Article about choosing "fetal reduction" for twins

[Brenda in FL]

Not surprised.

 

Still sickened though.

 

:iagree:

 

I thought perhaps this would be a hopeful post. My cousin was advised to terminate the life of one of her twins that "was not compatible with life" and could pose a danger to the surviving twin. She was appalled at that recommendation and carried both twins - The one who was incompatible with life is now 6 years old!!

[bettyandbob]

It's revolting.

 

I'm generally against abortion and would never consider it for myself, but I understand major health issues like a mother's dx of cancer and feel that has to be an individual decision. I also understand the logic of selective reduction for higher order (4+) multiples, although I don't think I'd ever consider that either. Again, a health related decision, that I would imagine would be extremely painful to contemplate, but theoretically to ensure the health of sibling fetuses.

 

This isn't about health. It's just arrogance and control. This just says so much about this woman and her husband. "We have a perfect idea of family and will get rid of what does fit our idea."

 

What happens when her children are performing the way she and her husband pictured. I'm sure it would be beyond her to spend the hours I spend in OT appointments. But what does a person like this do. Many developmental issues aren't discovered until preschool or early elementary. Perhaps this woman will be going to speech therapy or participating in an ABA program wondering if she chose the "right" twin. Ew, ick, bleach, yuck.

 

And if her children do perform adequately according to her planned picture, what kind of people will they be. I don't want to live in a world where people have values like this.

[KatieH]

What if they abort the wrong twin?

 

:confused:

 

 

It happens. Sometime ago there was a story about a woman who discovered one of her twins had Downs Syndrome and wanted him aborted. The doctor aborted the "healthy" female twin on accident. She went ahead and had the baby with DS aborted and then tried to sue the doctor for killing the wrong one, iirc.

 

I wish I could be surprised, but after a number of years in the pro-life movement, nothing shocks me anymore, honestly. There's a lot of sick people in the world.

[Murphy101]

I don't see it as any different from a single abortion either.

However, I do see this as somewhat more revolting.

 

How sick is it that a woman can see her two children on an ultrasound and actually say, "Yeah, I'll keep and love that one. But the other one? ONE more kid is just too much bother. Dispose of it."

 

Because when you get past all the BS, that's exactly what they did.

 

I don't think any woman can know all the possibilities of risk with pregnancy.

 

But it is a risk. A risk to love another, which means sticking around come hell or high water, rich, poor, sick or healthy.

 

What if the one twin she keeps is born with major mental retardation? Ir what if at age 5 he gets cancer? Is he disposable then? Because they would sure as heck cramp her life more than caring for one more kid would have.

 

The whole notion that love should be convienent or easy or financially beneficial or it is disposable like second quality durable goods is disgusting and reflected in how people view and value or don't value life.

[Tea Time]

This isn't about health. It's just arrogance and control. This just says so much about this woman and her husband. "We have a perfect idea of family and will get rid of what does fit our idea."

 

What happens when her children are performing the way she and her husband pictured. I'm sure it would be beyond her to spend the hours I spend in OT appointments. But what does a person like this do. Many developmental issues aren't discovered until preschool or early elementary. Perhaps this woman will be going to speech therapy or participating in an ABA program wondering if she chose the "right" twin. Ew, ick, bleach, yuck.

 

And if her children do perform adequately according to her planned picture, what kind of people will they be. I don't want to live in a world where people have values like this.

 

I wondered the same thing... what happens when anyone in the family fails to live up to the perfection that they seem to require (REQUIRE enough to KILL for)?! Yikes!

 

And I agree, I don't want to live in a world where people have values like this... but here we are. :confused: :confused: :confused:

[Nakia]

I don't see it as any different from a single abortion either.

However, I do see this as somewhat more revolting.

 

How sick is it that a woman can see her two children on an ultrasound and actually say, "Yeah, I'll keep and love that one. But the other one? ONE more kid is just too much bother. Dispose of it."

 

Because when you get past all the BS, that's exactly what they did.

 

I don't think any woman can know all the possibilities of risk with pregnancy.

 

But it is a risk. A risk to love another, which means sticking around come hell or high water, rich, poor, sick or healthy.

 

What if the one twin she keeps is born with major mental retardation? Ir what if at age 5 he gets cancer? Is he disposable then? Because they would sure as heck cramp her life more than caring for one more kid would have.

 

The whole notion that love should be convienent or easy or financially beneficial or it is disposable like second quality durable goods is disgusting and reflected in how people view and value or don't value life.

 

:iagree: 100%.

[Desert Strawberry]

I have to point out that IMO, the top paragraph and the first sentence of the 2nd TOTALLY contradict each other.

 

First of all multiples happens with IVF, you (universal here, not YOU strawberry) knew the risks going in. You deliberately set yourself up for multiples. You hoped that they would take. Then when they do...uh oh, too many gotta get rid of some? You should have thought about all of the factors BEFORE going through with it.

