Journey Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 my 16 year old daughter is being bullied again, this time at work. It's a long story but the bottom line is, the boss knows about it for the second time (she called him today, she went in to talk to him in person and he wasn't there so the other manager gave her the phone number). He is basically saying that she's the problem and he pretty much hung up on her. This is a child who is very good at her job (both the owner (manager and his father have told me this). She has gotten compliments many times from customers (owner told HER this). She doesn't drink, do drugs or have sex (like the three other girls who work there do). I want her to quit but she doesn't want to. We just bought another horse that she is making payments on. Even though the horse's previous owners are allowing her to make payments on him and said she can pay what she can when she can, my daughter doesn't want to not make payments because the people are a very young couple with not alot of money. I admire her for wanting to stand on her word. We went around today and filled out a couple of applications and we have people who know people looking for jobs for her (where you need to know someone to get into a company). I am worried for her and none of my friends understand the fear that comes with a child being bullied. Teenaged girls are awful and many people don't get that. I feel like I'm in this (as a parent) all by myself. Please don't flame me and tell me that I shouldn't allow her to go back to that place. I can do that, and my daughter would absolutely listen to me, but for some reason I'm not saying she can't go back there. I am actually in awe of her for even wanting to because I wouldn't be able to do it. I did tell her that as soon as she gets another job she can call that guy and tell him to shove it but until then I am asking for prayer for her (and for the scummy girls that she works with). I just don't understand why some girls choose to make poor life choices and then feel the need to bully girls who choose to make good choices. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patches Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I understand why you are doing what you are doing. I'm praying right now for your daughter. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Awww, no flames, no advice (have not been there) only:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Praying for you dd. I would imagine the other girls are intimidated by her so they want to tear her down. It doesn't help to know this though. I'm angry for your dd. Wish I could...........help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillary in KS Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Oh, poor kid! I like that you're helping her find something else. That way she can just go from one job right to another! Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 (edited) my 16 year old daughter is being bullied again, this time at work. It's a long story but the bottom line is, the boss knows about it for the second time (she called him today, she went in to talk to him in person and he wasn't there so the other manager gave her the phone number). He is basically saying that she's the problem and he pretty much hung up on her. This is a child who is very good at her job (both the owner (manager and his father have told me this). She has gotten compliments many times from customers (owner told HER this). She doesn't drink, do drugs or have sex (like the three other girls who work there do). I want her to quit but she doesn't want to. We just bought another horse that she is making payments on. Even though the horse's previous owners are allowing her to make payments on him and said she can pay what she can when she can, my daughter doesn't want to not make payments because the people are a very young couple with not alot of money. I admire her for wanting to stand on her word. We went around today and filled out a couple of applications and we have people who know people looking for jobs for her (where you need to know someone to get into a company). I am worried for her and none of my friends understand the fear that comes with a child being bullied. Teenaged girls are awful and many people don't get that. I feel like I'm in this (as a parent) all by myself. Please don't flame me and tell me that I shouldn't allow her to go back to that place. I can do that, and my daughter would absolutely listen to me, but for some reason I'm not saying she can't go back there. I am actually in awe of her for even wanting to because I wouldn't be able to do it. I did tell her that as soon as she gets another job she can call that guy and tell him to shove it but until then I am asking for prayer for her (and for the scummy girls that she works with). I just don't understand why some girls choose to make poor life choices and then feel the need to bully girls who choose to make good choices. Thanks. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I hope she is able to find a new job soon, but if she can't find anything soon, I do wish she would consider quitting this job, anyway, if the other girls are still being so mean to her. I'm not flaming you at all -- I just have trouble understanding your dd's motivation for remaining at the job. I know she has to pay for her horse, but it doesn't seem worth it for her to put up with poor treatment -- particularly since it doesn't appear that she has the support of management. And I have to ask -- what did the manager mean when he said that your dd was the problem? Does he feel that she is acting superior to the others, or that she is instigating the arguments? It sounds like she's an excellent and reliable employee, yet the manager is blaming the problems on her? That doesn't make sense to me, and I'm wondering if there is more to this story -- are the other girls telling him lies about your dd? Does he think she's too sensitive or too defensive? If he really believes that she is the problem, she should not be working there at all, but after placing the blame on your dd, I think he owes her an explanation about what he meant. I'm sorry your dd hasn't found another job yet. Hopefully, one of the applications she submitted will lead to something much better for her. She sounds like such a good kid, and the other girls sound like real losers. :grouphug: Cat Edited January 25, 2011 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I'm really proud of your dd!!! No flames...I think you guys are making some good choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommamia Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Well, my dear, I know your dd in real life and can verify that she is one awesome girl. I am so bothered that this is happening again! I'm praying that she finds a better situation soon. You are a great mama! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracesteacher Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Why not talk to the owner? These girls are feeling threatened by her. I have found even adults in the work place who feel threaten by someone who is doing better goes to managers and make up stories and make work a hard place to be. I am glad your daughter is standing up for herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 <snip>I hope she is able to find a new job soon, but if she can't find anything soon, I do wish she would consider quitting this job, anyway, if the other girls are still being so mean to her. <snip> I'm not flaming you at all -- I just have trouble understanding your dd's motivation for remaining at the job. I know she has to pay for her horse, but it doesn't seem worth it for her to put up with poor treatment -- particularly since it doesn't appear that she has the support of management. Cat Oh, I don't know, I can understand this. The OP doesn't give specifics, but if it's just a question of the girls acting like "mean girls," and not a safety issue or something that seems to be escalating, I can definitely see why she wouldn't want to quit. I mean, why leave a good job b/c someone else is being an a$$? It depends on your personality, I'm sure, but someone trying to get me to quit would likely make me determined to stay, kwim? And if it IS a safety issue? I'd be having another conversation with the manager, one in which the word "liability" came up frequently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Oh, I don't know, I can understand this. The OP doesn't give specifics, but if it's just a question of the girls acting like "mean girls," and not a safety issue or something that seems to be escalating, I can definitely see why she wouldn't want to quit. Well, the OP did say that her dd was being "bullied," and this isn't the first time she has posted about it, so I'm getting the feeling that this may go beyond a little name-calling. You made an excellent point, though -- we don't really know what's going on between the girls, and it would be nice to have a bit more information. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Journey Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 You guys are making me cry. I will tell you the whole story but bear with me as it might get long....first of all I work in an insurance agency and both this owner and his father are customers of ours. This bullying started happening when she first started working there. At that time, I called the owner (our insurance customer) and told him that my daughter would NOT be working there anymore because of the behavior of the other girls....making my daughter do all of the work while one girl made pizzas, another would take an hour to wipe down the counters and the other would be rolling her eyes at my daughter....among other things. At that time he told me that my daughter was doing a great job and that he "did not want her to quit", he came up with the idea of having her on only when he was there. Perfect....that happened for two months and everything was really good. She was really enjoying her job and two out of the three girls were actually being nice to her. BUT.....they ALL have a very weird obsession with my daughter's private life...ei: they can't believe that she isn't allowed to watch Jersey Shore and that she is actually okay with this rule, how she doesn't like to go out with her friends on the weekends (my daughter says that she spends all week with her friends in school, why would she want to spend weekends with them as well) I should also say that both of my girls and I have a very, very close relationship, a much closer one than anyone else i know, so my daughter enjoys spending time with me and her sister on the weekends, she always has. These girls have even gone so far as to ask my daughter to explain her day to them from the time she gets up to the time she goes to bed. So my daughter did. She really doesn't understand what the big interest is. Anyway, you get the idea. Fast forward to last night. She was at work supposed to be until 8:00. She called me at 7:30 and asked me to come and pick her up and that she is "very mad". So i go get her and she gets in the car and starts crying and this daughter is NOT a crier. She said "well, it's starting all over again." so and so and so and so were in the back talking about me and then the other so and so comes over in a sickeningly sweet voice and goes 'are you mad at someone here", there was one other girl who happened to be watching all of this going on and she actually mentioned something to the manager who.did.NOTHING. Then to top it all off, before my daughter went to bed last night she checked her FB page and the worst of the three girls FRIENDED her. Obviously my daughter declined the friend request but on the girl's FB page she wrote a comment around the same time that said "I love Karma". So my daughter tried to call her boss today to tell him what had been going on (on Saturday night he actually pulled