A question on confession....

[simka2]

For those who practice this as a part of their faiths. How do you do it if it has been severely tainted? As in you did in the past, but the spiritual authority you confessed too used the information to hold you hostage. "You will do what I say or I will expose what you have confessed."

 

What if the very thought makes you nauseous and starts off an anxiety attack?!

[Shelly in IL]

Sometimes we do that if the subject matter hits too close to home. However, I have had no reason not to trust any of our priests. I would definitely be wary of going to the person you described. That does not sound right, and he/she should not know who you are - it should be private, right?

[simka2]

Sometimes we do that if the subject matter hits too close to home. However, I have had no reason not to trust any of our priests. I would definitely be wary of going to the person you described. That does not sound right, and he/she should not know who you are - it should be private, right?

 

 

My situation was a bit complicated as it was in a protestant church of which dh was a staff pastor.

 

As a result I have been on a roller coaster of a spiritual journey, but I am having leanings that are pre-reformation. That said....this is one of those hurdles I am struggling with ;).

[mommaduck]

I posted four posts in the EOC social group ;)

[Shelly in IL]

.

[Caitilin]

The RCC and, I imagine, the EOC, regard what is said in the confessional as sealed, and the info may not be disclosed, even in court. There should be no reason for you to worry that anything you say would be held over your head as a threat. :grouphug: Simka. Hope you can find peace.:grouphug:

[Brigitte]

For those who practice this as a part of their faiths. How do you do it if it has been severely tainted? As in you did in the past, but the spiritual authority you confessed too used the information to hold you hostage. "You will do what I say or I will expose what you have confessed."

 

What if the very thought makes you nauseous and starts off an anxiety attack?!

 

In the RCC, the priest does not "remember" the confession and cannot hold it against you in any way. I don't know what confession is like in protestant churches (heck, I didn't think they had it!), so I can't comment on that. I would suggest going to another confessor in the future. I generally make use of our parishes Penance services where many priests from other churches come to hear confessions. It makes it easier to go. I have to say, I always feel better after and wonder why I dread it.

[simka2]

In protestant churches it's not as formalized, but it does still exist under the guise of "counsel."

 

I realize it is a different "type," but it is scary :D.

 

Anyway, thanks all!

[elegantlion]

My situation was a bit complicated as it was in a protestant church of which dh was a staff pastor.

 

As a result I have been on a roller coaster of a spiritual journey, but I am having leanings that are pre-reformation. That said....this is one of those hurdles I am struggling with ;).

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[mommaduck]

In protestant churches it's not as formalized, but it does still exist under the guise of "counsel."

 

I realize it is a different "type," but it is scary :D.

 

Anyway, thanks all!

Yes, they will term it in various ways to avoid it being compared to "catholic confession". However, because of this looseness, there are no rules or boundaries set upon the pastor and they can do what they want with it. This is where the problem begins. I've also seen such used as forms of "witch hunts".

[Soror]

I like talking face to face for confession myself, all our priests have been nothing short of wonderful. There is always the choice of doing it behind the screen or doing it at a penance service with priests you do not know though. I can see how that would be a horrible experience. I want to say though I was terrified of confession when joining the church but it has such a blessing.

[lamamaloca]

In the Catholic Church, whatever is said in confession is considered protected by a seal. A priest would be in incredible amounts of trouble, as in excommunicated, for violating that seal. Besides that, it is usually possible to go to confession anonymously, behind a screen or veil, so that the priest likely wouldn't know who you were, in any case.

[MomOfOneFunOne]

Dear Simka,

 

This is my heartfelt advice to you. I beg you to take it. Ask in your community, among ppl you trust, who is an extremely compassionate or holy confessor (If you were here I know exactly the priest). Do not go to confession at the "10 minutes before all masses" time but call and ask for a confession time. When you go, and take tissue though if you forget, there will be plenty there, be prepared by writing things down. In the emotional flood, things get lost.

