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if something happened to you....


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how would your spouse take care of your children?

 

Since my mother's passing and my new awareness of the costs associated with funerals/burial, my dh and I have seriously considered what would happen in our family if something happened to me.

 

It would affect my kid's day to day life much more than if my dh passed, since he is heavily insured.

 

We've decided to up my life insurance, since previously, we had enough to get me in the ground, but no more.

 

My dh and I figured that he would pay a nanny/tutor to school my kids at home and care for them. By the time all four of them were put in the local Christian school it would be over 20K. He'd rather pay a teacher he knows personally (and we know quite a few) 20-25K to teach/ care for our kids, than to have them in school, even at a Christian school. There are several teachers that we know personally that would likely leap at the opportunity to trade their job for mine so to speak.

 

That is our plan. what about yours?

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We have a policy for me, but it would only cover burial and enough to cover time off for dh for about 6 months. He would use that time to make arrangements (new job, home, etc) to move close to either my parents or his. We both have at least one parent who doesn't work and has already said they would be willing to help with childcare/homeschooling in such a situation.

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I was not able to continue homeschooling when my dh died, because I had to support my family. Of course, we had discussed this- and that's what I wanted. We built a business together and I love it and want to keep it going.

 

I have enough life insurance to pay off my business debt and support my daughters through college. They would go live with their favorite aunt. My business would be sold off eventually, but there would be no rush because my estate would be flush enough to handle the bills for a while.

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We upped my insurance recently because of this same concern. I always assumed he would have to send them to PS but after reading the OP I really like the idea of a tutor. I may have to ponder that one. The other option we have in line is for dh to work from home and do a balancing act. However that wouldn't be feasible right now.

 

Dh is heavily insured but my insurance is only a padding of sorts. There is enough to pay of all debt which would help out if he had to make such tough choices.

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My dd will be 18 in a few weeks. She's in college, and is mature and capable. My son would continue to do his online courses and most likely be looked after by his sister. She has already told me that if something happened to both dh and me, she would finish raising her brother. :001_smile: It really is a relief to me to feel that I have them almost there.

 

We have enough insurance on me that dh could pay off the house and have a little breathing room.

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My ds would probably end up in public school. Dh and I have discussed it briefly and I know he couldn't handle homeschooling. I don't think a tutor would be the best option in our case. I don't think there are any private high schools nearby.

 

We have only a few years left of homeschooling and I know my dh would not handle my passing very well. In the best scenario I would love it if ds would finish his schooling at home, but I know dh would need to focus on his own well-being first

 

I need to work on some of my wishes, just in case. I have lots of books I would want ds to read that I know would not be part of the school program.

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I have enough life ins. on me that dh could hire a nanny/tutor or send them to a private school.

 

I hope I live long enough to at least teach my dc how to cook and do the laundry...it's the housework that would KILL him whether he would ever admit it or not.:tongue_smilie::glare::lol:

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We've talked about this and are scared if that were to happen. We have no family who could be helpful. My DH travels for work and is gone all the time and when he is home he is on call 24hrs a day 7 days a week. He never has scheduled time off except for a couple weeks of vacation per year. We would need someone to live in and raise our children. I really need to get life insurance. Do any of you have recommendations for a reasonable company?

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We've talked about this and are scared if that were to happen. We have no family who could be helpful. My DH travels for work and is gone all the time and when he is home he is on call 24hrs a day 7 days a week. He never has scheduled time off except for a couple weeks of vacation per year. We would need someone to live in and raise our children. I really need to get life insurance. Do any of you have recommendations for a reasonable company?

 

this is why we started talking about it. We live 2 hours from family, my mom just passed, his mom has lymphoma... siblings all have kids of their own the same ages as ours, and pretty much have their hands full already. So life insurance is pretty important. The upside is that we're both less than forty and healthy. My dh's insurance is 1 million. We pay $120 a quarter.

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Thankfully my parents live in the same are we do, we've discussed with them many times what would happen and they were the ones who said very simply that the kids and dh (or me if dh passed away) would move in with them and they would help with everything.

 

If for some reason my parents were unable to, then my mil would most likely move in to take care of the kids, not my ideal situation but she is an experienced homeschooler (taught dh and his sisters) and former private school teacher so at least on that end there'd be no worries.

 

In the worst case scenario that both dh and I pass away, my parents are to get custody and should something happen to my parents then my brother and his wife are to get custody (my brother was in tears the day he came to us and said that even though they have 2 kids themselves, there is no way they could turn their back on their nephews and neice).

 

I know dh and there's no way he could handle taking care of the kids by himself even if he had to put them in public school. Both our boys are special needs but even then 3 kids are a handful with both of us alive and caring for them, I can't imagine what it would do to dh's sanity if I wasn't here.

