KarenNC Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 What is appropriate/inappropriate to say regarding the loss of a baby at birth? I am attending a hs meeting this afternoon where I will likely be seeing a new acquaintance who is Muslim. I recently found out that her baby died at birth (I last saw her just before she was due). She's a new member of our group, so I don't know her very well, and I don't want to say anything that will add to her difficulties. I've had very little contact with the Muslim community. Obviously I want to offer my condolences, but is it okay to ask the baby's name? The situation is awful enough without my making it worse by possibly saying something that would make her more uncomfortable because I don't know enough about her religious traditions. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unity Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I recently met a woman who had just lost her 9 yo daughter. I had been told of her loss before meeting her, and one of the first things I said to her was simply, "I'm very sorry for your loss." She started thanking me profusely for acknowledging it, and really, her daughter was all she could talk about that evening. (I don't blame her a bit, and I doubt she even realized she turned every conversation to her departed dd). Anyway, it's not like the woman is going to forget the death of her child. I think asking many questions is not really appropriate, though. Just offer your condolences, and if she wants to talk about it, she will. Your job will be simply to listen and support, imo. I wouldn't ask the name or other details, but assume they will come out if the mother feels the need to discuss it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Because you're not Muslim, I think just telling her you don't know what to say is the best thing to say....maybe something like, "We don't know each other well, but I heard about your loss. I'm so sorry, I really don't know what to say" would be fine. I think in some religions it is a bit disconcerting when a non-religious person says something expected of a fellow religious member. It might confuse the person thinking that you are the same religion as them or it might be disrespectful? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 Because you're not Muslim, I think just telling her you don't know what to say is the best thing to say....maybe something like, "We don't know each other well, but I heard about your loss. I'm so sorry, I really don't know what to say" would be fine. I think in some religions it is a bit disconcerting when a non-religious person says something expected of a fellow religious member. It might confuse the person thinking that you are the same religion as them or it might be disrespectful? Thanks. I was more concerned about accidentally saying or doing something inappropriate than trying to say something specifically religious, if that makes sense. I will go with the suggestion of just expressing sorrow for her loss and leaving it at that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amirah Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 hi i am muslim and what would be appropriate to say is may god give you patience and replace you with something better than what you lost. i checked with my husband on this as well and he said that would be best thing to say coming from a non muslim. hope that helps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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