 

Then begin your confession in the regular way but instead of cataloging your sins, tell him that you have been hurt by an illegitimate so-called confession and what happened. You may never even get to confessing in that confession but he will hear you and confort you and help you through an authentic confession that will be so healing.

 

Our Lord awaits you in this sacrament. Please don't let yourself be robbed of it by the snakes of your past. If that is the case, he has the opportunity to hurt you twice and even more if you continue to forgo this holy sacrament.

 

Oh, Simka . . . If you're in Tulsa I can tell you a great priest. If not, pls ask around. Someone will tell you and you'll feel so relieved. I promise.

Edited January 10, 2011 by MomOfOneFunOne

[simka2]

Dear Simka,

 

This is my heartfelt advice to you. I beg you to take it. Ask in your community, among ppl you trust, who is an extremely compassionate or holy confessor (If you were here I know exactly the priest). Do not go to confession at the "10 minutes before all masses" time but call and ask for a confession time. When you go, and take tissue though if you forget, there will be plenty there, be prepared by writing things down. In the emotional flood, things get lost.

 

Then begin your confession in the regular way but instead of cataloging your sins, tell him that you have been hurt by an illegitimate so-called confession and what happened. You may never even get to confessing in that confession but he will hear you and confort you and help you through an authentic confession that will be so healing.

 

Our Lord awaits you in this sacrament. Please don't let yourself be robbed of it by the snakes of your past. If that is the case, he has the opportunity to hurt you twice and even more if you continue to forgo this holy sacrament.

 

Oh, Simka . . . If you're in Tulsa I can tell you a great priest. If not, pls ask around. Someone will tell you and you'll feel so relieved. I promise.

Thanks! Your post has made me cry! I'm trying not to let the past win...hence the questions :D. Sometimes, I'm stronger in pressing forward than others. It is a process.

[FaithManor]

Simka (((HUGS))) I am so sorry this happened to you. My best suggestion is that if you are leaning EOC or some other regular confessing faith, that you begin by just trying to build a friendship with the priest or clergy member. Baby steps towards healing. Don't share personal things other than you have been deeply hurt in this area and ask for prayer. I think that EOC priests and deacons are very loving or at least that is what we are finding out as we explore. I think the priest or deacon will actually be pained personally that you have been through such an abuse of power. That abuse is SIN and the person who abused that authority not only needs to confess that sin to God, but needs to ask you for forgiveness. However, power mongers have a tendancy not to see their own faults so it isn't likely you'll have that happen but over time, with loving counsel from a loving authority and God's mercy, you will be able to give it to Him who knows all and weeps with you.

 

Just baby step forward. Maybe after several sessions with the priest, you will be able to develop a trust that allows you to let a little of your heart show. EOC priests seem to be very patient as they do not see the faith as a race that has to be won today, but a slow and beautiful process of becoming more Christlike and so they don't feel the urgency that Evangelical Pastors may feel towards getting that "confession" out of you. We are finding that the closest EOC priest here, unfortunately four hours away so difficult for us to do more than look in from the outside, is a very sweet natured, loves Jesus with his whole heart, completely committed to helping others, takes his calling seriously, and would be crushed if he thought he hurt someone, kind of guy. I am hearing great things about the ladies in his parish so I suspect that wonderful counsel goes out from woman to woman with a very loving spirit as this seems to be the emphasis. They appear to both embrace their own faults and manage to be a hospital for the hurting...love the sinners, instead of shooting their wounded.

 

Faith

[~Kirsten~]

Would it be possible for you to do a non-face-to-face Confession? I know I've been reading your threads with great interest, as I just joined the RCC this year. But I can't remember what direction you're leaning, and I don't know whether EO churches have only face-to-face Confession or allow for a behind-the-screen one.

 

Anyway, given your situation, I would first do exactly what MomofOne suggests. That can be face-to-face, obviously. Then, in the future, I'd stay behind a screen if it's a possibility. That keeps you anonymous until your anxiety decreases. Also, start praying about this now! As a Catholic, I believe firmly that the Holy Spirit is present and working through the sacrament of Reconciliation, and the Holy Spirit can begin to bring you peace and comfort right NOW, before you even go, or better, can help you discern if a Church that practices Reconciliation is a place for you. I'm so sorry to hear you were betrayed in such a deep and horrible way. That is certainly the opposite of what Confession is supposed to bring.

 

Not to make this incredibly long or all about me, but I actually went to Reconciliation pretty early in my conversion process simply because I was skeptical of the necessity. Because I was already baptized, the sacrament was available to me (apparently, there's a bit of debate on this, but from my research, one has to go to Confession before participating in the Eucharist in RCC; EO is different with Confession following the first Communion, I believe). It was the best thing I could do, as it confirmed for me, beyond a doubt, that I belonged in the Catholic Church. It was not at all what I expected, in a very awesome way.

 

Anyway, obviously, if you're having anxiety about this, I'd definitely suggest talking with a priest or a Confessor as soon as you can, and don't consider it a "confession." And pray, pray, pray. You'll be in my prayers, for sure. :grouphug:

[mommaduck]

EOC only does face to face confessions. The idea is that your priest (or monk should you opt to go to a monastery) gets to know you and is aware of YOUR special life circumstances, sees what you deal with, and can counsel/guide accordingly. One friend and I may both come in with the same issue, but his advice may be different to each of us because we are married to different men, have a different number of children, have had different childhoods, have different strengths/weaknesses/fears, etc. We sit in two chairs almost across from each other, but also semi facing a wall with icons. There is a small carpet on the floor. We talk, I talk, whichever. When all is done, I kneel on the floor facing the icon wall, he places the "scarf" he wears over my head with his hands and prays for me as well as pronouncing the absolution (this is not HIM forgiving me, but rather reassuring me that God forgives me). When he speaks the absolution, he states that it's for both what I've brought up during confession and for what I have not brought up.

[Lovedtodeath]

Of course, Simka, this may not relate to your OP or your situration...:grouphug:

 

Wasn't everyone aware of what was confessed in the Bible? After King David confessed I am pretty sure that it wasn't kept a secret. In my faith, the main reason for confessing is to receive help from others to help prevent you from repeating the sin.

[simka2]

Of course, Simka, this may not relate to your OP or your situration...:grouphug:

 

Wasn't everyone aware of what was confessed in the Bible? After King David confessed I am pretty sure that it wasn't kept a secret. In my faith, the main reason for confessing is to receive help from others to help prevent you from repeating the sin.

 

But it wasn't as if David was going to fired, driven from his home and community, publicly shamed, and rejected by his family...for his confession!

[Carol in Cal.]

In the historic Lutheran church, confession and absolution are corporate, and comprise the first part of the liturgical service of Word and Sacrament. Private confession is optional.

 

Lutherans examine themselves before church (actually, they are supposed to do daily contrition and repentance) but these are mostly between the individual and God. If they have sinned against someone in particular, they are to reconcile with that person before coming to church.

 

Again, private confession to a pastor is optional. It can be helpful but is not a requirment.

[Starr]

Of course, Simka, this may not relate to your OP or your situration...:grouphug:

 

Wasn't everyone aware of what was confessed in the Bible? After King David confessed I am pretty sure that it wasn't kept a secret. In my faith, the main reason for confessing is to receive help from others to help prevent you from repeating the sin.

 

I don't think this analogy works in her situation.

[Laurie4b]

For those who practice this as a part of their faiths. How do you do it if it has been severely tainted? As in you did in the past, but the spiritual authority you confessed too used the information to hold you hostage. "You will do what I say or I will expose what you have confessed."

 

What if the very thought makes you nauseous and starts off an anxiety attack?!

 

Wow. So sorry that happened to you. What spiritual abuse!

[Lovedtodeath]

 

I don't think this analogy works in her situation.

Yes, that was why I prefaced it. I have no way of knowing whether it does or not.

[Parrothead]

For those who practice this as a part of their faiths. How do you do it if it has been severely tainted? As in you did in the past, but the spiritual authority you confessed too used the information to hold you hostage. "You will do what I say or I will expose what you have confessed."

 

What if the very thought makes you nauseous and starts off an anxiety attack?!

This is the same as extortion. You need to seek a higher authority. Go over this person's head. If that can't be done then turn it around on them. Start telling every single person associate with that particular church that So-and-so can't be trusted and why. Tell your dh, tell your best friend, tell everyone. Threaten the authorities or actually file a complaint with the local police and let So-and-So know you are doing so.

 

By the time you get done, whatever it is that you confessed will be secondary to anything else. And more than likely no one will believe So-and-So. They will figure he is making it up to get back at you.

 

While you are doing all this, go talk with an EO or RC pastor. (That seems to be what you are interested in, but I know I could be wrong.) Tell him about your journey, where you've been and how you've gotten to where you are now. Let him guide you to the next step. Whatever it happens to be.

 

RC confession is a sacrament that can be done anywhere. I've confessed in an empty Sunday school room, Father's office, the steps outside of church, in the empty chapel, and of course in the confessional. I've confesed face-to-face and behind the screen. I've confessed at a parish not my own so that I didn't have to take the chance of Father recognizing my voice. I've made some pretty hard confessions and some not so hard confessions.

 

Regular confession with the same priest is great. At times he can see patterns to behavior that you might not notice. He can suggest ways to help overcome a particular problem. Confessing to someone who doesn't know you from Adam has its place too. There is such relief when the burden is gone.

 

Every single time when I've heard the words, "I absolve you of your sin..." I'm filled with a great feeling of peace and comfort. That is what one is supposed to feel. Fr. Larry Richards said in one of his talks that if a priest yells, one should get up and walk out.

 

No one should be made to feel anxious or disrespected or in any type of danger during or after confession.

 

:grouphug:

[simka2]

This is the same as extortion. You need to seek a higher authority. Go over this person's head. If that can't be done then turn it around on them. Start telling every single person associate with that particular church that So-and-so can't be trusted and why. Tell your dh, tell your best friend, tell everyone. Threaten the authorities or actually file a complaint with the local police and let So-and-So know you are doing so.

 

By the time you get done, whatever it is that you confessed will be secondary to anything else. And more than likely no one will believe So-and-So. They will figure he is making it up to get back at you.

 

While you are doing all this, go talk with an EO or RC pastor. (That seems to be what you are interested in, but I know I could be wrong.) Tell him about your journey, where you've been and how you've gotten to where you are now. Let him guide you to the next step. Whatever it happens to be.

 

RC confession is a sacrament that can be done anywhere. I've confessed in an empty Sunday school room, Father's office, the steps outside of church, in the empty chapel, and of course in the confessional. I've confesed face-to-face and behind the screen. I've confessed at a parish not my own so that I didn't have to take the chance of Father recognizing my voice. I've made some pretty hard confessions and some not so hard confessions.

 

Regular confession with the same priest is great. At times he can see patterns to behavior that you might not notice. He can suggest ways to help overcome a particular problem. Confessing to someone who doesn't know you from Adam has its place too. There is such relief when the burden is gone.

 

Every single time when I've heard the words, "I absolve you of your sin..." I'm filled with a great feeling of peace and comfort. That is what one is supposed to feel. Fr. Larry Richards said in one of his talks that if a priest yells, one should get up and walk out.

 

No one should be made to feel anxious or disrespected or in any type of danger during or after confession.

 

:grouphug:

 

Thanks Chuckie!!! This occurred awhile ago...I just get a twitch when I think abou confession now ;). Many of the things you suggested, I did. Eventually it worked...although it really helped that others began to notice and he sorta went into self distruct mode. It earned me the labels of "unsubmissive to authority" a "Jezebel" and a few others. :glare:

 

I was warned it would be a slow road to recovery, and different things would trigger responses. I have found that educating myself and reminding myself that what happened to me is not the "norm," helps a lot.

[Lovedtodeath]

Thanks Chuckie!!! This occurred awhile ago...I just get a twitch when I think abou confession now ;). Many of the things you suggested, I did. Eventually it worked...although it really helped that others began to notice and he sorta went into self distruct mode. It earned me the labels of "unsubmissive to authority" a "Jezebel" and a few others. :glare:

Oh how terrible! :(

[Parrothead]

Thanks Chuckie!!! This occurred awhile ago...I just get a twitch when I think abou confession now ;). Many of the things you suggested, I did. Eventually it worked...although it really helped that others began to notice and he sorta went into self distruct mode. It earned me the labels of "unsubmissive to authority" a "Jezebel" and a few others. :glare:

 

I was warned it would be a slow road to recovery, and different things would trigger responses. I have found that educating myself and reminding myself that what happened to me is not the "norm," helps a lot.

Come to the dark side. I know you won't hear things like that at any RC parish. You might roped in to helping out at the rummage sale though. Those little old ladies can be hard to say "no" to. :D

[LG Gone Wild]

For those who practice this as a part of their faiths. How do you do it if it has been severely tainted? As in you did in the past, but the spiritual authority you confessed too used the information to hold you hostage. "You will do what I say or I will expose what you have confessed."

 

What if the very thought makes you nauseous and starts off an anxiety attack?!

 

Inconceivable in RCC.

 

 

Wow.

 

Actually, I would be angry and tell that person to suck it and go after his collar. I wouldn't feel anxiety but then again, I am used to a different sort of confession. The Sacrament of Reconciliation isn't messed with.

[mommaduck]

Come to the dark side. I know you won't hear things like that at any RC parish. You might roped in to helping out at the rummage sale though. Those little old ladies can be hard to say "no" to. :D

Yeah, haven't heard any of it in the EO either (such a big difference from where we've been!). You can't say no to any yiayias or babushkas...they won't hear of it...actually, they'll probably pretend they didn't hear you :lol:

[Parrothead]

Yeah, haven't heard any of it in the EO either (such a big difference from where we've been!). You can't say no to any yiayias or babushkas...they won't hear of it...actually, they'll probably pretend they didn't hear you :lol:

And that is why I have to go to a committee meeting in 45 minutes. :lol:

 

I'll take a committee over the rummage sale any day.

[mommaduck]

And that is why I have to go to a committee meeting in 45 minutes. :lol:

 

I'll take a committee over the rummage sale any day.

:lol: Can I take on the rummage sale?

[Parrothead]

:lol: Can I take on the rummage sale?

Sure thing. The big one is coming up on St. Patty's day weekend.

[nono]

And Simka, Momaduck and Parrothead aren't talking about if you join their respective parishes, they are talking about after you leave confession. ;)

[Parrothead]

And Simka, Momaduck and Parrothead aren't talking about if you join their respective parishes, they are talking about after you leave confession. ;)

Wait. That sounds like the little old ladies are waiting for emotional women to leave the confessional where upon they pounce for volunteers. :D

[mommaduck]

Wait. That sounds like the little old ladies are waiting for emotional women to leave the confessional where upon they pounce for volunteers. :D

Yes, penance LOL!

 

(I don't think Orthodox have penance...we do and are done)

[Parrothead]

Yes, penance LOL!

 

(I don't think Orthodox have penance...we do and are done)

If I'd've had it in my mouth, I'da spewed tea. :smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

[nono]

Wait. That sounds like the little old ladies are waiting for emotional women to leave the confessional where upon they pounce for volunteers. :D

 

Oh, I was thinking "strong, young woman" leaving confession getting pounced on...

 

;) (I'm getting closer to being one of those Little Old Ladies, so it colors my thinking!)

[simka2]

You guys are hilarious!!!! :lol:

[Murphy101]

Well my situation was not as scary wrong as yours, but for a long time I too really feared how genuine that seal of confession was.

