Leaving Kids Alone?

[Guest lahmeh]

There is no law in my state about what age you can leave your children unattended. I'm curious at what age you would be comfortable leaving your children home alone for 30 minutes to say...run to the post office? Can you please vote? :) Thanks.

[Peela]

I voted 7. It depends on the kid and what area I lived in. If I lived in a high crime area I would have behaved differently but we left the kids from a young age, living in low crime suburbia.

[Ginevra]

I said 12, but it would depend on a lot of different factors, including the nature of the child and whether or not a younger sibling or two would be present. There are laws in my state, though. 8 to be left alone, 13 to babysit.

[twoxcell]

I have no idea. My oldest is 7.5 and I can not imagine leaving him any time soon.

[Mosaicmind]

I said 10 but I can't imagine leaving some of my kids at home alone at that age, but then again some of them could've been home alone at 8 so it depends on the kid. But, I do know in my state it is 11 that is legal to be home alone and I got this info from a friend who is a police officer.

[saja1029]

I said 13....but that's what I would feel comfortable with my oldest. He is 12 now, and is no where ready to stay home by himself. He gets spooked easily and we live in the woods (and let's face it, sometimes woods are spooky!). Plus we live too far from anything...so a 1/2 hour trip would just be a ride in the car ;)

[Mommy22alyns]

Looks like there's no minimum age in my state either. Becca is 7.5 and I think she'd be fine for a short time at home alone. She's pretty reasonable and well-behaved. We also live in a small town.

[clarkacademy]

I think it depends on the child really. My oldest daughter I could have left her alone probally at 5 to be honest. She was born mature lol. As is she started to be alone at about 10 for periods of time it is not her I don't trust I have a fear someone will know and try to break in or something. Yes I am paramoid I admit it. My youngest daughter is 6 and I would not leave her for 5 minutes she is such a baby lol. My 12 year old not for a long time if ever as he has autism, my 9 year old boy I could never trust at this point as he is way too impulsive. Hope that helps

[cindergretta]

Depends on several factors - area one lives in, maturity of the specific child, alone or watching one or more younger siblings, for example.

 

I would leave my 10 y/o alone for 30 minutes, but no longer and not with any younger siblings.

 

My 7 y/o has special needs, so obviously not an option.

 

My oldest 2 were babysitting by 11 or 12, due to exceptional maturity.

[nd293]

There are so many variables ... how long would it take you to return home in an emergency? How safe is the neighbourhood (and the house)? How confident is the child? Are there younger siblings? Are there safe people to call on if you didn't return home (the one-in-a-million-disaster)?

 

When dd was 9yrs I would leave her to run to the shop (5 minute drive) or to take a 30 minute walk (never more than 10 minutes from home due to the layout of the block). She was with ds3, and I would only go out when he was busy and distracted, e.g. TV.

 

She is 10yrs now, and I leave them for about an hour sometimes. We are in a different street, though, and I now know three of the neighbours well enough to know dd could go to them in an emergency.

 

I don't like to leave them. I don't feel it's right to leave them for longer than about 30 min, but sometimes, when compared to dragging two resistant kids out to the shops in the middle of summer, it seems like the lesser of two evils.

 

Nikki

[LauraGB]

If I were able to vote, I'd vote for 10, depending on the child's maturity and ability to handle responsibility. In our area, 11-12 year olds can take the Red Cross or YMCA babysitting classes, so I would expect they should be able to be left alone prior to being "certified" to take care of other people's children.

 

I didn't vote because in our home we also have an adult family home (where we care for permanently placed adults with mental illnesses), so my kids can't be left alone here at any rate.

[mom4him]

I put 13 but it would depend on if it was just one of mine or both. I would not leave them both home alone even at that age.

The other side of that is I doubt that either of them would want to stay home.:001_smile:

[Mosaicmind]

If I were able to vote, I'd vote for 10, depending on the child's maturity and ability to handle responsibility. In our area, 11-12 year olds can take the Red Cross or YMCA babysitting classes, so I would expect they should be able to be left alone prior to being "certified" to take care of other people's children.

 

I didn't vote because in our home we also have an adult family home (where we care for permanently placed adults with mental illnesses), so my kids can't be left alone here at any rate.

 

Bless you. I was one of those adults once and stayed in a home for a month where I could get healing and be safe.

[shinyhappypeople]

Confession time. Last summer the DDs and I had an ice cream emergency. DD1 was 7 (barely) and did NOT want to come to the store to pick out ice cream (bad day). So, I let her stay home alone while younger DD (5 yo) and went to the corner store. The store is less than 5 minutes by car. We were in, out and back home in 15 min. DD1 was sooo disappointed we came back so quickly. :)

 

However, She's confident and mature for her age, and I trust her. I trust her to stay inside and keep the doors locked. I trust her not to answer the phone or the door. I trust her to not touch the stove or microwave while I'm gone.

 

I haven't left her since then (even though she's asked me to), but it's good to know that it's an option in a pinch. Younger DD is 6 and I'm not confident that they could co-exist peacefully without me there. Maybe in a year or two....

 

FWIW, we live in a quiet, low-crime area and we know most of our neighbors.

[Mommy22alyns]

I don't know. I'm rather confused regarding what is allowed/appropriate. I think my almost 9 year old would be fine alone for 30 minutes, but I'm pretty sure if anything happened (even beyond anyone's control) others wouldn't see it that way and I'd be dragged through the mud. So I probably won't allow it for quite some time.

 

Very true.

[LauraGB]

Bless you.

 

Back at you. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Farrar]

I don't know. I'm rather confused regarding what is allowed/appropriate. I think my almost 9 year old would be fine alone for 30 minutes, but I'm pretty sure if anything happened (even beyond anyone's control) others wouldn't see it that way and I'd be dragged through the mud. So I probably won't allow it for quite some time.

 

This is so true. However, I make a concerted effort not to let this dictate my decisions. If I feel something is appropriate, then I try to let my parenting judgment rule and not let the outside fear of something extremely unlikely tell me what to do. And I also try not to judge the parents when I hear a news story about a time when something did go wrong.

 

I put 9 yo, though I might do it sooner. At age 5, I began leaving my kids "alone" in the house with dh asleep upstairs - he works nights so he's often asleep in the day and the kids aren't supposed to bother him. It just helps with errands not to have them along. So they're quite used to being on their own, but there's still quite a safety net they can run to if something bad happens.

[AngieW in Texas]

I answered 10yo because that's the age I felt comfortable with leaving my two younger kids. I wasn't comfortable with my oldest being home until 11yo. We know all our neighbors and quite a few of them work from home, so they are there most of the day.

[regentrude]

I am coming from a country where a first grader would be expected to walk himself to and from school independently. Staying at home for 30 minutes is something they would expect from a 5 y/o.

[Heather in Neverland]

We are inching towards that and ds is nearly 13. It only takes once so I tend to err towards the side of caution.

[MBM]

I would have selected 14, but it's not an option.

 

My decision is based on our wishy-washy law. In my state the legal age a parent can leave a child home alone is 14. While walking at a nearby park one day, a doctor who lives across the street from us accusingly asked my husband and me where our son was. He was not very nice about it. It turns out our son was about 25 feet in front of us. I don't want to be turned in to the authorities, so my son will come with one of us until he turns 14.

 

On a side note, I just read about a 12-year-old girl in the suburb next to us who was approached by a man while she was walking to school. He grabbed her and said that she would be going with him. Luckily, she managed to break free and run away. That was the fifth attempted child abduction in my area this year, and both boys and girls have been targeted. So, I don't allow my son to walk alone, either. Ugh.

Edited January 5, 2011 by MBM
deletion

[Jilly]

I left my twins alone at 8, but there is two of them and they are very mature.

 

My youngest is 7.5. He stays alone with the twins, but I can't imagine leaving him alone anytime soon. It will probably be years before I feel comfortable leaving him on his own. :)

[BigMamaBird]

In our current neighborhood, without younger siblings and if it were broad daylight and good weather, I'd be comfortable with leaving a 10 year old alone. But I don't have a 10 year old yet. It would ultimately depend upon the child's temperment.

[Lolosoli]

It depends on the child, the neighbourhood, where I would be going and if there was contact available through the telephone if needed.

[LauraGB]

I am coming from a country where a first grader would be expected to walk himself to and from school independently. Staying at home for 30 minutes is something they would expect from a 5 y/o.

 

 

Curious - which country?

 

I'm often surprised on vacations how many cultures are much more..."free range"...than we are. Personally, I'm too paranoid to fully embrace it, but it is a lovely idea.

[Dmmetler]

I said 12, but we really don't have any close neighbors she could call on during the day, so she really WOULD be on her own until Daddy could get home from work. If there were someone home during the day nearby, I'd probably say maybe 9-10? I think 7 is a bit young, but maybe that's because I'm the only mom in the world who doesn't let her 6 yr old sleep over at other people's houses (according to my DD).

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I said 11, but that is based on my goddaughter who is now 12. I would leave her for 30 mins. I don't know if my boys would have the same presence of mind at that age, yet. We'll see. It depends on many factors.

[shinyhappypeople]

OK, who voted never?

[kokotg]

My now 9 year old stayed home for 20-30 minutes by himself occasionally starting at 8. I can count on one hand the number of times it's happened, mostly because the opportunity doesn't arise very often (there aren't many places that are less than a 20 minute drive for us, so it's pretty much just if I go to the vet or the grocery store) and he usually doesn't want to stay. He's very cautious and conscientious, though, so I trust him alone. His 7 year old brother...will probably be older before I'll leave him.

[Cinder]

I voted 11. Ds1 might have been able to stay by himself earlier but he was the nervous type when he was younger. Ds2 is only 3 years younger but not as mature as ds1. I'd leave him alone for an hour, but if I knew I'd be longer he'd have to come along. Now that he's nearly 13 I don't mind leaving him alone for a couple hours. We let ds1 babysit when he was 13 and ds2 was 10 and dd was 3, but only for about 2 hours at most. Now that they're all older it's easier to be gone for 3 hours or so if I need to.

 

My neighbor let her dd stay home (at 9 yo) and watch her brother who was 5. Didn't work out so well. I didn't know she'd done this, so I let dd go over and ask the kids out to play. And out they came! Later when I saw neighbor drive up I just assumed her dh was home with the kids. Nope! I assumed incorrectly. So now she takes her dc with her. Good plan.

[regentrude]

Curious - which country?

 

I'm often surprised on vacations how many cultures are much more..."free range"...than we are. Personally, I'm too paranoid to fully embrace it, but it is a lovely idea.

 

Germany.

[Terabith]

I voted 7. (In fact, I have left my seven year old alone for about that length of time.) However, it depends on MANY things.....mostly the kid. I can't fathom leaving my younger one alone in 18 months. Would depend on anxiety level, how they cope with difficulties, how trustworthy they are.

 

Also, this assumes a safe locale, where they have access to a phone they know how to use, and nearby neighbors that they know.

[Brenda in FL]

I voted based on my oldest's age. He was eleven when I started leaving him and his then 9 yo sister home - I occassionally leave my youngest (just turned 8) with him - but only for very short periods of time.

[cindergretta]

Germany.

 

My sister lives in Germany. While she is "expected" to let her dc walk to and from school, she doesn't. She would *never* leave a 5 y/o. While most of their friends and neighbors do allow their dc to walk to and from school, most do not leave them home alone as young as 5. She lived 7 years in Munich and the last 5 years she is living in Heidleberg.

 

Does that expectation (of leaving children alone so young) vary by locale?

 

(I grew up in Germany and must confess, I have no idea if my friends were home alone. I know I walked to and from school beginning in 1st grade.)

[IsabelC]

Definitely depends on the child. My 7yo I would not leave alone for more than a few minutes, but my 5yyo will be fine to be left by the time she's 7.

[Cindyg]

I voted 10YO, but that's only during the day time. Not at night! I would leave my 13YO home alone for 30 mins at night, but not for an evening -- which is odd because I was babysitting long evenings for $ at age 12, and that in a day when I couldn't reach the parents by cell phone. Go figure.

[Jamee]

Curious - which country?

 

I'm often surprised on vacations how many cultures are much more..."free range"...than we are. Personally, I'm too paranoid to fully embrace it, but it is a lovely idea.

 

I would say this is true of Japan and I believe even Korea--although I'm not sure about kids staying home alone. It is quite common to see younger kids--I would guess 6-7 riding the trains by themselves to and from school and all the kids walk to and from by themselves.

 

As for me personally, our base has the rule of ten. I think it's entirely dependent on the child though. I would have felt fine leaving DS alone for short times when he was younger. He's mature and doesn't panic. I know of another kid, the same age, who would freak if mom wasn't home a minute within the time she said she would be.