is no easy answer or way out. You can only work through it.:grouphug:

[elegantlion]

:grouphug: I'm sorry. I remember when you posted about her accident. Please find someone IRL to talk with. It's okay to break down, it's okay to lose it. Crying does help. If you can talk to your parents, great. Can you find a time to talk to your mom or dad, alone when you know you don't have to be anywhere? Even if you don't know what to say or how to start. A box of tissues and a hug may be helpful.

 

Again, I'm sorry for you loss and I will be praying for you.

[Sparkle]

I'm so sorry :grouphug: It's really hard for me to share deep emotions, too, but it is a relief when I can with someone I trust. I hope you can share with someone IRL. Grief can mess up your other emotions and twist things around a lot if you don't deal with it somehow. Praying for you.

[MamaSheep]

It's ok to cry. In fact, you're supposed to cry.

 

The death of such a close friend is not something you're "supposed" to be able to cope with. You're supposed to cry. If you feel too exposed crying in front of people who know you, one option is to pay a therapist to let you unload in front of her, cry it out, and then never have to see that person again.

 

But truly, give yourself permission to mourn.

[Sevilla]

The biggest thing to know is that the most hardcore grieving time period is about 2 years. You always carry the pain of missing them and will still have times of grief, but the first 2 years have the most intensity compressed into a smaller period of time. You're at the very beginning of that, and whatever you're feeling is OK. Just get through each day and don't worry that you don't have it together like you feel like you should.

 

Time is really the only thing that truly helps - some people want to talk about it, but if you don't want to THAT IS OK. There is new grief research coming out that shows that talking to someone vs. keeping it inside doesn't change the duratino of the time you grieve most intensely.

 

Let yourself cry - get somewhere alone to do that if that is where you're most comfortable. Looka t pictures of her. Think about her. Don't try to pretend (to yourself) that you're not feeling those things. But they don't necessarily have to be shared with the world in order to grieve healthily.

[Sue G in PA]

I am so sorry. :grouphug: Losing somebody that special to you is so very difficult. I "lost" somebody very close to me over a year ago (very different situation, not lost to death, but lost none-the-less). The feelings of grief are very similar if not the same. I would suggest, as other PPs have said, finding somebody IRL that you can talk to, with whom you feel safe enough to just break down and cry. God gave us tears for this reason...like a catharsis and to relieve all those sad, angry, yucky feelings. Can you find a therapist near you who can help you work through this? Very few people know "how" to grieve and just get stuck; a therapist can really help you. One last piece of advice is to ALLOW yourself to feel EVERYTHING that you are feeling inside. Do NOT beat yourself up over feeling sad, angry, bitter, depairing, depressed, hopeless...whatever you are feeling at whatever time. One day you might feel okay. The next you might even be happy. The next you might not want to get out of bed b/c the sadness feels so heavy and suffocating. All of that is okay. I wish I could do something for you but I will pray that God will comfort you during this time of grief. :grouphug:

[gaillardia]

My dh lost his two best friends in his senior year of high school. He was very sad for a while.

Please know that you can get through it.

Are you able to be in contact with her family? They may appreciate it if you go to their home to see how they are doing.

Like mamasheep and others have said, allow yourself to mourn, it will help.:grouphug:

[i.love.lucy]

It looks like it may be easier for you to write. Maybe you could start writing out what you feel... start with memories... dreams you two shared... and let the tears out... Grieving is a very personal thing. I just about never cry in front of anyone. I just don't like to. But, it has to come out. I'll be praying for you, too.:grouphug:

I agree with this. Writing it out may help, and you can cry it out in the process, but it will be OUT.

 

I also agree with keeping in touch with her family. They may feel very isolated in their grief, as you do, and sharing that with her close friends may help them and you. My niece lost her best friend to a car accident in high school and she's now 26 and still keeps in touch with the family. It helped all of them to share those grieving feelings with people who really 'got' the loss.

 

Will be praying for you!:grouphug::grouphug:

[SailorMom]

You need to grieve. Cry, throw things, stay in bed all day. If you do not start now - it will not go away.... it will just wait for you.

