"God doesn't give you more than you can handle"

[Lovedtodeath]

Sometimes I think well-meaning people say things like this because they WANT to help, but can't figure out how. They feel helpless, but want to at least try to be of comfort to the suffering person, and just go about it in an awkward way because it's all they can think of. Often if we take it as a kindly intended offering, we will find that they are the first to step up when they see something they can actually do to help.

 

I think it tells us more about the speaker than any deity. All in all, people are often uncomfortable and at a loss with what to say when bad things happen.

 

Add that to the list of things to teach your kids, along with how to start a fire and make dinner. "I'm so sorry" sounds weak and trite, but everyone here knows how much it means that others comprehend your suffering, even if they can do nothing about it.

Great posts.

Edited December 24, 2010 by Lovedtodeath

[Lovedtodeath]

“When under trial, let no one say: ‘I am being tried by God.’ For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone.†(Jas. 1:13)

 

“Far be it from the true God to act wickedly, and the Almighty to act unjustly!â€â€”Job 34:10

 

The thing that really bothers me about this statement is that it implies that God is up there heaping burdens upon us. Things happen to us because we live in a fallen world. Illness, accidents, etc. aren't necessarily "caused" by God saying, "hmmm...there is Cynthia just having a grand ole time. I think I'll mix it up for her a bit". In my reading of scripture, this is not God's nature. But through trials, we recognize our weaknesses - that is a blessing. When we respond correctly to situations we grow and become better people and God is glorified in that.

 

But He knows we live in a fallen world, and he is there for us to lean upon when the going gets rough. And, with God, we can face our afflictions even if we have no idea where they came from. It really isn't up to us to determine where the burdens came from - whether from a fallen world or from heavenly intervention; it is up to us to determine how we will face them.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: God is clearly telling us in His Word that he does not give us burdens or trials.

 

You know, the more I think about this, as regards temptation, I think God does always provide a way out, as the scripture says, but I think it's equally clear from scripture that He understands that we will not always see it, or take it. Isn't that the whole point of Christ's atonement? To save us from sin because we aren't perfect and we can't always get it right?

 

And as far as how we feel about the struggles and burdens we face, keep in mind that even Jesus, in the garden of Gethsemane pleaded with the Father to take the cup from him if there was any other way, and wept. Why would anyone expect us to face our troubles without tears or trepidation when even Christ could not? Surely they do not expect us to be greater than Christ.

Amy, I am trying to give you a complement and don't know how to word it. You seem to always say the right thing. Edited December 24, 2010 by Lovedtodeath

[G5052]

Sometimes I think well-meaning people say things like this because they WANT to help, but can't figure out how. They feel helpless, but want to at least try to be of comfort to the suffering person, and just go about it in an awkward way because it's all they can think of. Often if we take it as a kindly intended offering, we will find that they are the first to step up when they see something they can actually do to help.

 

I get tired of this particular one because it really don't encourage much at all. Even the most seasoned person is going to have times that they feel like everything is breaking apart, and when you're there, the last thing you want to hear is that you can handle it.

 

I much prefer something like...

 

We're sorry that you are having so many troubles. Please know that you are constantly in our thoughts and prayers and are praying that the Lord will will comfort and guide you at this time.

 

Even better is a giftcard or meal or taking my kids off for an adventure with their family but that's another story...:D

[MamaSheep]

:iagree::iagree::iagree: God is clearly telling us in His Word that he does not give us burdens or trials.

 

Amy, I am trying to give you a complement and don't know how to word it. You seem to always say the right thing.

 

:blushing: Oh my. Well, I don't quite know how to respond, so I guess we're even...lol. Thank you, that is so very kind.

 

 

I get tired of this particular one because it really don't encourage much at all. Even the most seasoned person is going to have times that they feel like everything is breaking apart, and when you're there, the last thing you want to hear is that you can handle it.

 

I much prefer something like...

 

We're sorry that you are having so many troubles. Please know that you are constantly in our thoughts and prayers and are praying that the Lord will will comfort and guide you at this time.

 

Even better is a giftcard or meal or taking my kids off for an adventure with their family but that's another story...:D

 

Oh believe me, I know whereof you speak. There have been a few people who narrowly escaped being slapped for saying things like this to me at some points in my life. In fact I don't remember very clearly (there was a lot going on at the time) but I may once have said something rather rude, like, "Oh puh-leeze, you have GOT to be kidding me!" out loud at one point. Only maybe worse...

 

It's only in my more rational moments when things have evened out a bit that I think maybe these people deserve a little patience and mercy too...lol. I know I've said some really dumb things in my life that I wish I could get a do-over on.

[MamaSheep]

One other thing that comes to mind for me in this regard...well, I hesitate to even put this out there because I know some people might be uncomfortable...but I think I will do it anyway. There's this passage in LDS-specific scripture that I find comforting:

 

From D&C 50

 

40 Behold, ye are little children and ye cannot bear all things now; ye must grow in grace and in the knowledge of the truth.

41 Fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world, and you are of them that my Father hath given me;

42 And none of them that my Father hath given me shall be lost.

43 And the Father and I are one. I am in the Father and the Father in me; and inasmuch as ye have received me, ye are in me and I in you.

44 Wherefore, I am in your midst, and I am the good shepherd, and the stone of Israel. He that buildeth upon this rock shall never fall.

Edited December 24, 2010 by MamaSheep

[Lovedtodeath]

I get tired of this particular one because it really don't encourage much at all. Even the most seasoned person is going to have times that they feel like everything is breaking apart, and when you're there, the last thing you want to hear is that you can handle it.

 

I much prefer something like...

 

We're sorry that you are having so many troubles. Please know that you are constantly in our thoughts and prayers and are praying that the Lord will will comfort and guide you at this time.

 

Even better is a giftcard or meal or taking my kids off for an adventure with their family but that's another story...:D

That is so much better.

[G5052]

It's only in my more rational moments when things have evened out a bit that I think maybe these people deserve a little patience and mercy too...lol. I know I've said some really dumb things in my life that I wish I could get a do-over on.

 

Yes, you learn to cut people some slack. Many people haven't dealt with chronic illness, toxic family members that have to be cut off, repeated finanical crises, etc. etc. So when you get the silly comments, you just move on. A handful of people will understand and truly say/do the right thing. Most will not though, but you can put on your "game face" and keep going.