Top British OB says men should NEVER be at the birth of their child

[dirty ethel rackham]

Michel Odent is a French OB, not British, even though he does run the Primal Research center in London in addition to the the birthing center he founded in Pitiviers, France. He has gone on record that he was misquoted in the Daily Mail. This isn't new as he has proposed these ideas in a Midwifery Today article in 1999. He is, however, a strong proponent of having another woman present who has experienced natural birth.

 

Here is an interview with him from Midwivery Today:

http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/fatherpart.asp

 

I have to agree with the part of having a woman present who can help momma birth. But, I think it is wrongheaded to exclude fathers from their children's birth. His comments about how viewing the birth ruining the sex life and leading to divorce is utter nonsense. If all the comments by fathers of young children about how they aren't getting enough are true, it is the moms who have a loss of libido - part hormonal and part exhaustion. Post partum depression for dad's? What a bunch of hooey! Maybe French men are a bunch of wimps who cannot handle it, but most American dads do just fine.

 

A nervous nelly of a dad can create a tense atmosphere, which is not good for birthing. However, a dad who can create a cocoon around the mom-to-be to let her go to her "other planet" is an asset to the birthing process. I teach childbirth classes (The Bradley Method) and I have never had a mom tell me that she wishes the dad wasn't there. In fact, most of them gush over how they couldn't have done it without their hubbies. Every dad (even those who expressed that this touchy-feely nurture stuff wasn't "their bag") commented on how they felt honored to witness the event as well as surprise over the confidence they felt at helping their partner by following her lead.

 

Also, in our fractured, mobile society, many moms-to-be do not have another woman available to her to help her through the birth - no relatives who would be helpful, no friends who can drop everything, no money for a doula. Her best bet may be the safety and security she feels with her dh.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I agree :)!

[Laura in VA]

who suggested my problems with stress/palpitations, etc., stemmed from my son (1 year old) still breastfeeding. He told me I needed to stop nursing and let the boy grow up. I never went back. Breastfeeding was probably the one thing I did during that time in my life that kept me sane!

[Mommy22alyns]

Sweeping generalizations are rarely a good idea, right?

 

 

I agree!

 

My DH really surprised me. He is not possessed of the strongest stomach, hates "gory" things, etc. I'm probably sturdier than him there. But he held one of my legs while Rebecca was born, and watched her enter the world. He even witnessed a lightning fast episiotomy! So I was amazed at that, and I think he still treasures that experience. DD2 was a C-section, and he didn't want to be on the business end of that birth, which was fine with me. I was scared to death and needed the company up top. He had to be my eyes right after Sylvie was born and I couldn't hear her cry or see anything at all.

 

But yeah... "one size fits all" proclamations don't work very well. ;)

[*anj*]

Wow! I went away for a few hours and boom!

I agree with a lot of what I read here. I think that the statements that appeared in the original article are blanket generalizations. One thing that I thought was that if a man had such an extreme reaction to watching his child's birth there must have already been underlying issues. And I think that the presence of some men could indeed create an atmosphere of tension that could be problematic. But each couple needs to decide this on their own. We're all so different. Some people want the whole family around, children, grandparents, friends, tv cameras, etc. Some people (like me) would rather go off into a very private room with only a midwife and a hubby for company. Some might prefer to do it totally alone, who knows?

 

My dh was very good for the three births that he witnessed. He missed one of them as she was born 6 weeks early and he was downstairs installing a car seat for our then 2 year old so that he could be cared for by a friend. He missed her birth by about a minute.

 

And I will tell you that if he hadn't coached me through breastfeeding I'd have given up on Day 2 with the first baby. I was sooooo ready to throw in the towel, but he was such a great cheerleader for me. :)

[Plaid Dad]

I haven't read all the responses, but my initial thought was "I'm glad this OB wasn't at dd's birth. He would have gotten in the way of the midwife!"

[beansprouts]

"I'm glad this OB wasn't at dd's birth. He would have gotten in the way of the midwife!"

 

:smilielol5:

[Ravin]

Personally, I think having an OB in the room can hinder and interfere with labor.

 

The one and only person who should have a say is the woman birthing the baby.

[Kay in Cal]

I'd rep you, Drew, but I've done it too recently.... !

 

I would have been so disappointed if my dh had not come to the birth of our children! Again, shouldn't it be up to the mom and dad in question, rather than throwing around words like NEVER??

[CookieMonster]

I didn't read all the replies. I don't know where the discussion has led.

 

Just wanted to respond to the article's premise with two things that instantly popped in my head.

 

1) My dh wouldn't trade the memory of holding his newborns for the first time just delivered for anything.

2) It put me in mind of a speech from a male doctor I read once - well part of it - about the complete lack of necessity for breastfeeding. In fact, said he, breastfeeding was worse for the child than the perfect invention of formula. This was his professional opinion after years of working with babies. I don't agree with him either.

 

Oh, and just because a dh could be a hinderance, or sometimes is, doesn't mean I shouldn't be given the option of having mine in there if I want him to be. I do. He does.

 

Shoot. Now that I think about it. He had to help the doctor and nurse last time. I was delivering faster than they were ready for and he had to hold my leg because there weren't enough available personnel. Hinderance, my eye!

[lighthouseacademy]

He caught all three of our babies and he wouldn't have wanted to miss that for anything. *Our experience* of bringing our three children into the world truly helped to strengthen our bond as husband and wife.

 

My daughter was present at the homebirths of her two younger brothers and her job was to cut the cord. I wonder what the good doctor thinks about children being present during a birth :D

 

:iagree: My dh was a little squeamish the first go round in the sense that he didn't know what was going on but after he had been through one, then delivered my second, he wanted to be in the tub with me to help deliver number three. Dh delivering my second brought us so much closer as a couple. My other 2 kids were also there at the birth of #3 and they loved it. It brought my children closer to their new baby sister. My oldest cut her cord and he cherishes that memory. My 2nd looks forward to the day that it will be her turn to cut the cord of the next baby (no we are not pregnant or trying yet).

[Cindy in FL.]

My dh was present at all our births and I am glad he was. I think it's good to have an advocate with you. But, during the "moment" I really couldn't have cared if I was in the middle of a four lane highway with the whole world watching. All I could think was get that baby out!

 

For the birth of our 4th child my pastor's wife wanted to be there. She had had 4 c-sections and really wanted to see a baby born. I felt bad for her because I have fast labors and she had to rush to our house and we barely got to the hospital in time. I'm not sure that it was quite the experience she was looking for. Especially the part where I sortof screamed all the way to the hospital!

 

Cindy

[PrairieAir]

I needed my dh in the delivery room to be an advocate for me when our first ds was born. I was 19 and very scared. It was a difficult labor and delivery and at one point the nurses were told to prep for a C-section. The doctor did not have the best bedside manner. He was very gruff and controlling and I'm afraid that if dh had not been there, he would have done things quite differently.

 

Dh was present for all of the kids' births--two of them home births. He thought it was a wonderful experience for him to be a part of and it never seemed to affect his interest. If being present during the birth is so damaging to a couple's sex life, I wonder that ours has only improved over the years.

[Guest Shanna]

I could not of made it without my husband. He will be the first to tell you how awesome an experience it is. Praise God for homebirths!!

 

And it obviously did not hurt my husbands libido to watch our children's births.

[Danestress]

There was a time when my child was small and I left the room when he was undergoing a painful medical procedure (DH stayed). Out in the hall, I gathered myself, reminded myself that I am a *mother* now, and that if my child can endure the pain, I can endure the agony of watching, if my presence is a comfort. So I made the decision that I would not leave the room like that again - that if he could handle it, I would just have to find the inner strength to handle it too.

 

I think there is something similar. I totally understand a man not wanting to be there. I think it's hard for a man to say that. I guess for me, it partly depends on the strength of their respective feelings. How badly does she really feel she needs him? Some women probably wouldn't care as much as others. Is he horrified and panic stricken or just a bit anxious? To me, this is something the couple really has to decide for themselves, but I guess on some level, I think it would be selfish for a man to really refuse something that was extremely important to his laboring wife, and I think it would be unkind for a woman to bar a man who really WANTS to be there - it's his child too.

[*anj*]

Dh was present for all of the kids' births--two of them home births. He thought it was a wonderful experience for him to be a part of and it never seemed to affect his interest. If being present during the birth is so damaging to a couple's sex life, I wonder that ours has only improved over the years.

 

Yeah, I was going to say something like that too.

We know a couple who have 5 living children, she's pregnant with the sixth. Along the way she has had about 9 miscarriages. The first two children were born in the hospital and the last three were born at home, with dh delivering them.

He has certainly seen all there is to see with his wife and the memory has apparently not served as an impediment to making more babies. ;)

 

But again, that's not a universal either.

[5kidsforME]

From the dailymail.co.uk site. Dated 4/15/08

 

This is such an interesting premise. I just had to bring it here to get your views. I have some initial thoughts, but I'll save them for later. So hive, what do you think?

 

 

 

There is more to this article, but I knew it wouldn't all fit here, so click this link for the rest of the story.

 

 

My dh was the only one I wanted with me.

[Peela]

For my first birth, dh stood up for me so fiercely to over controlling midwives AND doctors. They wanted to give me a caesarian because my labour was long, but I was fine and the baby was fine- no foetal stress at all, I wanted to keep going- they just wanted the bed. It was important to me to have a natural birth if at all possible.(and i know it is important to many women who don't get a choice for one reason or another). If it weren't for dh, she would have been born earlier, by caesarian, but I am so glad he was there and she came out naturally. He really was a hero for me, and we were both intuitive- he stood up for my intuition that she was just taking her own sweet time, that nothing was actually wrong.

In a different situation, in a loving environment, surrounded by supportive WOMEN, who were really there for me, I could easily do without dh in giving birth. But in this day and age, many of us don't have those sorts of communities and our spouses are the people we are closest to in the world.

A hospital is not a natural place to give birth anyway. So if we are there, in that clinical and often male dominated environment, where we are often disempowered in various ways, I am all for a male presence for protection and support when I am my absolute most vulnerable.

[Guest Lorna]

I agree with Peela.

 

At my daughter's birth we had trouble finding a midwife in the huge Victorian hospital to actually do the delivery. There is no way I could have searched for staff at that point during labour. When he finally found the midwives, ten minutes before dd was born, the midwife actually asked her student to leave and got dh to help.

I would have been terrified without my husband.

My mother-in-law tells me how women felt like cattle before men were allowed into the delivery room. The doctors felt that they could treat the women with no respect and had them all give birth in the same room. It was different times, but still, if my father-in-law had been with her, he certainly would have made sure his wife was treated with respect.

[BamaTanya]

I couldn't have know beforehand, but my dh was amazing. He knew just what to say to encourage me when I felt scared and overwhelmed. At my first, Mom was there, too, but she cried quietly and it worried me. She couldn't stand to see me in pain. Of course, she'd been sedated for all of her births, so I'm glad she was there to see that the experience could be different.

 

Mom was with me for 2 births, SIL was with me for 2 births, but dh was with me for all 5. He witnessed more of my births than the OB did! I wouldn't trade those moments for anything.

[Bev in B'ville]

I gave birth to my ds at a teaching hospital. I commented at one point that perhaps they should just move me to a stadium so everyone can have good seats, sell hotdogs, popcorn....Can I charge admission? :lol::lurk5:

 

I was glad my husband was there, I could have done without the 50 or so others.

[Alice]

I haven't read all the replies. From what I've read, I probably agree with many that it's really more about the people involved than saying "all men" or "all women". My dh is completely hospital-phobic and I'm a doctor. So for us I sent him out of the room during any interventions/exams just because I knew it would be tough for him. He would have stayed if I asked. He wanted to be there but "to be near the top" :) He freaks out at any blood (like a scraped knee) so I knew it would be hard for him to watch the actual birth, but he did want to be there with me. We just told the doctor in advance not to ask him to watch or to cut the cord. In the end, I ended up having a C-section. He was with me but we had a great anesthesiologist who put up the curtain really high so he didn't see anything. He stayed right by me and I was so glad to be together when we first saw our son. That was a magical experience that I wouldn't have wanted to miss sharing. But I was also glad for him that he was able to be shielded from seeing anything too scary. :) Our second time was a planned C-section so we knew what to expect and it was pretty much exactly the same as the first time.

[Kay in Cal]

I'm one who really wanted my dh present, and he is also "medical phobic"--he was happy to be up near my head too! He also was nervous about cutting the cord--didn't want to do it. Both times I cut the cord myself, he put his hand on mine as I did, and he really liked that. But actually closing the scissors would have squicked him.

 

Ironically--since he later spent six months in the hospital, including 8+ weeks in ICU, he's now had far more medical procedures and exposure than he could have ever imagined... and he's got the scars to prove it.

[susie in tx]

Yeah, my two four-hour labors were hugely hindered by my husband's presence. :lol:

 

 

And my last labor, which was my longest, was the one where my husband wasn't there. LOL

[nancypants]

I laugh because he is a man saying how the presence of a man at a birth is counterproductive! :lol:

 

Needless to say I think he's 150% wrong.