Bev in B'ville Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 My dd has a scholarship intervew Tuesday and I plan on letting her drive herself. My understanding is that they don't want to talk to me, just my dd. I'm not trying to cut the apron strings and run or anything, but I also don't want to be a mom who's hanging out with no real purpose. If my dd didn't have a driver's license already then of course I would drive her, but I don't want to be perceived as "one of those moms" who can't let go and let the young adult handle something like this on their own or seem over eager. Will my presence make a difference (good or bad)? Advice from BT/DT parents? Did you go and if so, why? Why not? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace is Sufficient Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 both scholarship interviews are all day affairs in a different state. So, yes, we are going with him. They're also both schools I've never been to, so both my husband and I want to go along. For a local school, I think it would depend on where it was. I'm pretty sure my son would want me to go with him if it were his first time driving to a completely unfamiliar area. Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I'm going with to the interview for less-desired school #1, and dh and I are going together to her top choice for the whole scholarship weekend. For school #1, it's actually an Honors program interview. Even though it's a local school, I've never actually "seen" the campus. I also want to go to and from so we can talk about what the commute would be like. For school #2, there is a whole parents' track planned - meetings, etc. We're looking forward to it, and plan on using it as a time to really get a better feel for the school as potential parents. She doesn't drive - yet - so that's a factor. But even if she did, I'd probably still go, just to lend moral support and talk through things at the end of the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane in NC Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 (edited) None of the colleges to which my son applied was within a few hours drive. In fact, he flew by himself to most for visits and interviews. He noted that this was less than common at most schools which struck him as peculiar. I think that colleges are not surprised and may in fact expect parents to accompany their students. College is a huge financial investment for most parents and hence the institutions are pitching both parents and students. Edited January 16, 2011 by Jane in NC Grammar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bev in B'ville Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 None of the colleges to which my son applied were within a few hours drive. In fact, he flew by himself to most for visits and interviews. He noted that this was less than common at most schools which struck him as peculiar. I think that colleges are not surprised and may in fact expect parents to accompany their students. College is a huge financial investment for most parents and hence the institutions are pitching both parents and students. I can see where if dd's interview was on a campus I haven't seen, then I probably would go with her. However, none of her previous interviews have yet to be held at the actual school. One was in a private meeting room in an emergency room (the interviewer was a doctor), the second interview was in a restaurant and now the third will be at person's house (where there will be multiple interviewers and multiple kids present). I drove dd to the first interview and sat in the ER waiting room, but I have to say I felt really stupid being there and the doctor was somewhat surprised, too. The interview at the restaurant I did not drive dd to. I think I might have felt like a stalker sitting at a nearby table. I definitely don't feel comfortable going into someone's private home uninvited so I'm leaning towards letting dd drive herself for the third interview. There should be several cars parked out front as there will be five interviewers and several interviewees. The interview is only scheduled to last fifteen minutes. I'll just have dd text me when she arrives and when she leaves, I think. Next month, we do have a scholarship interview full weekend with another school and the invitation specifically invites parents, so that one I'll definitely attend. However, if the invitation didn't specifically include my dh and I, I would be more wary and look at it more closely before deciding to attend. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane in NC Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 :confused: We had feedback from one admissions person who complimented my son on his confidence and comfort level with adults. I think going without parents can have advantages! Much of this is probably dependent on the student him or herself. My son viewed college visits as his business. To be honest, I am an extrovert. I fear that I might speak up too often if I were part of the process. It was better for me to back off and let my son sell himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bev in B'ville Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 (edited) We had feedback from one admissions person who complimented my son on his confidence and comfort level with adults. I think going without parents can have advantages! Much of this is probably dependent on the student him or herself. My son viewed college visits as his business. To be honest, I am an extrovert. I fear that I might speak up too often if I were part of the process. It was better for me to back off and let my son sell himself. Yes, I've made sure that I stayed out of the college application process as much as possible. Dd picked the colleges she wanted to apply to, completed the applications (and accompanying essays). I did my part with transcripts and school counselor letters and such, but I really feel this is her journey to make. Thanks for helping me solidify my decision on whether to go or not. Edited: I just informed my dd that I wouldn't be going with her to the interview. She actually thanked me for not being "one of those helicopter moms." LOL! Edited January 16, 2011 by Bev in B'ville addition Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I can see where if dd's interview was on a campus I haven't seen' date=' then I probably would go with her. However, none of her previous interviews have yet to be held at the actual school. One was in a private meeting room in an emergency room (the interviewer was a doctor), the second interview was in a restaurant and now the third will be at person's house (where there will be multiple interviewers and multiple kids present). I drove dd to the first interview and sat in the ER waiting room, but I have to say I felt really stupid being there and the doctor was somewhat surprised, too. The interview at the restaurant I did not drive dd to. I think I might have felt like a stalker sitting at a nearby table. I definitely don't feel comfortable going into someone's private home uninvited so I'm leaning towards letting dd drive herself for the third interview. There should be several cars parked out front as there will be five interviewers and several interviewees. The interview is only scheduled to last fifteen minutes. I'll just have dd text me when she arrives and when she leaves, I think. Next month, we do have a scholarship interview full weekend with another school and the invitation specifically invites parents, so that one I'll definitely attend. However, if the invitation didn't specifically include my dh and I, I would be more wary and look at it more closely before deciding to attend. :confused:[/quote'] I agree with what you're planning in your case. For my oldest, parents had their own schedule, etc, and it was 12 hours away, so yes we went with him. We actually took both of his younger siblings as well so they could scout out the place to see if it, or a similar type/setting, etc, would interest them or turn them off. Nobody seemed to mind. In these situations, you don't actually do any of the "interviews" or "programs" with them. Instead, it's set up for the college to sell the parents on the school and has some nice useful info. But, as I said before, if it were just a single interview, and especially for one not on campus, my guys would go by themselves. My oldest did have two of those for outside scholarships (not school related). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
memphispeg Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I would go just to make sure they got there ok. Teens are not the most reliable travelers. Then, I'd go see what there was to do in the town, shopping, museums, coffee??? I went with my child to all her distant colleges to visit and interview and audition. We set it up as a day out. She did her thing, I did mine, we met for lunch or whatever. For local interviews, she went by herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anne1456 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 My concern about letting her drive herself would just be that she would be nervous about the upcoming interview so not drive as attentively as she should. Of course my daughter does get very nervous, so that might not be a problem for other kids. I'll be driving my daughter to her interviews though, even if I just end up sitting in the car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen in VA Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 My dc went alone to the scholarship interviews. Since my dc were homeschooled, I wanted the admissions folks to see for themselves that the kids could function independently without a parent around. As Jane said, I wanted my kids to sell themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bev in B'ville Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 My dc went alone to the scholarship interviews. Since my dc were homeschooled, I wanted the admissions folks to see for themselves that the kids could function independently without a parent around. As Jane said, I wanted my kids to sell themselves. Between you and Jane you've managed to put very succinctly what I've been floundering around with here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Since dd's colleges were all three hours driving or more away from home, we made these either parent/daughter or family events. Coming from such a distance, it was prudent to schedule both the interview and campus tours, class observations, student events, etc. all on the same day or weekend. When she toured Cedarville University, we went to a C.U. Friday event and her interview was the same day. We took her grandma with her since she was touring the nursing department and boy, GRANNY WAS BRUTAL! I did not relish the position of the nursing instructor wielding the fierce, former nursing professor's many darts. But, it was incredibly informative I can tell you that! Since ds, 14 in two weeks (weeping, gnashing of motherly teeth here) is interested in the new C.S. Lewis College in Mass. and we've never been to that state as a family, we are going to make it a vacation in 2012. The youngest boy will be a 7th grader and with two high schoolers in tow, I hope the college does not mind the middle schooler because I'm not leaving him behind. I'd say go. Dd really liked having us there to bounce some steam off of after her interviews. Plus, if you need to meet with financial aid people, you save yourself time and gas just getting it all done right then. DD applied to 13 institutions, was accepted at all 13, and interviewed at them all as well. I cannot imagine having to pay for the gas to have done double trips! Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bev in B'ville Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 Since dd's colleges were all three hours driving or more away from home, we made these either parent/daughter or family events. Coming from such a distance, it was prudent to schedule both the interview and campus tours, class observations, student events, etc. all on the same day or weekend. When she toured Cedarville University, we went to a C.U. Friday event and her interview was the same day. We took her grandma with her since she was touring the nursing department and boy, GRANNY WAS BRUTAL! I did not relish the position of the nursing instructor wielding the fierce, former nursing professor's many darts. But, it was incredibly informative I can tell you that! Since ds, 14 in two weeks (weeping, gnashing of motherly teeth here) is interested in the new C.S. Lewis College in Mass. and we've never been to that state as a family, we are going to make it a vacation in 2012. The youngest boy will be a 7th grader and with two high schoolers in tow, I hope the college does not mind the middle schooler because I'm not leaving him behind. I'd say go. Dd really liked having us there to bounce some steam off of after her interviews. Plus, if you need to meet with financial aid people, you save yourself time and gas just getting it all done right then. DD applied to 13 institutions, was accepted at all 13, and interviewed at them all as well. I cannot imagine having to pay for the gas to have done double trips! Faith I agree that it's a good time to do a family visit as long as the parent does not go with their child into the interview or wait outside of the interview. Spending time on the campus is great! However, not one of my dd's interviews thus far has been on a campus. They've all taken place away from the campus and are usually in the evening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 I don't think there's anything wrong with transporting your student to an interview - I think that's a function of how far away the school is, transportation issues, your student's comfort level in driving, etc. Definitely I think that the parents should not attend any interview to which they are not specifically invited. Hovering in the waiting area is also a bad idea. I used the time to visit the college bookstores, the faculty parking lots (amazing what you can learn by perusing the bumper stickers...), and catching up on my own reading. Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) and what they are both comfortable doing, except that if the parent is with the student right before the student events and interview(s), then the parents should make themselves scarce when those begin. Dh took dd to an Arts Preview weekend at one school, and during the first event, an open house/welcome for students and parents, he was the only parent *not* hovering right next to his dc during the meet and great. When the profs circulated and spent time one on one with the students, he, again, was the only one not actively engaged in the conversation between the prof and student, and he said the dean met his eye and "knew exactly what dh was doing," i.e., giving dd space to work with the profs. Dh was really great with dd, because when she was done with her porfolio critique, she needed time to put herself back together and she needed an adult's perspective. He was able to show her that the prof who "worked her over" had a method to his approach: he wanted to see how she handled criticism, if she could defend her work, and if she was teachable. (She was used to nothing but glowing reports from the local art community and from her state uni profs.) The school did offer her art dept scholarship $, so it wasn't that they didn't want her to come, but they are looking to invest in artists with a passion for visual arts at a level that she decided she did not have. It was a good lesson to learn at that point, not at the end of her sophomore year. At the school she currently attends, I walked her in to the interviewer's office, delivered some promised paperwork and met him, as I had handled calls from him while dd was away interviewing elsewhere and wanted to meet him face to face. I then excused myself to go to the Admissions Office across campus while she interviewed. I did not see him again. At two other campuses--opposite ends of the country--where she had competitive scholarship interviews, she flew in alone. I gathered from the adcom that at one, that was a bit unusual: often parents came to campus with their students. Depends on the situation and your comfort zone. Best wishes for her! Edited January 20, 2011 by Valerie(TX) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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