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Siblings who fight

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I have four kids, ds9, dd8, dd5 and ds2. Only ds9 and dd8 fight. They were great friends as toddlers, now these two kids with similar interests and highly competitive natures just fight so often, and about anything. They both pander to and dote on the younger two. They are both book worms, so spend most of the day reading, and the rest fighting.


I usually catch ds hitting or kicking her. I feel she provokes him into it, but being subtler she is hard to catch. I believe she calls him names to provoke him into it.


What do ot her people do to help kids get along? I've made them sit together and talk out their problems. I've made them list things they like about each other. These things generally only last a few days and then it's back to fighting. When they get alongthey are best friends. Whe they fight they are both miserable, and so is everyone else.

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I'm laughing a bit right now. Not at you, but I've just been there...


I was raised an only child, so I didn't have a lot of experience in that area. Dh thankfully is from a family with 4 boys. I can't tell you how many times I have asked, "Is this normal?" Usually, to some knock down, drag out boody brawl that has occurred.


His response...."Yes!" with a good laugh at my shocked face :D.


I don't let them get away with repetitive meanness. But there have been a few times where something has happened and my response is..."You deserved that. You might want to try being nicer to her next time." ( then I will quietly take the other child aside and discuss other modes of accomplishing whatever she/he was trying to do.)

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Well pretty much unless one of them is OBVIOUSLY in the wrong, they both get punished for fighting behavior. So, the privileges get taken away, and if it continues, they get sent to their rooms to read or nap.


This becomes boring enough to limit (although not completely eliminate) the fighting.


It's harder when we're out in the car, because the punishment is not immediate. Mine are 9 and 11, boys.

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I like the idea of extra chores for fighting :001_smile: that might just deter. As we are traveling at the moment, it means that they don't have a lot of other kids around. I think they need a little space from each other, but a) in a caravan it is not possible and b) I think they it is all so petty that they both need to learn to deal with their stuff.

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