If you really allow yourself to FEEL - and let yourself go there for a time - you can start working through those feelings. It will be dark for a while, but trust that it will slowly become tolerable, and then something you won't think about all the time.

It helps immensely to have someone to talk to who is non-judgemental about the way YOU grieve. There is no one right way. If need be - start seeing a therapist that you can speak to openly and honestly about your feelings.

This will get better. It will never completely go away, and you will always miss her - but it will get better.

[Rosie_0801]

I understand your not wanting to feel too much at once, but if you stop and think about it, what will happen to you? You'll cry enough to give yourself a headache and possibly make you sick. It's not a pleasant feeling, but you know you will recover from it. People do recover from headaches and nausea. Drink a big glass of water, stick a "please leave me alone until I've gone quiet, then quietly bring me a drink" sign on your bedroom door and go hide under your pillow with a big stack of hankies.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Rosie

[LuvingLife]

I understand your not wanting to feel too much at once, but if you stop and think about it, what will happen to you? You'll cry enough to give yourself a headache and possibly make you sick. It's not a pleasant feeling, but you know you will recover from it. People do recover from headaches and nausea. Drink a big glass of water, stick a "please leave me alone until I've gone quiet, then quietly bring me a drink" sign on your bedroom door and go hide under your pillow with a big stack of hankies.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Rosie

 

I think I will do that Rosie, and to all of you who have been praying for me and giving me guidance, thank you a million times! After all of your encouraging words, I finally broke down crying in front of my best friend's sister, and I seriously could not stop, then she started crying and her father and mother came in to see what happened, and then they started crying. Then I called up my parents and friends and we all started laughing and crying all at once. I miss her so much, but I also know that she is in a better place, and I do feel better now that I have cried it all out.

 

Thank you all for your help, I really appreciate it you guys mean a lot to me!

[Gratia271]

I will be praying for you. :grouphug:

[Ibbygirl]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you. I know you said you don't want to talk to anyone, but maybe it would help?? I pray that God comforts you and gives you peace. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[OnTheBrink]

My best friend died of IBC two years ago this weekend. It's been hard. You feel fine one minute and the next, a wave of grief knocks you down and you can't breathe. I still feel the void my friend left and it amazes me how much of what I say and think and find funny all ties back to her.

 

The only thing I can say is, get your emotions out. Then, expect to feel grief for a while. Knowing you're going to be feeling this way somehow makes it easier to deal with the pain than trying to stuff it down or pretend it's not there. It's ok to cry. It's ok to be royally hacked at the drunk driver who hit her. Even though it's not her fault, it's even ok to be mad she's gone! Just feel it, or it'll fester and get infected and hurt much more later to heal from.

 

:grouphug:

[LuvingLife]

I will be praying for you. :grouphug:

 

Thank you so much for your prayers.

 

:grouphug: I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you. I know you said you don't want to talk to anyone, but maybe it would help?? I pray that God comforts you and gives you peace. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am not a big talker, I am the quiet one but can make myself heard when I need to. This is one of the situations I get very quiet about and I finally was able to open up to my best friends sister. I just had too, and I do feel better now. Thank you for your prayers.

 

My best friend died of IBC two years ago this weekend. It's been hard. You feel fine one minute and the next, a wave of grief knocks you down and you can't breathe. I still feel the void my friend left and it amazes me how much of what I say and think and find funny all ties back to her.

 

The only thing I can say is, get your emotions out. Then, expect to feel grief for a while. Knowing you're going to be feeling this way somehow makes it easier to deal with the pain than trying to stuff it down or pretend it's not there. It's ok to cry. It's ok to be royally hacked at the drunk driver who hit her. Even though it's not her fault, it's even ok to be mad she's gone! Just feel it, or it'll fester and get infected and hurt much more later to heal from.

 

:grouphug:

 

I am so sorry for your loss! I do get mad when people die, especially when they should not be the ones taken, and most of the things I say or do somehow tie back to her as well. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, and I will pray for you too.