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Curfews for teens - how do you determine what time it should be?


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DS1 will be 17 in a couple of months. He doesn't have a driver's license yet, but he is finally going to get off his lazy butt and get a permit so we can teach him how to drive. He's already had a driver's ed class, but for some reason, they do not teach the kids to drive as part of this.

 

He wants to know what his curfew will be. How does one determine this? There are two factors that I have thought of: (1) we live at least 30 minutes from town, and up to an hour away from where his friends from school live; (2) I do not want DS1 on the road when the drunks are out in force.

 

He says his friends have curfews of midnight, 2 a.m., or no curfew at all. I think 2 a.m. and no curfew at all are completely out. I also think that parents determine the curfew, not select from a menu of choices presented by their teenager.

 

When I was a teenager, I didn't have a curfew. The issue did not come up. I asked if I could go out with X to Y until Z time, and was told either yes or no.

 

Is this still a workable solution today? I know I can implement it, what I want to know is whether it is a stupid idea.

Edited by RoughCollie
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I never had a curfew. It's never come up with the kids either.

 

Our oldest was once out until 2am, but she was going to see the midnight showing of a movie with a family friend. She wasn't driving (was still under graduated license ruling that didn't allow her to drive after midnight), so we weren't worried. I was dozing on the sofa when she got home. I couldn't actually go to bed until she was home. The family friend was already going to go see the movie, but dh and I had no interest.

 

I guess if it was a problem, I'd address it, but I don't see the point of being out past midnight unless you're going to a midnight showing or book party or something like that.

 

Aside from that one time, only the youngest has been out past 10pm and she was 8yo and with her friend two doors down at a play. They got stuck in traffic coming back and didn't get here until 11pm. They did call to let us know they'd be late getting back.

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We have a general one of 10pm for dd16, so if we havent specified a different one on any occasion, that is the understood time- and not 10.03, either. However there have been times she has asked to stay out longer and we have said ok- especially since she now has a driving, older bf who doesnt drink- so he is a good chauffer for our party animal dd.

I agree with Jean that you need to take into consideration when you generally go to sleep- staying up late for teens to get home is not so fun.

I never had a cerfew as a teen either. YOu ocudl just do it on a night by night basis, but I know sleep is important for my kids so I factor that in- if its a weeknight, its definitely 10pm.

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I don't have teens yet, but I think my parent's philosophy (which sounds similar to your parents') worked very well. I didn't have a curfew--I had plans/events/jobs/etc. with various end times on a case by case basis. Sometimes this meant I was babysitting until 2 am or watching movies with a friend until 12 pm, but I didn't have carte blanche to stay out to a specific time every night. They didn't believe in teens just hanging out without a plan. They knew where I was going and what I was doing. Of course I could have lied about this, but I didn't. I never felt restricted by this. In fact, it felt perfectly reasonable to me.

 

Plus, I would be careful of letting a new driver be out at night without much daytime practice. Driving at night, especially when it's late and you're tired, is a whole different thing than driving during the day.

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Plus, I would be careful of letting a new driver be out at night without much daytime practice. Driving at night, especially when it's late and you're tired, is a whole different thing than driving during the day.

 

We have a 100-hour rule. Each kid has to drive with a parent in the car for 100 hours before he is allowed out on his own. The 100 hours will cover all types of roads, road conditions, weather (extra time in winter if this happens at another time of year), and times of day.

 

This rule sounded great when I came up with it and is endorsed by AAA and other organizations. It's what a friend's parents did with their kids, and none of them ever had a wreck and were very responsible drivers as a result, she thinks.

 

Right now, we haven't even started on teaching the boys to drive because they have not asked to be taken to get their permits. They know they have to ask because I've been reminding them continually since March.

 

There is nothing to do here, so that may be why they are not as eager as I expected them to be.

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We also go night by night. We know what activity our kids are at, who they are with,ect. So that determines when kids are expected to be home. Right now I'm waiting for kids to get home from a dance. They drove about 40 minutes to get there. The dance is over at 10:30 and they most likely will stop for something to eat on the way home, so I'm expecting them home before midnight. But we have no set time. My ds will call if plans change.

 

We have had both our ds and dd asked to babysit during the week. We have made a rule that they can't babysit after 9 on week nights. Later than that and it made it too hard to get going the next day.

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Thank you all very much for your responses. I appreciate your taking the time to let me know your thoughts and experiences.

 

I think that the best way for our family to handle this is to not have a curfew and to decide when the kids have to be home on a situational basis. That is what we do now, and there is no reason to change it just because someday the kids will be driving themselves around.

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One thing to think about is does your state have regulations? For example, in Texas they can only have one person maximum in the car that isn't a sibling for .. 6 months I think. Maybe longer. ( We aren't there yet. He only has his permit.) There is also a curfew in the law.. I think they aren't allowed to drive between midnight and 5 am for a certain amount of time. So check your state.

 

christine

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We will plan to do it situationally as well, although we already have some firm rules in place for our boys and they already know them!

 

No driving alone at night until age 18 and you pay for your own insurance.

No driver's license until you finish Eagle Scout.

No getting in the car with another teen driving unless we approve.

 

If you need to stay out late at night, you MUST call for a parent to pick you up, no getting a ride from a teen at midnight.

 

I know I am super strict about this, but I am a former high school guidance counselor and I went to too many funerals unnecessarily in my years of work. Article after article points to inexperience being the number one reason teens die in car accidents. It has nothing to do with alcohol or drugs.......I want my kids and the friends they ride with to have at least two solid years of experience in driving.....they can drive a LOT with DH or me in the car with them from 16-18.

 

Dawn

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Thank you all very much for your responses. I appreciate your taking the time to let me know your thoughts and experiences.

 

I think that the best way for our family to handle this is to not have a curfew and to decide when the kids have to be home on a situational basis. That is what we do now, and there is no reason to change it just because someday the kids will be driving themselves around.

 

This really is the best way to handle it. I said before that his curfew was midnight and we adjusted it based on the situation, but I forgot to add in something else - he doesn't just "go out" and do whatever until midnight. Someone (usually my dad since he is living there right now) has to know *where* he is specifically and he lets him know if that changes.

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He wants to know what his curfew will be. How does one determine this? There are two factors that I have thought of: (1) we live at least 30 minutes from town, and up to an hour away from where his friends from school live; (2) I do not want DS1 on the road when the drunks are out in force.

 

My dd has a general curfew, 11 PM on school nights (sometimes she studies with a friend, but she's usually home right after sports.) And midnight on weekends. But in reality, it's more on a case-by-case basis.

 

When she first got her license, she had to be home about an hour earlier so she was here before I went to sleep. Now I just make sure she's here in the morning.

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