 

Please allow me to clarify.

 

I don't agree with selective reduction. If I were going to use fertility assistance, I would be very very careful not to be in this situation. We had considered it when we were trying for our first (I miscarried twice, and then another 2 times later), and the risk of higher multiples was one of many reasons we decided not to go that route.

I am pro choice, but I am not pro-abortion. I beleive that abortion is wrong. I would not have one. However, I don't believe I have a right to decide for another woman.

Higher order multiples are rarely the result of IVF. Very few IVF doctors will implant more than 4 embryos. 1-4 is the accepted number. Depending on the other factors-health of the woman, quality of the embryos, fresh vs frozen embryos, number of embryos available, etc-doctor recommends a certian number, and the couple decides how many to try. SOme couple do go into this process with the expectation that if all 4 (or 3 or 2) do survive, they will aboort the extras. I hope that is not common practice.

 

They are frequently the result of poorly monitored ovulation stimulating drugs such as Clomid. It is very hard to predict how a woman's body will respond to the drug. She may porduce 12 eggs, she may produce 2, she may not produce any. Ultrasound can be used to monitor egg production and better. If a cycle produces more eggs than are desired, the couple has the option to skip the cycle, and try again with a lower dose. But some would rather risk more babies than wait, and many are not monitored properly. They are told that they may have twins, and when they find out they are having 5, they are shocked. I'm sure, again, that some go into this expecting to reduce. I personally know one couple who ahead with a cycle that produced 5 eggs, expecting 3 eggs to be fertilized and just prayed really hard for a singleton pregnancy. It wasn't a surprise when she found out she was having triplets, but she viewed it as a tragedy. :confused:

 

My point in all of this is that I do understand when a couple is told (like I was) that their chances of having twins is higher, but not warned about anything else, and then they find out they are having 4, 5, 6 or more babies. You can't plan for it if you don't know it's a possibilty.

 

However, twins are fairly common. Anytime you get pregnant, or do the things that get you pregnant (in the case of unplanned pregnancy), you have to know that twins are a possibility. Maybe not a welcome one, but a survivable one.

[dancer67]

I am coming into this conversation late. And I wanted to add my story.

 

I got pregnant with twins in 1998. It was a complete shock and surprise. We did *plan* on having another one. My youngest at the time was 6 years old, and went off to kindergarten so I got the baby blues. My oldest at the time was 10.

 

After finding out, and almost PASSING out from hearing the news carrying twins(and picking my husband up off the floor), I was THRILLED beyond belief.

 

Then came the bad news. They could not find a membrane to divide the babies. I was sent to a large specialty hospital to see if the could find a membrane that would divide my twins, but none was found. I had a very, very rare form of twinning called Monoamnionic/Monochorionic identical twins. They were girls.

 

Basically, my egg spit very late resulting in the girls sharing the same amniotic sac. Which leads to a very high risk of cord entanglement. Death for one or both twins is upwards of 80% in the first two trimesters(More room to move so more room to tangle cords) and carries a risk of fetal death in the third trimester of one or both up to 40%.

 

I was scared. Very scared. My own Dr's have never come across this before. The MF specialist told me that if my egg had not spilt when it did, my girls would have been conjoined.

 

They told me my "best bet is to perform selective reduction so we can save the other twin".

 

WHAT??!! I was in a nightmare. How do you "choose" which one to terminate??? These are my children!!!

 

I was adamant. No fetal reduction. I felt that this happened for a reason, and who was I to fool with what God had planned for me?

 

There was really nothing they could do except monitor me very closely. But I could go in for an ultrasound, and the girls could be fine, and no sooner walk out of the office, and one of the twins could die from cord entanglement.

 

At around 24 weeks, the girls were still hanging in there. One of them was having many decels, and my OB's decided to start giving me steroid injections to boost the babies lungs. We knew that I was going to have a C-section early, so they felt we would be prepared.

 

When I made it to 29 weeks, the same twin started failing, and they had decided enough was enough and sceduled my C-Section for September 9th, 1998.

 

On September 8th, 1998 at 29 weeks 6 days, I went in for my final ultrasound and my twin girl died in utero. I had no idea. I was rushed into surgery, and had an emergency C-section. My surviving twin was born under 3 lbs and only 15 inches long. She could barely breathe. My twin baby that had passed, was gone for at least 24 hours, and it was a mircale my other baby had survived. My baby died of hydrops and congestive heart failure. She was 2 lbs.

 

They were very worried about my survivng twin. They did not know if she had inhaled any toxins from her sister. They were afraid of brain damage, blindness, or even if she would live.

 

After 2 and a hlaf months in NICU, my survivng twin came home at 4lbs 15oz, on oxygen and a heart monitor.

 

She had PT and OT. Walked at 2 years old. And never had any long lasting issues. Today, she is my homeschooled, overachiever. Who read at 4 years old, who sings, and dances, and loves to make movies.

