My 13 yo Son Wastes Time...

[jpklehm]

My son is 13 years old and wastes so much time during the day that he's still working at dinner time, and sometimes after. He sits at his desk, lays down across his chair, reads the many encyclopedias and research books we have on our research shelf, sneaks into his room, reads the map on the wall, etc. This is becoming a big frustration for me, and I was wondering what others do to combat this, if anything.

 

I wonder if I should just let him go at his own pace, or if I should implement some procedures to help him manage his time better.

 

He is fully capable of doing his schoolwork; I just think he get's caught up in feeling like he'd rather be doing something else that he will do just about anything else to get out of it. He may think that if he works long enough into the evening, that I'll give him a pass for the remainder of the day.

 

I would enjoy hearing others' strategies for dealing with this.

 

Thank you,

 

Pam

[MerryAtHope]

I think it's pretty normal for a 13 yo to waste time! I kind of chuckled--I know I'd still be annoyed in your shoes, but having a child sneak off to read a map or encyclopedias also sounds appealing to me! Mine is distracted by things like legos & bionicles!

 

One thing that has really helped --two things really. One, workboxes. My kids can see, visually, what's expected and when they are done. Two, showing my son a schedule of how long I expected each subject to take, and what time he could be done if he worked diligently and moved from one subject to the next. Seeing that he could have a chunk of free time at the end of the day helped him to not want to waste time. Still happens sometimes, I think part of it is human nature.

 

One more idea for you--you might try rearranging his schedule if either history or science tends to be the subject that makes him want to look up more things. Put whatever subject that he dawdles most during last in his day--then at least everything else would be done.

 

HTH some! Merry :-)

[Alison in KY]

:bigear:

[jpklehm]

Thank you...I think I'll bump this to see if anyone else wants to

post some suggestions.

 

;)

 

Pam

[Chris in VA]

I find it hard to stay motivated myself, unless someone comes along beside me. I often call a friend while I'm cooking dinner, for instance--I like to have someone to chat with and work beside me.

Maybe he has trouble focusing because he needs a little more interactive learning. Could you break up the stuff he has to do independently, and add in more interaction/discussion/working beside him? Even if you just sit with him and do your own reading or something--

Are you busy with other kids at the same time?

[jpklehm]

I have another son, who is 7, that I work with. I do try to break up when I have to work with my youngest so my oldest isn't left in the school room alone for too long because I see your point. He does tend to waste more time when alone than when I'm in the room with him.

 

I will look at his schedule and see how I can adjust it...more interaction spread throughout the school day is a good place to start.

 

Thanks.

[jpklehm]

Merry, I definitely need to make things more visual for my son. I wrote a Study Skills course and taught it this past fall to our home school group and one of the things my son and I learned about him is that he's a visual learner. A friend of mine made a suggestion about a magnetic board and how to use it to let him see visually how much more school work he has left to do. I'm working on this right now and will have it hanging on our wall very soon.

 

And I agree, there are worse things than to find my son scouring an encyclopedia! I just want him to have that chunk of time at the end of each day so he can relax and find a hobby or something he enjoys doing (and will look forward to doing each day). A downfall though is that my youngest son, who is 7, has started developing some of the same habits! :glare:

 

Thanks for your help!

 

Pam

[siloam]

My oldest has always been easily distracted, and I would just hand her a schedule and let her manage her time. It was slowly taking her longer and longer to get things done till she was not only hsing from 7:00 AM to 9:30 PM, but she was still working on things on Sunday, having lost her video game privileges for the weekend. I was having her time her work and she was only doing about 3 hours of work in that time, but has about 3-5 hours of work a day.

 

I really thought real life would force her to learn to manage her time. In the end she just didn't know how to tell her impulses no, and I got tired of how negative everything was becoming. Thus I drew a line. I told her that I was going to ride her about getting her work done, and that if she didn't have at least 2 hours logged in the morning, she couldn't have her online time (very precious to her) and if she couldn't log at least 2 hours in the afternoon she couldn't play her DS at night.

 

It took a couple of weeks but she did change her ways. She discovered that it was actually nice to get her hs done and have free time, so now that she has gone through the stress of always being behind then felt the freedom of getting it done she is finally able to stay on track and say no to those impulses. Once more I only occasionally have to ride her. Now she is motivated to manage her own time well.

 

Heather

[jpklehm]

Fantastic, Heather. Some more good advice. It is becoming stressful around here and that is another negative to this situation. He is capable, I know that, because if he has a time scheduled to spend with a friend, or an activity to go to later in the day, he can and does get his work finished.

 

I do think making it more visual for him and giving him goals of how much to finish in the morning and then in the afternoon, makes it more tangible for him. I want him to feel this success.

 

I've always told my boys that one of the benefits of hsing is the opportunities they have to explore other interests they have; they really haven't taken me up on this but I hope they will soon.

 

Thanks again,

 

Pam

[johnandtinagilbert]

I too chuckled at the title of this thread, thinking, is there such a thing as a 13yo on time?:glare::tongue_smilie::D

 

I just had a nightmare of a time getting him to finish an online class that he ended up 2-weeks behind in. I was Not happy. He had to cover the work in 5 school days to get where he needed to be. Fortunately (or not) for him, the teacher was gracious and patient----I would not have been if I were the online teacher. The result at home was he was totally grounded for half of Christmas vacation. He laid in his bed for 5 straight days with absolutely nothing to do. Then he finally realized I was over it and not kidding. He Finally was repentant and we are taking it on an all or nothing basis. He gets his work and chores finished or the rest of the free day in bed + the next day. I explained to him that I don't have the time to constantly correct a 13-yo in the same way I do with the 2, 5, and 8yos (who are in basic life training) in our house. He has already been taught and he needs to do what we've taught him. If he is unable to do so, I will take away the opportunity for him to get into trouble or be lazy. No toys, limited clothing, no games = nothing to mess the room. Mom the School Nazi means no room for not finishing assignments.

 

So, in lieu of his repeated offenses of lazy, late, and not caring either way, my day-to-day solution is this: I ride his bum! We have had to switch to a timed schedule, much like public school. I set the timer for a "period" and if he doesn't finish his work in the time allotted, he must instantly write the homework in his planner. Then he moves forward.

 

I had hoped to see some independence at this point, but it isn't there. I have to ride his every move; constantly remind him to stay focused; quiet him if he starts jabber-jawing; keep him in the same room I am in so he can't get distracted in his room; meet with him twice a day to monitor progress; instead of block teaching or allowing space, I have to go through the little things like drilling vocab. with him, so I know they are getting done. The last part of the plan is no free time, no privileges (except boy scout meetings) and no going to bed until the work is done for the day. Last night, he went to bed at 10:30 and was up at 6am. If he went to public school, he'd be up doing homework (like I was b/c of sports and work), so that's just the way it is. Essentially, I watch his every move b/c the work Must.get.done. How do I feel about this? :cursing::cursing:

 

Dh follows up with both of us each evening, which is great b/c it makes me accountable and adds that little bit of pressure to ds. I hate this, honestly, but I have found all the space and chance after chance after chance simply put us behind 8 weeks in science....8 weeks :banghead: We can't afford anymore of the issue, so it's time for me to make sure things happen accordingly.

 

I gave him all the tools he needed for success, I am available for him and he simply chooses to waste time and tries to live in his own little lazy world -- I am not putting up with it anymore.

 

The good news....his brother was very much in the same place last year and is doing MUCH better since 15 came along. He actually finished early today....early!

[DragonFaerie]

My kids have a weekly chart that is broken down by day and subject. They can see exactly what they have to do that day plus what they have to do for the week. When she gets motivated, my DD will work ahead and try to get the whole weeks' worth of work done in just two or three days. DS, on the other hand, does tend to dawdle and waste time. One thing that helps him is that he can choose what subjects he does in what order. So, if he's tired of pencil and paper work, he'll go do one of his online subjects for awhile and then come back to the table for the rest. It makes him feel like he has some control over his day and how things get done.

[Miss Marple]

LOL - welcome to the world of teenage males! I have a house full of them. First: It does get better!!! Really!!!

 

The most important strategy is to STAY ON TOP OF THEM (sometimes even literally :D). That was hard for me because I'm not a naggy type mom nor do I wish to be one, but the reality is that I DO have to watch them (at that age) very closely. The thing I resented is that I assumed that with age would come a sense of responsibility. Well, it's not automatic. The responsibility comes, but at a cost in energy to mom.

 

The next thing is to provide VERY SPECIFIC GOALS/INSTRUCTIONS. Don't give him an opportunity to say he "didn't know" what you wanted of him. I found that mine actually needed an hourly breakdown with just about their whole life scheduled in 30 minute blocks! That was only necessary for a short time, though. Then we moved on to a 5 day schedule with all subjects/assignments listed. The rule around here at that age is to start school at 9:00 a.m. (after breakfast and chores), lunch around 12:00 (all boys at the same time), and go as long as necessary to accomplish the day's work. Now that they are older, we start earlier and they go later.

 

The difficulty sometimes is that the boys will be sidetracked from school stuff and be working on other projects that are of value. It's easy to overlook the school work not being done because "they are learning things" with their projects as well. But too much of this and the kids forget what they learned in math earlier in the week or the vocabulary program gets pushed aside because the other "good" things got in the way. I finally realized that the boys needed to learn the same life skills we have as adults. The "Job" must be done first before the hobbies can be indulged. Most adults cannot take time from their employer to work on their hobbies. I needed to make the boys understand that their "Job" is to do school. This idea has paid off well with my boys. They have acquired a good work ethic which shows in their college grades and their internship offers.

 

I'm still sitting on my youngest. He's the Great Procrastinator!

 

Best wishes!

[Snickerdoodle]

Please don't scare me like this. I thought my 9yo was difficult. Do you mean it gets worse? :001_huh: