I need help...

[~Amanda~]

I'm not really sure how to word this; or even what I need. I just know that what we are doing is not working. I'm thinking of scrapping it all right now. Is it okay to just completely stop what your doing in the middle of the year? If I scrap what we are doing now, I don't know what to go to. I just know that my kids are miserable, and I'm not really feeling like mother of the year.

 

This is my first year homeschooling. My school aged kids are 10 and 9. They were in Public school up until last year. I don't question my decision to pull them out of school, just whether or not I can provide them what the need by myself. In the beginning, I tried doing everything with them. I sat down and read the history to them, and then we did the timelines and the questions together, we did the science together, I was in the same room with them when they did math, I sent them off to do reading. My toddler really didn't want to let this happen, and eventually my son told me he didn't like it when I read to him. So, we needed a change.

 

I started making them a daily list of what to do; what pages in math to do. what pages in history to read, what questions to answer, what paragraphs to write, what outlines to do, etc. They come ask questions very infrequently, mostly with math questions, and DH helps with the math. Some days, they would take all.day.long. to get anything done, and some days they'd be done before 12. I'm not sure if that was me not balancing the days right, or if its just some days are funkier than others.

 

Some days, when I check their work, I'd find that they didn't do everything. like, didn't even try, totally just skipped it, like it wasn't even there, didn't do their work. when asked about it, they would say "I didn't know what to do, or I didn't have time to finish it" etc.. Well, we have an entire day of the week set aside to work in whatever is leftover (spillover, I guess) and they are told repeatedly that if they don't know what to do, then they need to ask questions. but still, at least weekly, I find this issue with the hiding incomplete work.

 

I'm just not sure what to do at this point. I sort of feel like its too much; I mean, I personally don't remember what I learned in the 4th and 5th grade. I was public schooled, and I remember having a problem with my 5th grade teacher, and feeling like everyone at school hated me, but what I learned? no. I don't remember that. I barely remember middle school. so how bad would it be to take a different approach to the learning? and what approach should I take? How do you start child-led learning, based on what they are interested in?

[NanceXToo]

A few things :)

 

The first year is sort of a learning curve. It's pretty common to go buy a bunch of stuff you don't need only to find it isn't working, and you ditch it.

 

And YES it is "okay" to do that in the middle of the year. If what you are using isn't making you happy and it isn't making your kids happy, it's fine to say "this isn't working for us" and to find something that will.

 

With that said, I do want to say that at that age, I provide a lot more hand-holding than you are describing. I sit with my daughter and provide feedback as she goes for the things that I know she'll need help with OR that I just enjoy doing with her. I'll tell her what to do for the things I know she can do independently and then I might wander out, but I'll come back to check on her, or I'll tell her to let me know when she's finished with that particular thing, and then I check it, and then we move on to the next thing. So- again, we check as we go- from subject to subject. Not here, do this today and then expect it to all get done.

 

(My daughter is also 10 and we're doing 5th grade- she, too, was in public school originally- I pulled her out toward the end of third grade and I homeschooled her for the rest of third grade, all of fourth, and now we're halfway through 5th).

 

I don't think it would be at all "bad" to take a different approach to learning, but I consider myself a pretty relaxed/eclectic homeschooler to begin with.

 

We use the Oak Meadow curriculum which I really love. But if a curriculum doesn't work for you, you could piece together your own stuff. If you want to do an interest-led thing, ask your kids what they want to learn about. Then help facilitate it as much as you can with games, crafts, recipes, books, videos, interactive websites, field trips, discussion, hands-on activities, looking up "unit studies" for the topic, etc. You CAN sort of do a mix of that and more formal stuff... you can do what works for YOU.

 

You'll start to learn what works for you, what works for your family- it's okay to try to make this fun, to take a more relaxed approach, especially as you find your way and figure out what their learning styles are and what works for your family.

 

Good luck, I hope things fall into place for you all! :grouphug:

[~Amanda~]

Thank you for your post. and can I just say, after looking at your blog, I wished you lived closer? lol.

[texasmama]

A few things :)

 

The first year is sort of a learning curve. It's pretty common to go buy a bunch of stuff you don't need only to find it isn't working, and you ditch it.

 

And YES it is "okay" to do that in the middle of the year. If what you are using isn't making you happy and it isn't making your kids happy, it's fine to say "this isn't working for us" and to find something that will.

