Allearia Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I really think it was an oversight on her part. She is almost 80, and was moving over my older son's birthday in December and told him his card would be a bit late. She doesn't have much money to begin with so he was actually pretty good about not being disappointed, though he asks sometimes when it will get here. My younger ds' birthday is Friday and I just got a card and check for him for $10. I know my older ds will be hurt at not receiving a card and money. Like I said, it is probably an oversight, she didn't send anything at Christmas and we are fine with it. I am wondering if I should wait a few days to see if she sends his before showing younger ds, or even if I should just tell older ds that his money was there too and give him $10. Is it wrong to lie in this situation? I am not sure if I want dh to bring it up to her because she probably can't spare it so I would be happy to just pay, but then if ds thanks her later it may get awkward. She lives across the country so we won't see her until this summer. Or should I just explain the situation to older ds? He is 9. Or we could tell him the truth and give him $10 ourselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'd tell the truth and give him an equal amount. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie in AR Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I would give him $10 so that his feelings won't be hurt. If he thanks her later, she probably will just think that she sent the money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'd give it to him and say the money was in there for both. If he thanks her later she'll probably just think she did send it, since she obviously intended to. No sense having anyone's feelings hurt or embarrassed over it, in my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blakereese Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I would give him $10 so that his feeling won't be hurt. If he thanks her later, she probably will just think that she sent the money. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'd tell the truth and give him an equal amount. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'd give him $10 but I wouldn't lie about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'd tell the truth and give him an equal amount. :iagree: Learning to take into account the frailties of age is good. :) (This trains him to be good to you when he's grown up.:D) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Tell the truth and also tell him that sometimes when you are 80 that you can forget things--even important things. This is about teaching understanding of others and extending grace. Give him $10 from you to even it out. I agree with pp: I think it's fine if he thanks her as she probably thinks she sent it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gooblink Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'd tell the truth and give him an equal amount. Ditto. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratia271 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'd tell him the truth and explain the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'd tell the truth and give him an equal amount. I would do the same. I have always believed that it is important for my boys to understand the health and mental state of our older relatives and friends. Sometimes that is difficult, but I have found that it has helped them to be more compassionate young men. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allearia Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 Thanks all! I think telling the truth and giving him the money is the best bet, for some reason it didn't even occur to me until the end of my post that I could do both. I think he will be OK with it and understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'd give it to him and say the money was in there for both. If he thanks her later she'll probably just think she did send it, since she obviously intended to. No sense having anyone's feelings hurt or embarrassed over it, in my opinion. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I'd tell the truth and give him an equal amount. :iagree: I would make sure to explain it is just a memory issue that happens to lots of people as they get older. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arstephia Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I have been in the same boat with my dear grandma. I just gave the kids the $ she normally gives them and told them she was struggling with memory and didn't send their card. They know she loves them dearly, and I know she would want them to have the money. We don't do allowances so they kind of count on bday money to buy the things they dream about. So I don't mind kind of helping my grandma out when she forgets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 :iagree:Don't make an issue where there is no issue. Tell the truth and also tell him that sometimes when you are 80 that you can forget things--even important things. This is about teaching understanding of others and extending grace. Give him $10 from you to even it out. I agree with pp: I think it's fine if he thanks her as she probably thinks she sent it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamonaQ Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Tell the truth and also tell him that sometimes when you are 80 that you can forget things--even important things. This is about teaching understanding of others and extending grace. Give him $10 from you to even it out. I agree with pp: I think it's fine if he thanks her as she probably thinks she sent it. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I'd tell the truth and give him an equal amount. Absolutely. He's old enough to realize grandma is getting older and losing her memory. Explain to him you don't want grandma upset and you're going to make it right yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scuff Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 One time, when I was about that age, we were visiting my grandma in her late 90's. She spent a good hour looking for some presents she said she had for us. After we left my dad said that she probably didn't really have presents, but was remembering something she had already given us before. We were disappointed, but ok with it. He did a pretty good job explaining oldness to us, though. (When she died none of us were surprised. For years he told us it could be the last time we saw her every time we went to visit.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Yep, I'd tell him the truth and give him $10. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I'd tell the truth and give him an equal amount. :iagree: My grandmother is 83, I think, and her daughters help her with that kind of stuff. It's hard for her to remember everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I'd give him $10 but I wouldn't lie about it. :iagree:He's old enough to realize that an 80 year old woman may forget something and that it has nothing to do with him. There should be no hurt feelings. If you are smiling about it, he will too. Just remind him of how much grama loves him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I'd give it to him and say the money was in there for both. If he thanks her later she'll probably just think she did send it, since she obviously intended to. No sense having anyone's feelings hurt or embarrassed over it, in my opinion. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I really think it was an oversight on her part. She is almost 80, and was moving over my older son's birthday in December and told him his card would be a bit late. She doesn't have much money to begin with so he was actually pretty good about not being disappointed, though he asks sometimes when it will get here. My younger ds' birthday is Friday and I just got a card and check for him for $10. I know my older ds will be hurt at not receiving a card and money. Like I said, it is probably an oversight, she didn't send anything at Christmas and we are fine with it. I am wondering if I should wait a few days to see if she sends his before showing younger ds, or even if I should just tell older ds that his money was there too and give him $10. Is it wrong to lie in this situation? I am not sure if I want dh to bring it up to her because she probably can't spare it so I would be happy to just pay, but then if ds thanks her later it may get awkward. She lives across the country so we won't see her until this summer. Or should I just explain the situation to older ds? He is 9. Or we could tell him the truth and give him $10 ourselves. Just my 2c.. tell him the truth and give him $10 yourself. It's not a bad thing for a kid to learn that older folk are forgetful and that we should have a kindly heart towards anyone's mistakes. The other alternative is to talk to your younger ds about the situation and see if/suggest he will share his $10. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T Baer Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 my DS is the only grandchild and mother-in-law was overwhelmed with life (not wanting us to help her) and totally forgot DS birthday. Despite the fact that he knew she was having problems and not wanting help, it was upsetting not to get a birthday gift or a call on his birthday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.