Edited by Cortana
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We have talked about this. I don't know what would happen, honestly. I think my husband would have a bit of a breakdown and his big sister would pick him up. She homeschooled her now grown children. She has always been more of a mother (to my husband) than their actual mother.

 

I would love to get life insurance in the next year or two. We are so poor right now, there is no budge for that.

 

I just pray the Lord provides for my family. He always had even if it has been in interesting ways.

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We have enough on me to pay off our bills and for my DH to take 2-3 years off work to school/be with DD. After that she should be old enough to do most of it herself.

 

Lots of couples take out less or nothing on the women because she doesn't bring in outside income. I don't think that's smart. You have to think about the lifestyle of the children. (Not just materially but emotionally.)

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We have a fairly substantial policy on me so he could afford to take a few years off it need be. I also have a brother and at least one adult child that would help as much as possible so I don't worry about it too much.

 

A much greater concern for us is disability. I am already physically disabled and bi-polar. My mother had early onset alzheimer's which had already significantly impacted her by the age of 55. I am not too terribly far from that age now and I am already noticing difficulties which I think are exacerbated by my medication. We are in the process of trying to get me on disability which would help some but certainly not enough for my hubby to quit his job and stay home. I really don't know what we will do if it reaches a point where I need daily care. I don't live close enough to my brother and children for them to be available daily.

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We have a small amt. (20,000) on me through dh's employment. He is opposed to the idea of ps. I have told him that if anything ever happened to me to abandon the classical method and go with the textbook or computer approach. I actually told him to get on these boards and the ladies would help him through the selection process. My mother or sil would be around to help too.

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I suppose we should line up the worst-case scenario, and figure out how to best prepare for it, considering our present financial limitations. We have some (basic) life insurance on me, but not enough. I'm sure we need to look into getting more on me, the mother and teacher of these children. Honestly, we don't have enough coverage on either of us.

 

Our girls are young (4, 4, and 6), but my parents are aging (75 and 78). They are active, healthy, and full of courage. Even so, I don't think they would be able to have all three girls, every day, all day. My husband would have to continue working -- long hours, lots of travel, some overnights -- to support the family. I really don't know WHO would watch the girls all day, let alone educate them.

 

Probably, it would go like this:

Small insurance (my parents have had this on me since I was born) -- enough money to bury me.

Other insurance -- enough for my husband to pay for weekly household help (cleaning, perhaps laundry, changing sheets).

Childcare -- probably a combination of my parents sacrificing themselves, my sister pitching in at times, my husband wearing himself out, a few church people helping when they could, and preschool for the twins & public school for the oldest.

 

Losing their Mommy AND transitioning to any school setting AND being shuffled around for care AND having a less-than-smooth household routine would be amazingly traumatic to these girls, but I don't know how else the survivors would do it. Wow, this is depressing. :crying:

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It was recommended to us to purchase life insurance for me by looking at my whole value for what I provide for the family, not just my income. We have plenty such that dh could afford private school if necessary. My sister would like take over homeschooling the kids in my place. She is registered with the state basically as her own private school so she could take on my girls as students. The public schools here are never an option for us. To say they are abysmal is being kind.

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My plan is that kiddo would have to go to school (Papa can barely read), and Papa would work part time to get health insurance. He'd make a great fix-it guy at a school. The boys would move near my kindly, reliable brother in Kansas, so someone could help hubby with things like taxes and anything that requires good reading skills. My sister would take kiddo on nice vacations, and he would generally be loved up by my sibs.

 

Hubby is frugal, I have retirement he could tap into, they'd get SS for now. They'd be okay.

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My husband would not be able to homeschool. He would have to keep working for insurance as well as the income. However, our state allows anyone to homeschool anyone essentially so I hope (and hubby and I have discussed it) that we could hire another homeschooling parent to homeschool my boys as well. I worry more about what would happen if something happened to both of us. One of mine wouldn't do well in a school environment. Only one family member could really take my kids and their family would not homeschool.

 

We do have both of us insured equally privately though my husband's work has a policy as well so he's a little more insured than me. He's also more at risk given travel or at least that's what I tell myself. Remember children would qualify for social security as well if a parent passes.

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My kids are older but we discussed it years ago and we did up my life insurance too. What we decided was that the money would be used to put the kids into top private schools- which are $10- 20K a year each. That would be the best that dh could do under the circumstances.

Now we are past that stage, and the kids are about to start public school and college...their lives would not change much on the outside.

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The plan that both my husband and parents have agreed to is that my parents would care for the kids during the week and send them to a small private school (to be paid for with my life insurance proceeds) and then they would be with my husband on the weekends. There should be enough life insurance to also cover housekeeping costs for my husband and for him to be able to do fun things with the kids.

