S/O Words that hurt

[Lovedtodeath]

This bugs me when I see/hear it. Often times here I'll see a parent write that their child is Failure to Thrive. It makes me :001_huh::glare:. And it isn't limited to F2T. I've seen it with other diagnosis. I don't think a disease, condition or disability should define a person in such a way.

And that is just it. Other people don't want it that way. So it is confusing. This reminds me of "woman of color". :001_rolleyes:

 

It is love to want to know, and expend the energy to find out, how people wish to be identified and to choose to use those terms. It is love to "cover over" the use of a nonpreferred term by someone who doesn't know the current lingo and has intended no harm. Words do have power and we should give preference to one another in love. I think what people get tired of is being "called down" for inadvertantly "stepping in it" and because language evolves rather quickly, that can happen too often to keep up with. But it is still the job of a heart bent on love to persevere in trying to learn, and of a heart bent on love to correct with gentleness and understanding.

Exactly!

[Kate CA]

Re: people-first language and autism--what is so difficult about calling people what they want to be called? Once we have been told what an individual or group prefers to be called, what is so difficult about doing it? So I will say autistic person and I will also say person with Down syndrome. It.really.isn't.hard.

 

I don't think anyone is really arguing that they should be able to call anyone anything - at least that was not what I was saying at all. My point is that there are those that get almost violent if you use one term (in an innocent manner). I know folks with a child with Downs and they refer to him as a Downs child. I see that you don't like that and would not use that term if we were friends, and would not use it if I knew that about others. However your reaction was very strong towards that term in your post and yet my friend doesn't have any issue at all with that usage. As a person that does not have a child with Downs, how would we possibly know this? I don't understand the angry reactions when people usually don't mean anything harmful by it.

 

I *do* get that words can hurt and some words really do. I *do* get that you don't want your child defined by a condition he has. I really get those things. I *don't* get the anger and (not you, but others) violent reactions. Are we not in control of our own responses? I would think the "you catch more flies with honey" idea would apply here. I would rather be educated that a term is offensive to that individual person and not dictated to that the use of a specific term is offensive to ALL because that simply isn't true.

 

Make sense? :001_smile:

[MyBlueLobsters]

I don't think anyone is really arguing that they should be able to call anyone anything - at least that was not what I was saying at all. My point is that there are those that get almost violent if you use one term (in an innocent manner). I know folks with a child with Downs and they refer to him as a Downs child. I see that you don't like that and would not use that term if we were friends, and would not use it if I knew that about others. However your reaction was very strong towards that term in your post and yet my friend doesn't have any issue at all with that usage. As a person that does not have a child with Downs, how would we possibly know this? I don't understand the angry reactions when people usually don't mean anything harmful by it.

 

I *do* get that words can hurt and some words really do. I *do* get that you don't want your child defined by a condition he has. I really get those things. I *don't* get the anger and (not you, but others) violent reactions. Are we not in control of our own responses? I would think the "you catch more flies with honey" idea would apply here. I would rather be educated that a term is offensive to that individual person and not dictated to that the use of a specific term is offensive to ALL because that simply isn't true.

 

Make sense? :001_smile:

 

Speaking for myself...I don't get worked up hearing someone say "Your Downs child" I understand that 99.9% of people who talk to me about Logan mean NO harm. I don't understand making a pleasant conversation awkward by feeling the need to pounce on someone for using 'the wrong words'. JMO.