TKDmom Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 (edited) A few weeks ago, a couple of kids from our neighborhood started coming to our house to play. They are a brother and sister, age 10 and 9. The first time they came over, I asked, "Does your mom know where you are?" 10yo boy answered, "Oh yeah, she told to us go away so she could sleep." :001_huh: I asked when they needed to be home and he said by 6pm (it was about 2pm when I asked). I haven't met the parents yet. I keep thinking I should walk the kids home one of these days to introduce myself. The kids play really nicely with my kids, and they are always polite and amiable. I love that dd has a girl her age to play with. Most of my friends have only boys her age, and she rarely gets playdates with girls. They're here right now. 10 yo boy was telling ds that they didn't have to be home until 9pm tonight. :blink: I've always wanted my house to be a safe place for other kids to come, but I find myself feeling selfish and I want everyone to go home so I can have my house to myself. Should I invite them to stay for dinner? I think I'd have to insist that they go home to tell their parents where they were once it gets dark. This is just so weird that they're parents don't seem to care... Edited January 21, 2011 by bonniebeth4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 I wouldn't let kids that age in my house if I didn't know their parents. Hopefully, my neighbors feel the same way, although my younger dc know better than to go in houses without permission. Since that boy has given two different departure times, I also wouldn't assume he's telling the truth. If I had been free when he arrived, I would have gone to his house to meet mom, or walked them home to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 Since that boy has given two different departure times, I also wouldn't assume he's telling the truth. These are on different days. He said they stay out later on Fridays. But good point. I will make a point of walking them home tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 First, it's okay to say nicely, "It's time for us to get ready for dinner (or get some chores done, or do whatever) so you'll have to wrap it up and leave in 10 minutes." And I think it's also okay, if you feel inclined, to ask if they would like to stay for dinner but you need to call their mom and check first. I guess I wouldn't be quite as adamant as a PP about not letting kids whose parents I don't know into my house, but that's how it was when I was a kid. Maybe it depends on your area, but the behavior of the kids seems good. I do think that if they become regulars you'll want to pop down and introduce yourself to the parents. Sounds like perhaps the mom isn't supervising a lot if she needs to rest and you'll want to check out their home before your kids are there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 We have some neighborhood kids like that. IMHO, they might be allowed to stay until 9pm but I would send them home when I was ready to, kwim? If you CHOOSE to invite them for dinner, I would have them call home to ask permission first and also talk to the Mom myself for a bit. :) If not, just send 'em home! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 First, it's okay to say nicely, "It's time for us to get ready for dinner (or get some chores done, or do whatever) so you'll have to wrap it up and leave in 10 minutes." And I think it's also okay, if you feel inclined, to ask if they would like to stay for dinner but you need to call their mom and check first. I guess I wouldn't be quite as adamant as a PP about not letting kids whose parents I don't know into my house, but that's how it was when I was a kid. Maybe it depends on your area, but the behavior of the kids seems good. I do think that if they become regulars you'll want to pop down and introduce yourself to the parents. Sounds like perhaps the mom isn't supervising a lot if she needs to rest and you'll want to check out their home before your kids are there. We have some neighborhood kids like that. IMHO, they might be allowed to stay until 9pm but I would send them home when I was ready to, kwim? If you CHOOSE to invite them for dinner, I would have them call home to ask permission first and also talk to the Mom myself for a bit. :) If not, just send 'em home! Thanks for the permission to do what I want to do. :001_smile: Geesh, you'd think I have no backbone at all. I just used to imagine how gracious I would be and invite my kids' friends over for dinner.... Whatever. I hate having other kids over for mealtimes. It's just more work at the time of day when my energy is at its lowest. Right after I posted, the 9yo girl announced that it was time for her to go home, so we walked her home and I met their dad. Phew. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Right after I posted, the 9yo girl announced that it was time for her to go home, so we walked her home and I met their dad. Phew. ;) And how did it go? What was he like? Did you talk to him about where his children have been, etc? I don't much understand it, either. But I know in the subdivision up the road where my friend lives that it's kind of common for the kids to head out and make their rounds for hours at a time. I can't imagine, however, telling such young children that they should be gone for so many hours at a time. What if they don't have anywhere to go or no one is home? What if someone nasty lets them in? Oh my. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 And how did it go? What was he like? Did you talk to him about where his children have been, etc? I didn't notice much about him, other than the piercing just below his lip. (Wouldn't that totally tear up your gums??) He wasn't all that talkative. I introduced myself. He told me his name. I told him where I live, and he nodded and said that his ds had already told him. He was polite, but didn't seem to see any point in talking to me. Oh well, I feel less guilty about letting those kids into my home knowing that the parents are aware of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 We used to have friends that had 5 boys that acted like those parents. Once, we stopped by her house and I asked where her 5yo son was and she looked around and said she didn't know. She didn't seem too concerned. The family never ate dinner together. She cooked and left the food in the kitchen and the boys came in and ate when they were hungry. Maybe it's a free-range parent thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Glad it all worked out :D First, it's okay to say nicely, "It's time for us to get ready for dinner (or get some chores done, or do whatever) so you'll have to wrap it up and leave in 10 minutes." And I think it's also okay, if you feel inclined, to ask if they would like to stay for dinner but you need to call their mom and check first. I guess I wouldn't be quite as adamant as a PP about not letting kids whose parents I don't know into my house, but that's how it was when I was a kid. Maybe it depends on your area, but the behavior of the kids seems good. I do think that if they become regulars you'll want to pop down and introduce yourself to the parents. Sounds like perhaps the mom isn't supervising a lot if she needs to rest and you'll want to check out their home before your kids are there. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 We used to have friends that had 5 boys that acted like those parents. Once, we stopped by her house and I asked where her 5yo son was and she looked around and said she didn't know. She didn't seem too concerned. The family never ate dinner together. She cooked and left the food in the kitchen and the boys came in and ate when they were hungry. Maybe it's a free-range parent thing. Wow, I can't imagine not knowing where my 5 year old was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Wow, I can't imagine not knowing where my 5 year old was. It could be she meant in the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 It could be she meant in the house. No, he was out playing and it was the summer when the sun sets late. It's was really weird for me, but I just assumed it was a parenting style difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Ah well. I let the kids play outside too ;) They know 'da rules.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Wow, I can't imagine not knowing where my 5 year old was. :iagree::iagree::iagree: There's free-range parenting, and then there's just plain stupid. I think the mom in question here may very well fall into that second category. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 And how did it go? What was he like? Did you talk to him about where his children have been, etc? I don't much understand it, either. But I know in the subdivision up the road where my friend lives that it's kind of common for the kids to head out and make their rounds for hours at a time. I can't imagine, however, telling such young children that they should be gone for so many hours at a time. What if they don't have anywhere to go or no one is home? What if someone nasty lets them in? Oh my. I allow my older kids to "make the rounds" for hours. For example, yesterday they left the house at 11:45 am, I didn't see them until dinner. They call on a variety of friends, play hide and seek all over town(literally- the park is just not big enough for a game anymore, they need to hide all over town), hang out at the park or build forts etc. They know they have to be home for 5pm. Generally speaking they check in more often than they did yesterday but on a whole I don't worry too much about it. They are 11 and 12, they know their curfew, and really it is their only time to play, because Monday-Friday they are not allow out to play with friends as we don't get home from work until 7 and then still need dinner. So Saturday and Sunday they roam freely. Their friends are the same, and they take turns playing at each other's houses. 1 set of parents I know fairly well(they are acros town and the kids walk over to visit), the other I have not met yet, but they are just up the street. in teh summer they are allowed out again after dinner, until 8pm. That said, If their friends are allowed out later than my kids, I still send then home at the time I expect my kids home for dinner or for bed in the summer, and the other families do the same. No one is obligated to invite the kids for a meal just because their curfew is later than the mealtime kwim. Now for 7 yr old does not have that level of freedom yet, nor does my 3 year old, but I see no problem with older kids being free to play, and explore if they know the rules and can be trusted to follow them and be home on time. Given of course that the area is safe etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted January 24, 2011 Author Share Posted January 24, 2011 I allow my older kids to "make the rounds" for hours. For example, yesterday they left the house at 11:45 am, I didn't see them until dinner. They call on a variety of friends, play hide and seek all over town(literally- the park is just not big enough for a game anymore, they need to hide all over town), hang out at the park or build forts etc. They know they have to be home for 5pm. Generally speaking they check in more often than they did yesterday but on a whole I don't worry too much about it. They are 11 and 12, they know their curfew, and really it is their only time to play, because Monday-Friday they are not allow out to play with friends as we don't get home from work until 7 and then still need dinner. So Saturday and Sunday they roam freely. Their friends are the same, and they take turns playing at each other's houses. 1 set of parents I know fairly well(they are acros town and the kids walk over to visit), the other I have not met yet, but they are just up the street. in teh summer they are allowed out again after dinner, until 8pm. See, I would love to feel safe doing that. I've been avoiding injecting it into this conversation, but there is a sex offender that lives 4 doors down from me. I live on a corner, and he lives on a different street than the one that all the neighborhood kids do. So I suppose the other families don't feel freaked out by it, but I just don't let my children out front without at least watching out the window. Maybe in a few more years, I'd be more comfortable with letting my children roam free, but for now, I don't feel that we live in a safe environment, and even if we did, my dc are still too immature to be out by themselves. I do appreciate hearing the perspective of someone who is comfortable letting their dc "make the rounds". Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Jadedone80 said Maybe it's a free-range parent thing. I don't think so. I think I am more on the free range side of things but that just means that as my children got older (and sooner then maybe some other children) they were allowed more freedom to explore. Like my 14 yo is allowed to go to the woods behind our house with either a friend or telling us specifically where she is going and having a cell phone. This sounds more like casual neglect= not rising to the point where CPS should be called but not an engaged parent either. It is the kind of parenting situation where things just go along unless a tragedy happens and then the repercussions come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 See, I would love to feel safe doing that. I've been avoiding injecting it into this conversation, but there is a sex offender that lives 4 doors down from me. :eek: :eek: :eek: That would definitely scare me, and I would be doing exactly what you're doing. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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