Is it normal to feel as though lots of opportunities have been missed?

[IsabelC]

Being the end of the year, I'm planning for the next year of home schooling (our school year runs with the calendar year), and at the same time looking back at what we've done this year, what worked and what could be improved on.

 

As you'd expect, some things have gone as we expected, while others haven't quite panned out as per the grand plan. Some things I look at and think "wow, I did a really good job with that" while a few are more "okaaay, what was I thinking with that?". And sometimes I make that fatal error of looking at other people's home ed blogs when I'm not in the right frame of mind to enjoy and learn from them. That's when I start thinking that every single other home ed parent in the universe is so much better than me, and I have failed my children and ruined their lives by not doing x with them (or spoiled everything by getting them to do y instead of letting them discover it for themselves lol).

 

Of course I know that we can't do everything that I like the look of that other families do. (Especially when some of it is contradictory!) And, overall, I'm pretty happy with what and how we're teaching the kids. There'll be some tweaking, but basically what we're doing is working out well.

 

So is it normal to get to the end of the year and feel like we've missed stuff we maybe should have done? Does everyone feel that way? Or is it a sign that things aren't going as well as I think?

Edited December 28, 2010 by Hotdrink

[myfunnybunch]

Totally normal.

 

And it's not that we've dropped the ball, but maybe it spurs us (well, me, speaking for myself) to try to do better in some areas.

 

And remember, rarely do folks post on their blogs about the days when the experiment failed and turned the dining room table green, or the children spent the day in tears because they couldn't remember how to do fractions AGAIN, or there just wasn't time to do science because the dog barfed everywhere..... ;)

 

So, yeah. My vote: Normal.

 

Cat

[texasmama]

Well, I often wonder if I am doing an adequate job homeschooling my kids. Then I panic and ask someone I trust who has more experience than I do if what I am doing is adequate. She tells me it is, and I relax for a while.:001_smile:

 

I have accepted that in life I cannot do everything I am doing and do it all excellently while not going insane. :tongue_smilie: So I do my best, based on sound principles and know that I will look back with some amount of regrets because I didn't do it all. I am accustomed to dealing with regrets, though.:001_smile: I don't do well when I compare myself to others. If what I am doing is teaching my children the things I value most and preparing them for having many options to them in life then I think I will decide to call it "good"...until I become anxious and don't.:glare:

 

Also, the things that fall of the map during the school year get pushed to the summer, which makes me feel better. Something that my boys get which I am very proud of is piano lessons. It is a financial investment, but I feel really good about the lessons they are learning and the musical foundation they are receiving.

 

Well, that's all I got, but I do feel your pain.

[AnitaMcC]

I am thinking it is totally normal feelings.

 

And so you know.. you are not alone!!!!! I get this way often. Right now actually I am thinking that I really dropped the ball for my Ds#1 and worry if I am ruining his high school years. Long story short... he is a borderline genius but with special needs. He wanted to graduate 2 years early (so I tried to plan it all out for him to do so). Right now I am thinking it will be a miracle if he finishes high school by the time he is 21!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do worry about him the most.

 

But with his twin sister... I worry about any placement type exams she will need to take. She does well here at home with the work I give her and she works very hard. But she says that she feels like she only remembers the material long enough to take the current tests. She doesn't think she will do well on the SAT subject tests/AP exams that she wants to take.

[FO4UR]

I think it's normal. When you figure out perfect, let us all know...b/c we want some too.:tongue_smilie:

 

This goes right along with the questioning "Did I push too hard? Did I not push hard enough?"

 

Ya' know....it is what it is...I've got what I've got...the best I can do is evaluate and move forward b/c doubting and second guessing is only good for about 1 afternoon of hunkering down with TWTM, a cup of coffee, and a bag of M&M's and then it becomes a stumbling block.

 

Of course...my own doubts and second guessing are probably what lead me to these boards on a daily basis...so...who am I to talk.:001_huh::lol:

[Catwoman]

I sure hope it's normal, because I feel that way every single year.

 

And sometimes, I feel that way every single day.

 

There's always someone who's the Super Homeschooler, who does all of the most incredibly interesting stuff, never loses her temper, always handles her kids with grace and patience, and is completely and totally organized.

 

And I think it's ok to hate that person. ;)

 

Cat

 

PS. I actually know a woman like that, and while I'd love to hate her, she is so nice that I just can't help but like her. It's so unfair. At the very least, she should beat her dh with the vacuum or something, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't do that, either. He seems awfully happy, and I've never seen a single bruise on him... ;)

[Britomart]

I had a very smart friend tell me once that when you choose to do one thing, you are choosing not to do every other single thing in the universe.

 

You are not allowed to be a multiplicity. You are one person. You choose, and a million things are left unchosen.

 

And that's fine. That's more than fine; that's glorious.

 

That's what makes life interesting. The exclusivity of choice. I love it. :) Eschew the general and the other. Love the specific and the present. Make good choices, then ride the wave.

 

 

(All this, of course, with the grace of God, living in his presence and preferring what he prefers. But that done, have done, and enjoy what you've chosen. As the old proverb says, Do with all your might what your hands find to do.)

[Britomart]

So is it normal to get to the end of the year and feel like we've missed stuff we maybe should have done? Does everyone feel that way? Or is it a sign that things aren't going as well as I think?

 

I just wanted to say: I blabbered on in my last response, and I'm sorry. I've been thinking about it since then. I think what I said is true, and it's where I get to when I can. But I understand, so deeply, the feeling of not being good enough, of failing where I care most deeply (with my kids), of not getting it right.

 

My last response was just a way of saying: no, I don't think those feelings represent reality. I think everyone feels that, and I think the key to pulling out of it is rejoicing in where we are and in what we do have.

 

I'm sorry if my last response came off flip; it wasn't meant that way. I hope you find a place of peace about these things.

[Peela]

Normal here. It got to the point, though, that I did accept (mostly) that "we cant do it all", and try to focus on what we did rather than what we didnt do.

Its impossible to know what they will need in their future too, so I can only hope they are well enough educated to do whatever they really want to do.

I think it can get a bit stressy worrying about our kids and whether we are doing the right thing by them. Looking back over 7.5 years of homeschooling...I dont see how I could have done anything differently, really, given what i knew and our life situaiton and the nature of my kids, at any given time.

But what I do have is lot sof good memories of reading together right into their teens, a year studying LOTR, lots of history. I probably sacrificed a very rigorous education for one that was doable, relaxed , interesting for us, and "good enough" in some areas and "excellent" in others. I wanted to give them a good education but I also wanted them to have a beautiful and loving childhood, and to value living in the moment as well as knowing how to prepare for the future. I didn't want to sacrifice the spirit of joy of their childhood, for too high an academic bar...so we found a comfortable place in the middle there somewhere, and they seem to be doing pretty well. Time will tell!

[TXMary2]

I sure hope it is normal because I feel that way every year. I often have to remind myself to "swim in my own lane" and that whenever I compare myself that I am comparing my weaknesses to their strengths. Of course, I will always come up short when doing that.

 

I have a blog and rarely do I write about the bad days, but every now and then there is a doozy I just have to report on. Otherwise, yes, all you see are the happy shiny days with great projects or experiments and the everyday, same old same old routine. When I am feeling blah, the blogs are where I go to get inspiration, but sometimes I do tend to feel like I will never "get it together."

[Farrar]

Life is choices and nothing highlights that for me the way homeschooling does - where you must literally forge your own path and make your own way. Every detour you take is dozens (and those are just the ones you happen to hear about!) you don't take.

[Tess in the Burbs]

I think we all feel that way from time to time. Every year I say we are going to do more field trips. One year we did a lot. I did every homeschool day available! But the kids finally said they didn't want to do any field trips for awhile. Okay I said. This year we moved and I thought we would be out and about in our new history filled area, but we aren't. We haven't even done a single history thing as a family! I have wanted to but no one else does. So we haven't. Missed opportunities? Oh yeah.

 

I did add in more extra history stuff at home though and I suspect one day they are going to ask for less and perhaps a field trip :tongue_smilie:

 

It's a balance and no one rarely has it perfect. For me, I had to be willing to do the things they wanted to do for best results. I had to be willing to wait on some activities so they could truly enjoy it. And learning comes at surprising times. We went to FL last month and I somehow convinced everyone(my mom/stepdad were with us) to take an hour detour to see an old fort. We did and everyone enjoyed the road trip being broken up like that.

 

I have a list of things now I wish we had done this fall....it's life. Just keep looking for neat stuff to do and try to do it when everyone wants to and life allows it.

[IsabelC]

Thanks for your comments. Feeling greatly reassured to know it's not just me.

 

 

And remember, rarely do folks post on their blogs about the days when the experiment failed and turned the dining room table green, or the children spent the day in tears because they couldn't remember how to do fractions AGAIN, or there just wasn't time to do science because the dog barfed everywhere

You are right, and actually I realized that when somebody commented on how amazing they thought I was after looking at something on my blog :lol:

 

 

Something that my boys get which I am very proud of is piano lessons. It is a financial investment, but I feel really good about the lessons they are learning and the musical foundation they are receiving.

See, it's definitely a glass half empty/full thing. You look at the piano lessons and give yourself a little pat on the back because piano lessons are a great idea. My kids do piano lessons, but I tend to worry about it: should they be doing singing, violin, didgeridoo, etc instead? Would the money be better used on something else? Are formal lessons squashing their natural joy in music? Have we got the right teacher? The right method? Am I pushing practice too much? Too little? No, you're right - it's a good investment, they are learning, they enjoy it, and we can always switch instruments later if we want to. :001_smile:

 

 

And so you know.. you are not alone!!!!! I get this way often. Right now actually I am thinking that I really dropped the ball for my Ds#1 and worry if I am ruining his high school years. Long story short... he is a borderline genius but with special needs. He wanted to graduate 2 years early (so I tried to plan it all out for him to do so). Right now I am thinking it will be a miracle if he finishes high school by the time he is 21!!!!!!!!!

What? I won't magically feel 100% confident by high school time?

Seriously, it's gotta be very unlikely that the school system could cater for your ds any better than you can, given his gifted + special needs situation.

 

 

I think it's normal. When you figure out perfect, let us all know...b/c we want some too.:tongue_smilie:

This goes right along with the questioning "Did I push too hard? Did I not push hard enough?"

Ya' know....it is what it is...I've got what I've got...the best I can do is evaluate and move forward b/c doubting and second guessing is only good for about 1 afternoon of hunkering down with TWTM, a cup of coffee, and a bag of M&M's and then it becomes a stumbling block.

ROFL you're sounding very like me there! But how could chocolate and hot drinks ever be too plentiful?

 

 

There's always someone who's the Super Homeschooler, who does all of the most incredibly interesting stuff, never loses her temper, always handles her kids with grace and patience, and is completely and totally organized. And I think it's ok to hate that person. ;)

 

PS. I actually know a woman like that, and while I'd love to hate her, she is so nice that I just can't help but like her. It's so unfair. At the very least, she should beat her dh with the vacuum or something, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't do that, either. He seems awfully happy, and I've never seen a single bruise on him... ;)

:lol: Guess what, I know a woman like that too! Exactly the same scenario - so perfect that I'd hate her, except she's really lovely. And her children are perfect too. Oh and of course her husband is perfect. Sigh.

 

 

I had a very smart friend tell me once that when you choose to do one thing, you are choosing not to do every other single thing in the universe. You are not allowed to be a multiplicity. You are one person. You choose, and a million things are left unchosen.

And that's fine. That's more than fine; that's glorious.

 

My last response was just a way of saying: no, I don't think those feelings represent reality. I think everyone feels that, and I think the key to pulling out of it is rejoicing in where we are and in what we do have. I'm sorry if my last response came off flip; it wasn't meant that way. I hope you find a place of peace about these things.

Nope, didn't sound flip to me at all, I thought that was very wise advice. And of course it applies to any area of life, not just home schooling. I think homeschooling kinda throws it into relief because we, as parents, are responsible. If my child at school can do x but not y, that's the school's fault, or the education department's fault, but if my home schooled kid does a but not b it's my decision.

 

 

I probably sacrificed a very rigorous education for one that was doable, relaxed , interesting for us, and "good enough" in some areas and "excellent" in others. I wanted to give them a good education but I also wanted them to have a beautiful and loving childhood, and to value living in the moment as well as knowing how to prepare for the future. I didn't want to sacrifice the spirit of joy of their childhood, for too high an academic bar...so we found a comfortable place in the middle there somewhere, and they seem to be doing pretty well. Time will tell!

Yep, it's definitely all about maintaining a balance here too. And sometimes "good enough" will have to be, well, good enough.

 

 

I often have to remind myself to "swim in my own lane" and that whenever I compare myself that I am comparing my weaknesses to their strengths. Of course, I will always come up short when doing that.

Erm, yes [guilty look]. Must remember that too.

 

 

Life is choices and nothing highlights that for me the way homeschooling does - where you must literally forge your own path and make your own way. Every detour you take is dozens (and those are just the ones you happen to hear about!) you don't take.

:iagree:

 

 

Just keep looking for neat stuff to do and try to do it when everyone wants to and life allows it.

That's great advice too.

[MelissaCC]

If it's any consolation, I look at your blog and it seems you do so many wonderful things in such a lovely place and in a charming manner! And then I contemplate the many things I haven't done and would like to, or did but did poorly.

 

It's good to assess the year for what worked and what didn't. Fatal to compare :)

[Mrs Mungo]