Update on my mom - ................................

[MariannNOVA]

:banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:

 

Yesterday my mom told me that she would be in rehab till next friday. She was fine with that -- she is doing well, hasn't mastered everything she needs to master in order to be released, but one can only do so much in a day of therapy, and then they have to rest. It seemed that it was all going well (haven't spoken with dear sis in a week since I left NJ).

 

I just get a phone call from sis -- mom is going home TOMORROW!!!! Why? I ask - yesterday they said she needed another week.

 

'Well,' she says, 'I think they are dragging their feet so they can keep their beds filled. I called them and told them to have her ready to go home tomorrow.' Me: 'Is the ramp installed so she can get into the house with the wheelchair?' Her: 'No. We will carry her in.' Me: silence

 

 

'Oh,' she says: 'Can you come up and stay next weekend? But you cannot bring your dog. He smells. We have tix for thus and such out of town and well, they are tix that we paid for and we don't want to miss this. We will take dear niece with us {she would normally stay home with my mom} and we don't want to leave mom alone in the house for an entire weekend.' Me (thinking to myself) -- then don't go away!

 

So, I wonder: why would you pull strings to get her home tomorrow? Why not have her stay till maybe a week from Monday when you are all home from your weekend? have you still made no provisions for your cooking, cleaning, chaueffering, babysitting, etc or you made very temporary provisions and those are almost up? What about mom coming here to Va as I offered as I am home all day and we can accomodate her in every way physically and support wise?

 

Is this just another co-dependent thing that my mom and sis have going on? My mom wants out, my sister swoops in and gets her out?

 

I've used up all the hand-banging smilies -- I am throwing my hands up in the air -- and no, we cannot go and stay next weekend - thankfully, we have an Odyssey of the Mind commitment.

 

I'm leaving now -- my neck is going to be sore from me shaking my head.

 

ETA: I just phoned my mom -- she has been interviewed by the social worker who has cleared her to go home tomorrow -- they apparently did a home inspection today. Mom seems to be ambivalent about going home - says she 'could' stay till next week and even through next weekend (she didn't know anything about tickets to any performance)....mom's therapist says the she would prefer mom stayed another week, but, that appears to be neither here nor there. My take on this is that mom is 'ambivalent' to me but was gung ho when my sister said that she could get her home tomorrow. I have no time for this. No one on this board has time for it either. I am letting it go!

Edited January 20, 2011 by MariannNOVA

[justamouse]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Keep Calm and Carry On.

[Susan C.]

Yes, go this weekend and get your mom and bring her home. Rescue plan changed!

[Caitilin]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

I still think you need to channel your inner alien and go abduct your dmom before ss gets there. If you can take care of the hedge-y neighbors, you can do this too!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Parrothead]

How far do you want to push this? It really sounds like elder abuse. You could get the authorities involved.

[Merry]

Like for instance, does it cost your sister to leave your mom in the rehab center or what?

[Mommyfaithe]

Yes, go this weekend and get your mom and bring her home. Rescue plan changed!

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

OY!!!

 

And try to make some outpatient physical therapy appointments that she has to go to. What is wrong with people?? :confused: Sometimes our siblings can be.....GRRRRRR!!!!!

 

Maybe you can step in and demand she not be released until next Friday?? or at least Tuesday or Wednesday? If she is not ready, why would the rehab release her? Seems like they will be on your side for this one. Tell sis no...you can't come...and insist either she stay home or Mom stays put until next week sometime...

 

I am sorry you have to deal with more stuff.

 

:grouphug:

Faithe

[MariannNOVA]

Yes, go this weekend and get your mom and bring her home. Rescue plan changed!

:auto::lol::lol:

 

Nope - that doesn't work -- but it's a good plan. I truly think this is the result of my mom having a 'down' (no pun intended) moment and my sister is swooping in to rescue her and take her out of rehab - the two of them do this dance constantly -- hence, the co-dependent thing. If my mom is thrilled with sis for getting her sprung from rehab, then she won't come with me.

 

I am going to call my mom's brother (he is like my favorite uncle in the world) - he and I have spoken alot since this happened, and get his take on it.

 

I am inclined to do what 'justamouse' advised -- keep calm and carry on. I really think that this is between my mom and sis and I am going to let my mom go home and see the consequences of her actions. Hate to do it, but I think I have to.

[FaithManor]

It is time...time to be like Mr. Miagi (sp) in Karate Kid Two...time to say, "OKAY! YOU WIN! I FIGHT YOU!"...go to the the dojo, don the black belt, and let your inner grizzly bear OUT!

 

I vote for showing up at the rehab a couple of hours before your sister and taking your mom home before she even knows what hit her. KARATE CHOP!

 

Faith

[Starr]

If it's their dance, then they are the ones doing it. We have some family dances that I'm not part of and it's really difficult. But I don't think you can keep running to the rescue and with your dd in school next year you'll be more homebound. You can always offer for them to bring mom to you. :D Praying for you.

[MariannNOVA]

How far do you want to push this? It really sounds like elder abuse. You could get the authorities involved.

 

No, it isn't elder abuse -- my mom is not abused in any way......I think it is really this co-dependent thing -- my mom doesn't want to DO HARD THINGS, and not being at home for her is a HARD THING --(the emphasis is there for my benefit - I am trying to have this make sense). My mom's internist has been to see her every other day in rehab, and he has no problem with her going home EXCEPT that he articulated to my mom (as did her pastor) that THIS had best be what she wants.......and both questioned her as to whether or not it was what she wanted.......as she has complained to both of them that she cannot go home and do everything she was doing before her accident. Heck, she cannot go home and do ANYTHING that she was doing before the accident......except sit and watch television.

 

Like for instance, does it cost your sister to leave your mom in the rehab center or what?

 

Nope - doesn't cost her a cent.....and wouldn't matter if it did - she is loaded.

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

OY!!!

 

And try to make some outpatient physical therapy appointments that she has to go to. What is wrong with people?? :confused: Sometimes our siblings can be.....GRRRRRR!!!!!

 

Maybe you can step in and demand she not be released until next Friday?? or at least Tuesday or Wednesday? If she is not ready, why would the rehab release her? Seems like they will be on your side for this one. Tell sis no...you can't come...and insist either she stay home or Mom stays put until next week sometime...

 

I am sorry you have to deal with more stuff.

 

:grouphug:

Faithe

 

Actually, we cannot go - Odyssey of the Mind will take every minute of our time from now till March 5th. I am going to take a deep breath, be thankful I thought I helped when I stayed at the hospital with my mom last week, and go on from there. My mom and my sister have their own little unique relationship -- my relationship with my mom is based more in reality and practicality. Mom and sis' relationship is based more on: 'Let me do what I can so the bad stuff will go away.' That's not me --

 

I am back to 'It is what it is.' Mom is going home. It would be best for her if she never complains to me that she made a mistake and should have stayed in rehab another week. I will likely merely agree and that is that.

 

You all are great for listening.:grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

I felt the whole idea of her leaving when she and your sis said she would originally, or never going into rehab, was insane. My aunt was in rehab for MONTHS and needed to meet certain milestones before they would let her leave: climbing stairs being the biggie.

 

I'm surprised your sister is behaving as she does with a medical degree. It really does shock me. But I understand your frustration. When I was taking care of my mother, when she was LIVING with us and her mind was lost to dementia and her body was totally crippled, my sister had medical DPOA. I'm sure my parents did this because my sister was the oldest but really, it was STUPID, STUPID, STUPID. My sister's life is a MESS and she can barely function! It was TORTURE to have to wait on her stupid and wreckless decisions. It drove me crazy, as it's doing to you, and finally I had to put concerted effort into not allowing myself to get emotional about anything anymore. I knew my sister's ideas were crazy, doctors and nurses would tell her the same, but finally I just had to sit silently and watch all her stupid moves. It took MONTHS before she started to listen to what the medical professionals were telling her. I mean really, I brought my mother HERE because of the crappy place she was going to put her in! One that had bad scores! But it was close to her. I feared for my mother, the last place she was in nearly killed her. So trust me - I know the frustration. Since your mother is of sound mind, you're really going to have to let the two of them continue on in their destructive ways. Keep telling yourself "I have no control over this. I need to let it go," over and over until it works. But don't change YOUR life to cater to their stupid decisions. Lets just hope your mother doesn't get hurt in the meantime because of their stupid decisions.