 

With that said, I do want to say that at that age, I provide a lot more hand-holding than you are describing. I sit with my daughter and provide feedback as she goes for the things that I know she'll need help with OR that I just enjoy doing with her. I'll tell her what to do for the things I know she can do independently and then I might wander out, but I'll come back to check on her, or I'll tell her to let me know when she's finished with that particular thing, and then I check it, and then we move on to the next thing. So- again, we check as we go- from subject to subject. Not here, do this today and then expect it to all get done.begin with. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: It took me roughly until the end of our second year to get all of the hs stuff figured out, curriculum nailed down, etc. No one suffered in the meantime. My advice is to start with the basics (language arts and math) and add in the rest as it feels more manageable. IMO, this is less likely a curriculum problem than a logistics/newbie getting used to things problem. Also, you are doing it with a toddler and a newborn. Hard stuff.:grouphug:

[athomemom]

Would you mind sharing what you have been using? Perhaps we can give suggestions. I was probably into my second year of homeschooling before I ever heard of anything other than a boxed curriculum. Boy, was it refreshing to get out of the box!!

 

Cut yourself some slack. The first year is always the most difficult. It gets better & better....:D

[~Amanda~]

I'm using History Odyssey for my DD, SOTW for my DS (with the activity guide, I use it for questions and map work)

LLATL

MM

Elemental Science Chemistry (this was a change just prior to Christmas, so its fairly new, before that I was doing biology but it was unstructured and I felt flustered)

 

and they have extra reading. My list is no where near what everyone else's list is. I'm almost embarrassed to post it, but maybe I can get more help by posting it.

[mo2]

I'm using History Odyssey for my DD, SOTW for my DS (with the activity guide, I use it for questions and map work)

LLATL

MM

Elemental Science Chemistry (this was a change just prior to Christmas, so its fairly new, before that I was doing biology but it was unstructured and I felt flustered)

 

and they have extra reading. My list is no where near what everyone else's list is. I'm almost embarrassed to post it, but maybe I can get more help by posting it.

 

Don't be embarrassed! Good grief, that is a good start!

[milovany]

My list is no where near what everyone else's list is. I'm almost embarrassed to post it, but maybe I can get more help by posting it.

 

Here's our list for the ages of your older kids:

Nothing official. Some real-life math, some worksheets, lots of reading, talking about their interests when they ask questions, and hands-on projects.

 

Feel better? :D

[~Amanda~]

Here's our list for the ages of your older kids:

Nothing official. Some real-life math, some worksheets, lots of reading, talking about their interests when they ask questions, and hands-on projects.

 

Feel better? :D

 

 

:D

 

Thanks lol

[Old Dominion Heather]

I find it is helpful with my kids to have them work where I can see them. So, they have to do their work in a common area. I am not just sitting around while they do this, but I am aware of whether the work is really getting done. When they ARE done, they have to check the work immediately, with me if it is math or Grammar or something like that. If it is something more open ended, like writing a history summary, they have to bring it to me to read BEFORE they are allowed to move on to the next thing.

 

We found that we HAVE to have a schedule. The guys know that school starts at 9 am and that nothing else happens (except bathroom breaks and lunch) until it is done. I do make them a list, but that is so that they can keep track of what they have to do during the day. They check items off the list only after I have checked them or seen them.

 

I also set a timer for math. I break the math up into very, very reasonable chunks and give them a list of the little chunks in the order they must be completed. They must complete at least one chunk a day, but they usually have time to complete more. Ds1 does math for 45 min. Ds 2 does math for 30 minutes. For example, ds1 did Workbook ex. 28 today and then since his time was not up, he did review 5A in the textbook. Ds2 did Review 4 in his workbook and started on Review 5. When the time is up, they stop working and we check the work quickly. Any corrections are done immediately.

 

As you get more into this whole thing, you will develop a feel for how much to expect from them. I do think for now, you will have to be more hands on, especially in making them show you their work before moving on to the next thing.

 

Hang in there!

[~Amanda~]

Okay, I will start that tomorrow. One thing at a time, sit with them while working, and check it before moving on. I think I can manage that!

[Old Dominion Heather]

Okay, I will start that tomorrow. One thing at a time, sit with them while working, and check it before moving on. I think I can manage that!

 

I forgot to say that doing this is really good for keeping mine motivated. Since they are getting immediate feedback, you can give them a great big "GREAT JOB!" when it they have done well AND you can head things off and let them correct if they had a problem so that they don't end up feeling defeated by the work.

 

Don't feel like you have to sit and do nothing though... I fold laundry, play with the little guy, do whatever. The key is that I can see whether they are working and IF there is a problem, they have no excuse not to let me know.

