SailorMom Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Ok - so I am hosting a planning meeting on Tuesday for our homeschool group's teens. I do not know any of them - I have only met one in person once, and the rest only through the internet group. As of now a few are coming and bringing their 'littles" with them - which for a planning meeting I think is fine, and no big deal. However, my hope for this group was for it to be "for teens only". So many homeschool activities are geared around elementary ages and younger, and the teens kinda get short shrift. I also think the dynamic changes when toddlers and elementary aged kids are at an activity designed/planned for teens. So - without alienating any of the moms who have both teens and littles, without making it hard for them to allow thier teens to participate, and without being seen as rude - how do I ask that only 12-and-ups come to these activities??? I am terrified as coming off the wrong way. I've had littles, mine were there once, and I can imagine it is hard to manage activities for all the different ages in a family with many children. I've already offerred to chaperone (but would like at least one other adult there as well), that dropp off is fine, or they can stay if they'd like... but I really feel that the purpose of the group would be sorta moot if younger sibs come along. HELP!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcjlkplus3 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I've had littles, mine were there once, and I can imagine it is hard to manage activities for all the different ages in a family with many children. I've already offerred to chaperone (but would like at least one other adult there as well), that dropp off is fine, or they can stay if they'd like... but I really feel that the purpose of the group would be sorta moot if younger sibs come along. I would just say this - I don't think it is offensive in anyway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I think it's fine to be matter-of-fact and honest about it. "So, I'm hoping that we can get something together that's for teens only, where the teens don't have to worry about younger siblings being around- I was thinking either it could be drop off events where I would chaperone and get at least one other volunteer to chaperone, what do you guys think?" and take it from there. Another alternative might be, depending on where you are going, that the teens are at least left to their little corner alone. Like, let's say you were trying to organize bowling for teens. Moms want to stay and not drop off, and they have to bring youngers... so the moms go to one end with the youngers and the teens hang out on their own lanes... I don't know, something like that. It's not going to be rude to say this. But you're definitely going to get some parents that are all for teens only and others that are going to be like "welllllll I have to bring the others..." Just do your best. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnitaMcC Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) I am "running" a teen homeschool social group and I specify in my "ads" through some homeschool groups that it is only for teens ages 13-17 or grades 7-12. I do not say "no little kids allowed" but I do make sure it is known that I am not doing any activities or such for little kids. The group meets for 3 hours so for the few teens with younger kids... the parents just drop the teen off and they take the younger sibs back home or out and about on some errands, etc. We are currently doing the group in my home and I just don't have room for a dozen teens with siblings and parents. I have a few mom's who stay and I get to have some adult conversations. If I had a place that had a lot of space, I would consider allowing parents to bring younger siblings... but they would not be with the teens (after all this whole group's purpose is for the teens to do teen things and to just have chill and have fun) and the parents would have to be with the littles and keep an eye on littles and deal with their own activities, etc. We do some outings.. and younger siblings are welcome. But again, the parents are responsible for the siblings and I just take the teens off to do their thing in the activity/outing. Edited January 14, 2011 by AnitaMcC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 "So, I'm hoping that we can get something together that's for teens only, where the teens don't have to worry about younger siblings being around- I was thinking either it could be drop off events where I would chaperone and get at least one other volunteer to chaperone, what do you guys think?" I don't know that I would include this. As a mom of teens and "littles" I strive to create a feeling where my teens do not feel they have to "worry" about their siblings being around. One of the beauties of hsing is that teens and littles can be with each other and enjoy it. Now that does not mean that there are not times for teens and times for littles, but wording it this way may come across as negative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyFL Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I think just saying it is fine. Most parents of teens know that the teens need some space at this age. Especially homeschooled teens. Ds goes to a teen group at the leader's home that is a drop off group. All the expectations are clearly stated and each teen reads and signs a "covenant" of conduct. It's a wonderful, safe place for them to get away from the family and be with peers. To me, with little ones, it would defeat the purpose. Hopefully parents will feel the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 When plan a hs teen gathering, I mean teens, 13 and up. Teens Only, Please sounds fine to me. Why do the mothers have to stay? Drop the teen off and go do something else with the young kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyFL Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I don't know that I would include this. As a mom of teens and "littles" I strive to create a feeling where my teens do not feel they have to "worry" about their siblings being around. One of the beauties of hsing is that teens and littles can be with each other and enjoy it. Now that does not mean that there are not times for teens and times for littles, but wording it this way may come across as negative. To me, it's not that they don't enjoy the little ones, but everyone needs a break once in a while... even moms so we should be able to identify. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacie Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I don't think anyone will be offended. Most parents with teens realize the importance of allowing them time to socialize with other teens. If you need an additional chaperone or two with the activities (and honestly I'd never do anything with a larger group of kids without another adult) you may suggest to the parents with smaller children that they work out some special playtime and location for the youngers at the same time. That way a few parents can watch the youngers while you and a couple of parents do something with the teens, and all kids are adequately supervised. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AppleGreen Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Yes, I think you can just say it. I have seen several postings on our local list kindly stating it, but making it very clear it is a teen only group. I have also seen inquiries from mom's w/ younger kids asking about their younger kids joining the group (b/c they are mature etc.) and it was they were very nicely told of the many activities and groups available for the younger set and pointed in that direction. As a mom that will fit in the position of a teen and youngers in the very near future ( :w00t: ), I completely understand and think most other moms do, as well. Have fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 If you say it up front, and say it kindly, and stick to it, you will get what you want. There may be some who don't like it. They probably won't participate. That's OK. It's like serving cookies. You bring them around, and if someone wants one, they take it. If they don't want one, they don't take one. It's not a value judgment or a reflection on you either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 Oh phew - I was afraid I sounded horrible!!! " I don't know that I would include this. As a mom of teens and "littles" I strive to create a feeling where my teens do not feel they have to "worry" about their siblings being around. One of the beauties of hsing is that teens and littles can be with each other and enjoy it. Now that does not mean that there are not times for teens and times for littles, but wording it this way may come across as negative." I can see that - I'll try to be very careful with the wording - I know a lot of the teens adore their younger sibs, and I don't want to imply anything else. But I do agree - even moms need a break from their younger children - why wouldn't a sibling? Thank you all! I feel a bit more "chill" about it now. One of the reasons I offerred that the parent could stay is because none of them know me (or my family, or our values,etc) from Adam. I know that, as easy going as I am, I'd still want to know the person I was leaving my kids with. After a few meetups, they probably won't worry anymore, but I totally understand the need to get to know me first. As for another adult - I'm taking what I learned from BSA and applying it - I don't want to ever be alone with someone's child. This obviously doesn't apply once I know them all very well, but it is not a good position to put myself, or the kids, in. So - I think one other adult is a good idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I would either make it a drop-off activity, or, if parents with younger kids need to hang around, have them occupy a separate space, and ask the parents with the younger siblings to organize entertainment/activities for the younger kids, so the focus can be on the teens and the littles won't be a distraction. I have been to some activities that were split by age like this, using separate parts of the house, and it worked well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 You can just say it. I have two widely spaced children, and the problem for me is when I cannot leave the older one, but the event is not suitable for the younger. We just lost access to classes at the Science museum because of this - I used to stay in the building with ds while dd attended classes - now I am supposed to actually be in the classroom with her. This thanks to badly behaved HS kids giving us all a bad name... If I was told I could leave the older, but couldn't bring the younger I would do a little happy dance as soon as I was out of sight ;-) If I was then asked to occasionally play the role of the extra chaperone I would make an effort to find somewhere else for ds to be on that day, but would need it to be understood that if I was needed to help, he might have to be with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I would not say it has to be a drop off event. But it is fine to say, no younger siblings. Personally, if I don't feel welcome or comfortable staying - I don't leave my teens either. So for ME, "drop off" is very different from no younger tag alongs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 This is very hard and we've had trouble with it here for years. By the time a lot of kids get to be around 13, they really do have a need to be with other teens, rather than younger kids. It seems that every time something starts up for teens here, there is a struggle to try to keep it just for them. I think that I would address it with them as you have with us. Tell them that you really don't feel it will work for a mixed age group and that you really do want to keep it for the teens only. So many times, when the teens see that younger kids are coming then they won't come and participate and the thing will completely die out. Good luck with this. I struggled a few years ago to try to get a co-op established that would offer something worthwhile for all age groups. After I ended up withdrawing for various reasons, they dropped classes for older kids all together because the children of those running it were not that age yet. But they didn't look to the future and now that their children are getting to be that age, they have no group established and ready to receive them.... The groups that have been successful here have stated that it was for ages ---- to ---- ONLY and have explained why they are doing this. If you don't, it just won't happen. As you mention, there are plenty of other offerings for younger children, many more than for teens, and I'd tell them that, too. It's not that you're trying to split them up from their families; most homeschool events are for entire families. You are just attempting to create something for teens only to allow them to have more time with each other. That simply can not happen if one person here and another there bring along younger children to participate.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepymommy Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 In my area most all activities have an age range or state that all ages are welcome. There are plenty of teen only activities and no one I know of here thinks it odd to have it be just teens. They need their own activities especially since they are at a completely different level of learning. I think that especially if your offering it to be a drop off event that it shouldn't be a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I would just reiterate the ages and that drop offs are okay. I have three teens and a five year old. My teens need their time away from the little one just as much as I need a break and time with other moms! There is much much love between them, but she does seek their attention and then require their responsibility. I have to admit that I do have a bit of trouble with some of the activites my teens are involved in where parents bring along all the littles. The moms stay and chat, the littles run the room and the teens trying to conduct a meeting can barely hear themselves talk, let alone think. It's rude and chaotic, and unfair to the true group members. So, I totally understand where you are coming from. If you make no provision for the youngers and families to hang out, perhaps they'll get the message. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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