 

Can you believe my sister insisted my mother have fresh fruit and a large salad every day, and she had ULCERATIVE COLITIS? It was so bad it was bleeding by the time I brought her home. I cried and cried and even the agencies setting us up for home care told me what a terrible predicament I was in as they watched my sister make bad decisions.

 

My sister considered taking her home. I nearly died at the thought. EVERY time my sister would come to my home to relieve me for a day, my mother ended up with a pressure sore, which took TONS more work on me, and made more suffering for my poor mother. It was such a mess. Not to mention my sister's house looks like one on those hoarding shows. I really can sympathize with you. It's such a difficult spot to be in.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm sorry - this isn't about me. But I truly understand what you're going through and I hope somehow you can clear your mind and not let this just completely suck you in. This is only the beginning, Mariann. You mother is old now and some day something is going to happen again. Please find a way to be able to balance it all out, and try to keep yourself emotionally detached from it all so that you don't go crazy. YOU know what your sister is doing is wrong but there's really nothing you can do about it.

[MariannNOVA]

If it's their dance, then they are the ones doing it. We have some family dances that I'm not part of and it's really difficult. But I don't think you can keep running to the rescue and with your dd in school next year you'll be more homebound. You can always offer for them to bring mom to you. :D Praying for you.

 

 

:iagree: If this was a giveaway contest for the best solution, you would win. Yup -- I'm done.......I did what I did. That's it. It is their dance, and always has been since my dad died. I appreciate the prayers -- thank you so much.:grouphug:

[MariannNOVA]

I felt the whole idea of her leaving when she and your sis said she would originally, or never going into rehab, was insane. My aunt was in rehab for MONTHS and needed to meet certain milestones before they would let her leave: climbing stairs being the biggie.

 

I'm surprised your sister is behaving as she does with a medical degree. It really does shock me. But I understand your frustration. When I was taking care of my mother, when she was LIVING with us and her mind was lost to dementia and her body was totally crippled, my sister had medical DPOA. I'm sure my parents did this because my sister was the oldest but really, it was STUPID, STUPID, STUPID. My sister's life is a MESS and she can barely function! It was TORTURE to have to wait on her stupid and wreckless decisions. It drove me crazy, as it's doing to you, and finally I had to put concerted effort into not allowing myself to get emotional about anything anymore. I knew my sister's ideas were crazy, doctors and nurses would tell her the same, but finally I just had to sit silently and watch all her stupid moves. It took MONTHS before she started to listen to what the medical professionals were telling her. I mean really, I brought my mother HERE because of the crappy place she was going to put her in! One that had bad scores! But it was close to her. I feared for my mother, the last place she was in nearly killed her. So trust me - I know the frustration. Since your mother is of sound mind, you're really going to have to let the two of them continue on in their destructive ways. Keep telling yourself "I have no control over this. I need to let it go," over and over until it works. But don't change YOUR life to cater to their stupid decisions. Lets just hope your mother doesn't get hurt in the meantime because of their stupid decisions.

 

Can you believe my sister insisted my mother have fresh fruit and a large salad every day, and she had ULCERATIVE COLITIS? It was so bad it was bleeding by the time I brought her home. I cried and cried and even the agencies setting us up for home care told me what a terrible predicament I was in as they watched my sister make bad decisions.

 

My sister considered taking her home. I nearly died at the thought. EVERY time my sister would come to my home to relieve me for a day, my mother ended up with a pressure sore, which took TONS more work on me, and made more suffering for my poor mother. It was such a mess. Not to mention my sister's house looks like one on those hoarding shows. I really can sympathize with you. It's such a difficult spot to be in.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm sorry - this isn't about me. But I truly understand what you're going through and I hope somehow you can clear your mind and not let this just completely suck you in. This is only the beginning, Mariann. You mother is old now and some day something is going to happen again. Please find a way to be able to balance it all out, and try to keep yourself emotionally detached from it all so that you don't go crazy. YOU know what your sister is doing is wrong but there's really nothing you can do about it.

 

You are so sweet to write all this - and it helps me enormously. Yup, I am stepping back and there is nothing I can do about it. My mom is sharp as a tack, she knows which side her bread is buttered on, and right now (whe is incredibly short sighted) it is my sister doing the buttering.

