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The parenting a teen thread really hit home for me

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First... :grouphug:. Sounds like you really need it right now.


Is it possible your mom is doing everything for your daughter that she missed out on doing for you out of... missed opportunities/regret?

Does she not realize how to love/hug/cuddle/read to, etc.? My parents have both spent my entire life buying stuff for me. Anything I wanted that they could afford, I had. It took me a long time to realize that they just didn't know how to be that other kind of parent, and I've come to peace with it.


Really I don't have much else to say. Just know that you aren't the only one dealing with mom problems. We are currently visiting my parents for the holidays, and when we are here everything is a struggle. Bedtime, meals, acceptable behavior... Mom and I disagree on EVERYTHING.


:grouphug::grouphug: More hugs, since that's what I have to offer!

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My mom just infuriates me! Where was she when I was in the same situation?


You know, when I got pregnant, I was 18 and unmarried. He (the daddy) later became my husband and we've been married almost 15 years now. *But* I really feel my mom felt it was a reflection on her. She was very angry and embarrassed.


Now, 15.5 years later she doesn't see it as such a big deal. Now she's more accepting of such situations than *I* am.


Could it be that your mom is trying to make up for how she handled it? That she thinks by handling it so much differently this time she'll somehow apologize to you without words and make up for everything she lost out on then?


I think back to how old my mom was when I found out I was pregnant... Only a few years older than I am right now! She seemed so old, so grown up then! My goodness she wasn't even forty. We get such a different perspective through our age and life experiences.

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:grouphug: Your dd may not "see" everything you are doing for her now or seem to appreciate it because she is young but there will come a time in her life when she will be able to look back and realize what a good mom you are.


I don't know about your relationship with your mother now so maybe it is nothing but spite but is it possible she is trying to make up for what she didn't do for you?

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My grandmother was a horrible mother to my mother, but a wonderful grandmother to me. In a way, I think that showing love to me was the only way that she was *able* to show love to my mother--she never managed to do it directly.


Re: the boyfriend not buying things: If they were married , people would buy them stuff. We bought very little of our own stuff for our first baby because we got so much in showers. Because it's generally normal, that's not a battle I'd choose to wage.


:grouphug: about your childhood and your mother's handling of your first pregnancy. I'm guessing your mom is not one you can talk to about it.

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