How to run off a girlfriend?

[annandatje]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosplay The fox tail is about cosplay in the manga/anime fan world. Dd has a really dear friend who wears a wolf tail and ears. She is a delightful little lady who is very outspoken about politics, gender roles and certainly is a delightul sweet young adult.

 

One of my daughters wears a dog tail and ears sometimes; her furry persona is a German Sheperd. She met her wonderful brilliant outgoing upbeat catch of a fiancee at a furry get together in town; he wears a black wolf tail and ears. I only hope that my other kids eventually find someone who is as kind to them as he is to her.

 

Both of them have complete costumes that they wear to furry conventions, to entertain sick kids, to march in parades, and other occasions. My daughter earns money and enjoys herself by sewing and selling costumes to other furries. She has enjoyed dressing up in costumes since childhood; Halloween was sometimes a year round event for her.

[Mother Superior]

I'm sorry that this young woman has so much to deal with in life. What a difficult start.

 

You might try asking your son what he is attracted to in her. You might point out the things you see that concern you. Ultimately, you may just have to accept his decisions about her.

 

I bet it's hard to be a mil. We love our kids so much, and want to give them just the life we want them to have. But sometimes we just have to love them and respect their decisions, even when we disagree.

 

:grouphug:

 

You know, I had to come back to this. I wonder not only what your ds sees in her, but what she sees in your ds. Maybe, given her sexual history and family background, she sees stability, the kind of family life she always wanted, and someone safe who will not pressure her into sex but who will respect her for who she is as a person.

 

So, again, I would suggest that you embrace her, bring her warmly (not merely civilly) into your family. Give her a glimpse of "normal" family life and carefully and gently instruct her on how YOU do things, what your values are, and why. Sounds like she could use someone like you to mentor her in how to have a proper relationship with a boy, and I know she'll remember what she sees in your home when/if she moves onto her next relationship.

 

I know it's hard to not focus on how she is negatively influencing your son. Instead, however, try to substitute that with examining ways you can positively influence her.

 

My two cents--

[Laurie]

. And the jab about the hypothetical child's reputation was just uncalled for.

 

I was referring to a first name, not reputation. The girlfriend in this situation pointed out to delaney that other people supposedly make fun of the name she gave her son.

Edited December 24, 2010 by Laurie

[katemary63]

..but he was 29 and she was 17....

 

 

When I was 17 I dated a man who was 31 and had 2 kids. My dad couldn't say anything to me because he was living with his girlfriend. He was 44, she was 24. Thank goodness the guy dumped me after awhile. I would have stupidly married him. Good for you for chasing him off.

[jld]

Hey sure. It was quite the experience, all in all. That's just a little snippet. There was much more. I could write a book but nobody would believe it. We have often commented on how the timing, the circumstances, and whatnot had to have been just exactly how they were, when they were or we would never have ended up together. And some of them were kind of odd--not the sort of thing everyday life is made of. We are of the opinion that God had a hand in it. A mutual friend commented that we were causing a major disruption of the space-time continuum just by DATING each other. I don't know what he thought when we got married...lol...and reproduced...rofl....

 

Life is a funny ol' thing.

 

Sounds like a match made in heaven. What a heartwarming story for the holidays!:)

[colleenebeans]

I agree with the pp's.

If you try to "run her off", you will be running her off with him right along beside her. Even if he is only 15. Have her over and embrace her, you can supervise and be a positive role model. Be clear what your expectations are and your values but honestly give her a chance. She may just surprise you in the end. ;)

[Mommyfaithe]

When I was 17 I dated a man who was 31 and had 2 kids. My dad couldn't say anything to me because he was living with his girlfriend. He was 44, she was 24. Thank goodness the guy dumped me after awhile. I would have stupidly married him. Good for you for chasing him off.

 

She was really mad at me for a long time. But I just kept telling her how much I love her and I was sorry she was hurting. She is so thankful now that I was so adamant to put an end to this relationship. She has had 2 other boyfriends since then. Both were real "winners." <Total sarcasm here> but they were closer to her age and I thought she would have to learn her own lessons. I prayed and prayed. Those relationships ended and I was sad for her because she was so hurt and sad.