 

Oh, and she said my dog smells! What's with that?:drool5: THAT was low, imo.

 

Nope, I am staying here in Va. I will get to NJ when I get to NJ but it will be on my schedule. I cannot get sucked in to this again. :grouphug:

[Merry]

...it's so good of you to rise above this...

[MariannNOVA]

...it's so good of you to rise above this...

 

You are very kind -- I would have to say that it is only because of the good thoughts and prayers of the wonderful women on this board that I am able to move in that direction.:grouphug:.........and some of it is owing to a small amount of self-preservation skills that I try to keep finely honed.;)

[Tammyla]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Hang in there, I hope it works out better. (((Prayers)))

[JoyfulMama]

Sit back and let things unfold. Just because sis told you she told them to release her tomorrow doesn't mean it will really happen tomorrow. Let them dance, and enjoy a cup of tea while you sit and watch. Let the workers at the facility do their job, and let them ask the questions they should be for a discharge plan.

[Remudamom]

Your sister sounds like a numbskull. Tell her you have to stay home and wash your dog.

[MariannNOVA]

Your sister sounds like a numbskull. Tell her you have to stay home and wash your dog.

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[nono]

Oh, and she said my dog smells! What's with that?:drool5: THAT was low, imo.

 

 

"Oh, I disagree, Dear Sis. It is you who stinks in this situation."

 

Your instinct to stay out of this one are spot on.

[Parrothead]

No, it isn't elder abuse -- my mom is not abused in any way......I think it is really this co-dependent thing -- my mom doesn't want to DO HARD THINGS, and not being at home for her is a HARD THING --(the emphasis is there for my benefit - I am trying to have this make sense). My mom's internist has been to see her every other day in rehab, and he has no problem with her going home EXCEPT that he articulated to my mom (as did her pastor) that THIS had best be what she wants.......and both questioned her as to whether or not it was what she wanted.......as she has complained to both of them that she cannot go home and do everything she was doing before her accident. Heck, she cannot go home and do ANYTHING that she was doing before the accident......except sit and watch television.

 

 

 

 

Okay. I didn't get the she wants to be there. I thought she knew she needed another week of therapy and was okay with it, but your sister got her sprung for your sisters nefarious purposes.

[Impish]

Your sister sounds like a numbskull. Tell her you have to stay home and wash your dog.

:iagree::lol::lol::lol:

Prayin for ya, Hon. :grouphug:

[MariannNOVA]

"Oh, I disagree, Dear Sis. It is you who stinks in this situation."

 

Your instinct to stay out of this one are spot on.

 

Thank you!:)

 

Okay. I didn't get the she wants to be there. I thought she knew she needed another week of therapy and was okay with it, but your sister got her sprung for your sisters nefarious purposes.

 

I LOVE that word - nefarious! And, yes, I understand that if one so much as blinks :blink:, this will make even less sense than it already does - it that's possible.;)

 

:iagree::lol::lol:

Prayin for ya, Hon. :grouphug:

 

Thank you -- Did you know that my dog SMELLS?!?!?!?!?!:lol:

[Impish]

Thank you!:)

 

 

 

I LOVE that word - nefarious! And, yes, I understand that if one so much as blinks :blink:, this will make even less sense than it already does - it that's possible.;)

 

 

 

Thank you -- Did you know that my dog SMELLS?!?!?!?!?!:lol:

Uh...I think, technically, anything with a nose 'smells'. :001_huh:

 

*runs*

[MariannNOVA]

Uh...I think, technically, anything with a nose 'smells'. :001_huh:

 

*runs*

 

Well, see, that's why you and I get along so well: when my sister said: 'Don't bring your dog, he smells.' I wanted to answer: 'Well, of course he smells! He's a hound! Have you seen his nose?!'

 

Oh, and yes, I agree, anything with a nose 'smells' ---unless it has a head cold or something, right?

[Denisemomof4]

your dog is SO cute.

 

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE No-no's come back for "your dog smells." You MUST use it.

[MariannNOVA]

your dog is SO cute.

 

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE No-no's come back for "your dog smells." You MUST use it.

 

 

:lol::lol: I love it too. We 'Jersey Girls' have to stick together, y'know!;)

[AuntieM]

Aw, friend. What a sad thing it is when a person like you - logical and capable - is rendered powerless. I have been there with my own folks and it is an awful, frustrated, helpless feeling.

 

I agree with all who have said it is time to step back. But I do know how hard it is to be that wallflower. It is hard to watch those you love walk in a foolhardy path.

 

I am glad you have that Odyssey event next weekend, and that your next month will be busy. I believe that if a true emergency arises you will make a way to help your mom, but at this point you can't do anything unless she calls you first. (And by she I mean your *mom*, not SS.) So incredibly frustrating...

 

Give your time, attention, and generous love to those who appreciate you every day, Mariann. Deep down, I believe your mama knows that she can rely on you if she ever really wants things to change. Rest in that. :grouphug:

[Teachin'Mine]

One thing you might want to do is to call the social worker and let her know that your sister and her family will be away for a weekend and you're concerned for your mother as you're not able to be there that weekend. If she's doing her job, she'll need to explore this further and make sure that an acceptable plan is in place, or she'll see to it that discharge plans are revised.

 

:grouphug:

[MariannNOVA]

Aw, friend. What a sad thing it is when a person like you - logical and capable - is rendered powerless. I have been there with my own folks and it is an awful, frustrated, helpless feeling.

 

I agree with all who have said it is time to step back. But I do know how hard it is to be that wallflower. It is hard to watch those you love walk in a foolhardy path.

 

I am glad you have that Odyssey event next weekend, and that your next month will be busy. I believe that if a true emergency arises you will make a way to help your mom, but at this point you can't do anything unless she calls you first. (And by she I mean your *mom*, not SS.) So incredibly frustrating...

 

Give your time, attention, and generous love to those who appreciate you every day, Mariann. Deep down, I believe your mama knows that she can rely on you if she ever really wants things to change. Rest in that. :grouphug:

 

Thank you, M! You are so kind, and SO right! :grouphug:

 

One thing you might want to do is to call the social worker and let her know that your sister and her family will be away for a weekend and you're concerned for your mother as you're not able to be there that weekend. If she's doing her job' date=' she'll need to explore this further and make sure that an acceptable plan is in place, or she'll see to it that discharge plans are revised.

 

:grouphug:[/quote']

I did think of that, but I do know that my sister would not (for all of her other ways that would make me nuts if I let them) leave my mom alone overnight -- my dd31 and her dh will stay at my sister's house next weekend so my mom will not be alone -- I learned that earlier this evening -- but I actually never thought she would leave her alone. What I found so ridiculous was the rush to get her home when she knew they were going away next weekend. Logic tells me to just have her stay in rehab till after next weekend -- the few friends she has visit her at rehab, her pastor visits, my mil and fil visit, and my dd and her dh visit. Those visits will stop when mom leaves rehab b/c my sister's house is a good 50 minutes away from where rehab is.

 

Oh, well. So it goes.

[Mommyfaithe]

Mariann...I am thinking of you and your Mom. Hope all is OK...Please check in when you get a minute.

:grouphug:

Faithe

[Mommyfaithe]

You are so sweet to write all this - and it helps me enormously. Yup, I am stepping back and there is nothing I can do about it. My mom is sharp as a tack, she knows which side her bread is buttered on, and right now (whe is incredibly short sighted) it is my sister doing the buttering.

 

Oh, and she said my dog smells! What's with that?:drool5: THAT was low, imo.

 

Nope, I am staying here in Va. I will get to NJ when I get to NJ but it will be on my schedule. I cannot get sucked in to this again. :grouphug:

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

I know how hard all this is for you, but you are doing the right thing. It is hard to pull back and let people you love do schmucky things, but sometimes you have to. Hope it all works out....take care of you.

 

Faithe

[Catwoman]

I haven't been here in a few days, so I missed all of the excitement!

 

I hope everything is ok with your mom. I wish she would have stayed at rehab.

 

It's such a shame that your sister is so selfish. I'm sure she loves your mom in her own way, but it's so hard for you to see her act the way she does.

 

It's not easy being the responsible one. (Ask me how I know. :glare:)

 

Cat

[Danestress]

It's just so hard - all these issues. My father was in and out of the hospital/rehab/care at home for a couple of years. It was really hard, and I sympathize.

 

Getting the right balance of letting a parent make choices, advocating for them, asserting your own judgment when they are not making good decisions .... it's really hard. And sometimes even siblings who are very close can find that they have a lot of conflict.

 

Even the best of rehabs can be a hard place to live, and I understand your Mom wanting to come home. I understand your sister wanting her to. I think as the "in town" sister, it was harder for me to accept that my father was never going to be okay again than it was for my sister. She could see his decline more clearly in some ways, even though I was the one who lived with it. Your sister may be having hard time accepting the new reality, and may have a harder time trying to tell your Mother, "I know you want to come home, but you need to stay another week." I can see, too, that it would be really hard to say, "I well, Mom, you need to stay because I want to go out of town."

 

Ugh. It's all so hard.

[MariannNOVA]

Mariann...I am thinking of you and your Mom. Hope all is OK...Please check in when you get a minute.

:grouphug:

Faithe

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

I know how hard all this is for you, but you are doing the right thing. It is hard to pull back and let people you love do schmucky things, but sometimes you have to. Hope it all works out....take care of you.

 

Faithe

 

I haven't been here in a few days, so I missed all of the excitement!

 

I hope everything is ok with your mom. I wish she would have stayed at rehab.

 

It's such a shame that your sister is so selfish. I'm sure she loves your mom in her own way, but it's so hard for you to see her act the way she does.

 

It's not easy being the responsible one. (Ask me how I know. :glare:)

 

Cat

 

It's just so hard - all these issues. My father was in and out of the hospital/rehab/care at home for a couple of years. It was really hard, and I sympathize.

 

Getting the right balance of letting a parent make choices, advocating for them, asserting your own judgment when they are not making good decisions .... it's really hard. And sometimes even siblings who are very close can find that they have a lot of conflict.

 

Even the best of rehabs can be a hard place to live, and I understand your Mom wanting to come home. I understand your sister wanting her to. I think as the "in town" sister, it was harder for me to accept that my father was never going to be okay again than it was for my sister. She could see his decline more clearly in some ways, even though I was the one who lived with it. Your sister may be having hard time accepting the new reality, and may have a harder time trying to tell your Mother, "I know you want to come home, but you need to stay another week." I can see, too, that it would be really hard to say, "I well, Mom, you need to stay because I want to go out of town."

 

Ugh. It's all so hard.

 

 

You guys are so great! :crying: Thank you so much for your prayers, thoughts and kind words.

 

My mom is back home with my sister. Her wheelchair doesn't fit into her bathroom - this really upsets her as they have had to get a commode (sorry, tmi). Her orthopod told her she has bad osteoporosis (he told us this after her surgery) and her left ankle (the one that is not in a cast) is giving her alot of pain because she is bearing her weight on that ankle -- granted, she only weighs like 95 lbs, but she is having alot of pain.

 

Thank you for the perspective of my sister being conflicted with these changes -- it reminded me that she also had great difficulty when my dad did not appear well just before his collapse. I think I need to stop complaining about her so much and start praying instead.

 

We have been completely consumed with 'Odyssey of the [Losing My] Mind' -- and if someone could please explain to me how I became the COACH of the Upper Elementary group, I am :bigear:.

 

:grouphug:

[sleepymommy]

Oh my, I haven't been able to check on here too often the past few days.

Mariann, I do hope your sister comes to her senses and I pray that as your mother heals her physical wounds that the codependency issue b/w her and your sis can heal too.

 

I know this is so hard on you, I mean it's hard for me just reading about it here!

 

It seems to me both your mom and your sister are smart, strong willed woman who love each other but show it in odd ways and that although they seem very different, they are probably very similar is some ways. This is just me speculating so feel free to tell be to bug off!

 

They are going to have to learn from this for themselves. Your sister is probably going have to learn that mom can't do everything anymore and that life changes and mom is going to actually have to learn the same. It's going to be hard on both of them, much harder on your mom though.

