Are you hospitable?

[treestarfae]

Do you have guests? How do you welcome them to your house? Do you let them dive in your fridge or are you formal?

[Denisemomof4]

we have entertained so much over the years. I'll turn 48 in June and I'm getting tired. I sometimes prefer not to have people in the house.

 

But I just scheduled a monthly social time at my home for the girls and myself, I'm hosting a women's monthly game night at my home, and we're probably going to start up our other gathering in the near future which will be held monthly instead of biweekly, and I'm hoping to host every OTHER week.

 

We used to have herds of people over for dinner. I don't do it anymore. Dh enjoys a good party but we don't hold them often anymore. I like peace and quiet and solitude. I was NOT like this in my younger years.

[annandatje]

Do you have guests? How do you welcome them to your house? Do you let them dive in your fridge or are you formal?

 

We are definitely not formal. Our home often looks like a youth hostel or group home. Whether or not they fridge dive depends upon the circumstances and whether they're considered guests or part of the communal clan.

 

Long term friends and acquaintances and extended family know that the protocol here is to get your own beverage, usually from fridge #2. If they are regular or semi-regular overnighters or weekenders here, they fridge dive for meals when I do not cook, or they may prepare the family meal themselves.

 

We serve guests meals. If they seem uncomfortable with idea of selecting their beverage of choice from fridge #2, we are happy to accomodate them by getting their drink.

Edited January 6, 2011 by annandatje

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yes, I'm hospitable. How formal that hospitality looks depends on who I'm hosting. Usually if it is someone in an older generation, I'm much more formal.

[AngieC]

I am very relaxed and hospitable. If I thought I were going to have to be formal with someone, I probably would not invite that person into my home because that is not an atmposphere that I enjoy or one that makes me comfortable.

[nono]

Regularly. We have a house at the shore. In addition to hosting over 10 individuals/families this summer, we have had several visits in the off-season too. Some are repeat visitors, some are farther afield friends that come when they can!

 

There are definitely easier guests and more difficult guests, but over time, the difficult ones have either lightened up or not stayed here any longer. ;) We're very informal. We usually have a quick meeting before or when everyone gets here, where I remind/outline where everything is located, and find out if anyone has anything in particular they want to do while here. We work that into the schedule and mostly cook, eat, run, bike ride, talk, laugh, etc. :)

[Mom-ninja.]

Um, depends on who it is. ;)

[StephanieZ]

Yes.

 

:)

[Dawn in OH]

Um, depends on who it is. ;)

 

I don't like first time guests in my refrigerator or cabinets. But if you are a close friend, family, or someone that visits often, please help yourself. I will still offer beverages to people that visit often though.

[justamouse]

my house is normally grand central station and yes, I'm pretty informal but on holidays the china and crystal come out. It also depends on who I;m entertaining--friends or an account? Business acquaintances or life ling friends?

[Nakia]

Hospitality is NOT one of my gifts. Having people over makes me stress big time. I wish it wasn't that way. :(

[Night Elf]

Dd18 and dd12's friends are the only guests we ever have. I offer things to them but also give them leave to help themselves to anything in the kitchen. A couple of guys have been over here enough to feel comfortable doing that, but only in small amounts, like a few cookies, a handful of chips, a piece of fruit, a soda, etc..

[MamaT]

We are very informal and regularly have guests. The people we have over would feel very comfortable making themselves at home in my kitchen. Most of the time on the weekends (and some weeknights) we also have a house full of our teen's friends. They have all been here enough to make themselves at home, and they are very comfortable raiding the fridge or pantry.

[KrissiK]

I'm getting more so. I'm very proud of myself that I, on the spur of the moment, invited all my aunts and uncles over for coffee between the graveside and the memorial part of a funeral for a cousin last month. There was about a 45 minute break between the 2 services and my aunts and uncles were all from out of town. I live 5 minutes from the cemetary and the church and it was freezing and damp out. My house was a mess, but I offered, they accepted and didn't seemm to mind the mess as I put on a pot of coffee and a plate of cookies and nuts. I'm usually not the type of person to do that, I have to have everything perfect, and I was a little embarrassed when my aunt needed to use the bathroom, which wasn't clean, but I think they still appreciated and I was proud of myself that I did it. It's very out of character for me, but now I know I can do it.:D

[justamouse]

Hospitality is NOT one of my gifts. Having people over makes me stress big time. I wish it wasn't that way. :(

 

I really used to be like that. I did. To the point that I would get sick and have bouts of colitis. But I learned to walk myself through the scenario of, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" We buy pizza? Chinese? I make everyone eggs? And the more I did it, the more I became comfortable and it was all a warm up to moving here-to the middle of a town where people drop in all the time and my house is now the holiday house and we have the pool...God has given me the grace and I've learned that my own humility with entertaining puts people at ease. Which is a blessing all its own. I still get bouts of anxiety, but after-the after is where it gets better--where I look at it and ask what the heck I was stressing over? It makes it easier for the next time.

 

Also allow yourself some grace because you've had a very stressful year.:grouphug:

Edited January 7, 2011 by justamouse
i killed a kitty

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

Hospitality is NOT one of my gifts. Having people over makes me stress big time. I wish it wasn't that way. :(

 

:iagree: I try not to have guests, but I do give in to my spouse three or four times a year so that I don't appear too antisocial. I hate it though.

 

However, when I am hosting guests, I try to be very hospitable. I can't imagine why a guest would want to be in my refrigerator. If that makes me inhospitable, then I guess I am. I prefer to serve guests. That's how I was brought up.

 

My son has his friends over. I don't consider them guests. They are my adopted sons ;). They do whatever the heck they want, and I usually stay out of their way.:001_smile:

[ElizabethB]

Hospitality is NOT one of my gifts. :(

 

:iagree:

 

Not mine or my husband's, either, except with good friends or family.

 

We hosted two teenagers for a few days once before we had children, we were in Germany and they were returning from a mission in Russia. We were both busy with work and didn't talk to them or feed them much, we just left out food for them. We had the space, though, and there was a dire need for volunteers, so we signed up. Interestingly enough, they said they really enjoyed the break and said that they had been over-hosted while in Russia. We never figured out if that was true or if they were just being polite!

[Tabrett]

I'm hospitable with my oldest dd's friends. They come and go as they please. I'm not very hospitable when it comes to adults or young dc. I don't like all the whining and drama of dc under 11 years old and I don't ever think my house is clean enough for adult guests.

I don't have the food to allow my dd's friends fridge dive. Most eat before coming over. Her friends know I don't have much food in the fridge.

 

If I could afford to feed people I would mind. I just don't have the money.

[Sophia]

Yes, we are hospitable.

 

We live by the "Mi casa es su casa" saying.

 

I love that people are comfortable in my home, even if it is exhausting sometimes.

[cindergretta]

The people we "invite" over are close enough to us to help themselves and be comfortable. I don't like formality and avoid situations where it might be expected or required... ;)

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I'm pretty hospitable. I don't mind if people search for food in the cupboards, or help themselves to drinks from the garage. I like guests to feel at home in my house. Now, it does kind of bother me when one SIL stocks up on stuff before she leaves. I've said to her that this isn't a grocery store! :D

[In the Rain]

I think we are hospitable. We have people over at least a couple times a month, probably every week. For a while we had people over at least once a week. I always offer beverages and a food item. When we hosted a small group, those friends would poke about in the fridge or cabinet for something I "should" have had out- like coffee creamer. I didn't mind. Houseguests can help themselves.

[Night Elf]

Now, it does kind of bother me when one SIL stocks up on stuff before she leaves. I've said to her that this isn't a grocery store! :D

 

:lol: That is too funny!

[Impish]

Hospitality is NOT one of my gifts. Having people over makes me stress big time. I wish it wasn't that way. :(

:iagree:

The only guest we tend to host is MIL...and she wouldn't even *think* of helping herself to anything. She prefers to be served.

 

Oh, and she's even invited ppl without asking us first. :glare: I didn't know if the aunt and uncle were coming for supper or not, since I was informed they were coming that am, so I prepared supper as though they were. MIL actually acted affronted and said, "I'd never invite people for supper without talking to you first!" to which I replied, "I wouldn't have thought you'd invite people to my home without checking with us first!"

 

SpecialMama comes over, but she's not a guest. She's family. Good family. :D

[Peela]

I guess I am not very hospitable. We odnt hav e alto of guests although I guess I should count the vegetarian lunch I make twice a week for about a dozen people, guests. I am possessive of my kitchen, and the food therin. Even the kids dont get free rein.

I do like to entertain.... and I think I used to be different from how I am now. I used to be more easy going. I am noticing that I am getting less tolerant as I am getting older...or perhaps I jsut have healthier boundaries and know what I want, nowadays, and am less concerned about whether people like me or not for it.

[cindergretta]

:iagree:

The only guest we tend to host is MIL...and she wouldn't even *think* of helping herself to anything. She prefers to be served.

 

Oh, and she's even invited ppl without asking us first. :glare: I didn't know if the aunt and uncle were coming for supper or not, since I was informed they were coming that am, so I prepared supper as though they were. MIL actually acted affronted and said, "I'd never invite people for supper without talking to you first!" to which I replied, "I wouldn't have thought you'd invite people to my home without checking with us first!"

 

 

 

:lol: Some people just floor me!! :lol: Good for you for stating what should have been the obvious!!

[lilbean05]

I desperately want to have an "open door" policy, especially once my kids are older. I want everyone to feel like my home is a safe and welcoming environment and for everyone to feel at home when they are here.

 

I never stress about having people over, but as soon as people are here, I start to really care about small things---like my new rug getting dirty, or ingredients that I had planned to use in a meal being consumed otherwise, or dishes breaking, or things being taken care of differently than how we take care of things (different--but I instantly think wrong)

 

I guess I am a closet type A person, but I really REALLY don't want to be. Any tips on how you just not care about the carpet getting stained or food disappearing that you were planning on using?

[RoughCollie]

Any tips on how you just not care about the carpet getting stained or food disappearing that you were planning on using?

 

Buy stain remover for the carpets. Don't serve drinks that are red or orange or purple or blue (I am adding colors as I think of them). Figure that if someone eats the planned food, all that means is a quick trip to the grocery store or a menu change.

[Lawana]

No. Although I like the idea of having guests, I get incredibly anxious, and fearful that what I have to offer will be inadequate.

[lilbean05]

Buy stain remover for the carpets. Don't serve drinks that are red or orange or purple or blue (I am adding colors as I think of them). Figure that if someone eats the planned food, all that means is a quick trip to the grocery store or a menu change.

 

Yeah, I think I need to pop a big chill pill. It is just stuff anyway, so who really cares. But, somewhere deep in there, I seem to be paranoid of things not being kept the way we do in our home. Hmmm...something to ponder.

[greenmamma]

I love people coming in to my home!

Cooking, kids making noise, cups of tea for friends...

All while I get to stay in my warm slippers :)

[~cindy~]

Absolutely. My house is your house:001_smile:

[eternalknot]

I like the wording "hospitable" but really I'm just a lazy hostess LOL.

 

First-time guest, or regular, everyone is encouraged to help themselves around the kitchen or closets and to otherwise make themselves at home. We have a revolving door of extended-stay relatives, friends, and neighbors who are always dropping in. My in-laws often call from the airport to say they just flew in and are on their way over (15 minute car ride, tops). Everyone knows (and newbies figure out fast!) that if you wait for me to offer you something, you're likely to go without. I'm just used to everyone helping themselves, and am probably the poster child for an Emily Post intervention.

 

I grew up in a large family, in a home that ran pretty much the same way. I think it's just normal for me. About ten people have keys to my home, and will show up at any given time - sometimes they're there when I get home from running errands :) likewise, I have keys to six of my siblings homes (not all of my siblings want the rest of us having that kind of access to their homes, but most of us don't care) and help myself whenever I need or want to.

 

Unfortunate things happen - one visiting toddler took a car key and scratched several crosses into the leather sofa. A year later the same kid took some scissors and ripped a 3" section of the leather ottoman. It took me a few weeks to come down from that, but ultimately I know it wasn't intentional and I'd still rather have the company of friends in the comfort of my home. I haven't replaced that furniture yet, I'm waiting a few more years until he's older ... just in case LOL.

[OnTheBrink]

No. I hate having people in my house. It makes me an absolute nervous wreck. If I could have a moat and a draw bridge, I'd install them tomorrow. I need my space and I need it to not be invaded.

[RoughCollie]

Yeah, I think I need to pop a big chill pill. It is just stuff anyway, so who really cares. But, somewhere deep in there, I seem to be paranoid of things not being kept the way we do in our home. Hmmm...something to ponder.

 

There have been many, many times when I have wished I was more like you. I tend to be cavalier about our possessions -- they are just things and can be replaced. Then, when they get ruined, I regret that I didn't make sure they were better taken care of - not because I love them, but because it is a pain in the neck to replace them and sometimes expensive, too.

 

I would like to be a bit more Type A, especially about rugs and upholstery. I'm just not detail-oriented enough. That, and I'm lazy. I can always talk myself out of attending to a stain immediately (that's why I know all the colors of the difficult ones) and putting it off means it flies right out of my mind and I don't think of it again until stains either accumulate or won't come out all the way.

 

Everyone who knows me IRL thinks I am flexible and laid back, relaxed. Well, I didn't start out that way. Having triplets put the kibosh on that because I hadn't developed crowd control skills, and what I imagined motherhood would be like and reality did not match. (My imagination = Cheaper by the Dozen, or Leave It To Beaver.) I've just talked myself into being that way because otherwise I would go stark raving mad or develop stomach pains. This is kind of like Scarlett O'Hara's I'll think about it tomorrow technique.

 

The first time a baby smeared diaper rash ointment all over the our brand new couch while I was changing another baby was ... difficult. I learned to roll with the punches and juggle several balls in the air while ignoring the unimportant ones that fell. My psyche is probably like a tangled ball of yarn by now due to my whack-a-mole life.

 

Then I think, what the heck, when the children move out, things will be kept perfectly, the house will be a calm and uncluttered haven, and I will experience the sense of peace that comes from that. Maybe. This could very well be another one of my imagination doesn't match reality plans. Kind of like when I wanted to get a farm, but had no idea that farm animals smell bad, are not bathed and groomed daily, and that there are an awful lot of bugs, plus other unpleasant things to deal with.

Edited January 7, 2011 by RoughCollie

[SailorMom]

Depends on who it is :)

I'm an introvert - and while still very sociable, too many people for too long stresses me out! We frequently have parties for 20-30 people, and I really enjoy myself, but I end the night absolutely exhausted.

We do frequently have houseguests that stay for a week or so at a time, and I love that. Two, three people we know well, board games, etc.

As for formal or not - I usually treat new guests (people who haven't been here, or I don't know well) more formally, everyone else - I offer drinks, but after the first one - they know it is 'mi casa su casa'.