sacgw Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 MANY years ago, as my younger brother was entering puberty, a male friend had told me to be aware that boys will have these bouts of anger for no apparent reason. He said that when going through puberty that they will have rushes of angry emotions and not know what to do about it or why they feel that way. Now that I have my own children and am having issues with my son, I brought this topic up with my husband. My husband says it's not true. He doesn't remember it happening to him and that this guy was full of poo. Looking at how hormones can affect us women,and my 7yr old daughter, and how we can start crying for no reason (or at least the hormones affect some of us that way :-) ), this "theory" makes sense to me. It does not excuse the actions that result from the anger but I am trying to understand where these episodes are coming from. So my question is to the Dad's -- do you buy into this theory? Did you experience surges of unexplained anger when growing up? Have your sons experienced such? Now for Mom's or H.S. Dad's, myself and a friend both have boys that are 9yrs old. We are both having similar issues with our sons. We live 5 hrs from each other so this is not something the boys are encouraging each other to do. Both of our sons have become very disrespectful and ready to battle at EVERY tiny thing. My son will wake up angry, or some days he's in a fantastic mood, then all of a sudden he's defiant,disrespectful, unruly, ANGRY about everything then 30min later he's calm and kind and has no reason as to why he acted the way he did. I even had him answer a 2 page questionnaire on respect and letting him know he would not get in trouble for any of the answers, I just wanted him to answer them honestly. I asked his definition of respect, how to show it, if he knew we loved him, if he felt we were ever unfair with discipline, why he was disrespectful at times, etc... He knows what respect is, he doesn't know why he is disrespectful or at least his answer was that he didn't know why. Is this a phase? Is this something all boys do? Is he just testing me to see when he can take control of his life? He is getting more and more "mouthy" and it's unacceptable! Sure there is plenty of room for improvement in the area of showing me respect from his father,his example, but my husband shows me more respect than his father EVER showed toward his mother and my husband has ALWAYS been respectful to his mom. When my son gets in the disrespectful moods, he can end up without t.v., computer, bike, skateboard, sugar, every single pleasure for a week within 2 hrs. I will give him a warning and tell him it is unacceptable to speak to me or put his hands on me other than in a loving manner (i.e. hug) and if it is done again he will lose whatever matters most to him that day for a specified amount of time. I start with one item and one day. But his behavior continues and so do the restrictions-- all to no avail. So I want to also hear from those who don't have boys that are mouthy, disrespectful, defiant---please tell me how you did it!Please! And if you think it's the hormones that initiate these angry episodes, how do I curb them. How do you teach your child how to manage his anger? Thank you in advance for all answers/suggestions/ideas Leah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I think that it's something that any PERSON can go through and is not just the symptoms of one gender. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 DS10 has been acting exactly the same way, with the same result (losing priveleges until he has nothing left to lose). He becomes angry over little things, disrespectful out of the blue, then even angrier (to the point of hysteria) when told the consequence. A half hour later he seems honestly bewildered and remorseful that he acted that way. I suspect it is hormones and that the impact varies from child to child. I do remember as a young teen waking up some mornings just extraordinarily out of sorts for no reason, but ready to react (badly) to almost word or deed. With girls it may exhibit more as emotional meltdowns, with boys as anger, but I don't have enough experience to say. My greatest challenge is not becoming angry myself, especially over the disrespect. I've been thinking lately that losing priveleges is meaningless when he is worked up - linking actions to consequences assumes some level of rational thought, and I think at times he simply cannot think rationally. So I'm trying to establish an automatic response whereby I ask him (calmly, I hope) to retire to his room until he can control himself. Since my ultimate goal is self-control, I hope this will help him focus on that end result, rather than being able to gnaw the loss-of-prveleges tod death. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I have one that gets sullen and uncommunicative, and one that gets very emotional and insecure. I'm not above sending them up to their room for a break with the promise they'll come down with a better attitude. Sending them out to run around the house a few times in nice weather works too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 My very calm, gentle boys have experienced this. They were quite taken aback by these feelings. So was I as a mom, but dh was very calm about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 DH says he did not have anger issues at all. He does remember feeling very sensitive sometimes but he is not sure if it was due to hormones or lack of maturity. (his words) Ds14 has never displayed bouts of anger either. I don't know how long puberty lasts but he looks like an older teenager with lots of facial hair and he has a really deep voice, so something has been going on. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Dh did not have anger issues and still is very calm. For the most part, our boys don't either but when I sense that they are struggling with some emotions (except for Algebra - NOTHING helps with algebra anger which is the most lethal anger to a mother that any of her children can express) he says they need a physical job. He will usually send them out to carry and stack wood. It works like a charm. I don't think it is unique to boys but I don't think every child has that issue. But, I will say that our society is not one in which boys do as much physical labor as they used to and I think they really do have a need to be "active". When we don't have wood to stack, I will make each boy take turns doing 30 minutes on Wii fit and they have to start out with strength training exercises. It seems to work for a frustration, stress, disappointment, and hurt feelings. The last year that I taught private school and had 27 6th-8th grade boys in a general music class, I assigned push-ups if attitudes were out of alignment with my goals. (I loved teaching at that school because no one batted an eyelash at sentences to push-ups or other calistetics.) It always, always worked. So, maybe boys are a little more likely to express anger if they don't get enough physical activity. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I think that it's something that any PERSON can go through and is not just the symptoms of one gender. :iagree: My ds has bouts of anger. I remember my brother having them, and my sister and I most definitely do (umm, did) :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Dh did not have anger issues and still is very calm. For the most part, our boys don't either but when I sense that they are struggling with some emotions (except for Algebra - NOTHING helps with algebra anger which is the most lethal anger to a mother that any of her children can express) he says they need a physical job. He will usually send them out to carry and stack wood. It works like a charm. Faith Ok, the bolded made me LOL! :D But, we're not there yet, so maybe I won't be laughing then. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freerange Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Complex indeed. I would probably need to refer to my mum but suspect I bottled up my frustrations due to unusual family circumstances. There is something in the puberty/male pack placement thing but how it's dealt with can be influenced by many factors. Do certainly believe that a lot of it is unintentional. Unfortunately it's hard to see it that way when you're in the firing line. Fr's DH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasar31629 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I would venture to say it's not gender related either. My dh did not have these issues growing up, but I myself remember perfectly well a few years of anger. I hardly ever had an emotional meltdown. I remember feeling out of control with it, not really caring about anyone or anything (myself included) when I was angry or surly. At times when I was in a more genial mood I remember thinking it was a bit unfair of me to be so sour, but I also remember justifying it right after those thoughts. I wasn't a very pleasant person for those few years and caused my parents a lot of grief- things delved from fairly normal to poor decisions, bad friends, and it spiraled from there. I have some weak plans, I'm sure, as to how to handle this with my own children- but mostly prayer, vigilance, firm rules and boundaries, trying to remain clear-headed and calm when others are not, etc etc. I know for myself back then, my anger seemed to feed off others emotions. I would gain some sort of sad victory if I upset people enough where they cracked down too hard...then I had a woe-is-me story to tell for the next month. It also felt unnerving to have my parents out-of-sorts...I remember feeling very uncomfortable when they were at the end of their rope and it showed...or when it had gone far enough that they tip-toed around me for fear of my response. At any rate, I don't feel this is limited to gender (perhaps more and more as gender roles in society change) but more to personality. My two cents! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I think that it's something that any PERSON can go through and is not just the symptoms of one gender. Heck yeah. I still get like that. Don't be like my mother. If I went into my room as a "time out" for myself, she'd follow me in and keep yelling at me for sulking (even if I wasn't.) Then she'd yell at me for trying a poker face. What was a kid to do? Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheApprentice Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 My dh doesn't remember having bouts of anger, but my ds 13 does occasionally not know why he is angry. I did read somewhere that hormonal changes during pubescence can can affect one's emotions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I think that it's something that any PERSON can go through and is not just the symptoms of one gender. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.