 

I spent many years going from priest to priest doing the confession with the screen to divide us. I just didn't feel comfortable seeking face to face counsel or going to a familiar priest. Trust issues. Sigh.

 

But over the years, I started to feel led to a particular priest.

 

I still don't like face to face confessions. I feel I am more honest about my faults when I don't have to feel self conscious about them.

 

Also, RC priest may give counsel, if you ask or seem by your manner to be seeking it, but the purpose is to absolve sins so you can be closer to God.

[elizabeth]

Regarding confession from a legal standpoint, it is not admissable in legal proceeedings as it is privileged communication. That means it is excluded and non admissable in depositions, trials etc the same as your discussions with your MD(unless you sue them) or attorney -client privilege. It can be waived by the one claiming the privilege but never can be waived by a priest. I object to this strongly as many pedophiles could have been prosecuted before they kept moving them and permitting them to molest again and again. In fact this was used to hide molesters in the home etc for decades after pediatricians , social workers etc became mandatory reporters.I will believe the Church is sorry for what she hid behind when for once and all priests are cloaked in mandatory reporter status regarding confessions of crimes against juveniles. There is no good that comes from families solving sexual abuse, alcoholism, abusive parenting etc on their own with the feeling that since they talked to the priest all is well. Mandatory reporting for crimes against children. Both in and outside of the home. I know of a case locally where a mother confessed that the husbanc was raping one of the daughters. She had her children removed from the home not because she grew a spine but because she told a friend who reported the crime to authorities. RAbbit trail I know but not irrelevant to the discussion of catholic guilt and who should have it . I hope the priests who held the seal of confession andmerely reported itt to the bishop, permitted molesting priests to move and repeat the crime over and over have never a peaceful moment again. No, I was not a victim. Yes, I know several. No I do not represent any of the victims or perps. Do I think that is has been handled so badly I will not attend a catholic church? Yes.

[iwka]

There is a free talk by dr Scott Hahn titled: "The Healing Power of Confession" - scroll to the very bottom for the link

 

It's based on a great book with the same title.

[Liz CA]

In the Catholic Church, whatever is said in confession is considered protected by a seal. A priest would be in incredible amounts of trouble, as in excommunicated, for violating that seal. Besides that, it is usually possible to go to confession anonymously, behind a screen or veil, so that the priest likely wouldn't know who you were, in any case.

 

These were my first thougts as well. Did you got to confession in a church with an ordained priest? Or do did you just talk to someone in church?

[Abigail4476]

For those who practice this as a part of their faiths. How do you do it if it has been severely tainted? As in you did in the past, but the spiritual authority you confessed too used the information to hold you hostage. "You will do what I say or I will expose what you have confessed."

 

What if the very thought makes you nauseous and starts off an anxiety attack?!

 

What? Isn't that blackmail/extortion? :confused:

[Sugarfoot]

EOC only does face to face confessions. The idea is that your priest (or monk should you opt to go to a monastery) gets to know you and is aware of YOUR special life circumstances, sees what you deal with, and can counsel/guide accordingly. One friend and I may both come in with the same issue, but his advice may be different to each of us because we are married to different men, have a different number of children, have had different childhoods, have different strengths/weaknesses/fears, etc. We sit in two chairs almost across from each other, but also semi facing a wall with icons. There is a small carpet on the floor. We talk, I talk, whichever. When all is done, I kneel on the floor facing the icon wall, he places the "scarf" he wears over my head with his hands and prays for me as well as pronouncing the absolution (this is not HIM forgiving me, but rather reassuring me that God forgives me). When he speaks the absolution, he states that it's for both what I've brought up during confession and for what I have not brought up.

 

I'm RC, but for the most part, this is me, too, although it's not the only option, obviously. It just works for me, because of what's stated above. The prayer of absolution is said in the "Catholic way";) (we're still sitting), but other than that, it looks the same.

 

The sacrament of reconciliation is such a beautiful thing, and it doesn't resemble AT ALL what you described in your original post. I'm so sorry that happened to you!:grouphug: