Did I get gyped?

[justamouse]

I suppose I could have asked if I had been "scre--d."

 

On further thought I suppose the correct term would have been "taken"

 

Only here can an innocent query about "how much meat actually makes it to the freezer when slaughtering a cow/steer" turn into a story line (and background music!) for a soft p0rn movie...

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

 

a

 

*fallsdownlaughing*

[Sugarfoot]

 

Suddenly I'm hearing the music.....brownchickenbrowncow

 

This may be the funniest way to write that sound that I have ever, ever seen. :lol::lol:

 

OOOHHHH! I couldn't figure that out for anything until you mentioned spelling a sound. Nooowww I get it!:lol:

[RegGuheert]

I don't get my 1/4 cow until the end of January.

While you haven't come out and asked it directly, your compatriots here at the Well-Trained Mind Forums have deduced the REAL reason for you posting this particular statement in this thread: CLEARLY, you are wondering how many eyeballs you will be receiving in January! ;)

 

Not to worry! We can help you! ...sort of...:

 

(Please note that the following is just Reg's best estimate. Catwoman, who is our resident expert on cow eyeballs, can correct any gross mistakes which I may have made.)

 

By classical theoretical mathematical formulations and assuming a cow with normal vision prior to its early demise, it would seem clear that you should received 0.5 eyeballs when you purchase 1/4 of a cow. However, there are several factors which can result in the receipt of either MORE or FEWER cow eyeballs. Please consider the following:

 

1) How is the cow being divided? - Since when you purchase 1/2 cow it is normally divided along the longitudinal axis from top to bottom it seems likely that a cow would be divided in a similar fashion when quartering. Based on that assumption, it seems that you would receive anywhere from 0 to 1 eyes, depending upon eyeball spacing of the particular cow. OTOH, if your cow is divided from front to back (heretofore known as Catwoman-style), then you should expect to receive either 2 eyes or zero eyes, depending on whether or not you receive the head-and-neck portion of the cow. Finally, one can imagine a combination of Catwoman-style and normal butchering, in which you will receive either exactly one or zero eyes, depending on whether your quarter comes from the front half or the rear half of the cow.

 

2) It must be realized that some cows have fewer than two eyes at the time of slaughter. This fact may result in fewer eyeballs being received than you should normally expect.

 

3) There have also been reports of cows blessed with more than two eyes. In a similar respect, this fact may result in more eyeballs being received.

 

4) There have been numerous reports of locker plants NOT DELIVERING ANY COW EYEBALLS to purchasers. It is rumored that that cow eyes are being sold on the black market and shipped to China in order to make large-eyed toy dolls. In fact, this practice seems SO common that the U.S. Congress has recently formed a subcommittee to investigate the matter. They are currently looking for witnesses to testify about this topic. In particular, they would like to hear from customers who have recently purchased Catwoman-style butchered 1/4 cows and who received the front quarter, but NO eyeballs. It seems that locker plants have been telling such customers that their cows were BLIND at the time of butchering, but that seems to be overly coincidental to be credible. In any case, watch for new cow-eyeball regulations from our trusty lawmakers in Washington soon!

 

Now that you know how many eyeballs you will receive, you will need to know how to store and prepare them.

 

Storage:

 

It is recommended that you store your eyeballs in your freezer at 0 degrees Fahrenheit. For best effect, eyeballs should be frozen unwrapped and placed so that fellow family members who open the freezer are immediately "seen" by the eyeballs! When stored this way, you can expect eyeballs to keep for between 4 months and 2 years, depending on your tolerance for eyeball rot. The alternative is to have your eyeballs ground into the hamburger, at which point they will keep indefinitely.

 

Preparation:

 

Normal practice is to cook up your eyeballs into eye soup or to create eye broth for use in other soups. However, there are many other festive uses, such as for a garnish or other holiday decoration. You may also wish to consult with our resident WTM witch for further advice on what can be done with cow eyeballs.

 

Hopefully this discussion has cleared up any questions you may have had about your upcoming cow eyeball delivery. We are all hopeful that you enjoy them as much as we have! ;)

[Marylou]

If someone tries it, be sure and start a thread!! I'm pretty sure I'll never be cooking any up!

:)

 

No need for a new thread. This one is a free-for-all!

 

While you haven't come out and asked it directly, your compatriots here at the Well-Trained Mind Forums have deduced the REAL reason for you posting this particular statement in this thread: CLEARLY, you are wondering how many eyeballs you will be receiving in January! ;)

 

 

 

You have too much time on your hands :001_smile:

[Another Lynn]

We are getting our first 1/2 cow from the local universities ag dept, and the guy there said they usually have 30-40% loss during processing. So 150lbs sounds low to me, but I'm still pretty new to this.

 

I suppose your animal was in the control group? Or maybe you will be the one to get three eyeballs? (assuming Catwoman's method of butchering, of course) :D

[BlsdMama]

 

Preparation:

 

Normal practice is to cook up your eyeballs into eye soup or to create eye broth for use in other soups.

 

 

LOL.

 

Normally I'd now walk in here and drop down my side of the debate of that's not what *I* would do with cow eyes in MY home and how my experience has proven you completely wrong.

 

But I'm going to be the bigger person here and walk away from the topic.

 

:D

[KatieH]

Okay, chicken feet in stock doesn't bother me, but cow eyes...that is just too much. Ewww.

[Renee in NC]

Okay, chicken feet in stock doesn't bother me, but cow eyes...that is just too much. Ewww.

 

Mmmmmmmm....chicken foot stock is the BEST!:D

[smrtmama]

I learn so much stuff on this forum. I can honestly tell you that I have never known anyone who bought a dead cow. Or half of one, either, for that matter. Do you get to pick your own cow, or is it more of an honor system thing?

 

Please don't think I'm criticizing this -- I actually think it's interesting! I'm just one of those people who goes to the store and the meat is just... well... there. If I bought half a cow, I would have no clue as to what to do with most of it. I guess I would just hope that they would label the packages for me so I could look up recipes online.

 

I would also hope there was no package marked, "Eyes." :ack2:

 

Also, you must have a huge freezer! How many bodies can you fit in that thing? (Sorry, but where I come from, if you're buying a new car and look in the trunk, someone always comments that, "It's about a 5-body trunk; that's plenty of room, even if one of them was a fat guy." I would assume the conversation is similar in the world of big freezers...) ;)

 

Cat

 

We get a half-cow, too. We put it in our large chest freezer, but it doesn't come close to filling it up. It's assigned by wait; we don't look at the live cows and say "I want that one!" It's butchered into all the cuts, wrapped, labeled, and hard frozen before we pick it up. The price we pay per pounds comes out to roughly $2.45 -- and that's everything from ground beef to steaks!

[Catwoman]

(Please note that the following is just Reg's best estimate. Catwoman, who is our resident expert on cow eyeballs, can correct any gross mistakes which I may have made.)

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

I LOVED your post, Reg -- I nearly spit my tea on my keyboard!!!

 

And I think you've covered the eyeball issue very well, too. ;) :thumbup1:

 

Cat

 

PS. And the next time somebody orders half a cow, I fully expect them to instruct the butcher as to whether or not they want it done "Catwoman-style." ;)

[Mejane]

See this thread went on long after I went to bed last night. You ladies... and Reg. :D

[elegantlion]

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

I LOVED your post, Reg -- I nearly spit my tea on my keyboard!!!

 

And I think you've covered the eyeball issue very well, too. ;) :thumbup1:

 

Cat

 

PS. And the next time somebody orders half a cow, I fully expect them to instruct the butcher as to whether or not they want it done "Catwoman-style." ;)

 

Cats and cows and eyes, oh my! (think Wizard of Oz)

[Parrothead]

We get a half-cow, too. We put it in our large chest freezer, but it doesn't come close to filling it up. It's assigned by wait; we don't look at the live cows and say "I want that one!" It's butchered into all the cuts, wrapped, labeled, and hard frozen before we pick it up. The price we pay per pounds comes out to roughly $2.45 -- and that's everything from ground beef to steaks!

OBVIOUSLY, you didn't read the entire thread before you posted or you'd know it had move way away from how much cow fits into a freezer.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[katilac]

eyeballs. Please consider the following:

 

14) There have been numerous reports of locker plants NOT DELIVERING ANY COW EYEBALLS to purchasers. It is rumored that that cow eyes are being sold on the black market and shipped to China in order to make large-eyed toy dolls.

 

Ugh! Because those dolls aren't creepy enough without the thought of cow eyeballs.

 

Hate. you. SO. much.

[Truscifi]

While you haven't come out and asked it directly, your compatriots here at the Well-Trained Mind Forums have deduced the REAL reason for you posting this particular statement in this thread: CLEARLY, you are wondering how many eyeballs you will be receiving in January! ;)

 

Not to worry! We can help you! ...sort of...:

 

(Please note that the following is just Reg's best estimate. Catwoman, who is our resident expert on cow eyeballs, can correct any gross mistakes which I may have made.)

 

By classical theoretical mathematical formulations and assuming a cow with normal vision prior to its early demise, it would seem clear that you should received 0.5 eyeballs when you purchase 1/4 of a cow. However, there are several factors which can result in the receipt of either MORE or FEWER cow eyeballs. Please consider the following:

 

1) How is the cow being divided? - Since when you purchase 1/2 cow it is normally divided along the longitudinal axis from top to bottom it seems likely that a cow would be divided in a similar fashion when quartering. Based on that assumption, it seems that you would receive anywhere from 0 to 1 eyes, depending upon eyeball spacing of the particular cow. OTOH, if your cow is divided from front to back (heretofore known as Catwoman-style), then you should expect to receive either 2 eyes or zero eyes, depending on whether or not you receive the head-and-neck portion of the cow. Finally, one can imagine a combination of Catwoman-style and normal butchering, in which you will receive either exactly one or zero eyes, depending on whether your quarter comes from the front half or the rear half of the cow.

 

2) It must be realized that some cows have fewer than two eyes at the time of slaughter. This fact may result in fewer eyeballs being received than you should normally expect.

 

3) There have also been reports of cows blessed with more than two eyes. In a similar respect, this fact may result in more eyeballs being received.

 

4) There have been numerous reports of locker plants NOT DELIVERING ANY COW EYEBALLS to purchasers. It is rumored that that cow eyes are being sold on the black market and shipped to China in order to make large-eyed toy dolls. In fact, this practice seems SO common that the U.S. Congress has recently formed a subcommittee to investigate the matter. They are currently looking for witnesses to testify about this topic. In particular, they would like to hear from customers who have recently purchased Catwoman-style butchered 1/4 cows and who received the front quarter, but NO eyeballs. It seems that locker plants have been telling such customers that their cows were BLIND at the time of butchering, but that seems to be overly coincidental to be credible. In any case, watch for new cow-eyeball regulations from our trusty lawmakers in Washington soon!

 

Now that you know how many eyeballs you will receive, you will need to know how to store and prepare them.

 

Storage:

 

It is recommended that you store your eyeballs in your freezer at 0 degrees Fahrenheit. For best effect, eyeballs should be frozen unwrapped and placed so that fellow family members who open the freezer are immediately "seen" by the eyeballs! When stored this way, you can expect eyeballs to keep for between 4 months and 2 years, depending on your tolerance for eyeball rot. The alternative is to have your eyeballs ground into the hamburger, at which point they will keep indefinitely.

 

Preparation:

 

Normal practice is to cook up your eyeballs into eye soup or to create eye broth for use in other soups. However, there are many other festive uses, such as for a garnish or other holiday decoration. You may also wish to consult with our resident WTM witch for further advice on what can be done with cow eyeballs.

 

Hopefully this discussion has cleared up any questions you may have had about your upcoming cow eyeball delivery. We are all hopeful that you enjoy them as much as we have! ;)

 

:smilielol5:...garnish...:smilielol5:

 

And I love your mathematical analysis!

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Generally it is not recommended to store beef frozen at 0F for longer than 12 months. I'm not sure I would go 2 years, even at -10F, which is the temperature we use.

:iagree:

[Truscifi]

Now THAT I like, but hearing that the OP was 'taken' at the butcher shop would have an ENTIRELY different connotation. :w00t:

 

Suddenly I'm hearing the music.....brownchickenbrowncow

 

Dh found this very disturbing! :lol::lol::lol:

[MomsintheGarden]

Ugh! Because those dolls aren't creepy enough without the thought of cow eyeballs.

 

Hate. you. SO. much.

Now you've done it! You have rewarded him in the way he likes best. He will not stop, and you have only yourself to blame. I'm sorry I didn't warn you first, but you will have to deal with the consequences.

:D

 

GardenMom

[mama2cntrykids]

This thread ROCKS...I'm rolling over here!! As for the question. I *just* got 1/2 of a cow and I think the hanging weight was 300 lb. I'm not sure what we ended up with as my dh picked it up and I never asked how much weight we brought home. It did fill our chest freezer though! It's a lot of ground beef, some steaks, some roasts, some ribs. We go through A LOT of ground beef in our family. It's funny because I made meatloaf the other night (the first night we'd used any of the beef) and I used a lb of the new stuff and a lb of stuff we had left from the store last week. WOW! The stuff we got from the meat locker was WAY better looking than the store beef. It was a lot redder and just looked much healthier.

[Renee in NC]

Dh found this very disturbing! :lol::lol::lol:

 

I wonder what SWB thinks?:lol:

 

I bet she never knew how this would turn out - with a thread tagged "brownchickenbrowncow" that is supposed to approximate p0rn music!:laugh:

 

And here she thought she was providing a place for intelligent discussion.....:rofl:

[LibraryLover]

---While you haven't come out and asked it directly, your compatriots here at the Well-Trained Mind Forums have deduced the REAL reason for you posting this particular statement in this thread: CLEARLY, you are wondering how many eyeballs you will be receiving in January! ;)---

 

 

FYI I am supposed to get extra eyeballs. There were 5 cows for sale, and the butcher (who is hot) said nobody else wanted them. (Am I the only one THAT knows eyeballs are the best part of a grass -fed cow ?!!?). So unless I get gripped-off, I should be getting all the eyeballs.

[Forget-Me-Not]

I fully admit to opening this thread just to see what kind of drama the title caused. . . :leaving:

[elegantlion]

I wonder what SWB thinks?:lol:

 

I bet she never knew how this would turn out - with a thread tagged "brownchickenbrowncow" that is supposed to approximate p0rn music!:laugh:

 

And here she thought she was providing a place for intelligent discussion.....:rofl:

 

It took me a little bit to figure it out. :lol: Points for creativity.

[RegGuheert]

 

FYI I am supposed to get extra eyeballs. There were 5 cows for sale, and the butcher (who is hot) said nobody else wanted them. (Am I the only one THAT knows eyeballs are the best part of a grass -fed cow ?!!?). So unless I get gripped-off, I should be getting all the eyeballs.

Wow! Cool! So please educate us! What will you do with the eyeballs? :bigear:

[Truscifi]

---While you haven't come out and asked it directly, your compatriots here at the Well-Trained Mind Forums have deduced the REAL reason for you posting this particular statement in this thread: CLEARLY, you are wondering how many eyeballs you will be receiving in January! ;)---

 

 

FYI I am supposed to get extra eyeballs. There were 5 cows for sale, and the butcher (who is hot) said nobody else wanted them. (Am I the only one THAT knows eyeballs are the best part of a grass -fed cow ?!!?). So unless I get gripped-off, I should be getting all the eyeballs.

 

 

Yes, what do you do with the eyeballs?

 

And do you perhaps have a pic of the butcher? :tongue_smilie:

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

What about if it were a two headed cow? :D

[ThatCyndiGirl]

This thread ROCKS...I'm rolling over here!! WOW! The stuff we got from the meat locker was WAY better looking than the store beef. It was a lot redder and just looked much healthier.

 

 

:w00t::smilielol5:

 

 

OHMYGAWD!!! Can't breathe. Doing this: ----> :smilielol5:

 

Brownchickenbrowncow indeed!

[Parrothead]

WOW! The stuff we got from the meat locker was WAY better looking than the store beef. It was a lot redder and just looked much healthier.

Yeah, I think it is time for a tour of your meat locker.:D

[LibraryLover]

Yes, what do you do with the eyeballs?

 

And do you perhaps have a pic of the butcher? :tongue_smilie:

 

 

Boomchickawhaawha

[Truscifi]

I just heard ds singing brownchickenbrowncow. :001_huh:

 

Apparently he heard dh singing it last night. Dh says it was stuck in his head, and it is my fault for telling him about it anyway! :D

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Boomchickawhaawha

 

I believe you meant brownchickenbrowncow. That's okay, though. I'm sure it was a typo. :lol:

[LibraryLover]

I believe you meant brownchickenbrowncow. That's okay, though. I'm sure it was a typo. :lol:

 

 

That's how my dh has been 'singing' it for 25 years. I am not sure I can change him. :confused:

[Renee in NC]

I just heard ds singing brownchickenbrowncow. :001_huh:

 

Apparently he heard dh singing it last night. Dh says it was stuck in his head, and it is my fault for telling him about it anyway! :D

 

I just told dh and oldest ds. They are now planning to get brownchickenbrowncow T-shirt printed.

 

And he is serious! Complete with obnoxious pictures!:lol:

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I just told dh and oldest ds. They are now planning to get brownchickenbrowncow T-shirt printed.

 

And he is serious! Complete with obnoxious pictures!:lol:

 

 

They already exist: http://www.handhelditems.com/brown-chicken-brown-funny-tshirt-p-90354.html

 

:lol:

 

I like these better, though:

 

http://www.zazzle.com/brown+chicken+brown+cow+gifts

 

And brownchickenbrowncow is on facebook! http://www.facebook.com/pages/Brown-Chicken-Brown-Cow/360361700704

 

Just think, you can 'like' brownchickenbrowncow.....or become friends with brownchickenbrowncow. The possibilities are endless!

 

But, the best, by far, is this definition on urbandictionary.com that I just read:

 

"An onomatopaeic imitation of the guitar riff commonly heard in 1970's porn movies."

Edited December 24, 2010 by ThatCyndiGirl

[Renee in NC]

They already exist: http://www.handhelditems.com/brown-chicken-brown-funny-tshirt-p-90354.html

 

:lol:

 

I like these better, though:

 

http://www.zazzle.com/brown+chicken+brown+cow+gifts

 

And brownchickenbrowncow is on facebook! http://www.facebook.com/pages/Brown-Chicken-Brown-Cow/360361700704

 

Just think, you can 'like' brownchickenbrowncow.....or become friends with brownchickenbrowncow. The possibilities are endless!

 

But, the best, by far, is this definition on urbandictionary.com that I just read:

 

"An onomatopaeic imitation of the guitar riff commonly heard in 1970's porn movies."

 

You should not have posted this. Dh wants the...uh...Mountain Dew shirt.:lol:

[ThatCyndiGirl]

It's too bad you can't get those shirts in time for Christmas, huh?

[Renee in NC]

It's too bad you can't get those shirts in time for Christmas, huh?

 

No kidding. He would SO wear that shirt! My 17yo, too. Maybe. If Hollister made one....:lol:

[ThatCyndiGirl]

No kidding. He would SO wear that shirt! My 17yo, too. Maybe. If Hollister made one....:lol:

 

 

That would be rather easy to remedy. :D I'd slap a Hollister name on the brown cow before you could say "Holstein". :lol:

[HappyCrazyMama]

They already exist: http://www.handhelditems.com/brown-chicken-brown-funny-tshirt-p-90354.html

 

:lol:

 

I like these better, though:

 

http://www.zazzle.com/brown+chicken+brown+cow+gifts

 

And brownchickenbrowncow is on facebook! http://www.facebook.com/pages/Brown-Chicken-Brown-Cow/360361700704

 

Just think, you can 'like' brownchickenbrowncow.....or become friends with brownchickenbrowncow. The possibilities are endless!

 

But, the best, by far, is this definition on urbandictionary.com that I just read:

 

"An onomatopaeic imitation of the guitar riff commonly heard in 1970's porn movies."

 

I am the only one still totally confused about brownchickenbrowncow? :confused::confused::confused: I feel so clueless.:confused:

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I am the only one still totally confused about brownchickenbrowncow? :confused::confused::confused: I feel so clueless.:confused:

 

 

"An onomatopaeic imitation of the guitar riff commonly heard in 1970's porn movies."

[Tap]

I am the only one still totally confused about brownchickenbrowncow? :confused::confused::confused: I feel so clueless.:confused:

 

There is a well know musical arrangement in porn movies that was used over and over and over. IT is so well known that you never had to watch a porn movie to get the concept. The "sound" of the music is quite similar to the sound of the words "brownchickenbrowncow". It has nothing to do with the actual words or meaning of the words.....just the sound of them.

 

People are using this here, to indicate that instead of the topic being literally about the side of a cow..... a romantic interlude took place with the butcher.