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If your love language is gifts...

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My love language is very strongly gifts and service. I love to pick out just the right, perfect gift for someone. I work very hard to be creative and personal.


Now, that is the love language that I "speak." How I receive love is a mixture. Most of the people in my life have different love languages, and I have had to adjust my ability to receive love based on that. I know that my husband loves me even if he can't come up with a "personal, creative gift that only one who knows me well and pays attention can give me" kind of gift.


I sometimes struggle in the sense that I wish that others would be more creative and personal or spontaneous in their gift giving. But, I have adapted.


I don't know if that helps or not. I can acknowlege that it is hard when you speak a different love language than the people in your life.

Edited by Sweet Charlotte
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I used to get my feelings hurt a lot, but I learned to let go. Obviously not everyone is good at giving gifts. The thing that has been cool for me is that my guys like what I give them in their stockings.


My own parents never really gave me what I asked for. They'd always give me some lame substitute (like that commercial that's on this year about parents says, "This one is just the same." "No, it's not.") But my Mom did get really good at our stockings and so they became my focus for Christmas. I stopped even asking for a particular thing and just looked forward to my stocking. A place called World Bazaar (a pre-cursor to Pier One) opened when I was a pre-teen and she got us lots of cool little things from there....


So I always wanted to do cool stockings, too. Even though I feel like I don't do that well, my guys continue to amaze me by saying little things that tell me they like them. My husband has said many times that he doesn't care about gifts, but he'd "better get a stocking". My younger son just said this fall that it's amazing how the things he never thinks of but that he wants are always in his stocking....


And my husband began doing a stocking for me, too, years ago. Not always that great, but I can tell he's trying.... And that's what counts, isn't it?


Now that the boys are getting older, they seem to really think about trying to get presents for both their father and I, too. We still help them, but they bring up the topic and make the effort to insure that it gets done. It's a start. So maybe this gift can be shared over time, with patience, at least with those who have a very close connection to us.....

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well I use to break down crying, my parents just didn't gift because they didn't have money and when they did give it was awful, for my 16 th birthday I got a ceramic face of Paul Bear Bryant (legendary football coach) anyway locked myself in the bathroom and cried and felt so unloved- and that just continued in my life- my DH gift me and made me feel loved and cherished for the first time-but after we got married he didn't buy me birthday, Christmas, anniversary absolutely nothing-it led to resentment and almost a divorce-


But now I am more whole spiritually and the lack of others giving me gifts does know longer depressed me but I have to work on it


My youngest boy's love language is also gifts he is the only one that really tries picking something special and of course I gift him all year long - small stuff like a sucker, a favorite magazine, or make a favorite food nothing terrible expensive or "spoiling" to make sure he feels the love - that I missed with parents and my DH


sorry for the ramble I feel your hurt and like this year the only thing I will get Christmas morning will be what my 13 yo picked out for me


I have learned to go buy myself something special (like in another thread I bought something for me-that DH really liked:D) It helps me to get through.



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Part of it is that I wish the people in my life were more creative about gifts, but I get why they aren't. I put a lot of heart and effort in to the gifts I give. I pay attention to the people I love and care about so when I give a gift I know it's going to mean something to them, whether it's $5 or $25. I suppose every once in a while, I'd like that same thought given to me.


I'm also struggling with the $$ part of it. Like so many people this is a financially stressful time for us. I know that's not what Christmas is about, but in a way it is (see above). So I stress, but I don't want to and I know I shouldn't, but it hurts me when I can't get my kids the stuff they want (and in some cases the stuff they need).


Oye... this is just been a rough year. Too many deaths of people I love, and some of them I'm just having a hard time getting over. Christmas is just a reminder of them and one them I just found out about, so it's a timing issue trying to deal with it...


Maybe I just need a glass of wine.

Edited by LunaLee
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I can say a WHOLE HEARTED YES! It drives me crazy these stupid emotions that seem to show up around Christmas. Of course my anniversary is the 15th, Christmas is the 25th and my birthday is the 27th so the whole month has started to sting for me. :tongue_smilie:

My DH does not understand that just a small something would suffice. I am a mixture of love and quality time. He feels like he can't give me either if we don't have a lot of money. This year I did not get anything for any of the above mentioned days. On our anniversary I decided that we would just go to Costco because I just wanted to do something on our anniversary. While we were out I asked if we could stop at Chik Fil A for lunch. For Christmas his family came over so he spent most of his time with them while I watched the kids play with their toys. Today he went off with his dad to get the baby's Christmas present and now he is napping. My mom called and wants to take us all out for dinner.

I just can't wait for the season to be over. I hate the pity party and the guilt that follows. BLAH! :glare:


P.S. the hormones I am still experiencing from the baby and nursing are NOT helping at all this year. LOL

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