 

What if I had terminated? What if my survivng twin was the one I terminated? I am not God, I cannot make those decisions.

 

I firmly believe that my baby who died, hung on just long enough to make sure her sister had a chance at life. And she was so, so sick. And for a very long time in utero.

 

I really do not think it is up to us to play God, or even change what the unexepcted is. Miracles happen every single day. I know because I have one sitting in her room right now.:001_smile:

[dancer67]

So sad.

 

And considering the connection that some twins share, I wonder how that will affect the remaining twin, even if they are never told.

 

I can tell you this. My daughter knows she is a surviving twin. And she tells me all the time how much she "misses" her sister and wishes so much that she would have lived.

She tells me they talk to each other.

I believe that.

 

I cannot imagine telling her, or any mother telling their survivor, that they decided to "terminate" their twin to save her. Never.

[dancer67]

What if they abort the wrong twin?

 

:confused:

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

Just like my story.

[Ginevra]

Dancer, :grouphug: I am so sorry about your lost baby and I honor your bravery and sacrifice.

[dancer67]

Dancer, :grouphug: I am so sorry about your lost baby and I honor your bravery and sacrifice.

 

 

Thank you. And let me say this. This is a very painful subject for me. The surprise of getting pregnant with twins "naturally", and then finding out they were MOMO(Short for Monoamnionic), was devastating. But not ONCE would I ever even consider selective reduction.

 

My daughter will ask me questions about her sister. I do have a picture of her along with her footprints, booties, and outfit. But the picture of my baby is so bad, it would be terrifying for her. I have only been able to bring myself to look at it a few times.

 

She will also say to me "Why did she die and I lived??" That breaks my heart.

 

For a long time I could not look at people with identical twin girls. I was angry. I had a baby shower with two of everything, and matching cribs.

My poor husband had to pick out an outfit for my daughter to be buried in. And a burial plot? Who thinks of those things? I was so positive througout my pregnancy and ONE day away from delivery.

 

Thankfully, my MIL paid for my daughters gravestone, and I was able to bury her with my grandfather so she would not be alone.

 

On top of all of this. I had a very sick child in NICU.

 

Even after all of that, I know I made the right decision. Because *I* didn't have to. God made it for me.

[Miss Cornelia Snook]

Dancer, thank you for sharing your heartbreaking, yet beautiful story.

[5kidsforME]

Thank you. And let me say this. This is a very painful subject for me. The surprise of getting pregnant with twins "naturally", and then finding out they were MOMO(Short for Monoamnionic), was devastating. But not ONCE would I ever even consider selective reduction.

 

My daughter will ask me questions about her sister. I do have a picture of her along with her footprints, booties, and outfit. But the picture of my baby is so bad, it would be terrifying for her. I have only been able to bring myself to look at it a few times.

 

She will also say to me "Why did she die and I lived??" That breaks my heart.

 

For a long time I could not look at people with identical twin girls. I was angry. I had a baby shower with two of everything, and matching cribs.

My poor husband had to pick out an outfit for my daughter to be buried in. And a burial plot? Who thinks of those things? I was so positive througout my pregnancy and ONE day away from delivery.

 

Thankfully, my MIL paid for my daughters gravestone, and I was able to bury her with my grandfather so she would not be alone.

 

On top of all of this. I had a very sick child in NICU.

 

Even after all of that, I know I made the right decision. Because *I* didn't have to. God made it for me.

 

:grouphug: I believe he was grieving right along side you. This was never his plan.

[dancer67]

Dancer, thank you for sharing your heartbreaking, yet beautiful story.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I have a beautiful talented surviving twin, who would possibly not even be here if I had chosen selective reduction.

[lionfamily1999]

Even after all of that, I know I made the right decision. Because *I* didn't have to. God made it for me.

Thank you for sharing. In the case of "what if" questions, it is so reassuring to have testamonies like this to remind me on whom I can trust. :grouphug: God bless you and yours.

[Ginevra]

My daughter will ask me questions about her sister. I do have a picture of her along with her footprints, booties, and outfit. But the picture of my baby is so bad, it would be terrifying for her. I have only been able to bring myself to look at it a few times.

 

She will also say to me "Why did she die and I lived??" That breaks my heart.

 

For a long time I could not look at people with identical twin girls. I was angry. I had a baby shower with two of everything, and matching cribs.

My poor husband had to pick out an outfit for my daughter to be buried in. And a burial plot? Who thinks of those things? I was so positive througout my pregnancy and ONE day away from delivery.

 

Thankfully, my MIL paid for my daughters gravestone, and I was able to bury her with my grandfather so she would not be alone.

 

I had a baby who died in labor. I get all of this that you say here. My SIL had a baby 13 hours before my dd died in labor. It was so painful to be around her baby. My daughter was buried next to her grandfather she she would not be alone. My (living) daughter feels robbed of having a sister and that grieves me as much as my own sorrow of losing my baby girl.

[Parrothead]

Putting aside the main issue, the motivation for the abortion was a bit puzzling to me. The spacing thing as well as

 

 

And what's wrong with having someone else raise your kids, anyway?

 

Having my mother/mother-in-law/sister/sister-in-law/whoever help raise my kids is just not the end of the world, as far as I am concerned. I'd prefer a family member to a nanny, but hey. Nothing immoral about a nanny.

 

I know someone who had twins and ended up going to stay with her mother for several months (6+) because she just needed more help than her husband (who worked) could provide. I think it's rather smart. Bring on the extended family.

I didn't say anything was wrong with having help or having someone else raise one's kid(s). But the quote implied that with 2 they would raise the kids themselves. If the two twins lived someone would have to raise all the children. I was asking why.

[Mommy22alyns]

Wow. :(

 

Dancer, your story is amazing. Thank you for sharing it with us. :grouphug:

Edited January 2, 2011 by Mommy22alyns

[Parrothead]

Thank you. And let me say this. This is a very painful subject for me. The surprise of getting pregnant with twins "naturally", and then finding out they were MOMO(Short for Monoamnionic), was devastating. But not ONCE would I ever even consider selective reduction.

 

My daughter will ask me questions about her sister. I do have a picture of her along with her footprints, booties, and outfit. But the picture of my baby is so bad, it would be terrifying for her. I have only been able to bring myself to look at it a few times.

 

She will also say to me "Why did she die and I lived??" That breaks my heart.

 

For a long time I could not look at people with identical twin girls. I was angry. I had a baby shower with two of everything, and matching cribs.

My poor husband had to pick out an outfit for my daughter to be buried in. And a burial plot? Who thinks of those things? I was so positive througout my pregnancy and ONE day away from delivery.

 

Thankfully, my MIL paid for my daughters gravestone, and I was able to bury her with my grandfather so she would not be alone.

 

On top of all of this. I had a very sick child in NICU.

 

Even after all of that, I know I made the right decision. Because *I* didn't have to. God made it for me.

I am so very sorry for your loss.:grouphug:

[cathmom]

dancer, thanks for sharing that. My twins shared a placenta. At the first ultrasound, they were looking and looking for that membrane. My dh and I said, "What's so important about the membrane?" They replied, "If there isn't a membrane separating the twins, we will put you in the hospital at viability and monitor them 24 hours a day until they're born, because it's that dangerous." We were shocked and very relieved when they found the membrane.

 

I am so sorry for your loss and your daughter's loss. :grouphug:

[HRAAB]

I don't get unplanned twins. Are twins ever planned? Maybe the pregnancy was unplanned, but twins? Am I missing something.

 

I really need to stay away from this or I'll say something I'll have to add to my list of already growing sins lately. Lord help us.

[HRAAB]

What if they abort the wrong twin?

 

:confused:

 

I know I need to stay away, but how do you which is the right twin and which is the wrong one? Eeny, meeny, miny, moe? Yes, that was a flippant remark!

[FloridaLisa]

Vexing ethical problems indeed.

 

Just another variation from a culture that is coming to see having a child like buying the newest accessory. (see e.g. Teen Mom. I've never watched it, but I'm dumbfounded by the magazine headlines about this show.)

 

Lisa

[Parrothead]

I know I need to stay away, but how do you which is the right twin and which is the wrong one? Eeny, meeny, miny, moe? Yes, that was a flippant remark!

I never want to meet the woman who can calmly watch the ultrasound monitor while her child is being murdered.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

:crying: :grouphug: Reading and crying as I hold my 21mo that was born at 32 weeks, 3lb 1 oz.

 

I forget who said it, but I agree with the thought that if you're going to engage in sexual activity, you must be responsible for what happens as a result of those actions.

 

I have nothing against women wanting to have a career, but deciding that a potential life is an inconvenience to that career is beyond selfish. And to try to justify it as "some one else would raise our kids if we had more than 2" is incomprehensible to me.

[dancer67]

Yes. The membrane. I had no idea at first why they were so worked up over this. Then I knew.

 

What was even scarier was that I read my medical report, and it literally said, that if my egg had not finished splitting within the next 6-12 hours, I would have had conjoined twins.

 

I don't mind sharing my story. Especially if, God forbid someone here gets the news they are carrying MoMo twins.Or anyone IRL. Maybe I can help.I know this happened to me for a reason. I am not immortal, nor is anyone else. And bad things CAN happen to you. Not just the people you read about. Makes you appreciate things more. Humbles you.

 

On the downside, this is what set my Health Anxiety off. Which is what I have been in therapy for. Statistics now scare the daylights out of me.:confused:

[dancer67]

I had a baby who died in labor. I get all of this that you say here. My SIL had a baby 13 hours before my dd died in labor. It was so painful to be around her baby. My daughter was buried next to her grandfather she she would not be alone. My (living) daughter feels robbed of having a sister and that grieves me as much as my own sorrow of losing my baby girl.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I completely understand. And I am so sorry.

[jenL]

Dancer, I am so very sorry. Thank you for sharing your story.

 

As for the idea of selective reduction, I cannot fathom it, and I'm repulsed by it. I don't know how this mother could possibly choose which baby is better than the other just to have the family they "WANT". I believe God gives us who we are supposed to have when we become pregnant. And, if we are unable to become pregnant, then we will be blessed another way.

Edited January 2, 2011 by jenL

[msjones]

A good friend of mine became pregnant with quadruplets through IVF. The doctors strongly suggested "reducing" the pregnancy to twins. She did it. Her remaining twins were born full-term. They're 11 now.

 

Apparently she risked losing all 4 of them and there was some significant risk to her own health (I can't remember specifics)as well. I remember wondering why that hadn't thought of these issues prior to implanting 6 fertilized eggs.

 

Obviously, it was a hideous decision to make. I remember thinking I'd rather lose all four 'naturally' than abort two. I said as much to her at the time.

 

She did already have one child at the time -- so she wouldn't have been childless if she had miscarried all four. But she "wanted a big family and wasn't sure IVF would ever work again."

 

I know she's heartbroken. I think she's tormented by guilt. How could she not be? She has a lot of anxiety issues. She won't say much about it.

 

Her surviving twins know there were two other babies who "died." They talk about their "brother and sister" often. I hope she never tells them the truth.

[JVA]

:iagree: No limit indeed. I'm sad for the baby who died. But even sadder for the one who lived. The first is in the arms of Jesus. The second, in the arms of....um....the people who killed his brother.

 

:iagree::iagree: I can't add anything to this. It will be awful for this couple when it really hits them about what they've done. They killed their child.

[lionfamily1999]

A good friend of mine became pregnant with quadruplets through IVF. The doctors strongly suggested "reducing" the pregnancy to twins. She did it. Her remaining twins were born full-term. They're 11 now.

 

Apparently she risked losing all 4 of them and there was some significant risk to her own health (I can't remember specifics)as well. I remember wondering why that hadn't thought of these issues prior to implanting 6 fertilized eggs.

 

Obviously, it was a hideous decision to make. I remember thinking I'd rather lose all four 'naturally' than abort two. I said as much to her at the time.

 

She did already have one child at the time -- so she wouldn't have been childless if she had miscarried all four. But she "wanted a big family and wasn't sure IVF would ever work again."

 

I know she's heartbroken. I think she's tormented by guilt. How could she not be? She has a lot of anxiety issues. She won't say much about it.

 

Her surviving twins know there were two other babies who "died." They talk about their "brother and sister" often. I hope she never tells them the truth.

:( I'm so glad that we have churches in the area willing to work with women to help them deal with the guilt associated with these sorts of decisions. Once it's done it's done. Something like this makes me think of David, "my sin is always before me." :grouphug:

 

I hope your friend gets the help she needs, for herself and for her little ones. That's too big a burden to bear.

 

I really don't understand why they overload when they do IVF. I know they don't do it all the time (my sister's sil had it done, two at a time). I just can't believe they do it at all.

[jenn1129]

to quote my favorite band "as we're sung to sleep by philosophies that save the trees and kill the children..." (Casting Crowns).

 

sorry, that's all i can think of to say right now. this is an extremely painful subject for me.

[Ibbygirl]

I am coming into this conversation late. And I wanted to add my story.

 

I got pregnant with twins in 1998. It was a complete shock and surprise. We did *plan* on having another one. My youngest at the time was 6 years old, and went off to kindergarten so I got the baby blues. My oldest at the time was 10.

 

After finding out, and almost PASSING out from hearing the news carrying twins(and picking my husband up off the floor), I was THRILLED beyond belief.

 

Then came the bad news. They could not find a membrane to divide the babies. I was sent to a large specialty hospital to see if the could find a membrane that would divide my twins, but none was found. I had a very, very rare form of twinning called Monoamnionic/Monochorionic identical twins. They were girls.

 

Basically, my egg spit very late resulting in the girls sharing the same amniotic sac. Which leads to a very high risk of cord entanglement. Death for one or both twins is upwards of 80% in the first two trimesters(More room to move so more room to tangle cords) and carries a risk of fetal death in the third trimester of one or both up to 40%.

 

I was scared. Very scared. My own Dr's have never come across this before. The MF specialist told me that if my egg had not spilt when it did, my girls would have been conjoined.

 

They told me my "best bet is to perform selective reduction so we can save the other twin".

 

WHAT??!! I was in a nightmare. How do you "choose" which one to terminate??? These are my children!!!

 

I was adamant. No fetal reduction. I felt that this happened for a reason, and who was I to fool with what God had planned for me?

 

There was really nothing they could do except monitor me very closely. But I could go in for an ultrasound, and the girls could be fine, and no sooner walk out of the office, and one of the twins could die from cord entanglement.

 

At around 24 weeks, the girls were still hanging in there. One of them was having many decels, and my OB's decided to start giving me steroid injections to boost the babies lungs. We knew that I was going to have a C-section early, so they felt we would be prepared.

 

When I made it to 29 weeks, the same twin started failing, and they had decided enough was enough and sceduled my C-Section for September 9th, 1998.

 

On September 8th, 1998 at 29 weeks 6 days, I went in for my final ultrasound and my twin girl died in utero. I had no idea. I was rushed into surgery, and had an emergency C-section. My surviving twin was born under 3 lbs and only 15 inches long. She could barely breathe. My twin baby that had passed, was gone for at least 24 hours, and it was a mircale my other baby had survived. My baby died of hydrops and congestive heart failure. She was 2 lbs.

 

They were very worried about my survivng twin. They did not know if she had inhaled any toxins from her sister. They were afraid of brain damage, blindness, or even if she would live.

 

After 2 and a hlaf months in NICU, my survivng twin came home at 4lbs 15oz, on oxygen and a heart monitor.

 

She had PT and OT. Walked at 2 years old. And never had any long lasting issues. Today, she is my homeschooled, overachiever. Who read at 4 years old, who sings, and dances, and loves to make movies.

 

What if I had terminated? What if my survivng twin was the one I terminated? I am not God, I cannot make those decisions.

 

I firmly believe that my baby who died, hung on just long enough to make sure her sister had a chance at life. And she was so, so sick. And for a very long time in utero.

 

I really do not think it is up to us to play God, or even change what the unexepcted is. Miracles happen every single day. I know because I have one sitting in her room right now.:001_smile:

 

Wow. Your story brought tears to my eyes. I have no words. Amazing. I'm so sad for your loss, but so happy for your miracle dd. God bless you and your precious family. :grouphug:

[CLHCO]

Oh, Dancer. You're story broke my heart. My daughters suffered from Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome and it's only due to the fact that they developed it later in the pregnancy that they both survived. Though I know the fear of losing one or both babies during the pregnancy, I honestly cannot comprehend what you suffered, and I understand how hard it would have been to even look at identical twin girls for quite some time. :grouphug:

[dancer67]

Thank you to all of you.:grouphug::grouphug:

[DawnL]

Not surprised.

 

Still sickened though.

 

Wrong on every level

[DawnL]

Thank you to all of you.:grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

Dancer, I just read your story, and God Bless you and your family for all that you went through.

[ConnieB]

When I was looking for some Catholic info lately ;), I found a commentary that linked to an article about "fetal reduction" for twins:

 

When Is Twins Too Many?

 

 

Like so many other couples these days, the Toronto-area business executive and her husband put off having children for years as they built successful careers. Both parents were in their 40s — and their first son just over a year old — when this spring the woman became pregnant a second time. Seven weeks in, an ultrasound revealed the Burlington, Ont., resident was carrying twins. “It came as a complete shock,†said the mother, who asked not to be named. “We’re both career people. If we were going to have three children two years apart, someone else was going to be raising our kids. ... All of a sudden our lives as we know them and as we like to lead them, are not going to happen.â€

 

She soon discovered another option: Doctors could “reduce†the pregnancy from twins to a singleton through a little-known procedure that eliminates selected fetuses — and has become increasingly common in the past two decades amid a boom in the number of multiple pregnancies.

 

Selective reductions are typically carried out for women pregnant with triplets or greater, where the risk of harm or death climbs sharply with each additional fetus. The Ontario couple is part of what some experts say is a growing demand for reducing twins to one, fuelled more by socio-economic imperatives than medical need, and raising vexing new ethical questions.

 

I knew that abortion for higher order multiples was practiced but I had NO IDEA it was becoming a chosen option for twins.

 

Have I been living under a rock? Did anyone else know this is becoming a chosen option?

 

I'm confused......She already had one child (whom presumably was in day care somewhere already)....was not upset at being pregnant with a second, but then found it was twins and somehow having that third child makes the difference? Obviously she's planning to return to work, so who is going to raise child #1 and #2....and why couldn't that same person raise child #3?

 

And yes, reduction of twins has been around for a long time....I was offered it when I was totally speechless and a bit dazed by the news that I had twins in there. But, since it wasn't that I was upset by the news, just in total shock, lol....I declined immediately. Those babies are now teens.

[ConnieB]

I am coming into this conversation late. And I wanted to add my story.

 

I got pregnant with twins in 1998. It was a complete shock and surprise. We did *plan* on having another one. My youngest at the time was 6 years old, and went off to kindergarten so I got the baby blues. My oldest at the time was 10.

 

After finding out, and almost PASSING out from hearing the news carrying twins(and picking my husband up off the floor), I was THRILLED beyond belief.

 

Then came the bad news. They could not find a membrane to divide the babies. I was sent to a large specialty hospital to see if the could find a membrane that would divide my twins, but none was found. I had a very, very rare form of twinning called Monoamnionic/Monochorionic identical twins. They were girls.

 

Basically, my egg spit very late resulting in the girls sharing the same amniotic sac. Which leads to a very high risk of cord entanglement. Death for one or both twins is upwards of 80% in the first two trimesters(More room to move so more room to tangle cords) and carries a risk of fetal death in the third trimester of one or both up to 40%.

 

I was scared. Very scared. My own Dr's have never come across this before. The MF specialist told me that if my egg had not spilt when it did, my girls would have been conjoined.

 

They told me my "best bet is to perform selective reduction so we can save the other twin".

 

WHAT??!! I was in a nightmare. How do you "choose" which one to terminate??? These are my children!!!

 

I was adamant. No fetal reduction. I felt that this happened for a reason, and who was I to fool with what God had planned for me?

 

There was really nothing they could do except monitor me very closely. But I could go in for an ultrasound, and the girls could be fine, and no sooner walk out of the office, and one of the twins could die from cord entanglement.

 

At around 24 weeks, the girls were still hanging in there. One of them was having many decels, and my OB's decided to start giving me steroid injections to boost the babies lungs. We knew that I was going to have a C-section early, so they felt we would be prepared.

 

When I made it to 29 weeks, the same twin started failing, and they had decided enough was enough and sceduled my C-Section for September 9th, 1998.

 

On September 8th, 1998 at 29 weeks 6 days, I went in for my final ultrasound and my twin girl died in utero. I had no idea. I was rushed into surgery, and had an emergency C-section. My surviving twin was born under 3 lbs and only 15 inches long. She could barely breathe. My twin baby that had passed, was gone for at least 24 hours, and it was a mircale my other baby had survived. My baby died of hydrops and congestive heart failure. She was 2 lbs.

 

They were very worried about my survivng twin. They did not know if she had inhaled any toxins from her sister. They were afraid of brain damage, blindness, or even if she would live.

 

After 2 and a hlaf months in NICU, my survivng twin came home at 4lbs 15oz, on oxygen and a heart monitor.

 

She had PT and OT. Walked at 2 years old. And never had any long lasting issues. Today, she is my homeschooled, overachiever. Who read at 4 years old, who sings, and dances, and loves to make movies.

 

What if I had terminated? What if my survivng twin was the one I terminated? I am not God, I cannot make those decisions.

 

I firmly believe that my baby who died, hung on just long enough to make sure her sister had a chance at life. And she was so, so sick. And for a very long time in utero.

 

I really do not think it is up to us to play God, or even change what the unexepcted is. Miracles happen every single day. I know because I have one sitting in her room right now.:001_smile:

 

My girls are MOMO as well...born 11 weeks early, but because we were fortunate enough to find out early and then to also find a hospital with experience in such high risk, they both survived. I was on hospital bedrest from 14 weeks until delivery so they were constantly monitored and we were able to do steriods to prep their lungs for early delivery etc so that when the tangled cords began eroding one of the girls' vital signs they were able to be delivered early but with a high chance of survival. It wasn't the way I pictured having a baby or caring for a newborn in the NICU for several months, but it was what we had to do to have healthy babies. They're teens now and you'd never know they were so premature. We were very blessed. My heart aches every time I hear a story like yours with the results not as positive.....but the success of even just one MOMO baby is a miracle! Hug your daughter for me.

[goldberry]

I just have the question about IVF. Thankfully, I have not had to go through that, so I don't really know what the moms have to go through. But why, why, why do they plant so many sometimes? Why would any mom let them plant more than she could handle?

 

I know "not all of them take". But all of them COULD take.

 

I have a friend who went through IVF and she only let them plant 2. She went through IVF 3-4 times and still only let them plant 2.

[Daisy]

I just have the question about IVF. Thankfully, I have not had to go through that, so I don't really know what the moms have to go through. But why, why, why do they plant so many sometimes? Why would any mom let them plant more than she could handle?

 

I know "not all of them take". But all of them COULD take.

 

I have a friend who went through IVF and she only let them plant 2. She went through IVF 3-4 times and still only let them plant 2.

 

I think it has something to do with the cost of each IVF procedure.

 

It is more cost-effective to implant more because your chance of having a failure is lowered.

 

My friends were the same way. They only did 2 at a time also, and they will use ALL of their IVF embryos.

[ConnieB]

Can you imagine their future conversation with the surviving twin?

 

"Johnny, just feel lucky it was not you!"

 

Ugh!

 

 

Or ..... "Johnny I wish we'd aborted you too". I've sadly heard moms scream horrible things at their children, and can just imagine the shrill in her voice when Johnny does something naughty and that moms starts thinking she shouldn't have bothered having him either.

 

I comfort myself to think that perhaps it will never happen since someone else will be raising her 2 kids.

[Jackie in AR]

I don't see it as any different from a single abortion either.

However, I do see this as somewhat more revolting.

 

How sick is it that a woman can see her two children on an ultrasound and actually say, "Yeah, I'll keep and love that one. But the other one? ONE more kid is just too much bother. Dispose of it."

 

Because when you get past all the BS, that's exactly what they did.

 

I don't think any woman can know all the possibilities of risk with pregnancy.

 

But it is a risk. A risk to love another, which means sticking around come hell or high water, rich, poor, sick or healthy.

 

What if the one twin she keeps is born with major mental retardation? Ir what if at age 5 he gets cancer? Is he disposable then? Because they would sure as heck cramp her life more than caring for one more kid would have.

 

The whole notion that love should be convienent or easy or financially beneficial or it is disposable like second quality durable goods is disgusting and reflected in how people view and value or don't value life.

 

:iagree:

 

Great post, Martha.

[ConnieB]

I just have the question about IVF. Thankfully, I have not had to go through that, so I don't really know what the moms have to go through. But why, why, why do they plant so many sometimes? Why would any mom let them plant more than she could handle?

 

I know "not all of them take". But all of them COULD take.

 

I have a friend who went through IVF and she only let them plant 2. She went through IVF 3-4 times and still only let them plant 2.

 

Well, the reasons people choose a certain number to plant for IVF is probably just as complicated as the reasons someone homeschools. Each family is different.

 

We're a part of a Mothers of Multiples and I've heard many reasons. Some pick high numbers because of they have tried it several times already and it is financially quite expensive, but it's also emotionally very difficult to go through the procedure, do a lot of hoping and praying, and then find none took. And wanting a baby bad enough to try again and again. I know families who have mortgaged houses to finance it repeatedly. I can understand wanting to up your chances....and probably some part of them is saying "we've tried 2 or 3 several times and it hasn't worked, maybe 5 or 6 means we'd get something". I can't imagine the heartache involved in repeated attempts, and perhaps the desperation that they feel each time.

[elegantlion]

What kind of BS is this? Justifying killing a person just because it changes the family dynamic just a bit? Why is it that someone else would be raising their children if one more child is added to the family?

 

Of all the blankety-blank blank blankety blank idiocy.

 

:iagree: :001_huh: :001_huh: :001_huh:

[pdalley]

Even worse is how these people publicize this in the media. Granted some of them don't give identifying information and that's a good thing - IMO.

 

Imagine - years from now - the surviving twin doing a google search and reading an article such as this. It's like the woman who tweeted her abortion. There are some decisions that NEED to be kept private. I do not understand the need these days for people to advertise intensely personal decisions and then run screaming at people for judging them for said decisions. There are things I have had to do in my life that are not the choices others would make but I don't announce them to the world at large.

 

I have three autistic kids. Even if I knew what I know now? I would take what God gave me and deal with it the best I could. I cannot imagine making such a decision and not based on what the parents in that article based their decision on. No, this is not what I thought my family would be and honestly, I find it in most ways better than I ever imagined. Yes, it's tough. Usually the best things in life - IME - are the toughest.

 

Dancer, I am in awe of your strength and courage in such difficult circumstances.

[Impish]

:grouphug: Dancer :grouphug:

[LuvingLife]

I want to cry, and yes abortion has become very "popular" for all babies now. How can anyone even think of aborting a tiny inoccent baby??:crying:

[wapiti]

I just have the question about IVF. Thankfully, I have not had to go through that, so I don't really know what the moms have to go through. But why, why, why do they plant so many sometimes? Why would any mom let them plant more than she could handle?

 

I know "not all of them take". But all of them COULD take.

 

I have a friend who went through IVF and she only let them plant 2. She went through IVF 3-4 times and still only let them plant 2.

I agree that a couple should transfer only as many as they want to raise. (By the way, for anyone interested in a little terminology, the embryos are neither planted nor implanted. They are "transferred." Only God decides whether the embryos implant ;).)

 

As others mentioned, IVF is a very expensive procedure (it depends on the location, but think > $15,000 per fresh cycle if not covered by insurance, much less for a frozen cycle). Most people who do IVF can barely afford one cycle, let alone many, and it's quite the gamble.

 

I think it is important to note, however, that the vast majority of high-order multiple pregnancies are NOT the result of IVF, but of "lower-tech" fertility treatments, involving injected FSH and intra-uterine insemination, and usually less-than-stellar monitoring.

 

FWIW, we did IVF specifically in order to avoid high order multiples (I have PCOS and would grow lots of eggs). I do have twins from IVF, from my sixth and only successful transfer (it's a loooong story).

 

On the OP, I can't even bear to read the article.