Moms of Many- how do you do it all?

[Annie Laurie]

I have recently gone from 4 kids to 5, and it suddenly feels like a lot.

 

My baby is 6 weeks and my house is a mess, we have not managed school since he was born though I tried, and we're eating junk. I have more weight left to lose than I ever have after a pregnancy and don't know how I'm going to have time to get on the treadmill. My other kids are 16, 10, 8, and 6. So it's not like I even have a lot of littles to deal with right now, but I'm struggling more than when I had an infant, 2 yr old, and 3 1/2 yr old. Maybe the 6 year break before another baby made it hard to adjust this time? Maybe the fact that I'm older now than when I had my other kids?

 

I admire big families and we'd like to have one more, since my middle three are such good friends, and this baby has such a space between him and his siblings. But I feel like I've reached my limit, maybe gone past it, and that makes me sad.

 

How do you homeschool, tend to everyone's needs, cook nutritious meals, and take care of yourself?

[coffeegal]

My other kids are 16, 10, 8, and 6. So it's not like I even have a lot of littles to deal with right now, but I'm struggling more than when I had an infant, 2 yr old, and 3 1/2 yr old. Maybe the 6 year break before another baby made it hard to adjust this time?

I've been pondering the same thing. Why is it harder than it was when I had a 2 yo, 1 yo, and newborn? My thought is that all I had to deal with was babies. There were no worries about homeschooling, high school, and dealing with siblings fighting. Or I'm just older now. :lol:

 

I admire big families and we'd like to have one more, since my middle three are such good friends, and this baby has such a space between him and his siblings. But I feel like I've reached my limit, maybe gone past it, and that makes me sad. I am going crazy right now, but it's also the season. You have a 6 week old, I have a 4 week old... it's always insane when there's a newborn in the house. We just keep forgetting how crazy once everything settles down into a new rhythm. ;) That being said I'm happy #6 came along shortly after #5, but life is insane right now. :willy_nilly:

 

How do you homeschool, tend to everyone's needs, cook nutritious meals, and take care of yourself?

 

:bigear: and :grouphug:

[rwjx2khsmj]

Your baby is six weeks old. The answers is you don't do all of that yet. You only do what must be done and you ask for lots of help. Give yourself some time and an extra dose of understanding and loving kindness. I always thought of the first three months after the baby was born as my fourth trimester. It's all about taking time to adjust to all that is new in your world. Toward the end of the fourth trimester, figure out your priorities and make a plan for dealing with them one at a time. Until then, this is a great time for recorded books, cooking lessons and lots of life skills lessons in cleaning and caring for each other for your dc .

[Jane Elliot]

I don't have anything brilliant to say, but am just remembering that going from 4 to 5 was the hardest for me. It seemed we went from doing laundry one day a week to doing it every single day. I've heard other mothers of many say that the jump from 4 to 5 was the most difficult for them, too.

 

Hang in there. Your baby's still so young. Holidays are hard, too. Things will feel more manageable soon.

Edited December 27, 2010 by Luann in ID

[joannqn]

At 6 weeks, you should be just starting to ease back into life, not trying to get it all done.

 

At the ages your kids are, they can and should be chipping in to help. My oldest two were only 9 and 7 when my youngest was born, yet they did most of the picking up, taking care of the animals, laundry, getting cereal/toast/bagels for breakfast, making sandwiches for lunch, and helping the then 2 year old. DH helped with dinner, laundry, and bigger chores. As a family unit, we are now able to keep up with most of the household chores and meals which never happened before I had the fourth. Doesn't make me want a 5th, though.

 

Enjoy the new little one. Go easy on yourself. Have the kids help.

[texasmama]

I never homeschooled when I had a newborn, but I was not a functional person in any way for quite a while after my babies were born.:grouphug: to you. I was particularly overwhelmed after my last baby was born. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to heal and recover and adjust.:grouphug:

[Mommyfaithe]

We are SUPPLOSED to do it ALL?????

 

:willy_nilly::willy_nilly::willy_nilly:

 

Just Kidding...lol

 

The stakes change when there are teens in the mix. It is HARD! Everyone has needs. Be really nice to yourself. You have a brand new baby and it is Christmas. Let your big kids help you and be your friend. PLAN. That is my biggest nemesis. it is so hard for me to find time to plan, but it is most important. When I have a plan things run smoothly. Wait a few weeks, get some good rest and sleep. Have your older kids write essays and read...do a math lesson here and there...but nothing too complicated if you feel like school has to happen. Have your olders run flash cards and read stories to your youngers...

 

Really, this too shall pass...all too quickly if you ask me!

 

My olders are now grown and moving into their own lives...my youngest is almost 7. Things are still hectic, but not baby hectic....I miss baby hectic.

:-(

 

Mostly, my advice is to relax and enjoy your kids as much as you can. Kiss your baby...snuggle your kids....get your strength and then when you get back in the saddle...YEEHAW!!!

 

 

Have a wonderful New Year!

Faithe

[CalicoKat]

I have recently gone from 4 kids to 5, and it suddenly feels like a lot.

 

My baby is 6 weeks and my house is a mess, we have not managed school since he was born though I tried, and we're eating junk. I have more weight left to lose than I ever have after a pregnancy and don't know how I'm going to have time to get on the treadmill. My other kids are 16, 10, 8, and 6. So it's not like I even have a lot of littles to deal with right now, but I'm struggling more than when I had an infant, 2 yr old, and 3 1/2 yr old. Maybe the 6 year break before another baby made it hard to adjust this time? Maybe the fact that I'm older now than when I had my other kids?

 

I admire big families and we'd like to have one more, since my middle three are such good friends, and this baby has such a space between him and his siblings. But I feel like I've reached my limit, maybe gone past it, and that makes me sad.

 

How do you homeschool, tend to everyone's needs, cook nutritious meals, and take care of yourself?

You don't. And you give yourself a break by not requiring of yourself. And you don't apologize to anyone. This is life and it's good.

 

Sit down and take a rest. Do something for yourself. Call a friend. Clean just one thing and let the rest be. Delagate a small task to a little person in your life--pick up the coats, shoes, put a roll of toilet paper in each bathroom, carry your laundry to your room.

 

For me it was the whole issue of socks. I don't sort any longer. I dump them all in a box and let the kids make matches for themselves. As long as they have socks on--matching or not-- we're good. :001_smile:

[Murphy101]

First - They don't do it all. None of the mostly still sane ones do anyways.

 

Second - All of your olders are old enough to have chores and be expected to get them done. It's just ridiculous for one person in a house of 7 to "do it all.". No your she won't look as spiffy as if you did it all. But you didn't do it all and if everyone contributes, it's really not that big a deal for anyone.

 

Third - I'm betting a large portion of your frustration is not realizing how much you have changed in 6 years. You simply are not going to bounce back like you did 16 or even 6 years ago. I'm not as young as I was 6 years ago either. ;) Sucks. On the other hand, it has forced me to take more time. I view it as God's plan to make us slow down when we most need to. Take more time to savor those babies bc the days of being able to have them are quickly drawing to a close before you know it. Take more time to enjoy those teens bc the time when they are out on their own and you are lucky to get a weekly phone call are getting closer faster. Take time to teach them home basics like chores and making some meals and taking care of each other. Bc you won't always be there to remind them to be nice to their brother or sister.

 

Really, if you can accept and relax with where you are instead of where you think you should be bc you were there 6 or more years ago, I think you'll find yourself happier and maybe even getting more done than you thought.:grouphug:

[BlsdMama]

If you've seen someone who has it all together and is getting it all done, my guess is you're not terribly close to them. :)

 

It's true. Some of us pull off SuperMom when you're on the outside looking in, but if you get to know them well, they'll be the first to admit they don't do it all and certainly not all at once.

 

No one is perfect. Not one. And when you have 28 hours' worth of stuff to fit into one day and only 24 hours plus you need to sleep, it can't be done.

 

We all juggle. ;)

 

Cook nutritious meals? Toss a roast in the crockpot, serve with veggies. Eat eggs for breakfast for protein, soup with lots of veggies for lunch, and then a simple supper. Skip school, curl up on the couch, nurse that baby, and read aloud. Better yet, listen to it on tape. :) Use paper plates for the next month. Let the kids wear the same beloved t-shirt for two days.

 

Soak in the tub, take care of yourself, prioritize what MUST be done, and just hit those priorities. The only real & true lessons I've learned from mothering all these kids for the last 14-15 years is:

 

Rule #1 - You can't do everything.

Rule #2 - You certainly can't do it by yourself. (This is code for training the children to clean up after themselves.)

Rule #3 - Many things demand your time. Very few things actually deserve it. (Mary & Martha, you know?)

[cathmom]

 

How do you homeschool, tend to everyone's needs, cook nutritious meals, and take care of yourself?

 

:lol::lol:

 

Still working on that...

[LisaKinVA]

My 5th is now almost 2... and I still don't do it all. It does get a bit better now and then. It should get even better after we move into a house that "fits" us. Something about school, "kitchen" office and "family hang-out/play area" all in one small space that makes it impossible to keep de-cluttered.

 

Maybe by the time baby is 3 my life will make more "sense."

 

And here we are contemplating #6?!? I think I must be crazy to even entertain the thought.

[delaney]

Sounds like you older kids need some life skills as lessons so they learn to plan and execute nutritious meals! Lots of good learning right there! Don't do it all. Relax and know that the mess will still be there but these early weeks won't. Enjoy that newborn!

[delaney]

My 5th is now almost 2... and I still don't do it all. It does get a bit better now and then. It should get even better after we move into a house that "fits" us. Something about school, "kitchen" office and "family hang-out/play area" all in one small space that makes it impossible to keep de-cluttered.

 

Maybe by the time baby is 3 my life will make more "sense."

 

And here we are contemplating #6?!? I think I must be crazy to even entertain the thought.

Go for it. Doesn't really make much more of an impact:tongue_smilie:

[Evergreen State Sue]

Have you looked into Managers of Their Homes by Terri Maxwell. I think you can find it at http://www.Titus2.com. They are a family of many children and have a scheduling system that seems to work for them.

[meggie]

I only have two children, TWO!!! and am feeling extremely overwhelmed and like a constant failure. I did find something that seems to help. Freezer meals. I bought Don't Panic, Dinner's in the Freezer and Don't Panic, MORE Dinner's in the Freezer and got together with a friend to put some together. Check them out from your library if you can and have your 16 year old help you. An awful lot of it is pretty simple: Put chicken in freezer, make marinade, pour marinade over chicken and freeze. Then you just pull out a bag and let it thaw in the fridge overnight, or if you're like me and forget even that, put it in a bowl of hot water, and just cook it on the stove or something. I usually do some rice in the rice cooker and a bag of frozen veggies and call it good. And even with that, I'm still worried about being a failure because it's not as healthy as I'd really like to be (ie green smoothies, homemade kefir, fresh ground wheat, grass fed beef, etc) but I can only work one step at a time.

 

Also, there is a 3.5 year age difference between my boys and it seems like I had a much harder time adjusting after the second one because I'd forgotten how much work it was. I was used to having a 3 year old I could somewhat reason with. But newborns do not reason, they just need what they need and need it NOW!!! So go slowly and take as long as you need to adjust, because if I've learned one thing, it's that mama needs as much sleep as possible. Make sure you focus on that first.

[Sue G in PA]

I don't get everything done. I used to feel tremendous guilt about that but I'm learning to let that go. I am one person as are you. None of us can do it all no matter how many kids we have! I would suggest enlisting more help from your 16 and 10yo. My 14yo dd is a lifesaver to me. I trained my children young how to do their own laundry, wash dishes, vacuum and cook. A 16yo (boy or girl) should be able to cook a nutritious dinner on his/her own even if it is just spaghetti, jar sauce and a simple salad. Delegate! Have 16yo train 10yo and 8yo and even 6yo to do laundry...it is possible! Can 16yo take on some of the teaching to the youngers? All this being said, I do agree with all the pps that at 6wks. post pardum you should just be easing back into to things. Books on tape, reading aloud, math games, DVDs, etc. can keep the learning going while you get your strength back and re-group.

[Annie Laurie]

Thank you so much y'all, this thread was very uplifting for me and made me feel a lot better. There are so many comments I want to reply to, but every time I've tried today, my babe is nursing and I have a hard time typing much then.

 

I do want to clarify that my kids do many chores- teen ds even organized the troops the other day and they all did more than their usual chores- they cleaned the entire house, including mopping, which is usually my job. But it's a big house and I feel like if I don't stay on top of things, it's a mess, even though the kids are pitching in a lot. Some if it is a perfectionist streak that I need to get over, because it does none of us any good. What I need to do is make a chore chart and stick to it so that the extras get done even when I'm not ton top of things.

 

Thank you all who replied, I feel very encouraged!

[Annie Laurie]

So go slowly and take as long as you need to adjust, because if I've learned one thing, it's that mama needs as much sleep as possible. Make sure you focus on that first.

 

Good advice! Lack of sleep is a huge issue right now, and I find it so hard to have the brain power or motivation to do anything when I feel this tired. I need to start napping with baby in the afternoons, and I need to go to bed with baby for the night right now!

[meggie]

Some if it is a perfectionist streak that I need to get over, because it does none of us any good. What I need to do is make a chore chart and stick to it so that the extras get done even when I'm not ton top of things.

 

Thank you all who replied, I feel very encouraged!

 

This is exactly what I struggle with. I grew up with two extremely perfectionist parents and anytime I can't be perfect, I feel like a failure. I am not kidding, I made a list of things I had to do before I could feel like a perfect mother/wife/homemaker/teacher/whatever. There were over 50 things on that list. I kept having emotional meltdowns every night (I am also 8 months pregnant, which I'm sure was contributing) and my hubby finally told me I have to let it go. He's making me do baby steps now. I would encourage you to do the same.

 

For example: in my house, the dishes, laundry, and trash are the only things that MUST be stayed on top of. So start there with your chore charts for your kids. Once they are doing well handling that, add in other chores gradually. The only other necessity is meals. Silly kids, why do they have an expectation of eating every few hours?:lol:. I bet you and your two oldest could easily handle this (even if you only do the planning for it). School can also be restarted again with baby steps, whenever you feel ready.

[Soror]

I don't have many yet(depending on your standards) only 3 but wanted to pass on a site that has helped me in the meals area- http://www.crockpot365.blogspot.com Crockpot meals are a snap and are very easy- I would think the kids would be able to pull any of them together. I cook from scratch meals BUT I do simple meals.

 

Salad mix, frozen veggies(heck they have microwave bags to steam them if you want), throw some meat in the crockpot with a few spices or dressing and that is a from scratch dinner with actual hands-on time of less than 5 min.

 

Stew- buy chunked stew meat- toss in veggies -canned or frozen- oninion-garlic-pepper- let it cook

 

Breakfast we do a lot of scrambled eggs here= the 6 y0 and 3y0 can do those

 

I have already lowered my expectations with just 3. The kids help and they dont' do as good of a job, but hey whatever. At least it gets somewhat done. I like the motivated moms chorelist as well. You might check it out- it has a list of daily jobs- dishes, laundry, beds then a few deep clean tasks a day. Everything is broken down well so it is easy to delegate some. It isn't perfection either but a good basic clean.

[phathui5]

Well, I only have four children, but I can tell you some of how I get things done.

 

I have a cleaning lady come once a month and do the serious cleaning. $65 once a month, totally worth it.

 

My older two children (7 & 10) do a lot of cleaning up. They clear the table after meals, put toys away, make beds, buckle their brothers when we get in the car.

 

Food is simple, healthy stuff. Breakfast is just cereal and milk with fruit. Lunch is usually sandwiches and fruit or pasta with veggies. Dinners are things that are easy to make (BBQ chicken in crockpot with salad, spaghetti, etc).

 

Like some of the other posters have pointed out, your baby is only six weeks old. I'm amazed that you've ventured off of the couch. Don't be afraid to ask friends for help. If you could just have someone come for a couple of hours a day to straighten up and handle cooking, that could make a difference.

[tricia]

With a 6 week old baby you just need to relax. Things just seem harder than they are at this stage and we feel swamped. It will pass. When my twins were born I suddenly had 9 kids under 14 and homeschooling. I felt the same way but looking back it was just a crazy time that passed and we pulled ourselves together soon enough. Take it easy and enjoy the baby and know that all will be well soon.

[meggie]

frozen veggies(heck they have microwave bags to steam them if you want)

 

Did you know you could get any bag of frozen veggies and poke holes in it and steam them in that? Just a thought, but it could save you some $$$ to not spend more on the special bags. And it's not like it's inconvenient. :)

[Soror]

Did you know you could get any bag of frozen veggies and poke holes in it and steam them in that? Just a thought, but it could save you some $$$ to not spend more on the special bags. And it's not like it's inconvenient. :)

Good tip!

 

Now that the babe is older(1) I don't buy these anymore but will have to remember that for when the next one is born and my brain is mush and I am all tired.

[PineFarmMom]

How do you homeschool, tend to everyone's needs, cook nutritious meals, and take care of yourself?

 

I recently went from 4 to 5. Honestly, this adjustment has been so very much more difficult than going from 3 to 4. Time has helped me to work things out some, but I'm still learning how to manage. We do get all of our school done, particularly for the older kids. Having all of the kids work together on the house cleaning is key for us. I do all the cooking, kitchen cleaning, baby care, laundry, and educating of the 1st grader and preschooler. My older 3 do the cleaning in the main areas of the home and their own rooms and bath.

 

We have a system, but sometimes even that system feels like chaos. :lol:

 

:grouphug: to you. You'll find a way to do it...give yourself some grace right now.

[mommaduck]

First - They don't do it all. None of the mostly still sane ones do anyways.

 

Second - All of your olders are old enough to have chores and be expected to get them done. It's just ridiculous for one person in a house of 7 to "do it all.". No your she won't look as spiffy as if you did it all. But you didn't do it all and if everyone contributes, it's really not that big a deal for anyone.

 

Third - I'm betting a large portion of your frustration is not realizing how much you have changed in 6 years. You simply are not going to bounce back like you did 16 or even 6 years ago. I'm not as young as I was 6 years ago either. ;) Sucks. On the other hand, it has forced me to take more time. I view it as God's plan to make us slow down when we most need to. Take more time to savor those babies bc the days of being able to have them are quickly drawing to a close before you know it. Take more time to enjoy those teens bc the time when they are out on their own and you are lucky to get a weekly phone call are getting closer faster. Take time to teach them home basics like chores and making some meals and taking care of each other. Bc you won't always be there to remind them to be nice to their brother or sister.

 

Really, if you can accept and relax with where you are instead of where you think you should be bc you were there 6 or more years ago, I think you'll find yourself happier and maybe even getting more done than you thought.:grouphug:

:iagree:

[CalicoKat]

If you've seen someone who has it all together and is getting it all done, my guess is you're not terribly close to them. :)

 

It's true. Some of us pull off SuperMom when you're on the outside looking in, but if you get to know them well, they'll be the first to admit they don't do it all and certainly not all at once.

 

No one is perfect. Not one. And when you have 28 hours' worth of stuff to fit into one day and only 24 hours plus you need to sleep, it can't be done.

 

We all juggle. ;)

 

Cook nutritious meals? Toss a roast in the crockpot, serve with veggies. Eat eggs for breakfast for protein, soup with lots of veggies for lunch, and then a simple supper. Skip school, curl up on the couch, nurse that baby, and read aloud. Better yet, listen to it on tape. :) Use paper plates for the next month. Let the kids wear the same beloved t-shirt for two days.

 

Soak in the tub, take care of yourself, prioritize what MUST be done, and just hit those priorities. The only real & true lessons I've learned from mothering all these kids for the last 14-15 years is:

 

Rule #1 - You can't do everything.

Rule #2 - You certainly can't do it by yourself. (This is code for training the children to clean up after themselves.)

Rule #3 - Many things demand your time. Very few things actually deserve it. (Mary & Martha, you know?)

 

.....or five because arguing with them over why they should change is too exhausting! :lol::lol::lol:

[cathmom]

.....or five because arguing with them over why they should change is too exhausting! :lol::lol::lol:

 

I've recently given up arguing about this one too. It's not like they're teens or rolling in mud. why not wear the same outfit for several days? :lol:

Edited December 28, 2010 by cathmom

[Annie Laurie]

I've recently given up arguing about this one too. It's not like they're teens or rolling or mud. why not wear the same outfit for several days? :lol:

 

Oh good, that means it's okay that my 6 yr old wore his pjs all day, and then wore them to bed again that night, right? :D

[cathmom]

Oh good, that means it's okay that my 6 yr old wore his pjs all day, and then wore them to bed again that night, right? :D

 

Of course! AND it makes for less laundry!

[CalicoKat]

Of course! AND it makes for less laundry!

 

My 10 yo dd wore her Christmas Eve gift jammies the entire weekend my folks were here. :lol: My mother tried to make it a big deal and I just shrugged, "Eh, she likes them!"

[Tarreymere]

Lol, it is all pretty much smoke and mirrors, at least in MY house!

 

-Simplify. Serve what is easiest and least time consuming to prepare. Love the crockpot, also if you have a big roasting pan with a lid then you can throw some meat and broth in there with some potato and some veggies and it works pretty much the same way, cook on 250 for hours and voila.

 

-Delegate. Assign chores and follow up on them. It takes practice to learn how to keep house so you are helping your kids get that practice. Anyone who can walk can help, by putting clean clothes in bedrooms or fetching diapers, really you would be surprised how helpful kids can be. Didn't people in the past look forward to kids because they were useful? Today we think of them as an expense and feel they need entertainment.

Try the five minute fling thing on Flylady where you put on a timer and everyone runs around like crazy picking up and cleaning for five minutes. I do this right before DH is expected at home or if someone is coming over, makes it look like things are more under control than they really are!

 

-Change Expectations. Expect your kids to be helpful and responsible. Expect your house to reflect that a joyful large family lives there! Expect that chaos happens and some days are just going to be crazy and that is okay.

 

-Go with what works. In my house it means that I vacuum with a shop vac, because crayons, toy pieces, yarn, legos, and who knows what breed on my vinyl floor. If it is on the floor when I vacuum, then the shop vac eats it. Easier on me than screaming at the kids to pick up all the teeny scraps of crap and barbie shoes off the floor. I have large laundry type baskets around too, and one is in the living room for stuff to go back to the bedrooms, one is in the kitchen for stuff that goes somewhere else, ect. That way when I am in the kitchen and trip over a fire truck I can toss it in that basket and whether or not it gets carried out of the room and put away it looks at least a little bit neater. Figure out what in your house bugs you the most and think of how to deal with it in the easiest way possible.

 

"Just keep swimming"

[Annie Laurie]

My 10 yo dd wore her Christmas Eve gift jammies the entire weekend my folks were here. :lol: My mother tried to make it a big deal and I just shrugged, "Eh, she likes them!"

 

My mother and MIL get like this too, over things that aren't worth a big stink to me. Like, the kids run outside without a coat on and the grandmas think it's too cold. I figure, if the kids are cold, they'll come in for a coat and if they don't, then they're fine. It's not like they can get sick just from being cold.

 

I have large laundry type baskets around too, and one is in the living room for stuff to go back to the bedrooms, one is in the kitchen for stuff that goes somewhere else, ect. That way when I am in the kitchen and trip over a fire truck I can toss it in that basket and whether or not it gets carried out of the room and put away it looks at least a little bit neater.

 

I need to start doing this!