her aside and asked her how everything was going and she said that everything was going great that she was getting along with two of the girls and he said....well, you dont' all have to like each other but they don't have to be vicious". So she called him today to ask that all four of them and him get together so that she can find out why they are so mean to her because she really has no idea and he said that he would talk to everyone individually but then he asked her if she wanted to finish out the week (in other words this would be her last week) and she said that no she wanted to keep the job....here is one kicker too....she asked for 12 hours a week and he has her on for 20 1/2....so that tells me that SHE is the one who is doing her job well (the other girls don't get that many hours) but now he is blaming her for all of this but not saying why, so I"m thinking that he just thinks that she is being dramatic and overly sensative when really, she just wants to go there, do her job, do it well and leave. She doesn't want to be friends with ANY of these girls but on that same note, she is not being rude to them because she's afraid of them. the meanest girl of them all also rides horses and I think that might be where the rub is and the fact that my daughter just got another horse is sending this one girl over the edge....even though my daughter NEVER told this girl she got another horse, one of the other girls did. It is a huge mess but needless to say, I honestly, truly do not believe that my daughter did anything to bring this on. I told her she is having to learn a hard lesson. She is smart and hard working and gets compliments from customers often (per her boss) and there is where the problem is. These girls are nothing but jealous is what I believe but I can't make her believe that. She just doesn't understand why they are doing this to her. So that is pretty much it in a nutshell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I can really see a male boss not wanting to sort out this kind of thing with teenaged girls. (Not that that is the best choice, but I can see a lot of bosses not wanting to deal with it.) The truth is that most people when trying to mediate other people's conflicts split it down the middle, figuring both sides are to blame. That is usually the case; however, in a situation in which things are very one sided, it punishes the innocent party. It sounds like these girls are the kind that pick on people for entertainment. It sounds like your dd might need to develop some radar about this kind of thing and draw some boundaries. It sounds like she is a nice girl to whom it would never occur to pick on someone. Maybe work with some stock phrases when people inquire about her personal life. She doesn't have to answer, and it's nice to have a light comeback. Not at all criticizing your dd, but this could come up again in another setting. Not everyone is as nice as your dd. She may be wanting to figure it out on her terms, to have it make sense to her and it just may not make any more sense than some people like having someone to pick on. If she can take it, and if safety is not an issue, I would let her stay and do not contact the management yourself. Let her take care of it. I think it speaks very well of her strength and character that she is willing to hang in there. And I think you're doing the right thing by helping her find a new job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Thanks for posting the details. I would be so angry with that manager (and of course, with those other girls!) Unfortunately, it doesn't look like your dd is going to be able to go to work, do a good job, and then leave. These girls don't seem like the type of people who will let that happen. They're obviously very resentful of your dd, and they can't comprehend how anyone could be different from them, yet still be a normal person. It doesn't appear that your dd works with the sharpest tools in the shed. :glare: This must be so heartbreaking for you. It's so hard to be a mom, knowing you can't do anything to stop those girls from being so mean. Honestly, since it sounds like the guy was hinting that your dd should quit, perhaps you should stop in for a soda and ask him what's going on. If he is against your dd in this situation, those other girls will take full advantage of that. (I only suggest this because you said you already know him.) I'm so sorry for your dd, and for you, too, because I can tell you're terribly upset. I'll pray for you guys. :grouphug: Cat Edited January 25, 2011 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
datgh Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I'm teaching a middle school girls bible study this spring using a book called Mean Girls Facing Your Beauty Turned Beast by Hayley DiMarco. It is all about mean girls/bullying and how to handle it all. Your daughters story would fit right into this book. It offers great advice on how to handle situations like your daughter is in whether your a kid or an adult. When my son was at a Christian school, they where really struggling with the meanness of some of the girls. They taught this book for a semester and it was amazing how much the class dynamics changed for the better. The mean girls recognized themselves and the ones being targeted learned how to handle it. Hope things smooth out for your daughter. It is so hard being that age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Aaaaaaahhhhhh.....horse girls ;). This was something that never ended for me, and I am sorry your dd is having to go thru it! It is a jealousy thing and it is very unfortunate. I think reading the Boundaires book mught be good. Although they are being mean, your dd is going to have to come to terms with what she has control over. She needs to be "safe" at work, but she can't make them be "nice." :grouphug:'s to you both!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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