 

Good luck! You can do it!

[NanceXToo]

I'm using History Odyssey for my DD, SOTW for my DS (with the activity guide, I use it for questions and map work)

LLATL

MM

Elemental Science Chemistry (this was a change just prior to Christmas, so its fairly new, before that I was doing biology but it was unstructured and I felt flustered)

 

and they have extra reading. My list is no where near what everyone else's list is. I'm almost embarrassed to post it, but maybe I can get more help by posting it.

 

Here's our list for the ages of your older kids:

Nothing official. Some real-life math, some worksheets, lots of reading, talking about their interests when they ask questions, and hands-on projects.

 

Feel better? :D

 

LOL my "list" looks short, too, for my 10 y/o 5th grader:

OM5*

TT5 (math)

SCFES (Do we get to abbreviate Sentence Composing for Elementary School that way? heh. This is a very recent add-on that I wanted to try out because I thought it sounded really good).

 

(*OM5 covers English (grammar, vocab, spelling, reading, writing), Science (Environmental this year) and Social Studies. Social Studies includes geography and civics. It also includes handicrafts this year, and that is our "art" for this year. Although, for fun, we also read some of the books in the the Getting To Know The World's Greatest Artists series and my daughter utilizes "How To Draw" type books on her own for fun.)

 

She also has a cursive workbook that she does a few pages of a week. And once a week for "Music" we read about a different orchestra instrument on the website makingmusicfun.net (its history, how its made, how its played, a fun fact, etc), and then we go on Youtube and watch that instrument being played. Last year we used the same site but did the "Meet The Composer" section, where each week, we'd read a mini bio about a different composer and then listen to a sample of his music on Youtube. Next year, in 6th grade, she will start guitar lessons.

 

Other than that, we watch educational shows, play educational board and computer games, have lots of conversations, read lots of books (both together and independently), my daughter might do various crafts on her own, has several educational magazine subscriptions, helps around the house, and has LOTS of free time to just play, imagine, create, follow her own interests, be a kid...

 

She also participates in several extra-curricular activities (and those cover her "P.E." requirements among other things).

 

In the summer, when we're not busy with our main curriculum, we work our way through SOTW taking our time with it and just having fun with it.

 

It's not a big list, it's not overly time consuming, but it does feel fulfilling and effective and we're all happy with the way things are going.

 

Let us know if things improve over there for you :)

[JFSinIL]

I, too, used a checklist - it helped both kids and myself to be able to see what needed to be done and check it off when completed. I broke all language arts stuff into smaller items - spelling (a quickie), grammar, reading, writing, etc. - all told maybe 90 minutes of it BUT it didn't seem too over whelming when presented as individual, more quickly finished 10 - 30 minute bits that could be checked off and alternated with math, history, snack, etc.

 

History was m/w/f, science t/th - easier not to do both the same day (unless there was a mummifying chicken to tend to :D )

 

Friday afternoons was the big art lesson - I used Arts Attack, which once the kids watched the "how-to" lesson on video and I went over how to use the materials they could easily, if they really got into it, spend HOURS on. That was a big fun subject, kind of a dessert at the end of our week of homeschool meat and potatoes.

 

Even if the kids did not need me. I stayed close by, in the same room, perhaps doing my own reading/paperwork. They knew if they paused or needed to ask a question I would drop whatever I was doing and be with them in a blink of an eye.

Edited January 18, 2011 by JFSinIL

[SailorMom]

My first TWO years had a steep learning curve! And I still end up changing things we're doing 1/3rd to 1/2 the way through the school year :)

However, having that sort of flexibility is one of the great things about homeschooling - of course,,,,it does get a bit $$$...:tongue_smilie:

[Margo out of lurking]

I'm just not sure what to do at this point. I sort of feel like its too much; I mean, I personally don't remember what I learned in the 4th and 5th grade. I was public schooled, and I remember having a problem with my 5th grade teacher, and feeling like everyone at school hated me, but what I learned? no. I don't remember that. I barely remember middle school. so how bad would it be to take a different approach to the learning? and what approach should I take? How do you start child-led learning, based on what they are interested in?

 

I just wanted to chime in that what you are experiencing is normal. There's nothing wrong with mixing it up completely mid-school year or at any other time you decide it's best for your family.

 

Until my dd hit high school, our mornings would typically be spent at the kitchen table, with me going back and forth, working with one while the other worked independently. In between times, I'd be close by, fixing breakfast, doing house chores, laundry, etc.

 

Fwiw, I don't think you'll find anyone here who believes you should be feeling miserable. You don't have to replicate "school" in any way, shape, or form. I agree that you might find it the best fit to blend both of your approaches, giving them guidance and lots of feedback, checking on their progress and keeping tabs on their work every day. For ease of discussion, I would consider doing the same history with both children. Even though my dc are four years apart, I kept them together in art, history, science, read alouds, anything I could for as long as possible. Of course, I expected completely different work products from both of them, and often it was just an attempt to keep my younger child engaged while working with my older one.

 

Several years ago, I began making daily schedules for my kids. I'd plan them out just a week ahead of time (why plan for a whole year, when I knew we'd never maintain that hopeful pace!). Each one week schedule would be broken down into five days. My ds particularly appreciated that I would include 1-2 hours of "free time" each day when our social schedule wasn't conflicting. He used that time to specifically devote to whatever interested him; he took pleasure in knowing that time was carved out just for that purpose.

 

I'm still wrapping my head around the realization this month that my dd's high school looks more like unschooling than anything else we've ever done. That's going to be one of the biggest surprises of our hs journey, I'm sure.

 

My list is no where near what everyone else's list is. I'm almost embarrassed to post it, but maybe I can get more help by posting it.

 

You'll find that most of us post what we'd *like* to be doing, not what actually gets done every single day!! Here's an article written by Susan Wise Bauer detailing a typical hs day at her house with a fourth grader. Read this, and I guarantee you'll feel much more comfortable about whatever's going on in your own home. :) I've read this every couple of years, and it still makes me smile.

 

I have found that some of our best learning comes from just being together, talking about what they've read, what's in the paper, playing board games, just spending time together. That's what I wish more of our days could be like; but I work outside our home three days a week, so formal curriculum has to interrupt more often than I would otherwise choose.

 

You know your children best. You will find the right path for YOUR homeschool. You are right to listen to your mom-instinct that it's not working, and you can tweak it to be a better fit. YOU can do this. No one else is going to love on your kids the way you do, and no one is better equipped to teach them than you. Enjoy your kids. Enjoy your time together.

[MariannNOVA]

:iagree: with what everyone else said -- there is a learning curve that for us was about two years long. In fact, when I was only homeschooling the twins in first grad, I put them in public school in February of first grade b/c I couldn't take it anymore.:glare: It was a great decision for us, b/c ds was NOT happy there.

 

We are in the middle of what is our third year of homeschooling and we are literally only right now settling in. I am a former classroom teacher with thousands of years experience (classes with tons of kids, classes with as few as five kids) and it has been a huge learning curve for me to continue to remind myself that homeschool DOES NOT HAVE TO LOOK LIKE brick and mortar school.

 

I have had to drop all of my tried and true classroom tools, and do what works for my kids.

 

My dd who is almost 12, used History Odyssey last year -- she is the perfect student for HO -- she works amazingly well independently. I would NEVER NEVEr NEVER be able to use HO with the twins -- I have to be on them constantly.

 

The twins and I were doing Singapore Math 4a and were ready to go to 4b and I was SO tired of having math be like a trip to the dentist with them (actually they love going to the dentist -- I don't know why I said that).........I have put ds10 into Saxon 7/6 with the DVDs and it has made a world of difference. He is willingly doing 3-4 math lessons a day and doing all the problems, showing his work, etc. I am going to try his twin sister with the Saxon 7/6 but honestly, I am not sure she is going to like that method.

 

We are doing Latin - infrequently, but we are trying to fit it in. Language Arts (Literature is included in LA), History (geography included in history) -- I don't even have my curric in my signature b/c I was always changing horses midstream. I will try to give you a succinct list at the end of this post.

 

Hang in there - it is a process -- yes, you can toss it all out and start with what you think will work better -- don't make yourself or your kids miserable. There is something there that will work for you -- make a list of what isn't working for you, and go to the curric board, do a search in those areas, and start reading.

 

Let us know what us we can help you with. :)

 

Our curric:

 

DD11 (6th grade)

Saxon 8/7

MCT Language Arts

LL7 and Figuratively Speaking

History Odyssey -- Early Modern -- Level Two

 

Twins -- 10 years old -- (4th grade)

Saxon 7/6

Singapore 4b

MCT Language Arts

SOTW -- Middle Ages

DD10 -- BF History of the Horse

Latin -- LC I

 

We do science at co-op once a week. I stopped trying to do it at home. We do read alouds -- I make sure everyone has a book that they are reading (dd11 not so much because of HO and LL).

 

I think my first and best piece of advice is to start with few and go to more. You will feel like you are headed in the right direction and it is just a better direction in which to go.

 

In our co-op, we were all talking about Math and Language Arts and History. If we get those done, we have had a good day.

 

HTH

[athomemom]

I'm using History Odyssey for my DD, SOTW for my DS (with the activity guide, I use it for questions and map work)

LLATL

MM

Elemental Science Chemistry (this was a change just prior to Christmas, so its fairly new, before that I was doing biology but it was unstructured and I felt flustered)

 

and they have extra reading. My list is no where near what everyone else's list is. I'm almost embarrassed to post it, but maybe I can get more help by posting it.

 

I think you are doing well. You've got all the basics covered and that is what counts! The only reason I am able to do extras is that it is built-in to the curriculum I use! (MFW) :D

[athomemom]

Oh, I forgot to ask if there was a subject in particular you were having trouble with or if there was something else we can help you pin point?

[Jeanne in MN]

If it helps any, this is the time of year where moms start to get burnt out too-about January/February. Cut yourself some slack. Take a day or two or a week or two to just ditch bookwork and go take in a museum or something entirely different than what you normally do.

 

Take some time to rejuvenate yourself and come up with a plan that will be more doable for you. Maybe it's just adding more hands-on stuff to keep things interesting. Maybe it's ditching what you have. Only you know.

 

Know that we all go through this kind of thing. I'm on my 9th year of homeschooling, everything was going great until about a week ago. I just hit a total funk. It's frustrating, but the good thing is I know it's normal, so I just try to roll with it.

 

You can do it!

[Kathleen in VA]

I just wanted to chime in that what you are experiencing is normal. There's nothing wrong with mixing it up completely mid-school year or at any other time you decide it's best for your family.

 

Until my dd hit high school, our mornings would typically be spent at the kitchen table, with me going back and forth, working with one while the other worked independently. In between times, I'd be close by, fixing breakfast, doing house chores, laundry, etc.

 

Fwiw, I don't think you'll find anyone here who believes you should be feeling miserable. You don't have to replicate "school" in any way, shape, or form. I agree that you might find it the best fit to blend both of your approaches, giving them guidance and lots of feedback, checking on their progress and keeping tabs on their work every day. For ease of discussion, I would consider doing the same history with both children. Even though my dc are four years apart, I kept them together in art, history, science, read alouds, anything I could for as long as possible. Of course, I expected completely different work products from both of them, and often it was just an attempt to keep my younger child engaged while working with my older one.

 

Several years ago, I began making daily schedules for my kids. I'd plan them out just a week ahead of time (why plan for a whole year, when I knew we'd never maintain that hopeful pace!). Each one week schedule would be broken down into five days. My ds particularly appreciated that I would include 1-2 hours of "free time" each day when our social schedule wasn't conflicting. He used that time to specifically devote to whatever interested him; he took pleasure in knowing that time was carved out just for that purpose.

 

I'm still wrapping my head around the realization this month that my dd's high school looks more like unschooling than anything else we've ever done. That's going to be one of the biggest surprises of our hs journey, I'm sure.

 

 

 

You'll find that most of us post what we'd *like* to be doing, not what actually gets done every single day!! Here's an article written by Susan Wise Bauer detailing a typical hs day at her house with a fourth grader. Read this, and I guarantee you'll feel much more comfortable about whatever's going on in your own home. :) I've read this every couple of years, and it still makes me smile.

 

I have found that some of our best learning comes from just being together, talking about what they've read, what's in the paper, playing board games, just spending time together. That's what I wish more of our days could be like; but I work outside our home three days a week, so formal curriculum has to interrupt more often than I would otherwise choose.

 

You know your children best. You will find the right path for YOUR homeschool. You are right to listen to your mom-instinct that it's not working, and you can tweak it to be a better fit. YOU can do this. No one else is going to love on your kids the way you do, and no one is better equipped to teach them than you. Enjoy your kids. Enjoy your time together.

 

:iagree:and with Nance's and Heather's and Mariann's too. Just wanted to say the article by SWB you linked is absolutely hilarious and I think it should be a sticky on all the forum pages with the title "Feel like quitting? Feel like homeschooing isn't for you after all? Read this first!!"

[justamouse]

You've gotten some really great advice. Hang in there and be gentle with yourself. You are doing an enormous job of teaching your older children and you have a newborn! :grouphug: