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Encouragement please--or a kick in the backside....


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I have not been on track for my DD 7. She had a rough year last year in PS. She was reading on a 5/6 grade level, but the teacher wouldn't let her read anything the other 1st graders weren't reading. She was bored, wanted to add details to her drawings, didn't get her work done becasue she didn't see the point in doing it--anyway, all this resulted in the teacher wanting to retain her in first becasue she was concerned about DD being able to handle the workload in 2nd grade.

DD was doing pretty good this year, if I could get her to work, but she really doesn't want to do anything for me except read. She is a perfectionist who is terrified of getting anything wrong, so that results in a lot of tears and hair pulling out on both our parts.

Before Halloween we were finally getting into a pretty good grove and were able to complete everything before DS got home from his half day of PS Kinder. Then we started losing our way. A very close friend, a young girl about to graduate from highschool who I had babysat from the day she was born until I went away to college, was tragically killed in an accident.

I can't seem to pull it together.

We have VERY sporadically done any school, and even on days we did, it was only part of the subjects I had planned.

Now DH is threatening to send dd back to PS if I don't get it together NOW and get school going full steam this week. I tried this morning, and I seem to be back at square one with her not wanting to do the work I request of her.

I was using the file system, but I am so far off I don't even know where to start on that.

I was putting her work into a weekly binder for her, but she seems to be getting frozen when she sees all that work.

I either need a hug or a kick in the tail. Maybe both.

Thanks for any input . Sorry it's so long. I just needed to get this off my chest.

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It sounds as if you might be a bit of a perfectionist, too. I have a tendency to want it done perfectly or not at all...and that paralyzes me in the hard times. Put one foot in front of the other, but be gentle with yourself as you travel. My dd has similar tendencies and I had to work really hard on praising her hard work and telling her repeatedly that the mistakes are how we learn and that everyone, even me, makes them. She was a bright thing, reading really early. Everyone told her how smart she was all the time. When confronted with a challenge, anything that didn't come easily, she would freeze up with fear of failing. She'd often express that fear through anger. It has taken a lot of time, and we still struggle with it every now and then, but she is much, much better.


My suggestion would be to focus on the basics...make sure you are hitting math, reading, writing daily. Since she loves reading, use that to work in the extras--a book on a science topic or a history inspired novel you can discuss or a book of art. Use a white board and write the list of subjects you'll be covering. Let her check them off as you complete them. A daily list will be far less overwhelming for her than a weekly one. Sometimes ask her to put the subjects in the order of how she'd like to study them. That will give her a little ownership in the day. We can't do this all the time, but dd loves it when I let her.

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My husband was working from home some days our first year of homeschooling. There were lots of tears on my son's part and on mine. My husband intervened quite a bit.


We've finally hit our groove though! (Just took us 3 years... apparently we're both pretty slow learners in some respects. :001_huh:) You're not alone!


We tried many different things. What's working now is the daily list of subjects on the board that we cross off as we go. I did learn that I couldn't leave ds alone - even for a worksheet (sigh). If I'm prepping lunch, he's in the kitchen with me.


Have you talked with your husband about what he'd like to see? What would be his ideal day? Having similar expectations is good.

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Just out of curiosity, what is compulsory school age where you live? Here it isn't until age 8. If that's the case by you, too, maybe that would get your husband to ease up some on his current expectations.


Have him read the book "Better Late Than Early" by the Moores, too. And maybe a bit about the concept of "deschooling." :D


I'm sorry he's giving you a hard time- you don't need that on top of your grief and on top of trying to smooth the way with your young daughter... I personally think it's much more important at this stage to get her gently over her bad public school experience and her fear of not being perfect and to encourage the things she likes to do, such as reading and drawing...


I really love what Cadam had to say, and definitely think you should take all of that advice!


And (and especially at her age) you don't need tons of worksheets and whatnot. Read lots of books, do lots of hands on projects and crafts and pictures, watch educational shows, play educational games, go for nature walks, talk to each other, do errands and household things together, laugh!

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:grouphug: I just want to send you a little hug and some encouragement. I can really relate to your post. This is our first year homeschooling my DS. Both of us are a bit on the perfectionist side. :001_huh: So it can be hard. I want things to go one way, he is making it go another...frustration, tears, etc. I have been there.


Also, my grandmother died at the end of September and that changed everything. We still haven't recovered. Emotionally and school-wise. We are "behind". Behind what you say? Of course we are ahead of where he would be in PS or really where anyone would expect a 2nd grader to be...but we are behind in the curricula I chose and my lesson plans. So that drives a perfectionist like me CRAZY. :tongue_smilie:


But what I am going to do in January is just relax. We will do the basics every single day. We will do more fun things that will still involve learning (math games, field trips, reading for fun). I will skip some things in our workbooks and cross off problems on his math sheets if he is understanding. (oh, this is so hard for me. Gotta do everything. In order. :lol:) I will try to enjoy this journey while he is young.


Talk to your DH about homeschooling, why it is the right choice, why it is important to you, what he can help with. I'm not sure why DHs are always ready to send the kids back to PS at the first sign of trouble? I hear that all the time, and even my own DH has mentioned it on days when I am in tears. I know they just want to fix things, but it seems like there are other ways to help, ya know? Make sure he is on board as much as possible, you really need him on your side.


Hang in there mama. You are doing the right thing for your DD. It takes years to get into a real groove, from what I hear.

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My youngest whose 6 (first grade) is a lot like your daughter. Breaks are our biggest enemy! I have opted for shorter days with normal Sat/Sun off and not too much of anything else. I needed to take a week off for Christmas just to get settled and had to deal with the usual tears/bullheadedness for 2 days. Try to find her interest and push ahead as much as possible. I start with her favorite subject each day to help break the negative mindset. Online learning games have also helped a bunch...my daughters biggest thing is not the lack ability but the fear of getting things wrong. I've started letting the error just reappear as new work for the next day (that I go over) and laying on the "great jobs". Our school days have been wonderful since I've started all this...Good luck :)

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first take a deep breath. Slow and steady wins the race. keep that in the forefront of your mind. And this is a marathon, not a race. :001_smile:


The first year is *overwhelming* please go easy on yourself. It's so hard to learn each other, find a routine that works for you, make the paradigm shift that is homeschooling and on top of it, you've had an emotional trauma take place.


You may just want to idle with her waiting until her maturity level catches up with the expectations placed on her. And if she's a perfectionist---yikes, I have a few of them and it's hard.


I think Cadam's advice is excellent, btw, I just wanted to chime in with a slow down.

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