fairfarmhand Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I am running into more and more parents who do not allow their children, say ages 8 and older to do sleepovers at other people's homes. Fine with me, doesn't offend me at all, to each his own. I allow it only for parents I know VERY well. There are perhaps 4 families that I know well enough to allow my kids to stay overnight at their home. For those who do not, what are your reasons? Some people I know have had bad experiences. Others, simply say that is messes up their lives to have sleepy grumpy children all the next day, and they just don;t want to bother with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I can't imaging growing up without sleepovers. We always had a lot of fun. They usually weren't large groups maybe 4 or 5 girls and my mom did know the parents pretty well. My best friend and I spent many nights at each others house especially in the summers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Well, I think that sleeping over... at an age where the child is able to be "trusted" is great!! I love my daughter being able to have sleepovers. I think around 8 is a good age... if you know the parents. With just meeting the parents... and my daughter being 12... I'm fine with it. She's over 3 inches taller than me... and VERY strong :) That may help a bit... Of course I don't just "dump" her off anywhere... But... we live in a pretty small town... Also.. when we do sleepovers... my husband isn't ever left alone... so as to not have any "suspicions"... I'm actually more worried about (wrong) assumptions while kids are spending the night at our house.... Probably because I've heard so many horror stories... And... of course... in our town... there has been at least one public school teacher (male) and one ps teacher (female) in the last couple of years.... that m*lested a child. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Yes. We allow sleepovers with families we trust, and have hosted sleepovers with cousins. :) We started with family (Grandma, Grandpa, cousins) around age 6. Now ds10 has friends who are hosting and able to sleep over. It's a lot of fun. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Relatives - yes, everyone else - no. Sleepovers seemed to be the expected thing at the school we started with and there were definitely people who would have been insulted to be singled out if we had allowed it for others. It was just easier to have a blanket "no sleepover" policy than try to justify why my child would not be sleeping at your house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I do. My kids have lots of friends that they have sleep overs with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Yes. We do allow sleepovers. We are planning a slumber party for my oldest son this summer (although, we aren't sure if it will have a "camp out" theme, or if it will be ensconced in the media room with snacks, pre-selected movies, and wii games...) My daughter will host her first "slumber party" at our house for her 10th birthday. I have also allowed my children to sleep over at various friends' homes... but that has only been the oldest two thus far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 (edited) No. Although my daughter has gone to away camp (not sure if that counts). In the case of an emergency we'd watch our friend's children overnight (just as they've watched ours overnight when hubby was in surgery) but we don't make it a regular social event. We don't invite children over to our house for sleepovers. My husband is a public school teacher. All it would take is a troubled child making a false accusation and he'd never be able to teach again. The bottom line for me is that my sister and I had bad experiences with sleepovers and I don't find that the benefits outweigh the risks. Thankfully we don't live near family because we have enough dysfunction that I'd never allow my children to sleep over at a relative's house either. It has never really been an issue though. My children have never been asked to a sleepover. I think our circle of friends just doesn't do that very often as most of our crowd are public school teachers. Edited January 10, 2011 by Daisy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 We have a couple of families I would allow sleep overs with. It has only come up twice though. We do let the boys go camping overnight with others and we do allow them to go to camp. Both are with SELECT groups, but still. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngieW in Texas Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Yes, but not very often. Only my youngest still does sleepovers and they're pretty rare for her since she has had sleeping problems for the past year. My middle and oldest don't like sleepovers. They want to sleep in their own beds and not have anyone else in the room with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Relatives - yes, everyone else - no. This is us as well, for the little boys. Even then, uh, there are family members who would get a 'no'. The stepkids are another story, since they're older; plus, we only have so much say in policys such as this, since they live with their mother as well. I'm just not comfortable with it. Perhaps when the boys are older; I just don't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Relatives - yes, everyone else - no. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Outside of relatives' homes, there has only been one friend whose house my daughter has been invited to sleep over so far, and she was 9 when it first came up. I did allow it (I don't know the parents EXTREMELY well but I've met them a few times, and the girls had been friends since preschool, go to Girl Scouts together, the girl's aunt is their Girl Scout leader, and they live in the same town as us) etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeytolily Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I grew up having sleepovers with my cousins, but that was it. I'm doing the same with my kids. If there were some sort of emergency, I do have (very few) friends that I would trust to keep my kids overnight. I just like to have my children close by! Veronica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 We had one family and one family only that we did sleepovers with. Period. (waving at AnotherLinda!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratia271 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 duplicate post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratia271 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 We only have them with relatives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abigail4476 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 If it's close friends, and we have met the parents, then I'm okay with it. Beyond that, there's some measure of danger in letting your child spend the night with a virtual stranger (in the form of the host parents and other siblings in the house). We don't allow our girls to spend the night with: 1. friends who have teenage brothers. 2. friends whose single parent has a live-in bf or gf 3. friends who have extraneous males living in the house (uncles, cousins, adult male friends) 4. friends whose parents or other family members smoke or drink (or worse) 5. friends whose parents we haven't met 6. friends with homosexual parents in the house These are our rules; some of them are based on religious preferences, but most of them are rooted in statistics regarding molestation, rape and abuse. We have made a few exceptions, but they are few and far between. Actually, the only one I can think of is a divorced father who we've known for years; we allowed both girls to spend the night with his daughter. The only way I could ease my mind about that was to make it both girls or neither one. Rules are discussed with our kids; not other kids' parents--unless a parent asks me directly. We do not use the following factors to determine who our children can befriend or party with: 1. Race 2. Culture 3. Religion Conversely, they can invite just about anyone to our house, as long as that kid doesn't smoke, drink, do drugs, steal or promote promiscuity or immorality. :D Our rules are personal, and they aren't open for debate or discussion (well, we can discuss them here--I mean with other people and their kids). I'm not going to apologize to other parents for our rules, and if they are offended, that's alright with me. Our children's safety takes priority over their feelings. Not that I'm going to be purposely obnoxious about our choices--but I'm not going to apologize or compromise. I also reserve the right to say no if I get a bad vibe, if someone makes me feel uneasy, if I feel their home is unsafe for some reason or for any other reason that can't be explained to the host family. :tongue_smilie: The parents of one of my girls' best friends were divorced a couple of years ago. They had always been on the "allowed list", and last summer my 15 (then 14) year old went with her friend, friend's Mom and friend's sister to Texas for vacation. We didn't find out until LATER that "Uncle T" also went along and stayed IN the suite, which thankfully had separate bedrooms. He turned out to not be an "uncle" at all--he was the Mom's bf. I raised the roof about it with my daughter, because she should have told me the moment she found out (but she didn't, because she knew I wouldn't let her go and/or would have had her cousin who lives in Fort Worth drive over and pick her up). They weren't allowed to spend the night with their friend while Uncle T was living with them. At first the Mom threw a fit, and said if my girls couldn't spend the night with them, that her daughter couldn't spend the night here. However, she got over it, and let her daughter start coming over again. (And now Uncle T. is no more.) What she didn't understand was that I wasn't making a statement about morality so much as just not wanting a strange, unattached, uncommitted male in the house with my daughters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the4Rs Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Mine are not old enough yet. But when they reach age 8 or 9 I will let them with a few close family friends. Honestly I'd let her sleep over at 4 friends houses because I know the parents well. My parents let us have sleepovers and never questioned if we knew the parents nor did they even try to meet them. I remember as a kid and young teen thinking it was odd that they never cared. So there will be parameters for my kids but overall sleepovers can be fun. However I will never allow odd numbers because someone always gets left out. I remember that too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisychics Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 No sleepovers. I'm controlling that way. :D I just can't do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommee & Baba Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 As for now, no. We don't allow this with any relatives *because my family is just not trust-worthy*...however I would allow my dh's family to have the kids overnight as we trust them. I would allow kids overnight at our home, but I won't allow the kids overnight at anyone's home right now. I'm just not a person that trusts people even if I've known them all my life...I've been hurt by those close to me so I think that's why I'm so against it right now. Maybe once the kids are older it'll change my mind, but for now..dh and I are on the same page. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
golfcartmama Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 We allow it as long as we know and trust the parents. There are some parents I know super well, but wouldn't let my kids stay there. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 My boys are past planned sleepovers but had them at our house, and went to friends when they were younger. Up until about age 10, we knew the parents well. In middle school, I just had to trust my instinct. Now, it's more of a "hey, it's late, can I stay here, Ms. Cathie?", or elder dh will call and say "it's late, I'm staying at so and so's house". So far, it's mostly been just guys. Except for once, and the young lady slept in ds's room, he and the other guys got floors and couches. She was not the gf of any of the guys, not that it would have mattered, her parents didn't want her driving home in the storm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I should add that one of my son's regular sleepovers in elementary school was at this guy's house... http://www.amazon.com/Enter-Past-Tense-Secret-Assassin/dp/1597971871/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1294716293&sr=8-1 ... He did not look that scary at home. We always hung out and visited, his wife is a real sweetheart, always so kind to elder ds. His son came to our house often too. We were blown away when the book came out. We moved and lost touch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 My kids do, and they absolutely love them. I wouldnt stop them but I can understand parents not allowing them. I dont really like them at all...here or when they go elsewhere...because they never get enough sleep and come home grumpy and not their best. It can sometimes take a few days to get over it too. But worst are Scout camps where they are physically workng hard then hardly getting any sleep. They come home wrecked and I used to lose a couple of days school sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leighton Academy Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 We used to frequently host and let our sons do sleepovers with our neighbors. Since moving though, we don't know any families well enough to even entertain the idea. My boys loved it and it was nice that there were a hundred feet away if there were any issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest momk2000 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 No we don't do sleepovers with friends. We do allow the children to sleepover at a relatives house though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 My kids would be so sad if we didn't allow sleepovers. There's a risk in everything.... BUT, it's the whole...... is it worth more to LET the kids do it... than to not let them experience the fun and experience. It's the same type of discussion as... "Do you let your kids walk to the store?" etc.... Age is important in the discussion... but I don't want my kids to grow up being scared.... Careful.... yes!! Scared, no! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 My kids are 6. They routinely do sleepovers. While it's not with a huge range of kids yet, I have zero suspicion of any of the parents or siblings in our social circle and wouldn't hesitate to let them sleep over with any of their friends who asked if they wanted to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Nope. No sleepovers out or in my home either. My dd goes once a year to her girl's club end of the school year sleep over at the church, but it is only girls allowed and all of the mothers are there as well. They lock the doors at night and we all sleep on the floor in inflatable beds. That's the closest to a sleep over that she comes. My son is Autistic, he doesn't even sleep in his own house and would probably ransack someone else's before trying to escape from it. I don't think sleep overs are on his radar. ;) :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) Yes, my eldest ds does sleep over with select families. He has slept over with three families to be exact. I trust my instincts when it comes to sleeping over (or not). I do understand that families have their own rules regarding sleepovers and I respect those rules. I recently discussed sleeping over with another parent and broached the topic in this way: "DS has mentioned to me that he would like to have a sleepover with your DS. I understand that some families do not do sleepovers. How does your family handle them?" It hasn't come up yet, but at this point I don't think so. I hate to be like that, but there is a local story about a 12 year old shooting his friend because his parent's didn't secure their gun and they were playing around with it. I can now not get this story out of my head. What do I do now? Ask the parents if they own a gun? If I knew the family, that would be one thing, but I don't really know a lot of people. It is hard for me to trust people I don't know very well. :crying: This is what I do. One family does own guns. I am friends with the mother. I explained my reservations regarding guns and asked her to show me that they were locked up securely before I allowed my child to sleep in her home. Edited January 11, 2011 by Pretty in Pink Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rawbanana Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 So far, no. Our girls are ages 10, 8, 7 and 5. I can think of THREE families right off the top of my head that I would allow a sleepover with. I think as my girls get closer to 13 and 14, we may start to think about it, but for now, no. I mean, all 4 girls share a room, so its like a sleepover every night, right? =) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieH Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Yes, but only with parents we know and trust. And it's still an occasional thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Most of the time I don't allow my kids to go, and we don't really have extra space to have others over, which I don't like anyway. When oldest dd was 12/13 I would let her go to a friend's home for a "slumber party." Not only would she be too tired the next day, but she told me that most of the other girls wanted to play a truth or dare type of game; dd and two others separated themselves from those girls. I never went out at night after parents went to bed, but I understand that's a popular thing to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 My boys are past planned sleepovers but had them at our house, and went to friends when they were younger. Up until about age 10, we knew the parents well. In middle school, I just had to trust my instinct. Now, it's more of a "hey, it's late, can I stay here, Ms. Cathie?", or elder dh will call and say "it's late, I'm staying at so and so's house". So far, it's mostly been just guys. Except for once, and the young lady slept in ds's room, he and the other guys got floors and couches. She was not the gf of any of the guys, not that it would have mattered, her parents didn't want her driving home in the storm. How many husbands do you have :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 We have only allowed it with family, because I feel that I don't really know other people and what may go on in their homes well enough to trust that my kids would be safe there. I am actually not especially comfortable with family either, just because I don't always trust their judgement either. For example, my one adult daughter thinks it is perfectly okay to work a double shift from 3 pm to 7 am, get two hours sleep and then drive the kids to an activity that is an hour away on the highway. Not my kids. I don't allow my kids to invite friends here because I don't want to explain why I won't allow them to reciprocate, and also because of DH's job and the damage a false accusation could cause. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarleneW Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I can't imaging growing up without sleepovers. We always had a lot of fun. They usually weren't large groups maybe 4 or 5 girls and my mom did know the parents pretty well. My best friend and I spent many nights at each others house especially in the summers. Me too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 My kids have had sleepovers, both here and at other kids' houses, from the age of 7 or 8. Many kids here do sleepover birthday parties for 3-4 close friends rather than a big blow-out during the day. We're good friends with another family whose kids are the same age, and the 4 kids generally have a sleepover once a month or so, alternating between their house and ours. We had a tent up in the backyard all last summer, so all the kids slept out there a lot. The kids love having sleepovers — we usually put sleeping bags in the living room and order pizza, then after dinner they watch movies and eat popcorn. In the morning I cook a big breakfast once everyone's up. I've never actually had a problem with grumpy kids the next day, but maybe because they're so used to it, they all generally get to sleep by 10:30 or so and sleep in a little bit. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 My kids have slept over at my inlaws house since we moved to Missouri. Almost every Friday night. Genevieve turned one shortly after we moved here, so yeah, she was very very young when we started that. My inlaws live only about 7 minutes away. My inlaws are very trustworthy and totally awesome people. :) For friends, I've let them spend the night with female friends when I know and trust the parents. They've always been laid back about sleeping over at someone else's house. I wouldn't allow co-ed sleepovers and I wouldn't allow it happening terribly often so that it disrupted our schedule. The thing with my inlaws, well, that is part of our schedule, and even though I know they stay up late and do get a bit spoiled, they still have rules to follow and are expected to behave themselves and so on. I grew up having sleepovers with friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abigail4476 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 ...This is what I do. One family does own guns. I am friends with the mother. I explained my reservations regarding guns and asked her to show me that they were locked up securely before I allowed my child to sleep in her home. This is one of my biggest worries. Years ago my Dad gave me a pistol, and I had my husband put it up and then he put the bullets in a completely different place. I don't even know where it is, so it's completely useless to me if anyone ever breaks in. I wish it wasn't even in the house. :glare: 14 year old girl shot and killed at a slumber party Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 We have not yet allowed sleepovers, and our oldest is almost 9. We've not had the opportunity for her to stay at a grandparent's house without us, since the grandparents don't live close enough for that to happen very well, but I'd be okay with that at this point for her and DS1 if they wanted to. We haven't allowed sleepovers yet partly because we really don't know other parents quite well enough yet to feel comfortable with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 For me, it's less awkward to have a blanket no policy (other than cousins) than to explain why it would be OK to go to S's house but not J's house, etc. That may change, but it works for us now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 This is one of my biggest worries. Years ago my Dad gave me a pistol, and I had my husband put it up and then he put the bullets in a completely different place. I don't even know where it is, so it's completely useless to me if anyone ever breaks in. I wish it wasn't even in the house. :glare: 14 year old girl shot and killed at a slumber party Which, is why since I live in Hunter's country... I should always remember to ask about guns!!! I'm a bit paranoid.... and though my husband can win about tons of issues.. Guns are not one of them... Not coming in my house.... Not gonna happen!!!!! He can have them at work... but seriously... it's non negotiable. I'm really sorry... wish it was ok... but it's not. Course, anyone who knows us... we're still protected... he has a serious knife inside his nightstand... and maybe a bat somewhere up there. He was a marine... the person would be dead... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 All my dc have had sleepovers except ds2--unless you count Grandma's house, in which case they all have. :D We like sleepovers here, though I know several families who don't do them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 My dds have sleepovers with one family other than our own family. We've known them for almost 7 years. If I don't know the family my dds will not stay there. I had many sleepovers growing up but I grew up in the same small town my parents went to school so they knew most of the parents for many years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 How many husbands do you have :lol: :lol: oops.... elder dear son! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 We allow it, yes, but I am going to be less enthusiastic as dd gets older, to be honest. At the moment there are 2 families she sleeps over at, there used to be another although that friendship has faded. I know the mothers through homeschooling, although not really well. She has two other homeschooling friends who are not allowed sleepovers, or at least, not with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorganClassicalPrep Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Wow. I'm surprised at how many people don't allow sleepovers. All through middle school/early high school, I had sleepovers at my house pretty much every weekend. 3-5 of my closest friends would walk home from school with me and stay until Monday morning and walk back to school with me. We had so much fun! I've pretty much lost contact with all but one of those girls, but when we do run into each other/talk online, it always comes up. With that said, I can see how people wouldn't feel comfortable with it. I haven't really decided what will happen as DD gets older. For now, she has only spent a handful of nights away from me, and all with her grandparents. I'm sure I'll be much quicker to HOST sleepovers than to let DD go to other houses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmmiSays Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 No, we don't allow our children to go to any. I can never really "know" someone or their spouse or even their children well enough to be comfortable with sending my children to sleep at their house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddykate Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 We don't do sleepovers - at all. Every bad thing that I was ever exposed to as a child happened while at a sleepover....smoking, forced to watch p*rn, and other equally disturbing things. And these were with my cousins and other very "trusted" people. When my dc have been invited to sleepovers, we allow them to go until bedtime, (say, 10pm or so) and then bring them home. They get to have fun with their friends while the parents/adults are all still around and awake. Then they come home to sleep. It is inconvenient to get out that late to pick them up, but we think it is the best of both worlds. We don't have other children sleep over, either. I don't sleep well myself when there is someone else in my house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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