 

If anything were to happen to me, who knows if this would really happen, but I sure hope so. My husband is a great father, but he works long hours and my kids need a mom. My mother could fill that role for my children. It would kill me if my inlaws stepped in because I know they would not be able to meet my children's needs.

 

Lisa

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There is a decent private school near dh's school. It's not where we would want to be academically, but it is the best around here and very conservative, service focused, etc. So my dc would all go there.

 

Our plan is for me to go to work to pay for college, so we have enough insurance to cover that in case something happens to me.

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I am insured well enough that DH has many options available to him. Our biggest problem would be his deployments. We think a good possibility is a live in Nanny/Maid/Cook etc. person, but I hate to think of trusting someone else with my kids with DH thousands of miles away.....

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My oldest dd would hs the youngest (only one still hsing). If she's not able, my bf would school ds.

 

Our church family buried a 23-yr-old mother of a 2-mo-old baby today. She died very unexpectedly last Tuesday night. (Her dh woke up to find her gasping for air...20 min later she was gone. Cause is still undetermined.) I'm acutely aware today that none of us have any guarantees about tomorrow.

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My mother has already said that if anything should happen to either Shaun or I, she would step in. My husband would probably hire a nanny/tutor in addition (especially since there are 5 children).

 

If my mother were no longer around, my husband would hire a tutor/nanny full time. We upped the insurance on me last year.

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We have a fairly substantial policy on me so he could afford to take a few years off it need be. I also have a brother and at least one adult child that would help as much as possible so I don't worry about it too much.

 

A much greater concern for us is disability. I am already physically disabled and bi-polar. My mother had early onset alzheimer's which had already significantly impacted her by the age of 55. I am not too terribly far from that age now and I am already noticing difficulties which I think are exacerbated by my medication. We are in the process of trying to get me on disability which would help some but certainly not enough for my hubby to quit his job and stay home. I really don't know what we will do if it reaches a point where I need daily care. I don't live close enough to my brother and children for them to be available daily.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I used to really fear the early onset myself as my mom died at 68 of dementia, and was diagnosed with moderate at age 63. I've had so many concussions that they have altered my life in the past few years. I've just sort of resigned myself to accept what likely will happen, and thank my lucky stars if it doesn't. (mom's sister and both her parents also died of dementia) Dh just told me a couple of weeks ago he's thinking about getting long term health care for me in the next few months or so. I fear the costs will be astronomical given my family health history. :sad:

 

Dh is heavily insured but I have no life insurance myself. My dd's would have to go to school and help their father around the house. My biggest concern is that I *KNOW* dh couldn't handle raising our RAD dd alone. I shudder at the thought. None of my friends will help with her either, and I completely understand.

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My older kids would step in and help as needed. My dh's biz is flex hours and he actually works from home 1 1/2 days a week. He loves teaching. The kids would probably be a lot sharper, have better schedules and score higher if he took over homeschooling. It could work. I doubt very much that my dh would put them in school.

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I used to really fear the early onset myself as my mom died at 68 of dementia, and was diagnosed with moderate at age 63. I've had so many concussions that they have altered my life in the past few years. I've just sort of resigned myself to accept what likely will happen, and thank my lucky stars if it doesn't. (mom's sister and both her parents also died of dementia) Dh just told me a couple of weeks ago he's thinking about getting long term health care for me in the next few months or so. I fear the costs will be astronomical given my family health history. :sad:

 

Dh is heavily insured but I have no life insurance myself. My dd's would have to go to school and help their father around the house. My biggest concern is that I *KNOW* dh couldn't handle raising our RAD dd alone. I shudder at the thought. None of my friends will help with her either, and I completely understand.

 

:grouphug: To both of you.

 

Do you know if the dementia was caused by ministrokes or similar brain events? That's the case in my family history and I'm hoping by doing what I can to reduce stroke (and related) things might protect me. I hope.

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My kids would end up in public school, I'm sure, and my brother and sister-in-law and/or mother would probably help with watching them while my husband worked. My husband works from around 1 PM til around 8 or 9 PM or so usually, but he owns his own (small) business so I think he'd probably cut his own hours and leave an employee there so he wouldn't be gone from the kids so much. I'd hope, anyway!

 

Oh, and I've told him I want to be cremated, not buried. For one thing, it's WAY cheaper and I wouldn't want my family stuck paying thousands of dollars just to stick me in the ground, and for another, being burned is less creepy (to me) than being put underground! And I'll take up less space that way :P

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I asked my husband, and he said that if I died he would go crazy. :tongue_smilie: I don't think that homeschooling would be on his list of priorities - just getting through each day would be hard enough.

