What if this was the last Christmas you would spend with your family?

[kristavws]

I know, it is a fairly deep question, but it is something I have pondered over the past month. In May, my BIL was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He is married, and has a 12yo daughter with whom he is very close. We found out after Thanksgiving that the cancer has spread to his lungs and other areas of his body. He is not doing well at all. I have spent so much time thinking about him, his wife, and my niece, and what they must be thinking about; what they must be going through.

 

I can tell you receiving this news in the middle of the holidays definitely made me think and react. We usually take 2-weeks at Christmas - this year we took 3, so that we could really enjoy the holiday season without feeling so rushed. This Christmas was by and far the most relaxed and enjoyable Christmas we have ever had.

 

We have one of those wooden advent calendars with the little doors. I usually put little treats behind each door - this year I took the time to come up with 24-activities we could enjoy together as a family. We made cookies, fudge, ornaments, went to see a play at a local children's theater, took a winter walk, hosted a Polar Express Christmas Party for 20 of my boys' friends, made Christmas crafts, stuffed stockings for those less fortunate, and much more. Many of these activities we do every year, but they really took on new meaning for me this year. Instead of just going and picking out a tree, we actually cut our own down. The kids especially loved this, and are now insisting we cut down our own tree every year. We actually took the time to MAKE meaningful Christmas gifts for others this year. We read Christmas related stories every day!

 

We always sing carols and read the story of Christ's birth from the Bible on Christmas Eve, but honestly, I think doing this together had even more meaning this year.

 

There is more I could type, but this post is already getting too long, and so, out of this comes my question - "What would you have done different, if you knew that yesterday would be the last Christmas you would spend with your family?

 

Krista

[cathmom]

I was very conscious of this, this year and just lately. We never know how long any of us have! I know that I have been hugging my 2 year old a lot more and loving on all of my children since reading about the freak accident that killed the toddler a week or two ago. (on Dana's blog Roscommon Acres)

 

I have a box full of treasures from my childhood that I was looking at recently and thinking that, if I died, my dh and my dc wouldn't know why these little goofy things were important to me or what they meant to me. I'm beginning to understand that life is just so bittersweet, so precious, that we cannot take any of it for granted.

[stephanier.1765]

I was conscious of that this year but in a different way. My boys are growing older and soon they will be spending time with their own families. This Christmas was the first Christmas one of the grandchildren was missing from the festivities to spend time with her boyfriend and his family and it left a gaping hole in all our hearts. It's only natural and right but it's so hard for those who love them and are left behind. So I am thankful and extra mindful of the time I have left with my own guys. I cherish these moments just as strongly as I cherish the first ones we had together.

 

I am so sorry about your BIL.

[Peela]

Several years ago we all knew it woudl be my uncle's last Christmas. He had been dx with a kidney tumour and given 3 months to live- 2.5 years later he was still alive but it had spread and we knew it would be the last Chistmas. My grandmother paid for the kids and I to go over to my mum's (other side of Australia) and we had the last big whole family Christmas. My mum does Christmas well and it was great, and we all have great memories of Uncle Max, who was a very loving man. He did die later that year.

 

He was not afraid of dying. He was buddhist and a meditator, and he had had a near death experience years before. He made everyone feel so good. I think its great to focus on the good times and create happy memories rather than get morbid about it. We all have great memories of Uncle Max phoning us regularly just to connect and tell us he loved us. He never knew when he was going to literally drop dead because his cancer spread to his heart and a piece could have broken off at any time and killed him...and one day, it did.

[blakereese]

I have been thinking about this a lot.

 

In September my grandmother was fighting colon cancer, and was told to stop treatment. She was given 6 months to live. We were devastated. But we decided that on her birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas we would go all out, as it would be her last.

 

Well, she died a week later on Sept. 29th. :sad::sad:

 

Not only was it just so hard, because it was such a short time from when she was diagnosed (Aug 15th), but also because she was the heart of our family. Without her, we are lost. The holidays are just not the same, and I am having a hard time believing that they will ever be. And all I keep thinking of is the past year and all the time I should have spent with her, and how the last time I was with her..I didn't know it was going to be the last time...and what I would do different. It is just so, so hard.

 

I do know that I have to take something from this experience, and to try to enjoy more of the day-to-day things with my family, and to make memories whenever I can. Because we truly never know how long we will all be here.

[freetobeme]

I have been thinking about this a lot.

 

In September my grandmother was fighting colon cancer, and was told to stop treatment. She was given 6 months to live. We were devastated. But we decided that on her birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas we would go all out, as it would be her last.

 

Well, she died a week later on Sept. 29th. :sad::sad:

 

Not only was it just so hard, because it was such a short time from when she was diagnosed (Aug 15th), but also because she was the heart of our family. Without her, we are lost. The holidays are just not the same, and I am having a hard time believing that they will ever be. And all I keep thinking of is the past year and all the time I should have spent with her, and how the last time I was with her..I didn't know it was going to be the last time...and what I would do different. It is just so, so hard.

 

I do know that I have to take something from this experience, and to try to enjoy more of the day-to-day things with my family, and to make memories whenever I can. Because we truly never know how long we will all be here.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: i am so sorry for your loss. :grouphug:

[MamaT]

I have been very concious this holiday season of never knowing how much time we have with our loved ones. My mother died suddenly in October, and I have wondered what she would have said to me the last time we talked if she had known it would be the last thing.

 

So, I made each of my children a folder for Christmas and wrote them all the things I wanted to make sure to say to them. My oldest son read it aloud before we opened gifts and had to hand it off to a sibling because he choked up. They seemed to all appreicate it. I have also tried to not feel rushed (my usual speed during the holidays!) and take more time just to cuddle and love on them.

[kristavws]

I have been thinking about this a lot.

 

In September my grandmother was fighting colon cancer, and was told to stop treatment. She was given 6 months to live. We were devastated. But we decided that on her birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas we would go all out, as it would be her last.

 

Well, she died a week later on Sept. 29th. :sad::sad:

 

Not only was it just so hard, because it was such a short time from when she was diagnosed (Aug 15th), but also because she was the heart of our family. Without her, we are lost. The holidays are just not the same, and I am having a hard time believing that they will ever be. And all I keep thinking of is the past year and all the time I should have spent with her, and how the last time I was with her..I didn't know it was going to be the last time...and what I would do different. It is just so, so hard.

 

I do know that I have to take something from this experience, and to try to enjoy more of the day-to-day things with my family, and to make memories whenever I can. Because we truly never know how long we will all be here.

 

 

:grouphug:

[Retired]

well I have tried to make this holiday the best for our family, the family is changing my oldest will be 18 next Christmas, he could be any where and my father was diagnosed with a very fast Alzheimer's progression (they give him 2 years)

 

I just see life changing so much in the following year. I see such heart ache but at least we get to prepare instead of not knowing.

 

My baby is growing up and I will slowly see the decline of my father.

 

There are some days I wish I look at the world the way my 17 yo does. You remember the age when nothing could go wrong, you had all your dreams, and your where invincible.