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what an a$$


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i just listened to my mom cry for almost a whole hour on skype because of my brother. he was with his girlfriend for 12 years before they had a child together. while she was pregnant, he started cheating on her and left her and the child. he left the house and let her live in the house with their baby daughter. fast forward a couple of years, she started a new relationship and moved in with the guy. now it is not working with him and she is moving into a small apartment. meanwhile, he lives in the house with his girlfriend and her daughter. it drives me absolutely insane that his own daughter has to live in an apartment while this other girl and her daughter live in this huge house. i have no issue with the daughter, but i really feel for my own niece! she is the sweetest little girl and it is just so not fair to her. my nice spends saturday nights with my brother and my mom who is at the moment staying with my brother. apparently he had made plans to go out to dinner with his girlfriend this past saturday and dropped off his daughter to my mom and took off for dinner. during that time, my niece cried and cried for over 2 hours for my brother until she finally fell asleep still hiccuping and crying in her sleep. my mom was so heartbroken and it just sucks to be so far away from family.

 

actually for his sake, it might be a good thing cause at this point i don't know what i would do to him if i got my hands on him. at 33, you'd think he would grow up at some point.

 

just had to get it out. it really really bothers me. i know people start and break relationships all the time, but the poor children really don't get it. you just can't explain anything to a little 3 year old. my mom is trying so hard to love her enough for her father, but it's not enough. she wants her daddy! not grandma...he provides for her in every other way, but i don't think he's as emotionally attached. i just don't get it. my heart feels heavy and always after hearing something about him and my niece, i want to hold my children even closer and be thankful. kwim?

 

seema

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i won't be able to sleep well tonight. this is weighing so heavily on my heart. if i had a choice, i would whisk her away and just raise her here. my sons want a baby sister anyways! :001_smile:

 

but i know her mom loves her and i know my mom does...and i do, but from so far away. i only go back in the summer. we are hoping she will be able to spend this summer with my parents and me and my kids in florida...

 

seema

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i my nice spends saturday nights with my brother and my mom who is at the moment staying with my brother. apparently he had made plans to go out to dinner with his girlfriend this past saturday and dropped off his daughter to my mom and took off for dinner.

 

seema

 

If you are friendly with her mother, coax her towards getting a legally binding support/parenting plan, and to take her time finding a stable mate, as the poor girl doesn't need any more bouncing around.

 

Any man who would do that to a child, could find it just peachy to forget about her financially if it becomes a burden.

 

:grouphug: I'd be slamming doors if I had a brother or son act like that (pssst--I don't slam doors).

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thankfully, he has been supporting them financially and is even going to pay for the apartment she's moving into. i don't think she could try doing anything legally because they are on very good terms because he still provides for them financially. she doesn't work and he supports them completely. if she tried doing anything legally, i think she would be scared that it would upset him and it would definitely lower the amount of money he gives her.

 

but he really seems to think that financial support is enough. when is one day a week enough with YOUR child. i spend all day with my kids and even then i gaze at them at night, especially at night, because they look so peaceful! i know some men and even some women are wired differently, but they love their children and you can see it in so many actions. my mom is having a hard time because he sees this other little girl in the house and around my brother, but not his own daughter, not her own flesh and blood. it just hurts.

 

we all know that love is not money, so why can't he see that?

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I'm so sorry your brother doesn't seem to have feelings for his little girl, but at least he is an honorable man when it comes to providing for her financial needs. Many men walk out the door and never look back, and clearly, that wasn't the case with your brother.

 

As sad as it is, you can't force someone to love another person in the way you want them to. Your brother may think he's demonstrating his love by being a financially responsible father.

 

I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm defending your brother, because I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's not like he has no contact with his daughter, and once she gets older and seems more like a "real person" to him, he may become much closer to her. Many people have trouble relating to children, and he may be one of them. I'm not saying it's right for him to selfishly go out with his girlfriend when his dd is visiting, but is that something he does all the time?

 

I think you may need to step back and think of the good things he is doing for his daughter and his ex, because he's going above and beyond what many other men would be doing in his situation.

 

I do feel awfully sorry for your niece, but if she has a good mom, and a wonderful grandmother, she'll do just fine. It's not an ideal situation, but it could be a lot worse.

 

Cat

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My BIL is the same way except he favors his son over his dd. This disgusts me which I have told him several times. His excuse..."It's not like I wanted her, what do you expect me to do?" ExSIL quit taking her bc pills without telling my BIL. I think if my niece was a boy he would treat her differently. He is currently living with my MIL since we kicked him out of here. He will never learn and really all you can do is pray and love the child(ren).

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