Desert Strawberry Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 My oldest is 8. We have been homeschooling him since he was 3. He has always been a bit on the...for lack of a better word...lazy side. He will always try to do as little as possible. In all things, but most noticably in his schoolwork. We are using Singapore Math and Explode the Code, writing in a journal and independant reading (his choice of book from the library). Other subjects we do as a group. His core (above) is pretty hands off, on my part. This is intentional, because I want him to be responsible for his own work. Most of the time, as long as the work is not too challenging, he does fine on his own. But if the work requires the least bit of effort on his part, he does sloppy, inadequate work unless I sit right next to him and walk him through it. I also notice that if anything disrupts our schedule (illness, holidays, dr appts, etc) he appears to completely forget the routine and will ask the same questions over and over. We have a schedule posted on the wall. It has been there for years. But he will ask over and over what has to be done, how much he has to do, what comes next, etc. He will "forget" to do half of the subjects. He will whine abou thow much he has to do. He will get up from the table and play with the other kids while I'm out of room, and then claim that he couldn't continue because I wasn't there to read a word to him. In his phonics book. That he is supposed to be reading to himself. He wants me to check every. single. step. of his math work. he will not do anything unless I hold his hand and walk him through it. We have implemented a reward system. I generally hate them, but it seems to work fairly well. he gets one hour of video games for each day that he does his work diligently, in a timely manor and with a good attitude. In the past 2 weeks, he has gotten one sticker. I am having a complicated pregnancy. I have 2 younger children. We have been sick. I can't sit with him and do all of his work with him. Most days we don't even get to the group work, because I'm sick and exhausted and he has dragged his core work out so far that there's no time, or I have no energy. I would be fine with doing less, but I'm not ok with him not doing anything. I don't know what to do. Is he just a slow learner? Does he need me to hold his hand and walk him through every. step. of every. lesson? Do I just have to make more time for him? He does have some learning problems and he is a slow reader. He's improving. maybe he just needs more help? I don't know what I can do to make him work more independantly. I set a timer. We have the rewards chart. It has helped a great deal with dawdling. But he still wants me to be deeply involved in his work. To the point that I feel like I'm doing the work and he's not. Any advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 He's 8. You likely need to readjust your expectations. Most of what you describe sounds very normal for an 8-yr-old; it's a young age for independent work, and having trouble getting back to the routine after disruptions is par for the course. Many children at that age just aren't developmentally ready for what seems to US to be very simple organizational tasks. Many need constant reminders, many need mom's finger pointing to the next item on the posted list :D It sounds like you guys are going through a stressful time right now. I think you'd be better off easing up on school in general for a few months, if you don't feel up to working with him. Just limit screen time and have a variety of good books, games, and so forth available. Don't turn this into an epic battle, y'know? If you CAN sit and work with him, great, let go of the independence dream and do that. If you simply cannot do it with a happy heart at this time, let it go for a bit. He's 8. There's time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Does he need me to hold his hand and walk him through every. step. of every. lesson? Probably. He's 8, and, generally, that's what children that age need. Do I just have to make more time for him? Yes. He does have some learning problems and he is a slow reader. He's improving. maybe he just needs more help? This is your answer. A non-struggling 8yo will generally have trouble working independently. One with learning issues, all the more so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 give it a couple years and he'll come around. It's the age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 I agree. You need to be more hands-on and available to him for his work. He's 8--he does need you to walk him through it sometimes. My dc work on their own for most subjects, but, we still do science (each does their own science so this is a lot of time for me), history (except their projects and assigned independent reading), and government together. I keep myself available during school hours to answer questions as they arise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Probably. He's 8, and, generally, that's what children that age need.(...) This is your answer. A non-struggling 8yo will generally have trouble working independently. One with learning issues, all the more so. :iagree: This is normal behavior for an 8yo. I have/had five 8yos and none of them did their work independently at that age. He needs you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 Another vote for sit next to him and help him. I am very hands on with both my 8 and 10 year olds. My 8 year old will do some independent work but I feel that I need to work closely with him so I am aware of what he is "getting" and what he is not. He also has the handwriting of a serial killer (yes, that is a joke;)), not due to laziness but fine motor skills issues which, IMO, are developmental. I think the major issue for you seems to be your complicated pg. Here's a :grouphug: for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 (edited) At 8 (I homeschooled her for the last few months of third grade), my daughter didn't do ANYTHING independently when it came to schoolwork. At 9, in fourth grade, she began doing SOME things independently. I went by what I knew she was comfortable with and good at. But if she felt she needed help/guidance or I felt she was going to struggle, I stayed with her. (So she'd have silent reading time, she'd do spelling review on her own and so forth, but writing assignments and math assignments would need hand-holding). Now, at 10, she's doing a few more things independently. (For instance, this year for the first time she's doing math pretty much on her own. She's beginning to be more independent with her writing assignments). But I still keep her company and/or "hold her hand" through other or harder things (or just things we enjoy doing together). I figure she will continue to get more independent each year. But I wouldn't have expected it at age 8. So, yes, I think you need to sit with him and help him more through his core assignments. Edited January 13, 2011 by NanceXToo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 I also wanted to add that when my oldest was eight, I expected a LOT from her. She seemed to me to be so capable and able to do all that I expected, but in truth I am not sure she was. Eight is very young, but doesn't seem so when it is your oldest. It seems its proper place when the youngest is eight though, and I would never expect from her what I did from her oldest sister. I had five children, two years apart and have been where you are. You have my sympathies! It was the busiest and most physically draining time of my life and I understand your feelings. I would strongly suggest you do what you can when you are well enough to do it and not expect him to teach himself. He really needs you to be the teacher as he is too young to do that. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Wow, I have these issues with my DD11. At 8 I would have been tired still but not surprised at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 gotta say that he seems to have an bad case of the 8s. IRRC, 8 was a craptastic year in our homeschool life. Combine that with knowing his mom is having a difficult pregnancy and even a small skill with organization will disappear. To be clear, I do not mean that he is taking advantage of your state. I mean to say that anxiety and concern are manifested oddly by young kids. He's going to need a lot from you and, of course, it's when you don't have a lot to give. One good thing about having 8yearold-itis is that it goes away with time. To be followed in a few years by puberty-its. Then he will get a full on case of teenageritis. 9 and 10 have been pretty good. At 10 my son shows signs of being fully human. Too bad he will soon have puberty-itis. I will miss this 10 year old person. I hope he shows up again in 8 or 9 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 (edited) He may well be your oldest, but he is only 8. I think --and I do feel for you-- that your expectations are off the mark. As the mother of 4, I know how difficult it can be. I don't have a lot of advice, as I don't think most WTM folks think it's OK to cool it in the early years. I am a huge- huge- huge, gigantic advocate of less -is -more. He could be a totally normal & wonderful kid who is 1000% 'burnt -out.' Edited January 13, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 (((hugs))) It's hard to know what to expect of your oldest. BTDT still doing that. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 He's 8. You likely need to readjust your expectations. Most of what you describe sounds very normal for an 8-yr-old; it's a young age for independent work, and having trouble getting back to the routine after disruptions is par for the course. Many children at that age just aren't developmentally ready for what seems to US to be very simple organizational tasks. Many need constant reminders, many need mom's finger pointing to the next item on the posted list :D It sounds like you guys are going through a stressful time right now. I think you'd be better off easing up on school in general for a few months, if you don't feel up to working with him. Just limit screen time and have a variety of good books, games, and so forth available. Don't turn this into an epic battle, y'know? If you CAN sit and work with him, great, let go of the independence dream and do that. If you simply cannot do it with a happy heart at this time, let it go for a bit. He's 8. There's time. :iagree::iagree: I've had 6 8 yos and have one more to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 :iagree: This is normal behavior for an 8yo.. You just described my boy, but his reward is ice cream and a trip to the Y with Papa. Exercise both energizes and relaxes him when it comes to work, BTW. :grouphug: You won't be preggers forever, and he won't be 8 for much longer, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leila Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Yes this is normal. I have 3 boys and pretty much at this age you don't have a choice but to sit with them so just to finish school work. I think it has to do with the maturity of boys being late and slow. Boys need more time from you at this age. It's hard I know especially if you have multiple kids. But eventually it will get better. My almost 11 y/o had changed so much for the last couple of months. He just now started to do things on his own. But I still a lot time in the morning just the two of us running through his schedule and things to do. Though slow at times, he does most of his work independently now. If you would have asked me last year, I would have said independent work is impossible to accomplish. But things change. Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Have you read anything about how kids in Finland are educated (they have the highest scores in the world)? Formal education doesn't even begin until age 7. In Finland, your little guy would not be considered lazy or behind. :) I offer this info to help you feel ok if you choose to relax a bit. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I know that for my eight year old, she works better when she's sitting right next to me. Some subjects will not get done if she isn't standing next to my desk so I can keep her on task the whole time. I don't have younger kids though, so I have that luxury. I bought my kids these cute lap desks for Christmas that have made us more mobile. Maybe you can do something similar and keep him with you, even while you rest and go about your day. I know that can get annoying, but maybe it'll help some. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thank you all so much. This is just the reality check I needed. I know I expect a lot from him, and I have so little to give. it's not a good combination. I will chill out. poor kid. I'll give him a big hug in the morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 An 8 year old working independently? I wouldn't be comfortable with that idea at all. I still sit with my children, ages 12, 14 and 18. They benefit from direct instruction and a partner who works with them. Even in high school, kids have adult interaction in their classes. And even if your child was highly gifted, he would still benefit from someone working with him. Also, he's 8 years old. That's really young. He's still full of the idea of playing. It doesn't mean he isn't ready for sit-down work, but your expectations may be too high. Why don't you ask what other 8 year olds are doing in terms of amount of work and independence level? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarinesWife Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 How was today? I agree with everyone else. :) When I sit and hand hold the kids boys they get done much quicker. I just get frustrated on the days they sit and do nothing. Grow your baby. Love your kids. Be nice to your husband. :tongue_smilie: The heavy school can wait. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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