 

Oh, and neither of us have any kind of life insurance policy - can someone recommend a good company??

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I don't know how you guys even talk about this sort of thing without being freaked out. I can't even think about it. (I need a 'freaked out hiding under a chair' smiley :p )

 

Dh and I have never had that sort of..morbid.. discussion. I don't know anything about life insurance. I think he has something like that through his workplace - I remember him having some paperwork or something.

 

Okay. No more death related conversation. *hide*

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We have about 100,000 in life insurance on me. Dh would be able to pay for the funeral costs and probably hire a few hours of week of housekeeping. They'd it "bachelor" food...no question about that. But, he'd still homeschool. Back when we thought that I was not likely to survive my last pregnancy, we made a lot of plans concerning "what if" since it didn't seem like much of an "if".

 

Dh would teach math and science in the evenings and on weekends. My dear friend, also a homeschooler, will take over English and History. He'll hire tutors for foreign language, dd will handle reading/literature, and other electives on weekends or between shifts if necessary. My mom and his mom will do a lot of his grocery shopping for him, plus take the boys shopping whenever they outgrow something and help with doctor's appointments and such.

 

I actually don't like thinking about it much. We've been down that road before and it was such an awful journey....much, much harder on he and my family than for me and it was no piece of cake spending several months making plans to die and possibly not even be strong enough or conscious enough at the end to hold my baby if he even lived. UGH! Don't dwell on it too much ladies!

 

Faith

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When my dds were younger, we had $300,000 term policy on me. If something would have happened to me, youngest dd would have went back to a christian school. Most likely, dh would have resigned his commission and moved closer to family. Now that dc are older, youngest is 17 and in a christian high school, he would probably stay put to see her through. I'm now only insured for $100,000.

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We thought this out after 9/11 and update every few years. More important to us than the insurance amt was the 'who'. Who could we trust if the unthinkable happened and we both passed in, say, a car crash? Who would get the children counseling, respect their emotional needs, and provide them with a family rather than a bunk? Who would treat them as their own, rather than a burden? We did some soul searching.. the answers were vary obvious as to who we should ask to be the executor of the estate and who should be the guardians. Write that will next.

We stilll don't have this worked out...I really hope that NOTHING happens to the two of us. The one brother I would LOVE to raise my children is not married!!! The ones we thought would do a great job have turned out to be not such a good idea.

 

 

My kids would end up in public school, I'm sure, and my brother and sister-in-law and/or mother would probably help with watching them while my husband worked. My husband works from around 1 PM til around 8 or 9 PM or so usually, but he owns his own (small) business so I think he'd probably cut his own hours and leave an employee there so he wouldn't be gone from the kids so much. I'd hope, anyway!

 

Oh, and I've told him I want to be cremated, not buried. For one thing, it's WAY cheaper and I wouldn't want my family stuck paying thousands of dollars just to stick me in the ground, and for another, being burned is less creepy (to me) than being put underground! And I'll take up less space that way :P

 

actually, when I was at the funeral home, the cremation was not THAT much cheaper than a burial. Of course you don't have the costs of burial plots, but the cremation was over 5K if I remember correctly. I'd always assumed that cremation was MUCH cheaper, but in that case it wasn't

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Dh and I have never had that sort of..morbid.. discussion. I don't know anything about life insurance. I think he has something like that through his workplace - I remember him having some paperwork or something.

 

 

 

None of my business... but you really should talk about this and make sure he does have it unless you're prepared to go to work and can earn a living wage. I know people who had no life insurance when a spouse died unexpectedly. It wasn't pretty: loss of home, no income, etc. I understand it's not easy, but it's not morbid; it's reality.

Edited by Mejane
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actually, when I was at the funeral home, the cremation was not THAT much cheaper than a burial. Of course you don't have the costs of burial plots, but the cremation was over 5K if I remember correctly. I'd always assumed that cremation was MUCH cheaper, but in that case it wasn't

 

It cost $1,000 to cremate my dad. My mil's casket alone cost $10,000. Horrible waste of money, imo.

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It cost $1,000 to cremate my dad. My mil's casket alone cost $10,000. Horrible waste of money, imo.

 

my dh is of the opinion that funeral homes are something of a racket. It seems that some capitalize on grieving people who are at their weakest. They want to "do right by their loved one" and they are talked into spending tons of money to do so. It's very sad. (not all funeral homes are like this, but many are.)

 

My dad had mom's stuff preplanned, so there was nothing to decide.

 

He told my brother, "Do you want me to preplan and pick out all the cheap stuff so when I pass you won't feel guilty about buying the cheap stuff when I'm dead?" My brother answered, "As long as you're paying for it I don't care what you pick out!!!" :)

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