What made you decide how many children to have?

[Tabrett]

My oldest dc is 9 years older than my 2nd dc. I kept waiting and waiting for our financial situation to get better:001_huh::lol:, till I got to the point that if I don't start having more NOW I was going to be too old to have any. SO... I had #2 (at 30)and #3(at 32) and was completely satisfied and done. Sold all my baby stuff and got pregnant when #3(at 35) was 18 months old, oops!!! Dh got "fixed" after #4!

 

I feel VERY old to have such young dc!

 

That's my story.:D

[JessReplanted]

We had #1.

When he turned two we started trying for #2, and I was told that I wouldn't be able to have any more children. :crying:

Less than a month later, God surprised us with #2 through a miraculous adoption. :w00t:

When baby #2 was only 4 months old, we found out we were pregnant with baby #3. :lol:

 

And since then.. nothing. I don't think that I can have any more children (unless God decides to work another miracle). We are open to adopting again some time in the future (if God directs us that way).

 

Although we only have 3 children, with the girls being only 12 months apart, they still keep me running in circles!

[melissel]

I had to smile at this.

 

:D I rib him occasionally about how he used to say that way back when, before we knew what the realities of parenting (and our own capacities) would be. He doesn't always laugh with me :lol:

 

I'm constantly amazed at by the abilities that moms of many have. I SO wish that my personality was different and that two was not ever so slightly more than I can really handle. (Or maybe I don't, considering that two is all DH will agree to!) I love love love the idea of a big happy group of children, but I know that neither of us is equipped to deal with that. The strain that even having two put on our marriage...well, I'm joyous and grateful and happy to say that we've weathered it, but I wasn't sure there for awhile. I envy you your attitude, and houseful, and especially your new blessing. Congratulations!

[BarbecueMom]

We wanted four, but are likely done at two.

 

Due to DH's chronic back problem, the stress of childbirth and raising babies is more painful to him than labor was to me. If we have another, DH gets the epidural.

[TravelingChris]

We thought that three or four would be best. Then when we were ready to have number four, it never happened. (I always had to space kids since I get a very bad exarcerbation each time after pregnancy (with my second and third, and with having this disease, I could expect it every time- no problems while pregnant, many problems later). WE never specifically tried but then we didn't not try either. As it turns out, it was really for the best. I didn't know then that I almost certainly had a deep vein thrombosis during the end of my third pregnancy. My left lower leg swelled up a lot and they did do an ultrasound but never found it or any reason that leg only did that. Now of course I know that I had and still have thrombophilia and that things like pregnancy are a risk. Not saying I wouldn't have had my third but I would have been at even greater risk with a fourth since I would be older and blood naturally thickens as you get older. I think God protected our family and kept me alive to raise the kids I did have who all turned out to have various medical issues that take up a lot of time and energy.

[Mommy22alyns]

It is so, so, so hard. We figured 2 for emotional, physical, financial reasons. On top of that, I had serious complications with Sylvia that led to a month long hospitalization and a high chance of recurrence. I would love another, I really would. But I'm getting older so fertility is declining, plus we're in a bad financial spot right now and I just feel like that's a NO, you know? :( I felt like it's now or never and we got never. I think it's hard for a lot of women to close that door, because for us it does close. Men can pretty much always father another child, but we can't.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I could go for years with 2 - 3 interruptions a night, provided that I actually spend enough time in bed as a whole. I have little trouble falling back asleep, provided there isn't anything serious going on to start the worry juices flowing. However, my sensory son would have episodes where he woke 10 - 15 times a night for weeks on end. Even though we co-slept and I would fall asleep right away, those constant interruptions meant I went weeks without much REM sleep. It wasn't pretty. People who knew me back then tell my I am so normal now;). (and, yes, we did try to sleep train him and his violent vomiting reaction made sure that he never slept in a crib again.)

 

With dd, we co-slept and, with her being the heat-seeking missile she was, I always woke up in awkward positions and mucho back pain. These days, I have the joints of an 80 year old, so my days of caring for babies 24/7 are over.

Edited January 5, 2011 by dirty ethel rackham
wrong thread

[Mommy22alyns]

And, no, we are not "trying for a boy." :glare:

 

Yeah, same here. :tongue_smilie:

[justamouse]

I kept getting pregnant.

 

Though I didn't plan any of them, there's not one of them I'd give back.

 

And I know I'm done. I have *no* desire to be pregnant or go through labor again, but I cannot wait to hold a grandbaby (and then give it back to its parents!!) and I got my tubes clipped in Sept, so god would ahve to do some mighty miracle if I were to have another. Though I pray not. I'm getting too old (almost 40) and we're starting to have so much fun as a couple now (we go out and date all the time). (My pregnancies when I was younger were so much easier-I swear I'd just spit them out. The last ones were labor. Yeah, I'm done.)

Edited January 4, 2011 by justamouse

[twoxcell]

Well my dh, and I both had 3 siblings, so we always said we would have 4. We have 4 now, and on one hand I'm very happy with that, but I still somehow do not feel done. I cried 3 days after ds2 was born just thinking about him being my last. My dh loves babies,and neither of us have made a commitment to be done. With that said we are not trying to have more right now. Our house and budget are pretty maxed. I'm 27 and I want to be done having babies before I'm 30. Dh is 9 years older than me.

[phathui5]

We have four biological children right now and are looking into adopting from foster care.

 

I thought that I was totally done with wanting to have more children myself, but lately I've been ok with the idea of getting pregnant. Dh, on the other hand, doesn't want to conceive and is handling the birth control (condoms).

[Ibbygirl]

My first born, dd 13, was extremely difficult to take care of. Even the pregnancy was hard. It's good that she was my first because she required so much care. I knew that babies were supposed to be difficult to take care of so I figured that it was just the way it is when you have kids, it wasn't until later that I got around other moms with children that I realized just how high maintenance mine was. My husband and I would go back and forth about when or not to try again. DD was just so difficult, but when she was 3 we decided that we should try one more time so she could have a sibling. I got pregnant as soon as we started trying and ds was born 9 months later. It was a night and day experience from the one I had with dd. The pregnancy was much easier, the labor/delivery too, he slept good (dd screamed from 11pm til 6 or 7am every night for the first 5 months). He was a sweet baby, but later on we noticed he had a lot of delays, his speech was not developing, he walked really late etc. Both of my children have since been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum disorders. My dd is Asperger's, ADHD and OCD and my son is profoundly Autistic. But really, in spite of everything and how it makes our day to day lives a lot harder, I wouldn't change them for the world. I love my kids to death and they have brought so much to my life. I really long to have another baby and I always wonder who I am missing, but I know how hard my life is already and so I don't try to have any more. I just keep thinking that if I were to have a third and they were special needs I don't know how I could manage. I sometimes feel like I'm barely hanging on with just my two. :eek: :svengo:

[Guest momk2000]

We decided to have two based on what we felt we could handle physically, emotionally, and financially.

 

 

:iagree: We did the same. If we had the means, I would probably want to adopt 2 more (I'm 45, so my childbearing days are over). :)

[Garga]

Not read the others, so don't know if the thread has spiraled into something new, but here's my answer to the OPs question:

 

DH and I didn't want kids when we got married. This lasted for 10 years. I have NO idea why I suddenly wanted them. But 10 years into the marriage, we had our first child.

 

I LOVED having a child! I was shocked and sooo pleasantly surprised to find out that I loved having a child! I also found it veeeery hard. I took a huge hit to my self-esteem (I liked having accolades at work and felt sort of marginalized staying at home). Our marriage took a HUGE hit. (First son has ADHD, was colicky, was a horrible sleeper, very needy personality, needed constant stimulation.)

 

But, we just felt like we wanted another one, so we had another one. And as soon as he was born I just "knew" we were done.

 

The idea of having another child frightens me now. It would be SUCH hard work. I know I'd love the baby beyond belief, but it would be very difficult for us. My marriage is pretty boring right now because right after having the kids, dh started studying for a masters' degree and now he's working extra, so we have had very little time together in the past 8 years. I've just been realizing that we are at a crossroads and NEED to reconnect to each other. A baby will disrupt that. (Plus, the idea of homeschooling with a baby makes me feel miserable.)

 

We're done.

[Pretty in Pink]

I came into the marriage with one child from a previous relationship. I have always wanted a "large" family, while dh said he wanted two (one biological child plus my eldest). Children #3 & 4 were happy accidents.

 

I believe we are done and am trying to talk dh into the big V. Apparently I have a heart condition that only exhibits during pregnancy and has been more troublesome with each pregnancy. If it weren't for that I would like to have another; as it is I will settle not to push my luck. I am very grateful for four healthy pregnancies and four healthy children.

[kwickimom]

I am 32 my DH is 30. We didnt plan for DD#1, then I had a miscarriage, we planned for DS#2 an DS#3. I am wanting another little girl so bad. Me and DH go back and forth about #4. On days I want one, he doesnt. On days he wants one, I dont :D We love, love, love babies.

 

I love being pregnant, I had 3 great pregnancies and one sad loss.

 

Currently I am losing weight, I was obese and wouldnt get pregnant again until I am at a healthy weight. We also barely treading water financially. I feel in my heart we will have number 4 though someday. I cannot imagine having 5 :001_huh:

[JVA]

Well, my husband wanted a big family, but we didn't get married until our late 20s and had our first child at 30. After getting hit with the reality of raising children, he amended his plan (not necessarily my plan) to 3 - 4. After we had our two boys, my second having some serious sensory issues, he was OK with stopping after 2. I didn't feel our family was complete. After we had dd, we both felt that, unless God had other plans, we were done. Being pregnant, buying a house, trying to sell a house, having a lender renege on a promise of a bridge loan and forcing us to come up with 100 grand in cash, and having a high need, tantrum-prone preschooler through all of this was more than I could bear and almost I ended up in the loony bin. My adrenals were shot after that.

 

 

Bless your heart.....That sounds so hard..... Isn't it good to be on THIS side of it?

[coffeegal]

When my 3rd was born, my other 2 were 3yo and 14months old. I was so sleep deprived that I barely remember that year AT ALL.

 

When my 3rd was born the other two were 18 months and 2 1/2. I hardly remember that year either! :lol: Except changing diapers... diapers at 7am, 10:30 am, 1 pm, nap, 4 pm, 7 pm, and bedtime...

[Philothea]

I believe the decision is in God's hands. Whether we stay at three or have three more, I am satisfied with His blessings.

 

 

We're Catholic, and we trust in God and follow the teachings of the Church, which means not using the Rhythm Method as "Catholic Birth Control."

[Laura Corin]

We wanted our first to have a sibling plus.... well, an heir and a spare sounded good. Two felt good - neither of us wanted more. I was 37 when I had Hobbes and husband was 44 - it seemed like a good age for us to stop. By stopping at two, we could be reasonably confident that we could afford private school if necessary plus college.

 

Laura

[Ginevra]

or was the decision simply out of your control, etc.?

 

Circumstances beyond my control.

 

I wish I had six (living) kids, or four at the very least. Prospects from here on out look bleak. I'm 39 and dh is 47.

[LazyDazy]

Dh wanted 4-6, but I only wanted 1 (maybe 2). I LOVE babies but, babies grow up and then they become a handful. I always had the feeling that I couldn't have more kids than hands; it felt too "out of control". Having seen family who had more kids than they could take care of and watching what those poor kids had to go through growing up weighed heavily on my heart.

 

After having our boys dh agreed that we should only have as many kids as we were confident we could handle and still maintain a peaceful and comfortable home life. Any more would have been too much for us.

 

I wish I could have lots of babies and bask in the big family atmosphere but, that is just not me.

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

I was the middle of three girls. I hated the odd number. Someone was always left out. So I knew when I grew up I'd have even number children. Two just didn't seem enough...so we ended up with four. (It's a silly, childish plan...I know.)

 

Anyway, we knew we wanted a largish family--at least four. By the time I got #4 I started wondering if I was done. I've had c-sections with all of them, and I was beginning to worry if maybe my uterus had enough trauma to it. I wasn't sure if it was worth the risk to keep having children. And, #4 was really a challenge for me. Well, maybe not her individually, but collectivelly I was starting to feel like four was all I could manage. Then about a year ago our family went to a water park, and it was so nice that I could play with ALL the kids. I could go on the big slides with the bigger kids, and I could play with the little one in the younger area. I wasn't pregnant so I didn't have to be careful, and I didn't have a baby on my hip. It was just....nice.

 

Some days I really miss having a baby...they're just so yummy. And nothing has been permanently done, so we never say never. But we're taking precautions, and we always say that if God wants us to have another baby, then he'll get one in there.

[BakersDozen]

I went from wanting 12 dc to wanting none (I didn't want to get fat again after losing almost 40 pounds) to finding out I was almost 6mo pg to swearing I would NEVER have another baby EVER to finding out I was 2mo pg to wanting 12 dc as close in age as possible. Talk about coming full circle! :D After #4 I decided the quiver-full mindset sounded like the way to go, not because it involved God planning my family (which I thought meant I would have many kids in few years) but because it seemed everyone I knew had a ton of kids close in age. Oh, was I in for an awakening...a rude one...

 

3 losses (one devastating ectopic pregnancy included) and I realized babies/dc are not a given and I might never have another one. To my surprise I was given more yet of the 5 I was given I had to fight for them, meaning it took me a while to get pg and then I inevitably lost at least one pregnancy before having a successful one.

 

So here I am with 9, praying for at least 5 more, not knowing if this is it for us. I am not quiver-minded at all but I am "open" to more dc. As for why I want children? Because this is all I ever wanted to do. When other girls had/played with one or two dolls I had at least 10. The more kids I babysat for growing up the better. My heart knows and longs for the rest of our family to be here, the babies I already have names for and pray for every day. I look at our family when we sit at the table together and know there is someone missing. Our van feels somewhat empty despite having 9 dc and 6 carseats. I just know I am not done. Hopefully God agrees. :)

[Peela]

DH was very, very clear about it. He has a daughter from a previou marriage. For him, it was financial- he did not want to support more children- he wanted to be able to take excellent care of the ones he had. He has 3 kids, I have 2.

I wanted more, and it has been difficult fo rme at times to accept- and he has much compassion for me over this issue- but it is still very clear for him. ALso, he is 14 years older than me, so our 2 were born when he was 40 and 42- he didnt want young kids into old age. Fair enough.

[freethinkermama]

Started out originally of "Full-quiver" mindset.

Watched many friends burn out of Full-Quiver. Never thought I would. . .of course, that was before I had kids.

3 c-sections, repeated hernias, emotional and physical exhaustion, a husband who is 14 years older than me. . .etc. etc. and realizing that God doesn't actually always "provide". . . Well, we stopped at 3 ;)

[mommaduck]

Started out originally of "Full-quiver" mindset.

Watched many friends burn out of Full-Quiver. Never thought I would. . .of course, that was before I had kids.

3 c-sections, repeated hernias, emotional and physical exhaustion, a husband who is 14 years older than me. . .etc. etc. and realizing that God doesn't actually always "provide". . . Well, we stopped at 3 ;)

Yep, I can totally understand. I think burn out of Full Quiver is a good term. In truth, we each have our limits (health, physical, mental, etc). We know when we've reached our limit and should listen to that.

[freethinkermama]

Yep, I can totally understand. I think burn out of Full Quiver is a good term. In truth, we each have our limits (health, physical, mental, etc). We know when we've reached our limit and should listen to that.

 

Love your "7 ducklings and an egg siggy." :)

 

Yeah, it's still hard watching friends and acquaintances pregnant (again, sometimes with 11 or 12 or 13 children) and have them saying how much they wish they were done, or how they don't want anymore but how they have to toe the line (husband's wishes, theology, God's will, whatever). There just comes a point, I think.

 

Not to say that some people aren't perfectly fine and happy with tons and tons of kids (my husband was one of 10 and had a very happy, good home life). And that's wonderful! But it would be nice too, if some people didn't make themselves feel obliged to more children than they can manage.

 

But I don't mean to turn us on a tangent. I feel like a big thread killer lately.

:)

[dirty ethel rackham]

Bless your heart.....That sounds so hard..... Isn't it good to be on THIS side of it?

 

Yes! Yes! That high need kid has turned into a delightful 14yob. He has been an easy teen to parent, praise God.

[Sasharowan]

First, I was dead set against having kids (early 20's), then decided maybe 1 wouldn't be too bad (mid 20's), had ds14. Thought maybe a girl to round things off, had dd in the middle of a hurricane. 9 months later, ds9 was on the way, surprise. Did 2 years of college, decided another girl to even things up would be nice, besides dd is begging for a sister. Had dS4. Said enough is enough and dd could wrestle a brother into a dress if she was desperate enough. At 11, she has decided that her and her BF are heart sisters.

[kmacnchs]

Just curious as to how others have decided how many children to have -

 

How did you decide when to stop, when to keep going, or was the decision simply out of your control, etc.?

 

we don't have a # in mind - really. MANY in our church have 4 so we feel like we almost *can't* have 4 :) however, this last pregnancy was by far my most difficult and I wonder if it will only get worse or if it was just this pregnancy (here's to hopin'). I can't imagine more than 10 but I am such a people pleaser and the only thing that makes me want to limit the # is the comments of my father - why do I care so much? :glare:

[Night Elf]

DH didn't want anymore. We have 3 children. I'd be happy to have as many babies as my body would allow.

[LisaKinVA]

When dh and I married (we were 27), we thought 4-6 would be a nice sized family. We also said, "no expectations, no limitations." My first pregnancy at 30 was easy... during the delivery I told my husband that, "I could do this again..." I got pregnant with #2 in 2000, Jordan was stillborn at 22 weeks. I got pregnant soon after Jordan was born, our 3rd baby was born with a quick labor. My pregnancy was only difficult in that I couldn't eat much during the last 6 months. With #3, it was a very easy pregnancy, fast delivery... and we knew we weren't done. FTR, we still did not have a child that looked like any of the others. #4 was our second truly "planned" baby. My pregnancy mirrored that of all of my boys... so I was a bit surprised that it was a girl. We now had 2 boys and 2 girls. I wasn't convinced we were done, but I also wasn't ready to have another. About the time I was content with our 4, we found out I was pregnant with #5. I was devastated (more due to timing, than anything). #5 is now nearly two. The boys are begging for another baby. I'm not convinced. Another baby means a new car... means I'll be in my 60's before s/he reaches 18. I'm not saying "no." I'm just not certain, yet. I can't say there won't be another child...I can't say there will. I'm more or less "happy" with the five we have, but at times I do wonder what #5 will look like. We're batting 5 for 5 as far as unique, got them off the buffet table children go (seriously, two look related, but much more easily fit into my younger brother's family. two are so blond they look adopted, and one... well she looks a bit like me :D)

 

I guess we'll know when we know.

[the4Rs]

Don't know if we are done. We were done. But not sure now. My desire for more was wrenched away from me by doing a day care...it literally sucked me dry and I knew I couldn't add any more to my household. Now that day care is almost at an end (come May) I am more open to adding to our brood.

 

I hate being pregnant though. I have great pregnancies, no problems with labor, etc. I just don't like it. Weird huh? If my husband ever comes on board to adopt as I would like to do, then I'd get something permanent done so I wouldn't get pregnant.

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

I've been back and forth on this. We were quiverful I guess, although I really wanted the children to be as closely spaced as possible and for us that has been 17-19 months. It comforted me a little to read a couple of you mention that you couldn't recall the year that you had your 3rd (with two closely spaced older siblings) because that is one thing that had been greatly bothering me of late and I honestly had to find some photos to even remember what my 3rd looked like as a baby. I'm intending to work with my SIL on compiling a photo album to help me out because these years have been such a blur.

 

When my 3rd arrived I felt like I would be content with him being our last. Before that I couldn't imagine ever feeling that way. It was a difficult season for myself, my 3yo and my 18mo individually, let alone together. As the year progressed though I began to feel like we weren't complete and I did come to hope for a 4th and we were content with finding out we were expecting again. During my pregnancy my BIL began courting a young lady and witnessing all this going on got me thinking about my marriage. I realized we needed some big changes and I longed to enter a new season of life. I wanted to focus on my marriage and raising the 4 blessings we have. We both know we're at least intending to wait longer this time if there is going to be another. DH suggested a 4 year break and then having 4 more. I did the math on that and balked. I want to be done sooner than that. I'm thinking I may like one or two more but spaced out further if we do. But then, 4 might be enough. I have to examine why I want another and if I'm honest with myself, I haven't discerned a single reason that wasn't selfish on my part considering I know I'm not giving enough to the 4 I have. That's where I need to give my attention, not to thoughts of a possible #5 .. at least not until I'm a much better mother to the ones I have with enough of me to spread further. Hope that made sense.

[greenmamma]

We were sure we wanted 2.

 

We had them 11 months apart...thought "Wow, that was fast. Great! Vasectomy here we come."

 

Then we met God, gave him our lives and realized that we had taken that area of our lives away from Him. We have had to grieve that, and are so excited to start adoption classes at the end of this month!

 

I feel pretty sure we will end up with four. Our kids are now 8 and 9, and I am sure feel lead to adopt two littles that will be similar in age difference.

[eternalknot]

Just curious as to how others have decided how many children to have -

 

How did you decide when to stop, when to keep going, or was the decision simply out of your control, etc.?

 

Would love to hear your stories!

 

(we're in the middle of trying to figure out what's next as far as childbearing (or not) goes)

 

I come from a large family, and knew I wasn't going that route myself.

 

We agreed on one, and had him. Then my first and my husband began lobbying for a second. Five years later I agreed, conditional upon his taking a vasectomy. We had the second, and the vasectomy, and everyone is content with where we are now :D

[RoughCollie]

We stopped because I knew I could not handle more than 4 children in diapers at the same time, and #5 would have had to come along quickly because I was too old to dawdle around. DH agreed.

 

I originally wanted 12 children, but that was before I stepped out of the pages of a book into reality.

[EthiopianFood]

I originally wanted 12 children, but that was before I stepped out of the pages of a book into reality.

 

:lol: I wanted 10. :D

 

I want at least two, but that doesn't seem like enough at all. Three seems okay, but then there is an odd number, one being left out, etc. Four would be next, but I'm not sure I could handle four. At the same time, I think six would be a real blessing, since I really admire large families, and part of me still wants that. So two or four or six. :001_huh:

[Soror]

I believe the decision is in God's hands. Whether we stay at three or have three more, I am satisfied with His blessings.

 

 

We're Catholic, and we trust in God and follow the teachings of the Church, which means not using the Rhythm Method as "Catholic Birth Control."

 

:iagree: