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S/o- as a Homeschool mom, do you get a break?


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The other thread really got me thinking. I live by no family And don't have many friends here (not any that would babysit anyway, and I would never ask to find out). I have my four DCs with me 24/7. I get one break on Friday night to go to dinner with my DH. It is pretty stressful at times. Yes, I understand that I made this choice and I'm not complaining. What does make me very mad is the negativity I get with regard to homeschooling from my sister who has 3 DC and has always worked a full-time job. She has many times left her children at day care so she could go home and tsp by the pool. Now you complain that you only see your children a couple hours a night before they go to bed, then why do you leave them at daycare when you get off early????

 

Anyway, being a Homeschool mom, how often do you get a break?

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I don't get a break where I get to leave. But I do get breaks. I scheduled an afternoon "rest" this semester like in WTM suggestions. I get an hour a day at that point. Dh and I split the bedtime routine. 3- 4 days a week each of us does the supervising of the showers and the long bedtime reading schedule. So 3-4 days a week, I get to watch T.V. or something uninterrupted for an hour while he does that. I go to an adult Sun. school class every week, where I get adult company and the kids are supervised. So my breaks are things like that. They are small but I will take them! My mom came through town on her way somewhere last week and watched the girls for an hour while I went grocery shopping alone. I don't know what it would be like on a regular basis to have that kind of help. But it was nice for all of us on that one occasion. Maybe it was nice because it was so rare, though.

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Well, yes I get lots of breaks, but no, we don't have any help. My kids are old enough to entertain themselves, so I don't feel "tied" to them all day by any means. Plus, I'm so used to them being with me, that I don't feel like they are in my way or underfoot ever (not that you do - just saying , they "blend" so well into my day-to-day, I don't notice them, lol). We have no family near-by & I don't use babysitters - so, we don't get a "break" in the traditional sense. Well, my daughter will spend the night out sometimes, but my son is still too young yet. My mother did take the children twice this year for about a week, so my husband and I enjoyed some late night dates, etc. I know if we wanted to take a vacation without the kids, that option would exists if I arranged it. Now that they're a little older though, I don't mind so much. The key for us is called "BEDTIME!" - It definitely helps to give my husband and I the alone time we need.

 

Susan

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I make time for myself. 4 times a week I put on my headphones, get the ipad and run on the treadmill for 42 minutes while I watch an episode of BSG. It has been terrific for me. It is a short, selfish time that I spend doing something good for me. I started for the exercise, but I continue it for my mental health.

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Once in a blue moon...My family lives 5 hours away, but my mom will take my kids whenever and as long as I want. Then, I was excited to get 2 of my sisters to come only 45 mins away for college!! Of course they cant come often because they are so busy, but they are there in emergencies :D

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My break comes when I work the 3-11 shift two nights a week. :)

 

But otherwise I do have great friends and my mom, but I just don't feel right asking someone to take my kids unless I have drs. appointment or such.

 

Some days I can't WAIT to get to work. :)

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Anyway, being a Homeschool mom, how often do you get a break?

 

Right now, not very often. With DH working in another state, I'm doing the single parent thing right now (and have been most of the years we've homeschooled). I do have a babysitter I like and trust from church and she comes once, sometimes twice/month in the evenings for a few hours so that I can participate in my book club or go out with friends.

 

Hoping in a few months to be able to answer this question differently. Not because I don't want to be with my kids, but because it will mean our family will be back together again. Full-time! :D

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I get breaks with my kids actually with me. We do a weekly park day or get together with other homeschoolers. I chat with my friends while the kids play. My mom will babysit if I need her, but honestly - my dh and I don't go out all that often. I have no idea why! I guess we just like to be home. Seriously, the best thing for my mental health is my other homeschool friends. I love my weekly time with all of them.

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My breaks were small: scheduled bedtimes for the dc, grocery shopping alone, age-appropriate Sunday school classes and Wednesday night church activities; later, Moms' Night Out with other homeschooling mothers.

 

Of course, I volunteered for motherhood. :D And I had my dc when I was young and early-married, so now I have all the free time in the world. It worked out. :)

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The only regular break is while DD is at co-op....DS is at home napping (DH works from home), so I have 1.5 hours every Thursday (11 weeks each fall & spring, unless of course its my turn to volunteer) to run errands. Its my sanity.

 

Solo grocery shopping or Saturday errands is pretty common- and I run or do Pilates 3-5x a week....but I don't count those as a 'break'. ;)

 

We are moving this spring/summer and going to be near family- hello babysitters :) Can't wait to have regular date nights again!!!

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I try to get a sitter at least once a week, usually Friday afternoons for about 4 house, to run errands and get some "me" time. Sometimes I just go to a movie alone. Those two hours where I don't have to talk to anyone and I can lose myself in the story are just marvelous!

 

I also try to volunteer. The organizations I volunteer with do cover the cost of childcare, so that helps. The downside of this is that I have to know when to say no. If I have too many things going on it gets very stressful.

 

When I go for a long time without a break from the kids, this happens.

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Right now the only break I get away from the kids is if I have an appointment for myself.:glare:

We do live near family, but 1 grandma works, and the other grandma is caring for ill husband. We have some friends from church who could help out if needed, but their lives are busy too so I really hate to ask. Not to mention when you have 5 kids I still ask enough for help with dr appointments and dentists that I don't usually ask for babysitting to just get a break. KWIM :tongue_smilie:

I can't wait till my oldest is old enough to babysit. I keep telling myself just 2 1/2 more years.

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I consider evenings and weekends my break time when my husband is home.

 

I always tended to abdicate as soon as he walked in the door. I would put dinner on the table and he'd eat with them and talk to them since he hadn't seen them all day. He'd then do something with them prior to their bed time. Since I had seen them and talked to them all day long (he leaves before 7 in the morning and rarely even says goodbye as they're not up yet), I always thought it better not to dominate the conversation.

 

Now, I will often call him during the day if there's something about them I need to tell him. Or I will talk to him when he comes in before calling everyone to dinner. So if there's something I need to relay to him, I do it so that he's prepared for conversation with them at dinner..... We tend to tag team....

 

There are things that we do together during the weekend, of course, but we don't have to be in the same room or talking to each other all day long. Everyone can separate and do their own thing. I know that's not as easy when everyone is little, but by the time they get to be 9-10 I think it becomes simpler.

 

I see that you have an older daughter and that she does daycare work, so perhaps she could help you out sometimes, too, if you need some time to yourself....

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You've got quite the gap, one older and smaller ones. That's hard because you can't ask the older to constantly watch the youngers. Normally our older 16 yo watches them for a few hours on the weekend. We do pay her, but we have a strange way of paying. :p

 

Mine gets paid too. She has a roof over her head, food in her mouth, lots of love from the whole family, and no job right now since she is pregnant. Last night DH and I went out for 2 hours. We were finishing up our dinner at PF ChAngs and my 8 year old DD calls. Ahe says my DD17 is not feeling right. So I ask to put her on the phone. My DD 17 says, I had spots in front of my eyes and now I can't see anything. Ack! I was 30 minutes from home! I called the paramedics. Her blood pressure was through the roof.

 

It was an eventful night and we probably won't be taking anymore Friday night date nights for a long while. We ended up at labor and delivery and the doc said the blackout was a reaction from the BP meds.

 

It gets very difficult being with them 24/7 at times since my DD17 is pregnant and has nothing but complications so far and my DD8 and DD6 are always fighting!

 

Am I the only one that has 2 close in age that are alwas arguing/fighting with each other?

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You need to have a daily quiet time and early bed time. As a homeschooling mom you also have control of your schedule. Young kids are wonderful and exhausting. You have to make time for yourself if you need it. I agree with having your 17 year old help out, even if you pay her.

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now that my kidlets are older I go with my ipod and a funny morning show podcast for one hour of walk/run! This is like a refreshing cool water to a mom in the middle of a dry desert!

I am also blessed that my hubby loves archery and takes my kids at least once a week to the range (sometimes 2 times), and I turn up the tunes til the house vibrates and can be seen thru the windows dancing and singing real loud! :lol:

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I don't get a break where I get to leave, either. I really do enjoy being together, but the one thing I wish is that we had a YMCA or workout facility that was within 15minutes of here, that would be my ultimate! 3 times a week, workout uninterrupted, and be able to drive in the car alone. Actually, I would kill for the Y, and take my kids, as long as I could work out by myself.:D

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I don't have anyone I can leave the kids with, but I am okay with my kids being around all the time and going with me everywhere. It just seems normal to me, I guess, and they all listen pretty well usually. After dinner sometimes I can take a long bubble bath by myself if I want, which is how I like to relax. I don't have any trouble being a million miles away in a book while I sit in the same room with the kids either.

It gets more stressful around here when the grandkids are here. We tend to go through cycles with that. First I like having the grandkids here now and then and their moms (my daughters) respect me and pick them up when they say they will and they bring diaper bags with appropriate supplies. Over a couple months time they forget the diaper bags, bring the kids over in dirty diapers, and never come back. They show up without calling first and bring me filthy kids in dirty diapers and laugh and say they just want to run to the grocery store really quick, and then they come back like twelve hours later. Then I put my foot down, lock the door, and refuse to babysit at all. This lasts another couple months. Then we start all over.

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I don't even homeschool yet and I almost never get breaks. With two little kids and a husband in medical school (therefore always studying), I'm basically always on call. 99% of the time that's fine with me. We can't afford a babysitter except for very rare occasions and have no family nearby. The key to my sanity is the 7 o'clock bedtime, heaven bless it! That and having my two year old and 4 month old overlap naptime for an hour in the afternoon. My two year old doesn't sleep during nap time. It's just a 2 hour time that she's alone in her room. She doesn't know better and I love it!

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I will get a break when we move into our new home...I will be able to sleep in on a Saturday morning and NOT hear the children playing wii in the next room. I will be able to go to the bathroom in privacy. I will be able to lock the bathroom door while I take a shower, because there are other toilets that can be gotten to.

 

I will be able to hire a baby sitter a few times a year, and go out with my husband (kinda hard to do in our current circumstances).

 

Right now, I get a "break" when I can leave the kids at home with DH and go shopping. And, every once in awhile, I get to go on a scrapbook retreat :D

 

But, in general, I'm on-call 24-7.

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My dh is excellent at helping me with the kids and he often takes them places on the weekend so I can have quiet and some rest. Also, each Grandma takes them for an overnight Saturday once per month (which isn't too much of a break as I work Saturday night). It helps.

 

This is also one of the reasons that my dh and I have always insisted on strict bedtimes in the evenings. Lights are now at 9:00 although when they were younger it was more like 7:30 or 8:00. That time was crucial for me at night to just have some peace.

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The other thread really got me thinking. I live by no family And don't have many friends here (not any that would babysit anyway, and I would never ask to find out). I have my four DCs with me 24/7. I get one break on Friday night to go to dinner with my DH. It is pretty stressful at times. Yes, I understand that I made this choice and I'm not complaining. What does make me very mad is the negativity I get with regard to homeschooling from my sister who has 3 DC and has always worked a full-time job. She has many times left her children at day care so she could go home and tsp by the pool. Now you complain that you only see your children a couple hours a night before they go to bed, then why do you leave them at daycare when you get off early????

 

Anyway, being a Homeschool mom, how often do you get a break?

 

The need for a break is why we have quiet time daily. Also my DH is great about letting me "run away" some nights when he gets home. I have also on occassion switched with a aunt/friend who lives close by and also homeschools (we did this at Christmas, I watched her kids for a day so her ans her dh could shop and she watched mine for a day so I could sew)

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OP, did you want to ask about "breaks" or complain about your sister's choices?

 

I don't like the term break to describe what you are asking. I am a full time mom; I never stop being a mom.