 

It is really hard to see your kids make mistakes and get hurt. it is hard to trust their judgement and see how things pan out. At 15, there would be no discussion, if I am not happy with a friendship, that friendship is done. I don't have to say a word...i just keep my kids very VERY VERY busy. Sorry...no time to see you or hand out. BUT, at some point they have to learn to make good choices and they do end up getting hurt sometimes. Sometimes the whole family suffers.....

 

 

Faithe

[Crissy]

I don't like DS's girlfriend.

 

I am sorry, Delaney, that you are having to deal with this.

My husband and I find ourselves in a similar situation. Our 16 year old is "dating" a girl that neither of us care for, but our son adores her.

I know that voicing our true opinion of this girl could cause our son to cling to her even more, so we keep all of our negative thoughts to ourselves.

Instead, we have made a point of having more conversations about the importance of teenagers making good choices (with specific examples).

 

My son recently showed me a card he received from her and it included some very suggestive comments which, apparently, went right over his head.

While I am thankful for his innocence, I am frustrated by her desire to bait him into sexual conversation via text or...whatever.

 

My husband and I have decided that we will be keeping him busy enough that he doesn't have time to 'date', but we will continue to be kind to his friend, allow her over to study and such.

 

I am hopeful that when she goes off to college in the fall (a year earlier than our son), things will change drastically. Until then, we will manage from day to day with an understanding of a teen's 'first love' and the knowledge that we have raised a really good boy who has valid opinions and feelings, even when they don't mesh with our own.

[Crimson Wife]

There's a big difference IMHO between a mom disliking her son's girlfriend because she's a different religion or ethnicity and being concerned that the girl's family is a train wreck.

 

My brother's current girlfriend and the one whom we all wanted him to marry were both of a different ethnicity and religion than our family while the meth addict was an Irish Catholic.

[Crissy]

Have her over and embrace her, you can supervise and be a positive role model. Be clear what your expectations are and your values but honestly give her a chance.

 

:iagree:

My husband and I have been very clear with our son that our parenting style will not change simply because a girl has asked him to be her boyfriend.

[Renee in NC]

There's a big difference IMHO between a mom disliking her son's girlfriend because she's a different religion or ethnicity and being concerned that the girl's family is a train wreck.

 

My brother's current girlfriend and the one whom we all wanted him to marry were both of a different ethnicity and religion than our family while the meth addict was an Irish Catholic.

 

I'm glad that dh and I were married before MIL even knew I existed. She was so mad at him for not telling her that he was getting married (he went home right before we married and then didn't call home again until 2 months later) that I actually escaped a lot of the issues that might have come up.

 

My dad's been married 4 times and my mother 3. I was 21 and the single mom of a 4 yo little boy. I can't imagine she would have approved at all! However, it was all said and done and there was not a whole lot that could be changed. I met her shortly after ds (now 12) was born.

 

It's funny, though. We really did well together. She said I was the daughter she never had (she has 3 boys.) We didn't agree on everything and there were times when things were a little tense, but overall I respected her and she respected me.

 

I think that what helped was meeting my extended family. Even though my father is a little off (the 4 marriages and all), I come from a prominent, well-respected family. I think when she met my grandmother, I was in, KWIM?:D

 

(BTW, she died 8 years ago in an accident, and I do miss her often.)

 

ETA: To add to the crazy, the first time they came to visit was at Easter. I invited my oldest's father to Easter dinner because he didn't have anywhere to go. A couple of years later, at Thanksgiving, they came to visit and had Thanksgiving dinner at my dad's house - my mom was here (ex-wife #1) and my brother's mom (ex-wife #3) along with my stepmother (wife #4.) I think after that she realized we all *were* really nuts, but she already liked me so it was too late.

Edited December 24, 2010 by Renee in FL

[Danestress]

I have to say, I disagree with the advice to just totally embrace the girls your son dates. I've been down that road, and after a while, it does get old to have girlfriends on family vacations, at family holiday meals, etc. I think it's probably better to have some boundaries on this. Friends are always welcome on Friday night for dinner but Sunday night is "family night," for example. I want to be kind and inviting to girls my sons date, but they aren't family until they have rings on their fingers.

 

My mother was very smart and always said that she would not criticize the guys we dated. Period. I think she probably would have broken that rule if we were being really mistreated, but not over the kinds of things you are describing. She always said that we could marry anyone we dated, and she did not want us to have memories of unkind things she said.

 

But when you have a 15 year old, you still have a lot of control. My son had a girlfriend at 15. I actually liked her. I probably liked her more than anyone else he has dated, lol. But I had all the normal rules I always had - no going out during the week during school. You are home at night on school nights. Things like that. Maybe instead of running her off, you want to just apply some breaks.

 

I personally think it seems like you are being a bit prideful. Okay, she thinks the boyscout thing is dumb and that his name doesn't suit him. She's entitled to that opinion. She would do better to keep those opinions to herself, but she's a kids. Maybe one reason he likes her is because she gives voice to things he has a hard time saying. I would just shrug and say, "I guess that's one way to look at it" and then turn the conversation to something else. Get her talking about the things that interest her. Do you know her favorite movie? Her favorite tv show? Her favorite book? The foods she loves and hates? Get her talking about herself and show genuine interest, and try to just gloss over comments that bother you.

[Jeanne in MN]

I heartily agree with this. Those things she said would be annoying, but maybe there is some truth to them. I would be patient and get to know her better. I could see myself asking my son about her, to give me some insight to who she is and showing my son that I care. How you react (good or bad) will speak volumes to your son as well as the girlfriend. Choose your actions wisely.

 

 

 

You know, I had to come back to this. I wonder not only what your ds sees in her, but what she sees in your ds. Maybe, given her sexual history and family background, she sees stability, the kind of family life she always wanted, and someone safe who will not pressure her into sex but who will respect her for who she is as a person.

 

So, again, I would suggest that you embrace her, bring her warmly (not merely civilly) into your family. Give her a glimpse of "normal" family life and carefully and gently instruct her on how YOU do things, what your values are, and why. Sounds like she could use someone like you to mentor her in how to have a proper relationship with a boy, and I know she'll remember what she sees in your home when/if she moves onto her next relationship.

 

I know it's hard to not focus on how she is negatively influencing your son. Instead, however, try to substitute that with examining ways you can positively influence her.

 

My two cents--

[Delighted3]

When my son was 15, he had a girlfriend who was a very sweet girl, but I did not want him involved in a relationship at that age. I made sure he was very busy. Too busy for talking on the phone or going places he would see her. Eventually, she decided he wasn't much fun and broke up with him. At 15, I don't think it is wrong for the OP to be concerned about her son being involved in a relationship period, but especially if she feels that the girl may have a negative impact on her son's life. He is only 15 and if it is truly a love match and/or she is really just the misunderstood young girl many people seem to be believe, then the relationship will last through whatever restrictions she may place on it.

I also think the suggestion of them only being together in the presence of a parent is just common sense. I would use the same caution in any relationships involving teens that age.

JMHO,

Joy

[Tree House Academy]

15/16 is a very delicate age, IMO. My boyfriend, when I was 16, had a family that hated me too. They didn't want him to be with me because I didn't go to church enough...as if I had a car and could take myself at 15! Later, when he and I broke up (after three years of them not really liking me and blaming everything on me), he got into drugs and it was about that time that his mother called me, crying, and told me that she had really misjudged me all those years. She had realized that her son was no angel and that blaming things on me all those years just helped her postpone the realization.

 

I finished college at 21, got married, had a child...all the while, her son was screwing up, dropping out of college, getting dishonorably discharged from the marines...and on and on.

 

My point here is that maybe you shouldn't judge her quite so harshly. Maybe your ds sees what is inside - the good in her. So she hasn't had the best family life and her parents haven't done the best job...so she is brash and says what she thinks (likely she has never been taught the manners to shut her mouth...or she is speaking for your son - as in, perhaps he confided this in HER and he won't tell you!)...but "running her off" may just drive your angel away. Tread softly.

[Nestof3]

Okay, I'm just going to throw a hypothetical situation out there with some of the worst case scenario items I can think of. What would you think of someone like this:

 

1. has genital herpes

 

2. has had more than 10 partners

 

3. has done nude modeling and worked topless parties

 

4. has been unfaithful in relationships

 

5. has many speeding tickets including reckless driving

 

6. has already been dishonest with your son

 

I'm trying to make some more things up, but it's late.

 

How would you feel if your son were dating her?

[Nestof3]

I would ask him what he likes about her. I think it always helps to have a list of qualities the person admires -- aside from appearances.

[jld]

Okay, I'm just going to throw a hypothetical situation out there with some of the worst case scenario items I can think of. What would you think of someone like this:

 

1. has genital herpes

 

2. has had more than 10 partners

 

3. has done nude modeling and worked topless parties

 

4. has been unfaithful in relationships

 

5. has many speeding tickets including reckless driving

 

6. has already been dishonest with your son

 

I'm trying to make some more things up, but it's late.

 

How would you feel if your son were dating her?

 

Scared.

[happi duck]

I'm posting without reading every post. Sorry if I'm repeating something.

 

When I was dating someone really horrible for me, I didn't find out that no one liked him until after I'd been extremely hurt.

 

My parents were afraid to say anything because they thought it would push me towards him. I accept that I probably would have been defensive at the time BUT when I started to question things I wish I would have been told something. When I realized that the relationship was damaging me, I felt disloyal for wanting out. If my parents had voiced their opinion, at the time I might have screamed "but I love him!" but later their opinion would have helped me feel strong enough to get out. KWIM?

 

Because of my experience, if I someday find myself in this situation with my kids, I will probably express my opinion as kindly as possible.

[Melissa in Australia]

I have a brother named Casey

[Mrs Mungo]

Okay, I'm just going to throw a hypothetical situation out there with some of the worst case scenario items I can think of. What would you think of someone like this:

 

1. has genital herpes

 

2. has had more than 10 partners

 

3. has done nude modeling and worked topless parties

 

4. has been unfaithful in relationships

 

5. has many speeding tickets including reckless driving

 

6. has already been dishonest with your son

 

I'm trying to make some more things up, but it's late.

 

How would you feel if your son were dating her?

 

How do you even know all that? Who in their right mind would tell that stuff??!

[fairytalemama]

 

FYI - I totally misread your post title as "how to run off WITH a girlfriend." lol

:iagree:

I was getting ready to hear something about how you had a fantastic girls only weekend with your friends. :tongue_smilie:

:grouphug: I hope you're able to find a common ground with your son. I personally am dreading the teenage years with two...since I used to be one.

[asta]

There's a big difference IMHO between a mom disliking her son's girlfriend because she's a different religion or ethnicity and being concerned that the girl's family is a train wreck.

 

My brother's current girlfriend and the one whom we all wanted him to marry were both of a different ethnicity and religion than our family while the meth addict was an Irish Catholic.

 

I don't understand this post. :confused:

 

 

Yes! But, she's young, she hasn't had good role models; she just doesn't know how to behave. Likely and understandably she's parroting what she's been taught. Keep her close, get to know her, maybe YOU can be a positive change for her. Even if they don't stay together, you might be able to make a parental impact on her that her own parents weren't able or equipped to do.

 

HUH?

 

How does anyone know that? My parents' marriage(s) were a mess. My friend's parents were Ward and June Cleaver. Guess who I modeled? Not MY parents. And I knew how to behave. Did I always *choose* to behave? Of course not; I was a teenager. And I certainly didn't bother doing so when someone dismissed me out of hand due to the choices of my parents. And yes, that happened. It started in grade school, no less.

 

As a child, you (talking about me or this girl, or anyone who has this happen to them) expect the adults you meet to act like ADULTS; not to act like petty, judgmental, indignant gits who are going to blame you for the "sins of the father". How providential.

 

Talk about setting a kid up for failure. A person can only be told so many times (ten, a hundred, a thousand?) that they will never amount to anything because their parents are worthless before it sticks.

 

WWJD? He'd grab the girl and get the hell out of Dodge.

 

 

a

Edited December 24, 2010 by asta

[Karenciavo]

I'm going to suggest not letting your 15 yo date at all.

[Renee in NC]

How do you even know all that? Who in their right mind would tell that stuff??!

 

That is what I was thinking. Sheesh, girl, keep some of your drama to yourself! :glare: (The girlfriend, not you, Dawn.)

[Renee in NC]

I'm going to suggest not letting your 15 yo date at all.

 

Easier said than done in some cases.

[delaney]

I'm going to suggest not letting your 15 yo date at all.

This would be ideal but I realize it would just lead to sneaking around.:glare:

DH and I were discussing it last night and while he a man of few words and doesn't judge, he doesn't like this girl either. It seems the more she speaks the more she digs her hole! He latest and greatest statement was, "Oh my dad is a total whore and has been married 4 times.":001_huh:

Okay then. What really pulls at my heart is that a child would even refer to their parent a whore! I met her dad and he was very nice. She has had a very different upbringing as her parents are older, well educated, and travel quite extensively. She has been to far more foreign countries than most adults and done some really cool things. I really appreciate all of that but I see that she is an attention getter and it seems that there is constant drama with my DS.

FWIW we spoke with him about the name thing which he just had no clue where that came from. We also asked him about scouts and while he agrees that he has gotten ribbed a bit about scouts, it really isn't a big deal since most people don't even know he is in scouts and his close friends just accept it since he has been a scout since 1st grade. Sigh.

[kwg]

Is the girl on birth control? I would make sure dh has a talk with your son.

[sassenach]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosplay The fox tail is about cosplay in the manga/anime fan world. Dd has a really dear friend who wears a wolf tail and ears. She is a delightful little lady who is very outspoken about politics, gender roles and certainly is a delightul sweet young adult.

 

There is just so much I didn't know that I didn't know.

[Nestof3]

Remember, this is hypothetical. I'm just wondering how much is too much to accept.

 

How do you even know all that? Who in their right mind would tell that stuff??!

[mommaduck]

Okay, I'm just going to throw a hypothetical situation out there with some of the worst case scenario items I can think of. What would you think of someone like this:

 

 

 

How would you feel if your son were dating her?

What if, what if...we could play that game all day long. Instead we should deal with what has been presented, knowing that the limitations are that all may or may not have been presented, and go from there...not presume all the what if's upon an immature girl.

 

Honestly, my kid would not be dating at 15...but that is the parents' choice and based on their own thoughts and observations.

 

Just to put it out there, I'm fully supportive of parents having a say at that young age.

 

My initial post was based off of the original post and I still stand by it as such (aka, those are not character flaws of the girl...of the parents and an unwise, immature comment by the girl, yes).

 

On the added information: yes, there are red flags (but not calling her dad a manwhore...possibly he is and she is calling it like she sees it...if she moved around a lot, then she may come from a culture that doesn't sugarcoat things; I know I came from one of those cultures). I do believe, that even with the red flags, I would have a certain amount of Grace and let the relationship fizzle on it's own. Put up boundaries, include her in things, etc...if she's only looking for trouble, she will run. If not, she will show change as she matures. She may even come to just like your family and move away from your son. But my main goal would not be to "run her off", it would be to be an example and perhaps let her know what is appropriate and what is not. But don't just toss her like trash instead of being treated like a human being.

 

Good luck to you, mama.

Edited December 24, 2010 by mommaduck

[Mejane]

Remember, too, that someone who looks great "on paper" can turn out to be the exact opposite of what you expect. My lovely cousin is in the process of divorcing his very accomplished (attorney, entrepreneur), beautifully-mannered, from-a-wonderful-family wife because she turned out to be a completely phony, emotionally-abusive cheater - real "trash" imo. You really just never know.

[Barry Goldwater]

Why is a 15 year old boy dating? Is he prepared to get married, support a wife and family? Just curious.

[kalanamak]

He latest and greatest statement was, "Oh my dad is a total whore and has been married 4 times.":001_huh:

Okay then. What really pulls at my heart is that a child would even refer to their parent a whore! I met her dad and he was very nice. .

 

This line, to me, sounds like she is very involved with teen culture and has forgotten that we speak to various kinds of people differently. I speak to my son differently than to my boss! Many teens do outgrow this. And the drama, too. That her dad is very nice is a start. Perhaps her comment, which might ride well with her crowd, is her very clumsy manifestation of embarrassment over what her parents do. A kind of "This is really gross, but I'm tough rather than heartbroken, and I can make light of it."

 

(BTW, hubby's youngest called him this in a long phone message (thank goodness my son was too young to follow this....I mean, you come home and play your machine, right?) years back, and this was followed by 6 years of hostility and silence, so count your blessings she was being light-hearted about it all).

 

It sounds a bit like (I'm guessing here, and do follow the idea of taking what is useful and leaving the rest) that rather than a gasoline huffing disaster from a scary part of town, this girl has come in to your life when you think your son still too young (15 would be uncomfortable to me, remembering what a kid I was at 15); is uncouth, loud, and inappropriate, rather than genuinely evil, dangerous, and experienced with juvie; and upsets you by being flippant over things you value.

 

Personally, the fact she is talking to you rather than slinking in and out with an evasive look would ring hopeful to me. I agree with the idea of keeping your son "busy", making sure he understands the risks of sex, making it clear you aren't going to stop parenting because he has a GF, etc. For her, I'd send out a non-hostile shot across the bow. In response to the comment on her dad, you could be a little light-hearted and say something like "Is that how kids talk these days? Some people might be shocked and look askance at you if you say such things. It seems so common for people to marry over and over these days. I feel sorry for the children. They didn't ask for this, they just get pulled along for the ride." and turn back to whatever you are doing and let that settle in. She has two main courses of response: to respond genuinely to a genuine comment and curb her tongue, or to think you're just another uptight, controlling old square and not shower you with yap anymore.

 

:grouphug: I am reminded of how much I must have troubled my parents (who were very politely silent) in my bumpy transition from their very Victorian world of antiques, china, and dinner served ON THE DOT at 6 p.m for their 68 years of marriage, to my adult world of the 1970s and my penchant for working with drunks, druggies, and the violently mentally ill. I am 100% positive they were terrified I would follow the path that interested me and come to a terrible end (I was doing what a lady simply did NOT do...I can just hear them whispering in bed "what does she SEE in those people"), and I'm glad they lived long enough to see me NOT become a drunk, etc, but to work professionally with these people. The only comment my mother ever made was when I was 28: "When are you going to start dressing like a lady?" Think of the forebearance to wait until I was 28! (Dressing "like a lady" is alienating when you are trying to talk to a homeless person.)

[Rebecca VA]

Is your son a Christian? He needs to be praying for his girlfriend. You really should discuss the fact that she doesn't seem to be a Christian, and what the Bible says about not being yoked with unbelievers. Is it possible she would go to church with you?

 

It isn't her fault that she comes from a lousy background. Whether she wants to REMAIN in that kind of environment -- or be lifted up out of it -- is what you need to know.

[Retired]

well I had experience with this back in the spring, I sat down with my son and explained by reservation regarding the girl, she had low self esteem, dressed inappropriate, and generally used people. I told him I have nothing personal against and hope as she matures she will respect herself more. I even told him she probably would end up a wonderful adult women but she is just emotional troubled right now. She was looking for someone to rescue her and help her get out of the house.

 

He got angry with me. I had my say and then stayed quite. I had her over, took them shopping, and generally tried love and mother her.

 

I planted the seed and he started watching her behavior through my experience and observation

 

He cut off the relationship after a few months. He was angry for awhile because mom was right regarding the young lady. He is 17 and really doesn't' want mom to know more:001_smile:

 

I had read the thread last night but decided to talk to him first, to see what I could of did different

 

he said that he was angry but I handled it well. What really got him to see the light was how she ask me in front of him "if I could be her mother" The fact I loved and accepted her, he really got to see the real girl.

 

He still cares for her. He is has a tender heart and this was his first "love"

 

he did tell me he want be dating anymore. He wants to concentrate on career and then look for a "girl" when he is older (he is now 17)

 

I hope he sticks with this because he was raised that way but I also know enough about human nature that he needed to come to the decision himself

[kalanamak]

Remember, too, that someone who looks great "on paper" can turn out to be the exact opposite of what you expect. My lovely cousin is in the process of divorcing his very accomplished (attorney, entrepreneur), beautifully-mannered, from-a-wonderful-family wife because she turned out to be a completely phony, emotionally-abusive cheater - real "trash" imo. You really just never know.

 

I have seen this over and over. My rule of thumb is "if they seem too good to be true, they are". Also what a lovely Panamanian woman said to me: the faster they shower you with flowers, gifts, and attention, the faster they move onto the next woman.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Is your son a Christian? He needs to be praying for his girlfriend. You really should discuss the fact that she doesn't seem to be a Christian, and what the Bible says about not being yoked with unbelievers. Is it possible she would go to church with you?

 

It isn't her fault that she comes from a lousy background. Whether she wants to REMAIN in that kind of environment -- or be lifted up out of it -- is what you need to know.

 

 

:confused: I didn't see anything that would lead someone to such a conclusion.

[KingM]

There's so much drama on this board. :glare:

[ThatCyndiGirl]

There's so much drama on this board. :glare:

 

 

Are you new around these parts? :lol:

[treestarfae]

Can you offer a promise ring to her explaining the goals your son has in life? Tell her you are more than happy to have her along for the ride and they can act like adults when they finish high school. I would try to get to know what she wants out of life.

[Tammyla]

:iagree:

 

I'm going to suggest not letting your 15 yo date at all.

[2squared]

Talk about setting a kid up for failure. A person can only be told so many times (ten, a hundred, a thousand?) that they will never amount to anything because their parents are worthless before it sticks.

 

This thread is a little painful for me. My dad has been divorced four times. He's currently working on #5. My mom has her own issues. I have been judged based on my parent's behavior. That's just miserable and unfair. I had a boyfriend whose parent's deemed me not good enough b/c my parents were divorced. Nice. The sins of my parents are not my sins.

 

This poor teen girl is trying to work her way through her miserable life situation. She'll probably get there, but it will take a while. Some day she might be a devout Christian homeschooling her five children in a solid marriage. Who could ask for more of a DIL?

Edited December 24, 2010 by 2squared

[mirth]

: 

 

[pqr]

He® latest and greatest statement was, "Oh my dad is a total whore and has been married 4 times.":001_huh:

.

 

 

I am asking this nicely, but why would your son put up with someone who would speak like that in front of his Mother?

 

If a girl spoke like that in fromt of my wife (as a husband) or Mother (as a son) she would be out of the house before her feet could touch the ground. I would never let such a person darken my doorway again. She is, frankly, not good for a polite family and you should keep her well away from your son.

Edited December 25, 2010 by pqr

[Mom2J112903]

This poor teen girl is trying to work her way through her miserable life situation. She'll probably get there, but it will take a while. Some day she might be a devout Christian homeschooling her five children in a solid marriage. Who could ask for more of a DIL?

 

:iagree: I am not going to say much but my MIL did not like me at first, for reasons that were valid. She loves me as much as her own children and couldn't ask for a better DIL or wife to her one and only son.

[Audrey]

I'm going to suggest not letting your 15 yo date at all.

 

 

I am going to agree, but I think that once you've allowed it, it is very difficult to go back on that. It's one of those 'cat out of the bag' situations. I think the best course would be to let kids know early on what your age minimum is for dating.

 

Of course, it is easy for me to say that, though. My ds is only 11 and says he isn't going to date until he's "30 or so" -- a plan I heartily support, but am not so naive as to believe he's not going to change his mind in the next few years.

[mrbmom77]

nm. Sensitive spot hit, knee-jerk reaction, chill pill taken. :)

Merry Christmas, y'all.

Edited December 25, 2010 by mrbmom77

[Nakia]

I am asking this nicely, but why would your son put up with someone who would speak like that in front of his Mother?

 

If a girl spoke like that in fromt of my wife (as a husband) or Mother (as a son) she would be out of the house before her feet could touch the ground. I would never let such a person darkekn my doorway again. She is, frankly, not good for a polite family and you should keep her well away from your son.

 

Perhaps you and the op's son differ in your reactions because he is a 15 year old child and you are a grown man. Just throwing that out there. We can hardly expect a 15 year old girl or boy to react the same way a woman or man would.

[Nakia]

This thread is a little painful for me. My dad has been divorced four times. He's currently working on #5. My mom has her own issues. I have been judged based on my parent's behavior. That's just miserable and unfair. I had a boyfriend whose parent's deemed me not good enough b/c my parents were divorced. Nice. The sins of my parents are not my sins.

 

This poor teen girl is trying to work her way through her miserable life situation. She'll probably get there, but it will take a while. Some day she might be a devout Christian homeschooling her five children in a solid marriage. Who could ask for more of a DIL?

 

:grouphug: Me too, honey. I was that girl in so many ways. :grouphug: