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This is bugging me and I can't make up my mind


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There is something that I need (not just want ;)) that dh and I have agreed we will purchase in January (we'd do it now, but I'm in no hurry).

 

We did take the time to research and look around and I found what I wanted so it's just a matter of waiting until after the holidays to pick it up. Well, by chance, a new (and potentially big) client of dh finds out about this upcoming purchase through their conversations and mentions that his company sells a related product (same thing, different brand) and that he can get dh one for free as management is often given freebies to pass on to their employees.

 

Dh tells me about this and the prospect is exciting, but we figure we won't hold our breath as some people are more talk than action.

 

Well, FFWD to today and dh gets a call from this guy telling him if he wants the item, to swing by his office ASAP. Dh does and when he gets there, is presented with a similar item but a much lower model. Not only that, but it's not free- he had to pay a small amount. Seeing that this is a very new client that dh does not want to offend (and that clearly this is a very generous offer on the guy's part) dh pays him for the item and thanks him for his generosity.

 

All this happened without my knowing and dh came home with the item. Well, other than doing what I need it to do, it's not really at all what I wanted. It's missing a lot of the features I wanted, and frankly, well, I'm disappointed. :( Outside of curriculum, I don't spend much money on myself and I was looking forward to this purchase.

 

That said, I can get by with this item but I don't know how to find peace with the situation.

 

I know this sounds horrible and greedy. I wish I could just be thrilled, but I'm not. Dh is not offended as he understands why I'm disappointed and has offered to list the item on Craigslist and go ahead with buying what I really wanted.- he's sweet that way.

 

While I appreciate this, I can't let go of the horrible guilt that here I have something that will do what I need and even though it's not as pretty and doesn't have any of the nice features, it saved me a couple hundred dollars. I feel like it would be frivolous and foolish to pass up this generosity out of my I dunno... is it pride? vanity? selfishness?

 

OTOH, I really don't like the item dh brought home- so much so, I cried because I was so frustrated about this whole situation.

 

Sigh. I don't know what to do and I hate having this inner battle with myself. Dh is supportive and fine either way. In fact, he'd rather just get me what I want than have me be upset over keeping this but I can't let go of how incredibly selfish it would be of me to spend money on something I basically already own. :001_huh:

 

WWYD?

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Yup, I'm with Sarah. Otherwise you'll always look at the item and feel negative about it. Every book about creating a wonderful home (decluttering, organizing, etc) that I've read is very clear: if you don't love it, it needs to go. Sell it while it's still sparkling new and try to let the negative emotions go before buying the right one. You'll be so much happier, and that's very important.

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Put it on CraigsList.

 

I'm of the "but quality, buy what you want, buy it ONCE" camp.

 

I got a KitchenAid mixer 15 years ago. It was exactly what I wanted (the kind where the bowl lifts up and down, not the head). I will rebuild the motor if it dies before buying a new one. :001_smile:

 

Go get what you really want. Life is too short to have stuff you stare at and think "if only...".

 

 

a

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Put it on CraigsList.

 

I'm of the "but quality, buy what you want, buy it ONCE" camp.

 

Go get what you really want. Life is too short to have stuff you stare at and think "if only...".

 

 

a

 

:iagree: There is some truth to "you get what you pay for." Just sell it and buy the one you really want. No need to feel guilty.

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Sell it and get what you want! If you make a little money in the process (since you said your DH paid a minimal amount for it), consider that the blessing. Having to pay for something you were told was free, esp. when it wasn't what you wanted or expected, isn't really a blessing. DH did the right thing by not offending his client, but since he is totally on board with you selling the item, go for it and get what you really wanted...with no guilt!

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I think you should sell it and buy the one you want. You researched it, you planned for it, and you don't do this kind of thing very often. When special purchases are few and far between I think it's Ok to get something that you really want.

 

Yes... this.

 

Proper tools, are proper tools. My husband learned this by trying to make something without the proper tools... he did it, but it took a lot more time & effort than it needed to.

 

The same is true for kitchen tools. Yes, there are some "gadgets" I can do without (I don't own a double boiler, for instance, but I've only had to use one once in 14 years... and I was able to "make-shift" very easily). However, appliances you will use regularly, you should get to do what you want.

 

A tool that has an automatic timer may be a "frill" to some, but can be almost a necessity to anothher who uses that feature all. the. time.

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I think you should sell it and buy the one you want. You researched it, you planned for it, and you don't do this kind of thing very often. When special purchases are few and far between I think it's Ok to get something that you really want.

 

:iagree: Yep, me too.

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Plain Jane,

I agree with all these ladies - sell it or if you can afford to give it away. I know that our previous church always had someone in missions or the inner city or refugees that needed something.

 

I don't know about you, but part of the fun and excitement to me of making such a purchase as you talk about, is the research and anticipation - like a child on Christmas morning. My husband and I make purchases very wisely, but we often pay the little more for the quality. Quality always makes you happy; settling always makes me resent someone!!!

 

I would just be honest with your husband. He probably already knows how you feel. Have a Blessed Christmas

ReneeR

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Thanks for sharing your opinions everyone. I had thought about gifting it or selling it to someone I know for what we paid (still about $100 off of retail price for the same item still sold in stores). That's when the guilt really hits me- if somebody else would be happy with this item, why can't I? :001_huh:

 

Dh and I really do believe you get what you pay for and we often buy a more expensive product when we have reason to believe it will last longer or be more convenient to us somehow... However, that's usually when the price difference is within a couple hundred dollars. The price difference between the item I wanted and the item dh got from this guy is close to $300. That's a lot of savings. But I still don't like it. :(

 

I've decided I can't think on this until after Christmas. I have too much on my mind and have been too sleep deprived this week to get stressed out over this right now. When I start crying over a material object, I must be pretty darn near the end of my rope. :o

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I think you should sell it and buy the one you want. You researched it, you planned for it, and you don't do this kind of thing very often. When special purchases are few and far between I think it's Ok to get something that you really want.

 

Yes. And if it isn't enough, then set the money aside so that in January it will help as planned.

 

I'm personally a bit befuddled as to why dh bought it at all. Client sounds like a scammer. Said it was what you wanted for free. Dh shows up and it isn't what he was looking for or free. Keep business and personal separate! Dh should have just said, "Hey that's awesome of you, but that's not the fully loaded model I'm looking to get the wife in a couple months. I think I'll wait. Thanks for thinking of me though." and left. That should not have ruined any contracts with a legit client.

:grouphug:

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Yes. And if it isn't enough, then set the money aside so that in January it will help as planned.

 

I'm personally a bit befuddled as to why dh bought it at all. Client sounds like a scammer. Said it was what you wanted for free. Dh shows up and it isn't what he was looking for or free. Keep business and personal separate! Dh should have just said, "Hey that's awesome of you, but that's not the fully loaded model I'm looking to get the wife in a couple months. I think I'll wait. Thanks for thinking of me though." and left. That should not have ruined any contracts with a legit client.

:grouphug:

 

I know, I was a bit confused as well. But, this client is in upper management in this company and this company is a new client of dh's and he didn't want to do anything to risk offending him. He figured for the price we could get our money back on Craigslist and the guy would never have to know. If he backed out, he would risk looking, I dunno, ungrateful or foolish perhaps, and he doesn't want to lose or offend this client.

 

But that's my dh- he doesn't like to hurt feelings and he's do whatever to keep the peace, including biting his tongue when appropriate. I really ought to take notes from him or something. :tongue_smilie:

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I agree with Sarah's post way back on page 1. Get what you really want.

 

You're not being selfish or ungrateful -- and your dh knows that. He just got caught between a rock and a hard place and had to make a snap decision to buy the other item. He has told you he only bought it to stay on the guy's good side, and that he's fine with getting you what you really want, so please don't beat yourself up about this. It's so sweet of you to worry about being selfish, but it's so obvious that you're not that kind of person at all.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Cat

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You set aside money to buy what you wanted. The money is already spent.

 

This purchase is unrelated. It was an investment. Sell it for more than you paid. Make a profit. Use that money to buy toilet paper or something else you need. Use the money you set aside to buy the item you want, that you will be pleased to see every day, that will do what you want.

 

What do you have to be guilty about? You haven't done anything wrong. Guilt is for the guilty. Guilt in this situation is a lie. Just don't accept it. Let it fall away. You haven't done anything wrong, or illegal, or unethical, or corrupt. No guilt!

 

(get your mother's voice out of your head)

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I think you should put it on Craigslist and then buy the one you want. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: Where does the guilt come from? Think about it. You should have no guilt in this situation. It happened. It was pretty much out of your control. Your DH bought the one item out of a business obligation to maintain a new relationship. That has nothing to do with you. You guys should happily sell it and get what you had originally intended. The guilt is manufactured. Let it go. Enjoy your new....what ever!

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