 

She is a very lucky mother to have you as her daughter and blessed that you are there and will be there for her. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Mommyfaithe]

Hey, Mariann...I could use a coach for the "Losing my Mind" Odyssey...LOL. Seems I was taking the cymabalta at the wrong time of day! No wonder I was a basket case. I think I am going to try again this week...after I talk to my doctor...and see how it goes. OY! My son blew the engine in his car, so I have to be able to drive...so, I am not sure. Anyway, I hope you are enjoying your Odyssey...and please let me know all about it.

 

Faithe

[Catwoman]

I think I need to stop complaining about her so much and start praying instead.

 

Pray if you want to, but a little complaining won't hurt, either. :tongue_smilie:

 

Let's face it, your sister doesn't mean any harm to your mom. She makes stupid decisions and takes advantage of your mom, but I'm sure she still loves her.

 

So what.

 

Really.

 

She still makes stupid decisions and she still takes advantage of your mom. Of course you're going to be annoyed about that. And you should be annoyed -- and often, you should be absolutely livid about it.

 

So complain all you want, and we'll keep listening.

 

Cat

[Denisemomof4]

Pray if you want to, but a little complaining won't hurt, either. :tongue_smilie:

 

Let's face it, your sister doesn't mean any harm to your mom. She makes stupid decisions and takes advantage of your mom, but I'm sure she still loves her.

 

So what.

 

Really.

 

She still makes stupid decisions and she still takes advantage of your mom. Of course you're going to be annoyed about that. And you should be annoyed -- and often, you should be absolutely livid about it.

 

So complain all you want, and we'll keep listening.

 

Cat

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

The low weight will be on your mother's side as she heals from her fracture, as you probably already know. I hope your sister has your mother wearing something on her feet to help her from slipping. The sore ankle concerns me. :sad:

[2cents]

Like for instance, does it cost your sister to leave your mom in the rehab center or what?

 

This! My own sibling took my mother out of hosp early when she should have been in rehab and then called me to come out and provide full time care. Even told me to leave my children in daycare. Couldn't go and offered to find another solution but was hung up on. Found out later this was part of an elder financial abuse problem. This was our first clue.

[Mommyfaithe]

Pray if you want to, but a little complaining won't hurt, either. :tongue_smilie:

 

Let's face it, your sister doesn't mean any harm to your mom. She makes stupid decisions and takes advantage of your mom, but I'm sure she still loves her.

 

So what.

 

Really.

 

She still makes stupid decisions and she still takes advantage of your mom. Of course you're going to be annoyed about that. And you should be annoyed -- and often, you should be absolutely livid about it.

 

So complain all you want, and we'll keep listening.

 

Cat

 

:iagree:

You always seem to say what I am thinking and can't get out of my brian and into my keyboard.

[MariannNOVA]

Checking in --

 

My mom is using a wheel chair - not a walker -- :cursing: -- my understanding is that she left rehab before they were comfortable signing her off for a walker so she is using a wheelchair. I was also told that her osteoporosis is so bad that her left ankle (the uninjured one) is giving her alot of pain as she is supposed to be bearing all her weight on that one when she is not in the wheelchair......and dancing a jig on the roof or something.:glare:

 

I called her last night (I totally forgot about calling her on Saturday) -- well, not really -- but I kept putting it off till it was too late. She sounds good, but then she said to me: 'I should have stayed in Rehab the whole 20 days the way I was supposed to.' :w00t:

 

I kid you not. My response was: 'Uh-oh! I hear the smoke alarm. Gotta go.' And I hung up.

 

I've written some about her injury and our time in the hospital together (which I guess we hadn't done since I was born :D) on my blog:

 

http://www.mariann-iknowimright.blogspot.com/

 

Faithe: When is one supposed to take the cymbalta? I take 60mg in the a.m. (started on Friday) and I'm okay. A little nausea yesterday but I later realized I took it without eating.

[Catwoman]

She sounds good, but then she said to me: 'I should have stayed in Rehab the whole 20 days the way I was supposed to.' :w00t:

 

I kid you not. My response was: 'Uh-oh! I hear the smoke alarm. Gotta go.' And I hung up.

 

:party:

 

Good for you, Mariann! I think you've reached a point where you can't be the cavalry, rushing off to save her. She needs to be back in rehab. Your sister completely messed up -- although she'd probably tell you that your mom said she was miserable in rehab and desperately wanted to come home (and she'd probably be telling you the truth.)

 

So let Mom deal with it on her own. Let her be the one to tell your sister that she needs the rehab after all.

 

And let your sister deal with the fun of having your mom getting her wheelchair stuck in doorways and hallways all over the house. And let your sister handle it when your mom is too weak or in too much pain to get up and walk to the bathroom or get in and out of bed, or get her meals. She wanted Mom back home; let her deal with it. You're just way too busy to help. And you think you might be coming down with malaria. ;)

 

Go ahead. Gloat a little.

 

Cat

 

PS. I know I should have some pity on your mom, and I do feel badly that she's in pain, but as we always tell our kids, "I hope she's learning a valuable lesson from all of this." :D

[Impish]

Here's to hoping all goes well with your mom :grouphug: The situation as you've described it upsets me immensely.

 

Oh and as far as the cymbalta goes, I checked my doseage. I'm on 60 mg, and I take it before bed. Any help getting sleep is welcome! :lol:

[MariannNOVA]

:party:

 

Good for you, Mariann! I think you've reached a point where you can't be the cavalry, rushing off to save her. She needs to be back in rehab. Your sister completely messed up -- although she'd probably tell you that your mom said she was miserable in rehab and desperately wanted to come home (and she'd probably be telling you the truth.)

 

So let Mom deal with it on her own. Let her be the one to tell your sister that she needs the rehab after all.

 

And let your sister deal with the fun of having your mom getting her wheelchair stuck in doorways and hallways all over the house. And let your sister handle it when your mom is too weak or in too much pain to get up and walk to the bathroom or get in and out of bed, or get her meals. She wanted Mom back home; let her deal with it. You're just way too busy to help. And you think you might be coming down with malaria. ;)

 

Go ahead. Gloat a little.

 

Cat

 

PS. I know I should have some pity on your mom, and I do feel badly that she's in pain, but as we always tell our kids, "I hope she's learning a valuable lesson from all of this." :D

 

HOW did you know the part in red is EXACTLY what is happening????? And, :iagree:, I am saying that to my kids alot.

 

Here's to hoping all goes well with your mom :grouphug: The situation as you've described it upsets me immensely.

 

Oh and as far as the cymbalta goes, I checked my doseage. I'm on 60 mg, and I take it before bed. Any help getting sleep is welcome! :lol:

 

No. no. no -- don't be upset.:grouphug: I don't want you to be upset. :grouphug: I'm not upset -- you shouldn't be upset.

 

I am taking the 60mg in the a.m., -- it is not making me tired. I do notice that I am not taking .12 mg of xanax to go to sleep at night since I increased the cymbalta dosage. I figure that has got to be a good thing.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The unfortunate truth is that as long as your mom ignores the advice of the rehab place and does things like stay in the wheelchair, the more permanent her disability may be. I went through this with my dad after his knee replacement. He now rails against the "quacks" who did the surgery but it really was his refusal to do the therapy consistently that made it lower his mobility. But as you're finding out, you can't make adults do what is good for them. Sigh.

[MariannNOVA]

The unfortunate truth is that as long as your mom ignores the advice of the rehab place and does things like stay in the wheelchair, the more permanent her disability may be. I went through this with my dad after his knee replacement. He now rails against the "quacks" who did the surgery but it really was his refusal to do the therapy consistently that made it lower his mobility. But as you're finding out, you can't make adults do what is good for them. Sigh.

 

I know that you are so totally correct. A wheelchair is the worst place for her.:iagree:

[nono]

It's a crazy ride from here on out.

 

Please feel free to vent. I don't think most people can truly understand how crazy the long, slow decline is with parents living for a long time today! We're already expected to be the Enjoli women (your sis included in this). They never had Ms. Enjoli dealing with Mom & Dad and their issues too, while they are still "maintaining" with the decisions.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[MariannNOVA]

It's a crazy ride from here on out.

 

Please feel free to vent. I don't think most people can truly understand how crazy the long, slow decline is with parents living for a long time today! We're already expected to be the Enjoli women (your sis included in this). They never had Ms. Enjoli dealing with Mom & Dad and their issues too, while they are still "maintaining" with the decisions.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

OMH -- I SO remember those commercials: 'I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and never ever let him forget he's a man' :lol::lol::lol: