shinyhappypeople Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 ... how do you decide who you allow to join? What factors play into it the decision? I ask because I have this friend (cough, cough) who was passed over for membership even though she is friendly with several current members. She bathes regularly and isn't particularly weird or annoying (geesh, I *hope* not). She's kind of feeling hurt and flashing back to high school. :( FWIW, my, um, friend holds similar HS philosophy to most of the group members and the children had a great time playing together. I - I mean SHE - just doesn't understand what's up. So, anyone want to speculate with me about what happened? Or just help cheer me up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 :grouphug: No advice (at all), but I just detested junior high. This is giving me flashbacks, very uncomfortable flashbacks. Run away. Fast. Do your own thing. (That would be my MO). :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blakereese Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 :grouphug: I have no idea why they passed on you--your friend--but I just wanted to send a hug. I know those feelings of high school, and it is hard not to feel hurt. I would, too. :grouphug: Tell your friend it is THEIR loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5KidzRUs Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 First things that comes to mind are, does she smoke, drink or have different religious (non or otherwise) beliefs? I would be so hurt and resentful and thinking "I didn't want to play with you anyway!" :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 We have never denied anyone. We have only had an issue with one family since 2008. We had a conversation outlining expectations and all was well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secular_mom Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Is the group in any way based on religious beliefs/nonbelief of members? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I have been passed on a group too. It was a PRESCHOOL homeschooling group to make it even worse. :( :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I would just go to the leaders and ask them why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Is the group in any way based on religious beliefs/nonbelief of members? Even so, that is sad. My group accepts mamas of all religious backgrounds even though majority of us are Christians. One of out most active members is an atheist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyhappypeople Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 The group is sort of generally non-denominational Christian. I go to church with one of the members, so I don't think it's that. (That was my first thought, too). I'm at a loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Goldwater Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'm suspicious of a club that would allow ME to be a member. :lol: Being excluded is a drag. I experienced it a lot as a kid...but IMHO these groups are over-rated...I think it's valuable for HS moms & dads to gather together and chat, support, pray (if inclined to do so), laugh, play and all, but sometimes people get carried away with running a group, making it into a club, deciding who gets to be in the club, etc. I'm also not a fan of extensive co-ops either...we've never employed them...it's HOME schooling after all, teaching yer own and all...again, just my humble opinion. Hope your friend finds a better solution and can shake off the dust from her shoes and move on... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secular_mom Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Even so, that is sad. My group accepts mamas of all religious backgrounds even though majority of us are Christians. One of out most active members is an atheist. I agree- but if it based on nonbelief or specific beliefs then the others may feel uncomfortable with someone with a different or opposing view participating. That could very well change what they discuss and even how they discuss things, KWIM? Could be the same situation but the difference is something else- parenting style, diet, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I agree- but if it based on nonbelief or specific beliefs then the others may feel uncomfortable with someone with a different or opposing view participating. That could very well change what they discuss and even how they discuss things, KWIM? Could be the same situation but the difference is something else- parenting style, diet, etc. True. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Goldwater Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I agree- but if it based on nonbelief or specific beliefs then the others may feel uncomfortable with someone with a different or opposing view participating. That could very well change what they discuss and even how they discuss things, KWIM? Could be the same situation but the difference is something else- parenting style, diet, etc. Packers / Stillrz ? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'm wondering if the group is "closed" in the sense that they feel like they have all they can handle and just aren't accepting new members. But if that were the case, I would think they would just tell you that upfront. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snipsnsnailsx5 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Is is because maybe they want to keep the group at a certain size? Maybe if someone leaves and a spot opens up, then you'll..your friend...will be the first to be considered? Can you share how you..your friend...was passed over? What was said? That may give a clue too. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secular_mom Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Packers / Stillrz ? :confused: More like liberal vs. conservative political views, earth loving/saving vs. someone who likes to have all the latest fads (a major consumer), vegetarian/vegan vs. SAD diet, raw foodist vs. non-raw vegan, people who read Harry Potter vs. people who don't and feel VERY strongly about it. Or maybe the numbers of the group are 'just right' the way it is and someone new joining would throw that off. It could be anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I am just throwing a few possibilities out to consider. I am not indicating they may be right or wrong reasons to exclude anyone. Are you reliable? Perhaps they need reliable members, and your history indicates you may not be a good fit. (Are you sick a lot, or do you back out of commitments at the last minute?) Could there be any issues/concerns with your homeschooling methods, curriculum choices, style? Are they looking for new members to meet a need that you do not meet? (They need a history teacher, but you're willing to do only science or art.) Your child/children are not a good fit for the entire group due to allergies, behavior, learning abilities? I'd definitely ask someone. I would feel horrible if this happened to me. Especially without knowing the reasons why, I would find it difficult to maintain any friendship in the group--at this point, I'd have nothing to lose by graciously pressing the point to find out why I wasn't accepted. I'd cling to the truth that God DOES have a plan for your family. It just doesn't include this group, for whatever reason. We just spent three years somewhat isolated as a family. I took it as a blessing, an opportunity to bond together in a way that never would have happened with other outside activities. It was life changing for all of us, in the most positive of ways. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyinMD Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I wonder if there is one member blocking her from membership. Usually in small groups everyone must agree to add a new member. One small group we were a part of was like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bugs Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I would ask whatever member you knew the best and that would give you an honest answer. But you must be honest with yourself - are you ready for an honest answer? That is how I have approached similar situations (but then, I can't stand to speculate continuously - I must know so I can move on). Most of the time the issue is just plain thoughtlessness but not out of viciousness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 (edited) Well, that bites. :glare: When you say that "she" was passed over for membership, do you mean that someone else was accepted instead of you (oops, I mean "her?") Was there an actual application/interview process? If they acted like they wanted you in the group, then suddenly decided not to ask you to join, all I can think of is that maybe these one or more of these moms is a little two-faced. All it would take is for one of them to decide she doesn't like you because you're prettier than she is, or your kids are cuter or smarter than hers, or because you remind her of the mean girl she knew in the seventh grade, and the next thing you know, you're out in the cold. Are you friendly enough with any of the moms to ask what happened? You said the kids had fun together, and I'm assuming that your kids are well-behaved, so all I can think of is that someone sabotaged you. It would be different if you asked to be included, and they just said that they already had as many members as they could handle, but it doesn't sound like that was the case here. Cat Edited January 26, 2011 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngieC Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Is it possible that it's based on the age of your child(ren)? I noticed in your siggy that you are using Happy Phonics so I'm wondering if your child(ren) is(are) youngish? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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