Do you ever feel like you can only do one thing well at a time?

[melissel]

In my life, I've noticed that I seem to really only be able to do one thing well at a time. If I'm focused on HSing and making sure all the work gets done and I'm on the ball with school, everything else falls by the wayside--we eat out more (which we can't afford), DH and I get no time together, the house is a wreck, etc. If I'm focusing on saving/making money (which we really need to do right now), then school suffers, my attitude with the kids suffers, etc.

 

The main reason I'm thinking about all of this is because DH and I have just reached a place of intense renewal in our marriage, and we're both so happy. But in January, everything else in our lives will start back up--we're back to school with no excuses for slacking, I need to seriously address my weight and overall health, I'll need to keep freelancing (which I'd hoped to quit, but can't right now), I need to focus on lowering our spending, and so on. I'm so worried that everything DH and I have rediscovered will get buried under all that stuff again, but I don't seem to know how to multi-task well!

 

I'm kind of thinking out loud, I guess, but if anyone has any thoughts on all of this, I'd love to hear them. How do you manage to keep all your balls--marriage, parenting young kids, teaching, home management, outside work if you do it--in the air and manage it relatively well? Or is it just impossible to do?

 

TIA!

[elegantlion]

I tend to do that, but more on a daily basis rather than long term. For instance if we are schooling I don't clean the house. But I've gotten into the mode of "signing off" from school by 4pm or so and then switching gears. My dh can do 15 things at once, not me.

 

I've often reminded my dh that for me switching gears is like turning around a large ship, not a speedboat.

[LibraryLover]

I need my kids and partner to help. At 8 they knew how to make simple snacks, put their clothing in the wash and then transfer it to the dryer. I would help fold and put away (I don't like totally jumbled drawers and closets). They knew how to unload the diswasher, too. Dh or I would load. That seems more tricky if you want clean dishes. :)

 

My 5 yr old nephew knows how to make pb/banana sandwiches, and how to butter a bagel. :) He also knows how to work the audio player to listen to a story/music, get on the computer to do Starfall etc.

 

When people talk about trying to do everything all the time wihtout help, I think about how inappropriate it would be if a teacher in a school also brought her laundry to school to do while she was supposed to be with kids. Same as if a person brought their newborn baby or toddler to school without any other assistance, tried to do laundry, make dinner, and was expected to teach even two other children at the same time. When does one sleep? Bathe?

 

To do everything without help is unfair. I knwo most people don't have money for help, so it's important for my family's well-being to trade with people, teach the children to be handy, and be partners who understand that we have to work together to be an family .

Edited December 28, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Avila]

I tell people I can only really handle two of my three serious responsibilities well at a time. I can run our school and keep the house clean OR I can run our school and cook healthy dinners OR keep the house clean and cook healthy dinners, but all three is impossible! And that doesn't include running errands, taking the kids to activities, participating in (gasp) my own activities, etc.

 

What I have chosen to do is to have school well done and cook dinner. Keeping the house in order is limited to dishes and clean clothes during the week, unfortunately. I schedule school in quarters with a one-week break in between, and that is the week I have to work double time on the house again.

 

I wish I had an answer for you. :tongue_smilie:

[4everHis]

Yes, that is true for me. I can multitask the mindless things but the majors really mess me up. Teaching + keeping house clean = mean mom, frugal living + teaching = less than stellar students, etc. I can't imagine adding a paying outside job to that. I think a previous poster had good advice. Set a timer and have a set time for school, when the timer goes off school is done, no matter what. Set a timer--housecleaning/laundry, when the timer goes off STOP. I was just thinking in the shower this morning that I need some type of timer to carry with me. One to time my tasks the other just to remind me I HAD another task. . . I get to the end of the day sometimes and wonder why more didn't get done. . .I just forgot it.

 

All this to say. . I feel your dilema and I hope you get some good advice.:bigear:

[melissel]

I tend to do that, but more on a daily basis rather than long term.

 

I've tried to do this, but it seems like there's so much to do everyday that I can't get it all done, so each day I'm further and further behind. I've gone through short periods where I'm on the move all day long, and while everything does get done, within a 7-10 days of this, I'm a total wreck because I get NO time for myself at all, and then the whole house of cards comes falling down. I'm just not sure how to balance all that and hang onto my sanity. Does that make any sense? (And why do I feel so whiny for saying that?! :001_huh:)

 

I need my kids and partner to help. At 8 they knew how to make simple snacks, and put their clothing in the wash and then transfer it to the dryer. I would help fold and put away (I don't like totally jumbled drawers and closets). They knew how to unload the diswasher, too. Dh or I would load. That seems more tricky if you want clean dishes. :)

 

My 5 yr old nephew knows how to make pb/banana sandwiches, and how to butter a bagel. :) He also knows how to work the audio player to listen to a story/music, get on the computer to do Starfall etc.

 

When people talk about trying to do everything all the time wihtout help, I think about how inappropriate it would be if a teacher in a school also brought her laundry to school to do while she was supposed to be with kids. It could not be done. Same as if a person brought their newborn baby or toddler to school without any other assistance, tried to do laundry, make dinner, and was expected to teach even two other children at the same time. When does one sleep? Bathe?

 

To do everything without help is unfair. I knwo most people don't have money for help, so it's important for my family's well-being to trade with people, teach the children to be handy, and be partners who understands that we have to work together to be an family .

 

You are right, although I've not figured out how to apply all of this in our situation. DH is in sales, and in the off season (currently), he's not home until 7:30 or 8 p.m. most nights. In the high seasons, he's usually not home until 10-ish :( On the days he is home, he's either working, taking care of the kids so I can freelance, or doing his own stuff around the house (dealing with cars, repairs, yard maintenance, etc.)

 

And the kids definitely are old enough to help in some ways, but training them to help takes so much more out of me than I have to give right now, it seems. We've tried setting up systems, paying for chores, simply requiring work to be done, etc., and while their intentions are good, either staying on them to make sure the work gets done once the novelty wears off or cleaning up the messes that result from their "help" just adds to my own load. I know that's a catch 22, because if I don't take the time to teach them to help, they'll never be able to help, of course! But I just haven't figured out how to make that work without it being another thing that derails the rest of the train *sigh*

[woolybear]

:bigear:

[Mothersweets]

Yes, that is true for me. I can multitask the mindless things but the majors really mess me up. Teaching + keeping house clean = mean mom, frugal living + teaching = less than stellar students, etc. I can't imagine adding a paying outside job to that. I think a previous poster had good advice. Set a timer and have a set time for school, when the timer goes off school is done, no matter what. Set a timer--housecleaning/laundry, when the timer goes off STOP. I was just thinking in the shower this morning that I need some type of timer to carry with me. One to time my tasks the other just to remind me I HAD another task. . . I get to the end of the day sometimes and wonder why more didn't get done. . .I just forgot it.

 

All this to say. . I feel your dilema and I hope you get some good advice.:bigear:

 

The part I bolded is totally me.

 

I could have written your post melissel. I actually used to be pretty organized but now that my older set of kids has gotten well, older, and moved out (boo hoo) I find that I just can't keep up with the younger set.

 

I find I concentrate on one thing each day;that doesn't work out so well when you're talking about school. :) I really liked what LibraryLover had to say about a teacher taking her baby or laundry to school and still trying to teach.

 

I'm really trying to get things organized this week so our life won't be such a mess next week when we start up school again. I'm all :bigear:.

[cathmom]

I have the same problem. And to make it worse, whatever "world" I'm in at the moment, I see all sorts of possibilities of what I could do in that world, and that makes it even harder when I realize that there are 5 other worlds awaiting me.

[Rebel]

I'm kind of thinking out loud, I guess, but if anyone has any thoughts on all of this, I'd love to hear them. How do you manage to keep all your balls--marriage, parenting young kids, teaching, home management, outside work if you do it--in the air and manage it relatively well? Or is it just impossible to do?

 

TIA!

 

I vote that it is impossible to do everything well. I prioritize my "balls" each week or sometimes each day.

[fairfarmhand]

ugh...I know what you mean

 

 

If I'm on track with finances, then I am eating like a pig and not exercising.

 

If school is going very well, then that is all that is going well....

 

the house...well. let's just say that it comes in very close to the bottom of the priority list.

[jewellsmommy]

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about! I, too, am a limited juggler. I have 5 balls: frugal living, health conscientiousness (healthy shopping/recipes and exercise), church/ministry work, house work, and education. I, however, can only keep about 3 in the air at a time! I used to be able to keep 4 balls up, but that was before we added a new child and a puppy :D!

 

I wish I had the answer. When I try to do it all, I lose my mind, burn out and accomplish nothing for a week as I recover!

[Soror]

I agree it is certainly a juggling act. I am constantly looking for ways to streamline everything and reduce my actual hands on time. I actually told dh a few weeks ago, that yes I am a marvelous woman, but I cannot be marvelous at everything at one time!

 

So, on meals- I simplified and simplified. We eat a lot of the same things, oh well, food is for nourishment. I would rather it be healthy than exciting!

 

On cleaning I have to stay ON TOP of it or I fall under fast. This last year I worked hard on establishing the basic daily tasks- ie laundry, dishes, sweeping. Deep cleaning was more sporadic- I have added in Motivated Moms to give me a schedule so I don't have to think about when to do things. Not having to think about it means one less thing on my mental list!

 

Schooling, well I am new at this! We have just been setting a time and doing it and generally on it while we are at it.

 

On frugality- healthy living- etc well I try to simplify more than anything. Bulk buying through the discount club. Sticking to mostly very basic ing that are easy to find and cheaper. The bulk buying helps a ton though as then I don't have to worry about something for a long time and save money.

 

Me time- well- that is in the morning- I go to bed early so I can private time in the morning and still get well-rested. Exercise I generally do with the kids- family activities.

 

Of course now my baby is 1, so right now it is much easier. Last year we did ok with a new one though. The house wasn't as clean, the kids watched more tv than I would like at times, but we made it through.

Edited December 28, 2010 by soror

[Pretty in Pink]

I function better when I have several 'balls' to work with. If I have just one focus I feel bored and unmotivated.

 

My balls are: homeschooling, my own college classes, my kids' activities, my home (including upkeep, meal planning, shopping, etc).

 

I have meal planning and grocery shopping down to a science. I have a thirty day schedule of breakfast/lunch/dinners and snacks. I just realized how much time I can save by doing my major shopping once per month and asking dh to make the weekly bread/produce/milk stop.

 

One bonus of having everything so planned out is that it saves a *lot* of money. And by asking dh to pick up the odds and ends each week I keep myself out of super Walmart and avoid those impulse buys that add up so quickly.

 

My laundry...that's another story altogether, but I don't know if I'll ever get that one under control!

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

It sounds like that is more jobs than there is time for.

 

Could you get a mother's helper a few days a week to help? Or, better yet, a homeschooled teen who could teach a few things for you?

 

The chores my children do best for the time gained are folding and putting away laundry and emptying the dishwasher.

 

Or, maybe year round school with one day a week where you focus on laundry, cleaning and cooking?

[Dolphin]

I am like this too, but I have been working on it. The black and white/all or nothing thinking. I am finding baby steps to work on this.

 

First, cooking for the family. You can get those menus that you spend one day cooking and make enough for the month. Things usually stay in the freezer for longer, so if you don't already have a separate freezer, try and get one (in the long run it is cheaper than eating out) Then, enlist dh on one of his days off, and spend the day cooking. Supplement with costco or something, frozen lasagna, enchiladas etc... still cheaper than eating out. Make sure you have enough for 6 weeks, write a schedule and put it on the fridge. You have focused on one thing, and you don't need to think about it again for 6 weeks. This has really helped us with the cooking, and DH doesn't mind sacrificing one day off for 6 weeks of meals.

 

I have separated our week into 4 school days/activities, all about kid days. The other 3 are for me, the house and DH. Keeping it in sections is helping, I am hoping one day I might be able to blend more, but that is where I am now.

 

We do about 4-5 weeks of school and then I take 1-2 weeks to organize food and other things that need attention again.

 

With the kids helping, have you seen lessons in responsibility? I picked it up thinking I was going to laugh, and it is really good. It breaks down everything into one week increments. It has helped with me getting my son to change his habits in a way that is appropriate for his age. We took 3 weeks to do week 3 (your stuff) But I helped him to do it himself, and now when I ask him to clean his room, he knows what I expect. He can make his bed, change his sheets, has a morning routine etc... We are on week 9 and I like it so far.

 

I hope something in there helps.

 

Nicole

[LibraryLover]

I understand. My kids are older, but dh travels as part of his work. This past month he was gone for several days, and even the week of Christmas. We are very good at triage. Not everything is important. He helps by doing math with our dds before he goes to work in the morning, or on the weekend. One of the girls is a night owl, so he does math with her at night. They have their assignments during the week.

 

We often do a bunch of work together. He is the one who taught the children to clean the bathrooms. :) I could not, not, not do what I do without his help. We do it as quickly as possible together. As I said, the children are in charge of their own laundry, which is surprisingly simple to teach.

 

It's not easy. Not at all. I will speak for myself. I cannot do everything and stay sane, or not bore myself to tears, really. I've told the kids that cleaning the house all alone is not big fun, and that we all need to help each other.

 

We've never had charts, so I haven't had to 'enforce' anything. Things get done as they need to, and bathrooms are cleaned once a week etc.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've tried to do this, but it seems like there's so much to do everyday that I can't get it all done, so each day I'm further and further behind. I've gone through short periods where I'm on the move all day long, and while everything does get done, within a 7-10 days of this, I'm a total wreck because I get NO time for myself at all, and then the whole house of cards comes falling down. I'm just not sure how to balance all that and hang onto my sanity. Does that make any sense? (And why do I feel so whiny for saying that?! :001_huh:)

 

 

 

You are right, although I've not figured out how to apply all of this in our situation. DH is in sales, and in the off season (currently), he's not home until 7:30 or 8 p.m. most nights. In the high seasons, he's usually not home until 10-ish :( On the days he is home, he's either working, taking care of the kids so I can freelance, or doing his own stuff around the house (dealing with cars, repairs, yard maintenance, etc.)

 

And the kids definitely are old enough to help in some ways, but training them to help takes so much more out of me than I have to give right now, it seems. We've tried setting up systems, paying for chores, simply requiring work to be done, etc., and while their intentions are good, either staying on them to make sure the work gets done once the novelty wears off or cleaning up the messes that result from their "help" just adds to my own load. I know that's a catch 22, because if I don't take the time to teach them to help, they'll never be able to help, of course! But I just haven't figured out how to make that work without it being another thing that derails the rest of the train *sigh*

Edited December 29, 2010 by LibraryLover
pathetic typos