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Want to share those Killgallon/Sentence Composing sentences....?


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Anyone have some first attempts, or some particularly inspired sentences, that they'd like to share?

 

My 10 y/o daughter just got to the point in "Sentence Composing for Elementary School" where she had to write her own imitation sentences.

 

I have to admit, she did hem and haw and act a bit nervous about doing this. She said it was "hard," she said she didn't know what to put, she took kind of a long time to come up with ideas, she needed a bit of guidance to make sure she was arranging things properly and here and there she needed a suggestion as to what word she could add in to make it flow more like the original...

 

...but in the end she did it, and I thought she did well, especially for her very first attempts!

 

Here's what we've got. First there was a model sentence, then there were lists of three sentence parts to "unscramble" to imitate the model, and then my daughter had to come up with her own sentence, imitating the model/s:

 

Model One:

 

"Four dolphins, swimming side by side, were pushing the raft through the water."

 

Unscrambled Sentence:

 

"Baby chimpanzees, tumbling over each other, were playing tug-of-war with a banana."

 

My daughter's imitation sentence:

"Little penguins, sliding over the ice, were falling into the ocean below."

 

Model Two:

 

"They parted the bushes on the bank and peered out over the water."

 

Unscrambled Sentence:

 

"The horses rounded the corner of the track and raced back toward the starting gate."

 

My daughter's imitation sentence:

 

"The baby broke her toy by the rug and cried out to her mama."

 

Model Three:

 

"The third girl, holding her own mirror, used an eyebrow pencil to give herself a heavy brow."

 

Unscrambled Sentence:

 

"The high school students, renewing the school's agricultural field, used the tractor to give the soil a good tilling."

 

My daughter's imitation sentence:

 

"The black cat, catching a mouse, used its sharp teeth to dig into the mouse's fat belly."

 

Model Four:

 

"Alan and Tom and Joe leaned on their shovels under a tree in the apple orchard, watching the worms they had dug squirming on a flat rock."

 

Unscrambled Sentence:

 

"Lions and tigers and bears roamed through the forest in the frightful land of Dorothy's imagination, prowling the territory they had traveled, searching for a fresh victim."

 

My daughter's imitation sentence:

 

"Mother and father and son sat on the couch in front of the window in the living room, watching the football game they had turned on, cheering the home team."

 

Again, I did have to give guidance with this. I had to keep showing her how to break the sentence down a part at a time, saying things like, "look, they are starting with three subjects. Now you come up with three subjects. Ok, see, now they have this- can you come up with something similar-" and basically going through the parts with her.

 

I assume eventually she'll be able to do it on her own.

 

How's it going with you guys?

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We're using Story Grammar for Elementary School with my 8 yo DS. Here's what he's come up with:

 

Model: In the hole lived Mr. Fox and Mrs Fox and their four small foxes.

His sentence: In the cave was a frog and a knife and several bronze spoons.

 

Model: Twice, when the train lurched, he sat up, looking around fiercely.

His sentence: Earlier, when the fish were swimming, I jumped in, paddling beside them quickly.

 

Model: When the Boy dropped off to sleep, the Rabbit would snuggle down under the Boy's warm chin and dream.

His sentence: After my friend left my house, I went into my big room under my covers and played. (I think we need to revisit this one)

 

Model: The darkness seemed to be pressing on their eyeballs as they stood terrified, waiting.

His: The moonlight seemed to be shining on the plants as I watched curiously, wondering.

 

Yours are wonderful!:001_smile:

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I've been trying to figure out how these books work and your two posts gave me very good insight! As a spin off, can you tell me which book appears to be easier? (BTW, I've contacted the publlisher three times for input and they just responded to say that they don't really know!) I have a third grade bio and two ESL children so I definitely need to start on the lower level! Thanks.

 

Jeri

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About how long does a lesson take?

 

It depends on what the lesson is. I've only done like 6 lessons so far and I haven't timed them specifically. But up until today I don't think we spent more than maybe 10-15 minutes on a lesson. Today's was a little longer as she needed a bit more time to think and was writing out more sentences than usual and I was giving her a bit more help than usual.

 

So based on the few I've done so far, I want to say anywhere from 10-30 minutes depending on what you're doing...? Maybe someone else who has been doing it longer/gotten farther can answer better.

 

(And sorry guys, I didn't mean to make you all spend money haha!)

