Mallorie Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 My oldest and youngest kids are naturally very social. My middle boy has been naturally very introverted, to the point that he would refuse even being photographed by anyone other than myself, even family events. He was the one who cried and cried about going to preschool, even speech therapy. As he's gotten older, he's been more at ease about things, but still very quiet. It's a struggle to get him to talk about things, how he's doing, what he's thinking, etc. I'm a middle child too, so I understand how "middles" can feel sometimes, which is why I engage him as much as possible. This is our first year homeschooling, and i'm noticing that his confidence has really blossomed. We've joined a homeschool cooperative that does presentation nights as well as 4H this year, and he had a presentation to do for them last night. He not only has been participating without complaint, but eager to do so! All this talk about homeschooling and so called "socialization". My middle child was the one people (I admit it, myself too) were most concerned about as we started this adventure. I am pleasantly surprised to report that it has boosted his confidence and social skills! :001_smile: Anyone else had this happen? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Yes, because homeschool kids aren't generally as mean. My oldest was heavier and didn't have a ton of friends while he was in school. When we found the right group - his friendships went crazy. He had an amazing time in high school because he had the best group of friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest momk2000 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 My youngest (5yrs) is very shy and I think homeschooling is helping her build self confidence and feel comfortable in her own skin. I am also exteremely shy, so I know what ps can do to a shy kid. My self confidence was crushed by remarks and teasing (from teachers more than other students). Dd is just now starting to show an interest in going to Sunday School (she ordinarily sits in church with dh and I while her older sister goes to Sunday School). We are also just getting ready to enroll her in a homeschool activity that she has expressed an interest in. These are big steps for her. Up to this point she has not wanted to participate in anything. She does have a few friends in the neighborhood and interacts with them so well. From my experience attending ps, I just don't think it's good for a child to be forced outside of their comfort zone. I never felt comfortable being thrown into a classroom of 30+ kids everyday, and then being forced to speak in front of them too - yikes. Dd is growing up in her element and being given the opportunity to build confidence in herself and I definitely see where homeschooling is starting to do wonders for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaSheep Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Yes. Because of his autism and sensory issues, social interactions take a lot more focus and energy for ds than they do for most people. School was just completely overwhelming and exhausting. He basically responded by avoiding all contact with all people at all possible times. He didn't make friends and when kids tried to make friends with him he either ignored them or (if they wouldn't go away and leave him alone) reacted with hostility. When we took him out of school he HATED people. All people in general, every person individually. He was a very anti-social little guy. Five years into homeschooling, he's been able to unwind from that a great deal, make a few friends he can spend time with without total sensory overload for hours on end, and is even starting to branch out into group activities a bit more where they can be for shorter durations and in smaller groups with more supervision than the school provided (this is a BIG thing for him since he has such bad emotional associations left over from school still). When he was in school he never wanted to go ANYWHERE there might be people. We dragged him places anyway, but it was a miserable experience for everyone concerned. Nowadays he still prefers to be at home, but he goes willingly, and sometimes happily, out to a lot of places in the community--stores, banks, restaurants, the zoo, aquarium, various museums, the produce co-op, and so forth, and he knows from first hand practice how to behave 'properly' in each of these venues, and how to find help if needed. That's one kind of 'socialization' he would not have gotten from school. I don't think he will ever socialize "normally", that's part of his disability. But I am firmly convinced it would have been worse if we left him in school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Yes, my shy and reserved middle dd has come out of her shell in her *own* time and without any pressure to be anyone she is not. :) Same with oldest ds and I think it's mainly because we've had more control over who they spend time with and we lose the, well, losers pretty quickly if we need to. My other kids don't need to be more outgoing. LOL!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mallorie Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 You know, this is one of those things that just brings guilt for me. We pulled the boys out two years ago to homeschool, and I chickened out. We ended up putting them in a different school. I really, really wish I would have stuck it out back then. DH keeps reassuring me that things happened that way for a reason, and after the life experiences i've had in the last two years, i'm more prepared to handle it now. But I still can't help the "what-if's". Everyday I realize how important it is to listen to other people's opinions, evaluate them carefully, and not be afraid to disregard the ones I know to be false. SO many comments scared me about homeschooling. Now, halfway through this year I'm still struggling to find our groove, but the kids. My, oh my, are they taking off with their personalities! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsbaby Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 It's funny you should bring this up. I have been discussing with my family my concerns that my son us becoming more introverted than ever. My first reaction was that it was a result if homeschooling. But after thinking it over, I think kids are just inclined to be introverts/extroverts regardless. DS is in a tutorial, goes to playmates, participates in a geography group, has done sports, etc. Yet he is still very much a homebody. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClassicCole Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 That has been our experience. Grandparents have even commented on how much more confident and relaxed the kids are. They have more friendships and more interest than before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 YES Okay, I didn't even read the O/P, just the subject line. The difference in middle ds from his ps days to today (after two years of hsing) is unbelievable. Really. Friends, family, they all comment on it, they all continue to comment on it and new friends cannot believe that he was ever as introverted (or antisocial ;) ) as he was. Even dd (only started in October) has shown signs of maturity and confidence. Granted, it could be her age, but I really do believe that the relief of not having to face ps has made a gigantic difference. She is able to strive without harrassment, she is able to relax, she is not being emotionally abused day in and out by her "peers" (although, frankly, I don't think they are her peers in anything beyond age). Her friends' parents have all noticed too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Yes. My dd13 is a quiet child. She didn't ever have shyness of the anxiety disorder type, but she was quiet, slow to make friends, slow to speak up. I think homeschooling has been ideal for her because it has nurtured her more. I think she would have withered away to nothing in a large, loud, overstimulating public school. She is still a reserved person, but she is happy and can speak up for herself when necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Calvin was very reserved when young. He is now a confident young man who gets praised for his maturity. He's still not highly social, but he knows how to get along with people. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 My middle dd was horribly shy as a child. We thought she might have selective mutism for a while, even. She (literally) could not speak to anyone she didn't know, and I would have to "translate" with others for her. Homeschooling has been great for her, because she does well with a few people whom she knows well. I have no idea what being in a classroom would have done to her. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Yes, the two who were introverts became more outgoing (not that they aren't still introverts but just more outgoing anyway) but my extrovert became less so. I think it probably is just a temporary thing since she has decided that being an extrovert is bad (easy to think when everyone else in the family is introverted) and keeps insisting that she is now an introvert too. SHe isn't in that the others don't mind not seeing people and she sure does but she isn't as openly friendly to strangers as she once was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GypsieFamily Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Ds9 and dd8 were loners at school, teased, excluded, and generally had it reinforced every day that they were not In the group. Now ds9 is sociable, confident, friendly, and chats non stop. Dd8 is quiet, but believes she is confident, outgoing, sociable and a chatabox. Hhis would never have happened at school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Yes. Because of his autism and sensory issues, social interactions take a lot more focus and energy for ds than they do for most people. School was just completely overwhelming and exhausting. He basically responded by avoiding all contact with all people at all possible times. He didn't make friends and when kids tried to make friends with him he either ignored them or (if they wouldn't go away and leave him alone) reacted with hostility. ... I don't think he will ever socialize "normally", that's part of his disability. But I am firmly convinced it would have been worse if we left him in school. Yup. My son's first statement on the very first day of homeschooling was, "OH, I love this. There aren't PEOPLE." Since then we've been able to work on his issues, and most of the time he enjoys coming out of his hole and "socializing." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Yep. I'm thrilled to report that after 1.5 years of homeschooling my now 14 year old daughter is much more self-confident and has vastly improved in her ability to make at least a little small talk when in new situations. She's feeling SO much better about herself, in fact, that she has asked to go back to public school starting next year. :001_huh: I'm not so sure about that, but I'm going to let her try it. I'm afraid all the progress she has made will be instantly undone the minute she steps foot back in that place. Sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Yep. I'm thrilled to report that after 1.5 years of homeschooling my now 14 year old daughter is much more self-confident and has vastly improved in her ability to make at least a little small talk when in new situations. She's feeling SO much better about herself, in fact, that she has asked to go back to public school starting next year. :001_huh: I'm not so sure about that, but I'm going to let her try it. I'm afraid all the progress she has made will be instantly undone the minute she steps foot back in that place. Sigh. If you do put her back in and it's a disaster, say within the first few days (definitely by the end of week one) will you remove her? I'm curious, because my older ds is starting to hint around about going back. If he were to actually ask (right now it's just wondering what it would be like) then I would feel like I should let him go back. If I were to do that, and it was a disaster or he was unhappy (or he missed the bus, or anything really) then I would want to pull him out immediately. I know a lot of this is because I don't want him to go back. So now I wonder, is it just me or would another parent in a similar situation opt not to 'hang in there' or 'try it out for awhile' and just remove them lickety split? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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