Why Chinese mothers are superior?

[Ibbygirl]

She's gotten a lot of mileage out of that article and people will buy the book just to find out.

 

Nothing sells books like controversy.

 

Yep, I'm coming to that conclusion. I just feel so stupid now for getting emotionally involved in this woman's story. I hope she enjoys her "success" and that she doesn't accidentally swallow a bee or something while she's laughing all the way to the bank. :glare:

[cathmom]

Or maybe his mother wanted a sporty, tall man? ;)

 

Maybe, but that isn't the way I read it. They also were given the option to have a second child (a second übertall athlete for China), but they passed, I think because they wanted to be good Chinese and follow the one child policy.

 

 

 

That is absolutely true. However, it is not without sacrifice, at least for us. Because it is a priority to us we give up other things to make it happen.

 

I totally get that. It's just for some families, the sacrifice would be eating or shelter. :D

[stripe]

I heard an interview with the author today and she addresses this very thing. She has a sister who has Down Syndrome. Her parents took a "western approach" with her.

I don't really agree that she took a western approach with her. I think she blended both approaches.

[Georgiana Daniels]

I just started the book last night and am really enjoying it. She comes across much differently. The WSJ article took pieces from different chapters and the whole tone comes across much harsher than it does in the book. In fact, I find myself smiling and giggling at certain things Chua says.

 

Context is important!

 

That said, I would still never say some of the things she said to her daughters. Then again, I have had my moments!

[Saille]

Her work hasn't turned them into children (so far) who don't want to be successful.

 

To be fair, we have no clue how the children feel about this situation.

[Daisy]

I wasn't going to read all 35 pages so I don't know if someone posted this article about the book.

 

Mother, superior?

 

It explains just how the WSJ cobbled together the most controversial parts of the memoir (not parenting book) and what the author has to say about what was done.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I wasn't going to read all 35 pages so I don't know if someone posted this article about the book.

 

Mother, superior?

 

It explains just how the WSJ cobbled together the most controversial parts of the memoir (not parenting book) and what the author has to say about what was done.

 

A much better article than the WSJ one.

[stripe]

To be fair, we have no clue how the children feel about this situation.

No, but she says she has a great relationship with both her own parents and her children, and she says her husband and daughters read the book before it was published.

[Hedgehog]

No, but she says she has a great relationship with both her own parents and her children, and she says her husband and daughters read the book before it was published.

 

And her kids even said that in her book, she'd made it sound like she was harsher than she actually was.

[Saille]

And her kids even said that in her book, she'd made it sound like she was harsher than she actually was.

 

Well, OK, but if the alternative was your very high-maintenance mother being white-hot p*&ssed at you, isn't that what you *would* say? I think someone already made the point upthread that cuddling after that very high-stress piano lesson might have been about currying the favor of the volatile person, not necessarily mother-daughter bonding.

[Oak Knoll Mom]

I'm almost finished with the book, and I've come to the conclusion that the WSJ misrepresented Ms. Chua. This excerpt from "Mother, superior?" is excellent:

 

Chua responded to a brief message I sent her introducing myself and asking for an interview bysaying that she was glad to hear from me, as she'd been looking for a way to discuss her misgivings about the Journal article. Apparently, it had been edited without her input, and by the time she saw the version they intended to run, she was limited in what she could do to alter it.

 

"I was very surprised," she says. "The Journal basically strung together the most controversial sections of the book. And I had no idea they'd put that kind of a title on it. But the worst thing was, they didn't even hint that the book is about a journey, and that the person at beginning of the book is different from the person at the end -- that I get my comeuppance and retreat from this very strict Chinese parenting model."

 

While the Journal article was unquestionably good for sales and awareness of the book, which has already hit #7 on Amazon and is only headed upward, it has been painful for Chua. "I've gotten scary messages. Death threats. All from people who haven't yet read the book," she says. "And while it's ultimately my responsibility -- my strict Chinese mom told me 'never blame other people for your problems!' -- the one-sided nature of the excerpt has really led to some major misconceptions about what the book says, and about what I really believe."

 

 

(bolding and italics mine)

[Saille]

Thanks for posting that!

[cindergretta]

http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/01/13/the-tiger-mother-responds-to-readers/?mod=WSJ_article_related

 

Was this posted already? It is a couple of replies to questions by the author. Very good, IMO.

[Ibbygirl]

Thanks for posting that!

 

:iagree::iagree: That makes me feel better. Shame on WSJ!!! :mad:

[Shifra]

I wrote this in response to the O: The Oprah Magazine article (February 2011 issue) about Amy Chua and wanted to share it with you.

 

I find it ironic that in the same issue that O had an article about creativity, there was also an article "Asian Mother Knows Best." "Asian Mother Knows Best" highlighted Amy Chua, the author of the recent Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Ms. Chua's rules for raising her daughters--no play dates, many hours of enforced practice on the musical instrument that Ms. Chua chose for her daughters, and no grades less than an A--are all practices that do not encourage creativity in youngsters. Indeed never being allowed to fail is a real creativity buster. Her daughters were just encouraged to memorize and regurgitate information, not use their knowledge in creative ways.

 

It was reported in the Wall Street Journal that Ms. Chua would also not let her daughters be in a school play. The odd thing is that studies show that participating in school drama has a bigger effect on a child's SAT scores than playing an instrument. If Ms. Chua, who seems so white-knuckled about her daughter's achievements, really wanted her daughters to score well on the SATs, she would have allowed them to participate in the school drama club.

 

Ms. Chua pushes her children to excel in school by memorizing. This attitude of the “Chinese Mother” (and father) probably stems from the Confucian philosophy of venerating one’s parents. If a parent is to be practically worshiped, than what better way can one honor his/her parent than by bringing home the best grades possible? If the parent is the one determining what are grades and activities that a child may do without regard to his/her desires and natural inclinations, then the parent is only serving himself/herself, not his/her child. Indeed, in China, authorities are worried about the high rate of suicide among teens; they try to be at the top scholastically but just cannot keep up with the perceived demands. These Chinese teens commit suicide to avoid bringing shame to their parents for not being number one (and indeed in a country of more than one billion people, it would be very hard for everyone to be number one!).

 

It is also a Confucian belief that innate abilities were irrelevant; rather it is the amount of effort and diligence put into an activity that promotes achievement. Of course, many people would agree that effort put into an activity will promote achievement. Indeed, that is the premise of the popular Suzuki Method that is often used for teaching a child an instrument—that it is not the innate talent that important in achieving mastery of an instrument but rather the amount of practicing that is important. When the Wall Street Journal article reported that when Ms. Chua pushed, threatened, and insulted her daughter for not being able to play a song that her older daughter had played at the same age, her reaction was in the spirit of Confucian philosophy. (Mind you, would it would have been so terrible if Ms. Chua’s daughter had practiced another week or two before being able to play “The Little White Donkey” with both hands simultaneously?)

 

China, which emphasizes memorization and standardized testing, is trying to reform its educational system to be more like the American educational system (which before the No Child Left Behind Act was less focused on learning "cold facts" and more about using available resources, both scholastic and human, to come up with solutions). The American school system, although very faulty, traditionally was about finding the child’s strengths and using them to promote achievement. The focus was on the individual. The Confucian philosophy was not for individual rights or freedoms, but rather for the collective good of society in general and the well being of the family group in particular. How very ironic that Ms. Chua, whose parents came to this country to pursue individual freedom that this country offers, rejects the very strengths that our society has to offer. She very belatedly says in the O interview, “I wish I’d realized earlier that parenting cannot just be one size fits all.” A very American, yes, Western concept!

 

Resources cited:

Amabile, Teresa. (1992). Growing Up Creative: Nurturing a Lifetime of Creativity. Creative Education Foundation.

 

Bronson, Po and Merryman, Ashley. (2010). “The Creativity Crisis”. Newsweek (July 19). p.p. 44-50.

 

Confucian Beliefs. http://factsanddetails.com/china.php?itemid=88 (retrieved February 16, 2010).

 

Fowler, Charles. (2001). Strong Arts, Strong Schools: The Promising Potential and Shortsighted Disregard of the Arts in American Schooling. New York: Oxford University Press.

 

Stevenson, Harold. (1994). The Learning Gap: Why Our Schools are Failing and What We Can Learn From Japanese and Chinese Education. New York: Simon and Schuster.

 

Tobin, Joseph J., Wu, David W.H., and Davidson, Dana H. Preschool in Three Cultures: Japan, China and the United States. New Haven: Yale University Press.

 

Zhao, Yong. (2009). Catching Up or Leading the Way: American Education in the Age of Globalization. Alexandria: ASCD.

Edited February 17, 2011 by Shifra