If One Is Invited To A Playdate Then All Must Attend?

[Kate CA]

A couple of years ago we did a playdate with this family in our home which was a disaster.

Last year we tried meeting at a park which again was a disaster.

So when the mother approaches us about getting together I reply with "I don't know if it will be possible, our calendar is pretty full this month."

The word has gotten around the community about the family and how the mother operates.

Last I knew their playdates had pretty much become extinct.

 

Ah, well it certainly sounds like there is more to the woman than what is stated here! I can understand your reluctance! :001_smile:

[KatieJ]

OUr next door neighbor would send all of her 3 kids over if my oldest called to invite their oldest over.

My son was 10 and their youngest was being potty trained.

 

Yup, she was looking for some free time alone with the hubby is what I figured.

My kids stopped calling their's and I was really happy about that.

[Jana]

:iagree: We have friends with twins and I would not even think about inviting one without the other. My girls are friends with both of them and I cannot imagine singling one out over the other. That just seems strange to me.

 

I am with Remudamom - I invite people as families. We never did the playdate thing.

 

:iagree:

[Paige]

I'm going to answer as a mom of multiples. When your multiples are the same gender it is difficult. I had a kid in the neigborhood who wanted to be friends with one twin, but not the other. I wouldn't have it. You will not divide my kiddos against each other. Especially, when there is that special bond.

 

Now, if one twin is in chess club and the other in soccer and twin A's chess club friend (who is not a friend of twin B) invites him over, I don't make both go.

 

But if it's a neighborhood, church, or other friend in common...then yes, it's both or none.

 

This does not go for older or younger siblings.

 

Just a bit of warning...if you haven't had multiples the bond can be hard to understand. Wounds and betrayals, go deeper...than in normal sibling relationships.

 

There's no age or gender buffer. It's never an issue of "I don't like to be around your younger sister...she's babyish." Or, "I don't want to play with your brother, I want to play ponies."

 

It's an issue of, "I don't like you." Or, "I like them better." Again, perfectly acceptable in different situations, but very difficult with multiples that are identical (or very similar).

 

I agree with everything. My twins are young enough that all of their friends are friends they both know and play with. I would not allow just one of them to go on a playdate. I understand that the other family may be in a situation where they could only take 1 at a time and they are welcome to invite other friends who are not twins if that's the case. It is not worth it to me, and IMO not worth what it would do to the girls' relationship with each other to let 1 of them go. Even if she would enjoy the 1 on 1 time with her friend.

 

As they get older, I expect they will develop different interests and may develop their own friendships that the other twin is not a part of. In that case, I would be happy to let 1 of them do something without her sister but that time hasn't come for them yet. I'm not sure it would happen by age 10 either and I definitely wouldn't let them accept an invitation from a neighborhood friend for one child only.

 

I do allow my son to go on playdates and spend the night with his friends without expecting any of the girls should be invited. The girls all love playing with his friends too when they are here but it isn't the same. I expect that my youngest non-twin will have her own friends and will go to birthday parties that the others aren't invited to as well.