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I've been trying to figure out how these books work and your two posts gave me very good insight! As a spin off, can you tell me which book appears to be easier? (BTW, I've contacted the publlisher three times for input and they just responded to say that they don't really know!) I have a third grade bio and two ESL children so I definitely need to start on the lower level! Thanks.

 

Jeri

 

Sorry I can't help, I only have the one book, and we've only been working on it since last week, so I'm not sure which would be considered easier!

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(And sorry guys, I didn't mean to make you all spend money haha!)

 

If only! I'm trying to buy a copy, but my order was cancelled after 2 months of waiting. To get a copy sent from the US would be upwards of $30. I'm contemplating following the method but making up my own examples.

 

Your sentences are inspiring, and encouraging me to not be put off by setbacks.

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If only! I'm trying to buy a copy, but my order was cancelled after 2 months of waiting. To get a copy sent from the US would be upwards of $30. I'm contemplating following the method but making up my own examples.

 

Your sentences are inspiring, and encouraging me to not be put off by setbacks.

 

Are you able to send paypal payments to someone in the U.S.? Maybe someone in the U.S. would order the book for you (if you paid for it in advance), and then maybe they'd be able to ship it to you in a way that costs less than the $30+ the company wants?

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Are you able to send paypal payments to someone in the U.S.? Maybe someone in the U.S. would order the book for you (if you paid for it in advance), and then maybe they'd be able to ship it to you in a way that costs less than the $30+ the company wants?

 

Thanks for the suggestion, but based on past experience, postage US to UK is ridiculously expensive. It's only worthwhile buying from the US if I can find a dealer that uses a bulk carrier for international mail.

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Thanks for the suggestion, but based on past experience, postage US to UK is ridiculously expensive. It's only worthwhile buying from the US if I can find a dealer that uses a bulk carrier for international mail.

 

Don't they sell the books at Amazon? Is Amazon better for shipping?

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This is a very timely post for us. My son just got to the point where he has to write his own imitation sentences and has really been having a hard time with it. I spent a little time studying the book this morning and today we wrote out each model sentence on the whiteboard, but only writing one chunk on each line and leaving lots of space beneath. Then, we labelled the model sentence parts of speech and wrote our own sentences beneath it. Labelling the parts of speech and matching our sentences to those really, really helped my son. I think we will spend the rest of this week just doing this.

 

Thanks for sharing your sentences. It's helpful to see what others are doing.

 

Lisa

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Question. If I had to buy just one book to get a feel for the program, which book should I buy? This is for a 9 year old. Thanks.

 

Susan

 

Either "Sentence Composing For Elementary School" or "Story Grammar for Elementary School." I really don't think it matters which one you start with, as far as I know. And I'm not sure if it's been determined yet which one is "easier." I planned on finishing one and then going on to the other if we liked the first one well enough.

 

This one ("Sentence Composing") is a little tough for my 10 y/o 5th grader when it comes to writing her own imitation sentences, which she's only done once so far (today), but the stuff leading up to it, she's done very well with. So I'll keep seeing how it goes as we continue with the book.

 

Then I figured that next year, in 6th grade, I'd get the other elementary school book, "Story Grammar," and then the following year I'd likely start the "middle school" series.

 

It does definitely seem that the "elementary school" ones are good for LATE elementary school, not early elementary school!

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You can get these at Amazon.com. I got the Middle School books - both of them. My daughter is dyslexic so we have mostly focused on sentence chunking and also using the sentences as dictation before she chunks them./

Here is one link.

http://www.amazon.com/Sentence-Composing-Elementary-School-Sentences/dp/0325002231/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1294802749&sr=1-5

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Either "Sentence Composing For Elementary School" or "Story Grammar for Elementary School." I really don't think it matters which one you start with, as far as I know. And I'm not sure if it's been determined yet which one is "easier." I planned on finishing one and then going on to the other if we liked the first one well enough.

 

This one ("Sentence Composing") is a little tough for my 10 y/o 5th grader when it comes to writing her own imitation sentences, which she's only done once so far (today), but the stuff leading up to it, she's done very well with. So I'll keep seeing how it goes as we continue with the book.

 

Then I figured that next year, in 6th grade, I'd get the other elementary school book, "Story Grammar," and then the following year I'd likely start the "middle school" series.

 

It does definitely seem that the "elementary school" ones are good for LATE elementary school, not early elementary school!

 

Thank you. That's good to know. I was looking at getting these for my daughter next year; she will turn 10 but in the 4th grade, but I might wait until she's in 5th grade. That sounds like a better plan, especially if they're difficult. I will bookmark these links. Great info.

 

Susan

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You know, I just looked on the site I ordered from and it has "Sentence Composing for Elementary School" listed as being for Grades K-5 (but I do NOT believe this is in ANY way suitable for K or 1st!!). Personally I wouldn't try it any sooner than 3rd grade and that's with a particularly bright kid, otherwise I do believe that anywhere from 4th to 6th would be good for a program like this (you'll have to use your own discretion of course, you may think it's just fine for your younger elementary school student or whatever).

 

And "Story Grammar for Elementary School" is listed as being for Grades 3-6 so based on that, I'm assuming that "Sentence Composing" is meant to be the "easier" one/the one to do first.

 

Just an FYI!

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My daughter did more sentences today. It was her second time coming up with her own sentences, and she did them a lot more independently than she did the other day! She had to read the model, then unscramble and combine a list of sentences to imitate the model, and then write her own model sentences. I won't bother posting the "unscrambled" ones here, I'll just post the original model sentence, and then her imitation sentence:

 

MODEL 1: Because he was so small, Stuart was often hard to find around the house.

 

MY DAUGHTER'S IMITATION 1: Because he was so good, he often got a treat in the kitchen.

 

*

 

MODEL 2: Outside, the lights of towns and villages flickered in the distance as the Polar Express raced northward.

 

MY DAUGHTER'S IMITATION 2: Far off, the snowy tops of hills and mountains gleamed like crystals as the full moon hit them.

 

(That one was my favorite. I loved that one! :D)

 

*

 

MODEL 3: The king gripped the arms of his chair, closed his eyes, clenched his teeth and sweated.

 

MY DAUGHTER'S IMITATION 3: The cat scratched the arm of the couch, meowed out loud, jumped to the table, and stretched.

 

*

 

MODEL 4: From the earliest times, rats lived around the edges of human cities and farms, stowed away on men's ships, gnawed holes in their floors and stole their food.

 

MY DAUGHTER'S IMITATION 4: In the treacherous seas, fish swam for their lives from sharks and birds, fed on green seaweed, ate pieces of bread and swam with other fish.

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I thought I would share the sentences my daughter wrote yesterday for Practice 5 (pages 10-11) in the Sentence Composing book.

 

Model 1:

"Little children, standing on their toes, pushed a package to their mother."

 

Model 2:

"The jogger rounded the bend of the street, and ran back to the gate."

 

Model 3:

"The kindergarten students, admiring their plant, used a watering can to give the plant water."

 

Model 4:

"A bear, a rabbit and a dog sat on Anna's bed in her house, watching her go by."

 

Your daughter wrote great imitation sentences. My daughter is 8 yrs old -- we've finished MCT Grammar Island, are half-way through Sentence Island and started doing Practice Island. I thought the MCT grammar curriculum was a good foundation before tackling Killgallon's book. I went through the examples with my daughter, but did not give any guidance other than that.

 

Anyone have some first attempts, or some particularly inspired sentences, that they'd like to share?

 

My 10 y/o daughter just got to the point in "Sentence Composing for Elementary School" where she had to write her own imitation sentences.

 

I have to admit, she did hem and haw and act a bit nervous about doing this. She said it was "hard," she said she didn't know what to put, she took kind of a long time to come up with ideas, she needed a bit of guidance to make sure she was arranging things properly and here and there she needed a suggestion as to what word she could add in to make it flow more like the original...

 

...but in the end she did it, and I thought she did well, especially for her very first attempts!

 

Here's what we've got. First there was a model sentence, then there were lists of three sentence parts to "unscramble" to imitate the model, and then my daughter had to come up with her own sentence, imitating the model/s:

 

Model One:

 

"Four dolphins, swimming side by side, were pushing the raft through the water."

 

Unscrambled Sentence:

 

"Baby chimpanzees, tumbling over each other, were playing tug-of-war with a banana."

 

My daughter's imitation sentence:

"Little penguins, sliding over the ice, were falling into the ocean below."

 

Model Two:

 

"They parted the bushes on the bank and peered out over the water."

 

Unscrambled Sentence:

 

"The horses rounded the corner of the track and raced back toward the starting gate."

 

My daughter's imitation sentence:

 

"The baby broke her toy by the rug and cried out to her mama."

 

Model Three:

 

"The third girl, holding her own mirror, used an eyebrow pencil to give herself a heavy brow."

 

Unscrambled Sentence:

 

"The high school students, renewing the school's agricultural field, used the tractor to give the soil a good tilling."

 

My daughter's imitation sentence:

 

"The black cat, catching a mouse, used its sharp teeth to dig into the mouse's fat belly."

 

Model Four:

 

"Alan and Tom and Joe leaned on their shovels under a tree in the apple orchard, watching the worms they had dug squirming on a flat rock."

 

Unscrambled Sentence:

 

"Lions and tigers and bears roamed through the forest in the frightful land of Dorothy's imagination, prowling the territory they had traveled, searching for a fresh victim."

 

My daughter's imitation sentence:

 

"Mother and father and son sat on the couch in front of the window in the living room, watching the football game they had turned on, cheering the home team."

 

Again, I did have to give guidance with this. I had to keep showing her how to break the sentence down a part at a time, saying things like, "look, they are starting with three subjects. Now you come up with three subjects. Ok, see, now they have this- can you come up with something similar-" and basically going through the parts with her.

 

I assume eventually she'll be able to do it on her own.

 

How's it going with you guys?

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  • 2 weeks later...

My daughter did two sentences today. I was very proud of her. She has a hard time composing coherent sentences that are not run-ons. Here are her two.

 

Model sentence – When I awoke, there were snowflakes on my eyes.

Unscrambled sentence - After the rain stopped, there was a rainbow in the sky.

 

Her sentence #1– After the girl fell, there were bruises on her leg.

 

Model sentence - Drawn by the scent of fish, the wild dogs sat on the hill, barking and growling at each other.

Unscrambled sentence - Covered with mud from the yard, the frisky puppy rolled on the carpet, yelping and trembling with delight.

 

 

Her sentence #2– Drenched in sweat from practice, the football player walked on the field, panting and breathing from exhaustion.

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You know, I just looked on the site I ordered from and it has "Sentence Composing for Elementary School" listed as being for Grades K-5 (but I do NOT believe this is in ANY way suitable for K or 1st!!). Personally I wouldn't try it any sooner than 3rd grade and that's with a particularly bright kid, otherwise I do believe that anywhere from 4th to 6th would be good for a program like this (you'll have to use your own discretion of course, you may think it's just fine for your younger elementary school student or whatever).

 

I would agree that the student ought to be working at a late elementary level for these books. Even with a highly gifted kid whose strong suit is LA, I can't see using these in K or 1.

 

Here are some of my DD's imitations from Grammar for Middle School:

 

Model: Drawn by the scent of fish, the wild dogs sat on the hill, barking and growling at each other.

Imitation: Rescued by her big sister, [name of younger DD] burped in [name of older DD]'s arms, giggling and swaying with delight.

 

Model: The girls of her class nearly fought to hang out around her, to walk away with her, to beam flatteringly, to be her special friend.

Imitation: A girl of fifteen years painfully yearned to drive with her friends, to go out on the town, to smile flirtatiously, to be grown up.

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I had to pull Sentence Composing off the shelf and try the first lesson when I saw your post. I was forced to go over the directions twice with my son (11). He seemed to miss that he was supposed to use the same parts of speech and same types of phrases and clauses as the model. His sentences started off with the model and then went off on their own tangent. You can see that some of them still do, yet the tangents sounded so good I was hesitant to correct them all the first time out.

 

However, I don't see how this "elementary" curriculum could be used without a previous understanding of fairly complex grammatical and literary forms: appositives, participial phrases, gerunds, and similes. When my son went off on a tangent instead of following the model, I'd ask him what that part he missed was. He'd answer in grammatical terms. Only then would he realize what he was supposed to write, saying something like "Oh yeah, I need a prepositional phrase here and three gerunds in a row in this other place." I think I'll continue it, as he seemed to enjoy it and he has those terms under his belt. This will be a fun way to use them in addition to diagramming, and will hopefully lead to more sentence variety in his writing.

 

Here are the results. Remember he is an 11 year old boy, and as Julie Bogart of Bravewriter says, boys' writing can be very violent but that's normal for boys even if their mothers worry about it!

 

MODEL:

Pieces of tree, / pieces of metal, /pieces of seat and airplane wing / gleamed in the moonlight.

 

HIS:

Orcish blades, / bloody limbs, / hacked carcasses and a red river of blood / was all that remained of the nation of Lorizan.

 

MODEL:

Crossing the lawn that morning, / Douglas Spaulding / broke a spider web with his face /when a single invisible line on the air / touched his brow /and snapped without a sound.

 

HIS:

Thinking of the Horde, / the Alliance / fought the orcs with their ballistas / when a minor barbarian on the sea / maimed Lorizan's kingdom / and plundered without much trouble.

 

MODEL:

Every sort of animal, / from bears to black beetles, / came sporting or shambling or scurrying / along their way, / and the high sky / that had been as sandy and arid as the soil itself / now blossomed with birds.

 

HIS:

All the Nations / from Azeroth to Stormgarde / came slaying or killing or maiming / around the Portal / and the runestones / that had been as monolithic and evil as the Portal itself /now burst with flame.

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Here are the results. Remember he is an 11 year old boy, and as Julie Bogart of Bravewriter says, boys' writing can be very violent but that's normal for boys even if their mothers worry about it!

 

MODEL:

Pieces of tree, / pieces of metal, /pieces of seat and airplane wing / gleamed in the moonlight.

 

HIS:

Orcish blades, / bloody limbs, / hacked carcasses and a red river of blood / was all that remained of the nation of Lorizan.

 

MODEL:

Crossing the lawn that morning, / Douglas Spaulding / broke a spider web with his face /when a single invisible line on the air / touched his brow /and snapped without a sound.

 

HIS:

Thinking of the Horde, / the Alliance / fought the orcs with their ballistas / when a minor barbarian on the sea / maimed Lorizan's kingdom / and plundered without much trouble.

 

MODEL:

Every sort of animal, / from bears to black beetles, / came sporting or shambling or scurrying / along their way, / and the high sky / that had been as sandy and arid as the soil itself / now blossomed with birds.

 

HIS:

All the Nations / from Azeroth to Stormgarde / came slaying or killing or maiming / around the Portal / and the runestones / that had been as monolithic and evil as the Portal itself /now burst with flame.

 

Oh that is Spectacular! Your child needs no help in the Creative Writing department. I laughed so loud when I read the first one, my kids ran over demanding to hear them all.

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Dear Foxbridge,

 

Thanks! I hope your kids don't have nightmares after reading about the violent world of Lorizan!

 

He may be okay with creative writing, but immediately after doing this exercise we struggled for two hours rewriting three non-fiction paragraphs for a persuasive essay. It was torture. Clearly these are two different skills.

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However, I don't see how this "elementary" curriculum could be used without a previous understanding of fairly complex grammatical and literary forms: appositives, participial phrases, gerunds, and similes.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I tried doing this with my oldest and it made getting through Story Grammar very challenging. In retrospect, I should have taken her through at least one level of MCT first. That is what I'm planning to do with my younger kids.

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Burleygirl, your daughter did very well with her sentences! And yes my daughter tends to do run on sentences, too! We keep working on that!

 

Crimson Wife,

lol at "burping"- the second sentence was really good! Yeah, as we continue to work our way through Sentence Composing, I continue to be very surprised this is in any way recommended for early elementary. If we would have tried this earlier than fifth grade, which is where we're at now, (POSSIBLY fourth grade with even more hand-holding than I give now), it would have been misery for both of us.

 

Kalmia,

Yes, my daughter sometimes misses some of that stuff, too, (that she's supposed to use the same parts of speech, types of phrases etc)- sometimes she will say something that doesn't quite fit- but overall she continues to do pretty well. I do continue to do it WITH her though, I could never just give it to her and say "here go do one of these practices on your own."

 

He did do very well with his sentences by the way!

 

Anyway, we're going to continue with this and I'll be paying attention to whether it seems to be affecting her other writing assignments in a positive way- I'm still undecided whether I'm going to go on to "Story Grammar" next year, I'll decide after we finish "Sentence Composing."

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Here is one more recent one my daughter did that I especially liked, by the way:

 

MODEL: The fire made him think of home, of food and warmth and company, of faces around the evening circle, of the drone of old men's voices, telling their endless tales of daring.

 

MY DAUGHTER'S IMITATION: The trees made her think of fall, of pumpkins and pie and candy, of colored leaves on the Oak tree, of the whistling of a gust of wind, telling the story of its travels.

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