Why are people so MEAN????

[Heather in Neverland]

Last year my staff threw me a baby shower just a few days after I got my baby girl (they whipped this shower together in 4 days!). It was amazing. One of the things they did was get me this keepsake book and they asked each guest to write down their favorite bits of "baby advice" and favorite scriptures.

 

I admit it. Things were such a whirlwind that I never sat down and read every page of the book.

 

Well today, a year later, I was cleaning out my bookshelves and I came across it and sat down and read the whole thing. Well, 99.9% of it was wonderful!

 

Until

 

I came across one page where a woman had writtenfor her baby advice: "Well I sure wouldn't be leaving her home all day with an ahma! That's for sure!"

 

It felt like someone stabbed me.

 

Now I could go on a rant right now about all the reasons that I work outside the home and I have lots of good reasons. But I am so OVER defending myself as a woman or a mother (being 40 DOES have advantages!). Not to mention this was a staff member who knows FULL WELL that I am on contract and could NOT stop working even if I WANTED to!!!

 

Think what you want about working moms...we are evil, responsible for all of societies ills, the anti-christ...you name it...

 

But for goodness sake, do NOT write your opinions in a "KEEPSAKE BOOK" that I was hoping to show my daughter one day. That is just MEAN.

 

Off to cuddle my poor, neglected baby who is stuck with her ahma all day... :glare:

[Chris in VA]

That IS mean. :grouphug:

[Ritko1]

That is extremely mean. Having been in both the working mother position and the stay at home position, I know how both sides of the coin works. We all try to make the best decisions we can for our family and it is not for anyone to tell us we have made a wrong one about our own lives and family of which they have no knowledge about.

 

Shame on her.

 

But what can one do but be thankful the we are better people then they.

[Jackie in NE]

Is there any way you can rip that page out? That person forfeited her privilege of being in the baby book when she decided to be mean and inappropriate! Since the other entries were appropriate, I would just rip that one out, and go forward with your plan to share the book with your dd in the future.

[Jackie in AR]

That is very mean. Does the woman who wrote it have children?

[MariannNOVA]

The woman's entry was totally inappropriate and incredibly unkind. Women work outside the home and women stay at home -- I've done both -- it's no one's business.

 

Congrats on your baby girl's first birthday - I saw the photos - she is a LOVE!:001_wub:

[Jennifer in MI]

Is there any way you can rip that page out? That person forfeited her privilege of being in the baby book when she decided to be mean and inappropriate! Since the other entries were appropriate, I would just rip that one out, and go forward with your plan to share the book with your dd in the future.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Do you know who wrote it? I would find it hard to be nice to her after a comment like that. What was she thinking?????

[Heather in Neverland]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Do you know who wrote it? I would find it hard to be nice to her after a comment like that. What was she thinking?????

 

She didn't sign her name of course...COWARD. :glare:

[AuntieM]

Ooooo.... BEYOND mean, I think! I believe God must have purposely hidden that from your eyes at the time. Not that it's any nicer now, it just didn't cause you do be distracted from praising Him from the miracle of Natalie joining your family.

 

There are lots of nice scrapbook stickers on the market, as well as good old fashioned liquid paper. Don't deprive your darling girl of all the beautiful sentiments, jut goop over that one.

 

And, now that you're 40, you've earned the right to tell that gal a bit of advice on what not to write in a baby book. ;)

[unsinkable]

She didn't sign her name of course...COWARD. :glare:

 

How do you know it was a woman? :confused:

 

I'd just cover it up with a picture or something and chalk it up to *her* being evil, responsible for society's ills and the anti-christ. :lol:

[FeFe]

Sounds like jealousy to me. How incredibly rude. Can you place a picture or something over her "advice"?

[southcarolinamom]

I had to go back to work full-time at Shriners Hospital after my children were born. One "well meaning" gentleman at church asked me how I was managing with the kids, and if I was still working. I told him "Yes, I still work at Shriners Hospital." He said, "Oh, so you're one of those part-time moms." That stabbed me in the heart. I tried not to let the shock show on my face, and said something like, "No sir, I'm a full-time mom who also works full-time." And let it go at that.

 

I'm sorry that lady wrote an unkind note ... don't let it get you down. :grouphug:

[Heather in Neverland]

How do you know it was a woman? :confused:

 

. :lol:

 

Because they wrote in it AT the shower and ONLY women were at the shower. And only staff members. So I know it was a woman and a staff member. I do not know which one or if she has kids.

[MariannNOVA]

How do you know it was a woman? :confused:

 

I'd just cover it up with a picture or something and chalk it up to *her* being evil, responsible for society's ills and the anti-christ. :lol:

 

I would definitely cover it up -- someday Natalie is going to love looking through that book and you certainly don't want that comment there.:grouphug:

[Blueridge]

I would take a beautiful picture of Natalie and her beloved Ahma and paste the picture over those contemptuous words, and then add a sweet caption about how her Ahma blessed her through the first year of her sweet life. Beauty for ashes~ :)

[mcconnellboys]

But you love your ahma and so does the baby! So it's really all good.

 

Maybe she just meant that she wouldn't want to do that and knew that you'd probably feel the same way once you got the baby home, rather than meaning that you "shouldn't" do it...? Some folks aren't very good at expressing themselves in writing....

[katilac]

But you love your ahma and so does the baby! So it's really all good.

 

Maybe she just meant that she wouldn't want to do that and knew that you'd probably feel the same way once you got the baby home, rather than meaning that you "shouldn't" do it...? Some folks aren't very good at expressing themselves in writing....

 

Eh, I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but no. This goes way beyond blurting out something like "oh, I could never leave my baby with a sitter" in conversation, AND the person didn't sign it. This was a mean, hateful comment.

 

I don't know why people have to be so mean, Heather. That's a rather stunning example. Please do cover it with a beautiful sticker or such, and enjoy the heartfelt wishes of the others.

[Dobela]

My grandmother had to work when my mom was an infant and was treated shamefully for it. When our son was born, my dh had just changed jobs and then the new one laid him off. I had to work to provide insurance and income. It was awful how many sahms ridiculed me for continuing to work. One sahm, also an adoptive mom like me, said, "Well, why did you go to the trouble of adopting if you don't plan on spending all your time with him?" Then, when ds was 18 mo old and I finally was able to come home full time, the working moms said many rude things as well. It hurts.

 

I would leave it in the book as is. Someday your daughter may grow up and be a working mom as well and this can be an example of how some feelings never change over time.

 

You have been blessed by a child. Don't let one person ruin your day or your book. For all you know the attitude of that woman has since changed. Pray for that person and for yourself so that bitterness and anger don't lead you into sin.

[fairfarmhand]

I'd be finding me some white out.

[DawnM]

Sorry this happened. I too have been on both sides of the coin, in fact, I did things rather backwards compared to most. I had them in full time day care/preschool (while I worked full time) UNTIL they were school age and then quit my job and stayed home! :tongue_smilie:

 

I would go back to work in a heartbeat if my children wanted to go to school, but they beg to stay home and homeschool, and it works well for our family right now, so, I will keep doing what I am doing.

 

Dawn

[kewb]

That is really awful. I can only hope with time the person who wrote this will gain maturity and wisdom.

[jld]

These Tamil women are wonderful people. I think your little girl is in very loving, nurturing hands!

[ereks mom]

I would take a beautiful picture of Natalie and her beloved Ahma and paste the picture over those contemptuous words, and then add a sweet caption about how her Ahma blessed her through the first year of her sweet life. Beauty for ashes~ :)

 

:iagree:

[Starr]

It sounds racist to me. I feel bad for my dd 16. She so wants to believe that woman will get nice once they arent teens.

[4everHis]

She didn't sign her name of course...COWARD. :glare:

 

must have been making her crazy for a year that there was never any 'talk' of the inappropriate advice or she's been waiting all year for you to attack back. Kind of funny in a way in that regard ;)

[Parrothead]

It sounds racist to me. I feel bad for my dd 16. She so wants to believe that woman will get nice once they arent teens.

That was what I was thinking. It sounded more of a dig at ahmas in general than working moms.

[RoughCollie]

There are some people who think that, no matter what, a woman should move heaven and earth to stay home with her children -- especially when they are < 6 years old. These people apply their personal rules of life to everyone else. They think that where there is a Will there is a Way, no matter what the circumstances are.

 

Combine that with general thoughtlessness, and you've got the makings of a jerk. Add envy to the mix and the jerk has been completed.

 

There are a lot of jerks around -- and it's become very apparent to me after reading these boards lately. There is nothing to understand. Some people are like that, and that's that. There is very little one can do to change them, especially if they are anonymous. IMO, they feel justified in their jerkiness.

 

I didn't read any racism in the comment at all, FWIW.

Edited December 28, 2010 by RoughCollie

[SonshineLearner]

Well, best circumstances, perhaps you wouldn't. BUT, if you hadn't had a job there, you wouldn't have Natalie, would you?? SOOOOOOOOO....... sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. And, sounds like her Ahma, is just like an Auntie!! Your heart is in the right spot, and it sounds like she's doing a great job with her.....

Perhaps there's another way to read it.... like she's just so darn cute that i can't imagine leaving her??

 

Hmmm..

 

Anyway.... Happy New Years!

[unsinkable]

*Putting on my Nancy Drew outfit* *with titian wig*

 

OK...

 

the writer:

 

was female

was a staff member

doesn't like Heather

doesn't like newborns taken care of by ahmas

 

How many women work there who never left their newborns with ahmas?

Never had a newborn (no children or single?)?

Has issues with the race of people that your ahma is from?

 

You could probably figure this out if you really try.

[Nakia]

That turns my stomach. Some people really are mean. I'm sorry you had to read that Heather. You are a wonderful mother, and sweet Natalie is so blessed to have you for a mommy!! :grouphug:

[Night Elf]

Mark it out. Color on top of it. Paste in pretty pictures. Think how bitter that poor person must have been to have included such a sour remark in a keepsake book. I wonder what her personal story is.

[mcconnellboys]

And this was my intent in what I said, too. Since it's already in there, you can choose to see it as you will and show this person a graciousness that perhaps they didn't intend for you.

 

But this person works with you, so obviously she is not a stay at home mom, either..... That's why I would tend to think that it perhaps was not intended in quite so negative a light as others seem to see it....

[herbalgirl]

I think I'd find a nice inspirational quote from a magazine/online or a beautiful photo to cut out and paste over those words.

 

Some people really need to think before they speak or write anything!! :glare:

[StephanieZ]

I agree with the PPs who suggest excising the remark in any way needed. TOTALLY excise it so you never see any evidence of it. Why don't you cut up the entire book, taking out all the NICE stuff, putting it in a brand new book. So, there'll be no evidence or reminder of the ugliness. No cut page, no reminding stickers.

 

You want it gone, gone, gone. I'd throw out the entire thing before I'd let that ugliness remind me ever again.

 

Get rid of it. In a few years, you won't recall it at all.

 

What a monstrous, nasty human being who would do such a thing.

 

I totally agree that God was protecting you from seeing it over this first year. God is wonderful that way.

[PiCO]

the writer:

 

was female

was a staff member

doesn't like Heather

doesn't like newborns taken care of by ahmas

 

How many women work there who never left their newborns with ahmas?

Never had a newborn (no children or single?)?

Has issues with the race of people that your ahma is from?

 

You could probably figure this out if you really try.

 

And it probably wasn't someone who signed a comment in the book, so you can rule them out.

[Abigail4476]

That was what I was thinking. It sounded more of a dig at ahmas in general than working moms.

:iagree:

 

She specified; she didn't just say she wouldn't be leaving the baby home with a sitter....

 

Regardless of personal views on the subject of SAHM's, only someone very nasty would write it in a keepsake book.

 

I've found people can be the most nasty when they're anonymous. :glare:

[mommaduck]

That was what I was thinking. It sounded more of a dig at ahmas in general than working moms.

That's the way I took it. As Heather has mentioned before, there is racism and prejudice there and I wonder if it stems more from that. It was a nasty thing to do.

[Heather in Neverland]

It's a day later and I appreciated all your supportive comments. I am going to get rid of it and I am NOT going to let it ruin the "baby girl high" I've been on this whole week. :D

 

Whether it is a racist thing or a working mom things or whatever, I am choosing to pray for this person and that somehow she will see how happy and healthy and WELL-LOVED my baby is and it will change her views.

 

Thanks ladies. :grouphug:

[Mommyfaithe]

Last year my staff threw me a baby shower just a few days after I got my baby girl (they whipped this shower together in 4 days!). It was amazing. One of the things they did was get me this keepsake book and they asked each guest to write down their favorite bits of "baby advice" and favorite scriptures.

 

I admit it. Things were such a whirlwind that I never sat down and read every page of the book.

 

Well today, a year later, I was cleaning out my bookshelves and I came across it and sat down and read the whole thing. Well, 99.9% of it was wonderful!

 

Until

 

I came across one page where a woman had writtenfor her baby advice: "Well I sure wouldn't be leaving her home all day with an ahma! That's for sure!"

 

It felt like someone stabbed me.

 

Now I could go on a rant right now about all the reasons that I work outside the home and I have lots of good reasons. But I am so OVER defending myself as a woman or a mother (being 40 DOES have advantages!). Not to mention this was a staff member who knows FULL WELL that I am on contract and could NOT stop working even if I WANTED to!!!

 

Think what you want about working moms...we are evil, responsible for all of societies ills, the anti-christ...you name it...

 

But for goodness sake, do NOT write your opinions in a "KEEPSAKE BOOK" that I was hoping to show my daughter one day. That is just MEAN.

 

Off to cuddle my poor, neglected baby who is stuck with her ahma all day... :glare:

 

Can you rip out the page?? She sounds like a real piece of work! I am a working mom....even though I work from home....and I can't tell you how much flack i have taken...especially since I homeschool as well...sigh....

 

If you can't rip it out, white out ,, or a sticker...or just circle and arrow and write "moron" next to it.

 

Sorry you had to deal with that...like Bugs Bunny says...PEEEEEEPLE!!!!!

 

Faithe