 

I was child-focused the early years of my (first) marriage. My (now ex) husband travelled constantly, and I was solo parenting 90% of the time. I would have been in the midst of threads like this. They read like a competition: I've got more kids, spend more time with them, less time without them and love them more than you do!

 

Today, and through a tough process of looking at some of my own choices, behavior, and "buy in" to homeschool/Attachment parenting culture, I've changed my perspective. I don't consider time without kids a "break". I don't consider it a luxury. I don't consider it optional. I see time phyiscally away from kids to be critical. I am a *woman* and I believe that some of my time, pursuits and energies should go to activities without kids. I believe it did NOT serve my kids to "never get a break".

 

If I had it to do over again, I would still use the AP tools with my babies/infants, but I would, without guilt or hesitation, have non kid related activities and focus all along: a class, part time work, regular solo trips to the library, nights out with a friend...something.

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When mine were little, my breaks were just during church activities that provided a nursery. We started being very active in church during that time.:) My mom (lives 5 hours away) did take each child for a weekend or week with her once a year. Being one child less was relaxing. As they got older, she started taking them all at once (if they wanted to go). Dh and I would usually take a vacation just the two of us then. Once they got to elementary age, my break came while they had swim practice. Even though they might not all be swimming at the same time, it was still a break. Ds, the youngest, would often still be being supervised, but was able to be playing in the lobby area while they swam. I got to chat with other adults. It was really nice! Now that they are teens, I'm still always on call, but they don't tend to hover quite so much. In fact, on the weekends, I don't see all that much of them sometimes. It is 10 now and they are all 4 still asleep.:lol:

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And don't have many friends here (not any that would babysit anyway, and I would never ask to find out).

 

Why not? It's not an unusual request among friends who have kids. I doubt they'd bite your head off for asking - and you might find someone who'd like to swap with you sometimes, someone else in your shoes.

 

I think the bit about your daughter being pregnant and not necessarily healthy enough to watch the others should have been added to your original post - because I bet many people are wondering the same thing that I was.. why a 17 year old wasn't helping out. ;)

 

Since *she* mightn't be able to right now, does she perhaps have some similar age friends who could babysit for you? Or can you ask around at church/homeschool group/other activity to see if anyone has a teenager who might be interested in making a little spending money via babysitting job?

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I get a break from my kids when I go to one of my two part time jobs. That is a welcome break to engage myself in something that is not mom or homeschool teacher related, but it is not "time off", so to speak. Dh and I will go out after the kids are in bed, leaving them with the teenager in charge, about once a month.

 

I have found that as my kids get older (the youngest is five) and I have adjusted to being with them most of the time, life has felt much more manageable. Life with a three year old 24/7 is not too manageable, you know? But life with a five year old 24/7 is much more so.:001_smile:

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Well, when my children were young, the breaks were few and far between but not never. My husband always has been great about helping, so I would occasionally go out for a day with a friend or he would take the kids to his parents' house so I could just be alone for a while or get some things done around the house. Maybe once or twice a year, my parents would take the kids for the weekend. But that's before homeschooling age really and probably what pretty much what many SAHM's experience.

 

Now, I feel like I get lots of breaks. My kids are 9 and 11 and I do activities with friends who have children my kids like to play with -- field trips, the pool, roller skating, the movies. So, I'm not away from the kids in those situations, but we are all getting to do something we enjoy together. Also, my kids are just about completely independent as far as entertaining themselves, so I have plenty of time to do things that I want/need to do. I also play around on the computer/read/watch tv in the evenings, often without interruption. I see you've got at least one little one. Once they get older, I would think breaks would become easier to come by.

 

Lisa

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It gets very difficult being with them 24/7 at times since my DD17 is pregnant and has nothing but complications so far and my DD8 and DD6 are always fighting!

 

Am I the only one that has 2 close in age that are alwas arguing/fighting with each other?

 

:grouphug: That is another stressor for the family. My two boys fight and argue some, but they have learned to get along most of the time. If they don't, they are separated or the activity they are fighting over goes away. For kids who are together almost 24/7, I think they do really well.

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I don't consider time without kids a "break". I don't consider it a luxury. I don't consider it optional. I see time phyiscally away from kids to be critical. I am a *woman* and I believe that some of my time, pursuits and energies should go to activities without kids. I believe it did NOT serve my kids to "never get a break".

 

If I had it to do over again, I would still use the AP tools with my babies/infants, but I would, without guilt or hesitation, have non kid related activities and focus all along: a class, part time work, regular solo trips to the library, nights out with a friend...something.

 

I completely agree with your statements! Now I just need to get there:glare:

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OP, did you want to ask about "breaks" or complain about your sister's choices?

 

I don't like the term break to describe what you are asking. I am a full time mom; I never stop being a mom.

 

I was child-focused the early years of my (first) marriage. My (now ex) husband travelled constantly, and I was solo parenting 90% of the time. I would have been in the midst of threads like this. They read like a competition: I've got more kids, spend more time with them, less time without them and love them more than you do!

 

Today, and through a tough process of looking at some of my own choices, behavior, and "buy in" to homeschool/Attachment parenting culture, I've changed my perspective. I don't consider time without kids a "break". I don't consider it a luxury. I don't consider it optional. I see time phyiscally away from kids to be critical. I am a *woman* and I believe that some of my time, pursuits and energies should go to activities without kids. I believe it did NOT serve my kids to "never get a break".

 

If I had it to do over again, I would still use the AP tools with my babies/infants, but I would, without guilt or hesitation, have non kid related activities and focus all along: a class, part time work, regular solo trips to the library, nights out with a friend...something.[/quote

 

Joanne, I have read this board for many, many years as well. (Obviously I don't post much.) You may not realize it, but you are coming across as judgemental here. Please do not read the following in a hostile tone. It is meant as more matter-of-fact.

 

The OP is obviously not asking about her sister's choices. Perhaps she shouldn't have mentioned that, but she was likely stressed and didn't think through all the possible responses.

 

Also, this thread does not appear to be a competition to me. The OP asked a question and others are responding. Sometimes people just need to vent a bit and this board provides a way for them to do that. The posters seem supportive of each other and even offer advice on how to get a break.

 

Some of your points in this post are interesting, but the tone of self-righteousness does not make them easy to appreciate.

 

Lastly, it sounds to me that in many of your posts you are attempting to educate those who are "stuck" in your old way of looking at things. It comes across as you believing you are the one who has "arrived' in your perspective and the majority of us still need to grow to get there. The people on this forum are thinking individuals who will gladly look at others' viewpoints. A more supportive, gracious tone may go further in relaying your points.

 

I hope you can hear this in a nuetral tone.

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If I had it to do over again, I would still use the AP tools with my babies/infants, but I would, without guilt or hesitation, have non kid related activities and focus all along: a class, part time work, regular solo trips to the library, nights out with a friend...something.

:iagree::iagree:

 

 

I was in a very hard position when I had all of my littles, bam, bam, bam...we had NO help. it was Dh and I and we had NO $$. the pressure almost broke me and it almost destroyed our marriage.

 

If you don't take care of your and your relationships, if you sacrifice it all on the altar of motherhood, you may not have yourself or your marriage.

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DH takes the kids to orchestra rehearsal on Sunday afternoons. They are gone about 3.5 hours. That's the best break because I'm at home by myself! :)

 

I'm part of a scrapbook group that meets once a month for dinner and scrapping at someone's house (we rotate).

 

I will also occasionally go out with friends for shopping, dinner, or sometimes just coffee.

 

DH has never been the kind to resent me going out (I have friends whose DH gives me them a very hard time). He understands my need for a break. (He also gets his own breaks.)

 

ETA: DH and I rarely go out without the kids, so I don't use much outside help for my breaks.

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I don't see this thread as a competition. It's just a report of people's current situation. Everyone's different.

 

I am without my children for a few hours every 4 months or so. DH works almost non-stop. 12 hour days, rotating schedule, like a fireman. He works tons of overtime (if he doesn't voluteer, he'll be forced, so he might as well choose when to work OT.)

 

It normally doesn't bother me. Yes, my children get on my nerves sometimes. I get frustrated. But I have learned to do things with them that I enjoy and feel fulfilled by. When I choose to read, I recommend they all read. When I choose to watch a movie, it's one they can watch. When I cook, they cook with me.

 

I enjoy being at home; I always have. The quote on my kitchen wall says it all. "Oh, there's nothing like being at home for real comfort!" -Jane Austen

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I used to get frequent breaks but since moving, not so much. My sons go to PE once a week for 1 1/2 hours and just started going to a co-op type setting on Fridays for 1 1/2 hours. I go grocery shopping during one of the "breaks" and I'd like to use the other time to work out at the gym. My husband is usually great about taking the boys out for fun father-son time. Since moving though, he's been working 12 hour days and just doesn't have the time. By the time he gets home in the evenings, it's dinner, bath, bedtime or time for basketball practice for the boys. I'm not complaining though because I know this is a short-term situation for us. I'm used to having the boys with me all the time and I don't really mind it. Every once in awhile though, I like to browse through Hobby Lobby or some other store by myself. :001_smile:

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OP, did you want to ask about "breaks" or complain about your sister's choices?

 

I was child-focused the early years of my (first) marriage. My (now ex) husband travelled constantly, and I was solo parenting 90% of the time. I would have been in the midst of threads like this. They read like a competition: I've got more kids, spend more time with them, less time without them and love them more than you do!

 

Today, and through a tough process of looking at some of my own choices, behavior, and "buy in" to homeschool/Attachment parenting culture, I've changed my perspective. I don't consider time without kids a "break". I don't consider it a luxury. I don't consider it optional. I see time phyiscally away from kids to be critical. I am a *woman* and I believe that some of my time, pursuits and energies should go to activities without kids. I believe it did NOT serve my kids to "never get a break".

If I had it to do over again, I would still use the AP tools with my babies/infants, but I would, without guilt or hesitation, have non kid related activities and focus all along: a class, part time work, regular solo trips to the library, nights out with a friend...something.

 

 

Maybe I was complaining just a bit about her choices? I have been on both sides. I have been a full-time working single mom and a stay at home married with my kids 24/7 mom.

 

That being said, I think you read way too deep into this post. Why is it that you take such offense to any post of this type? You have really turned my post around. I DO consider time away from my children a "break". That is exactly what it is. When I worked full-time and was a single mom, my time at work was my "break". Breaks come in many forms.

 

Do I think it's okay to work full-time and then leave your child at daycare just because you want to go home and lay by the pool? NO! When I worked full-time, I missed my child. I could never ever do that.

 

I was in the same exact situation in my first marriage and feel exactly the same way. I can't bold because I'm on my iPhone but that last statement is really going overboard and making me think you want to turn this simple post into something it is NOT. ( They read like a competition: I've got more kids, spend more time with them, less time without them and love them more than you do!)

 

And I'm really done responding to this silly post because, like I said, you have turned my words around and made my post into something it wasn't and literally picked apart my words. Everyone mom or dad, needs a break. Sometimes just one hour of quiet time away from your precious children makes you a better mom once you have a breather. No on has percent little well behaved angels 100% of the time. Was my life a lot less stressful when I just had one child as opposed to four? Definitely! I'm sure a lot of moms here would agree with this.

Edited by parias1126
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:iagree::iagree:

 

 

I was in a very hard position when I had all of my littles, bam, bam, bam...we had NO help. it was Dh and I and we had NO $$. the pressure almost broke me and it almost destroyed our marriage.

 

If you don't take care of your and your relationships, if you sacrifice it all on the altar of motherhood, you may not have yourself or your marriage.

 

Love love love this post! About a year ago I was about to have a nervous breakdown due to being so stressed out. Men sometimes don't understand the severity of it. I NEEDED a long break. Did I get one? NOPE! We have noone here. NO HELP! It just irritates me when someone comes into a non-controversial post and tries to "stir the pot" so to speak.

 

Everyone needs a break at one time or another. <whispering> Including you Joanne. :D

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