What's in your consequence arsenal when you 11yo ds lies?

[mamato3 all-boy boys]

We've had a rash of lying here -- 4 times since the beginning of the month. DS lost his DS/Wii/computer time first until Christmas, then until Jan. 1, then until Jan. 15.

 

I finally picked up the clue phone and realized this was apparently not enough consequence for him to break this habit.

 

So, yesterday's lie resulted in the following "hard labor":

 

 

• all bedrooms, living room, and school room are vacuumed
  
• bathroom floors are clean and mopped!
  
• I even have a clean tub and the boys have a clean and organized sink and counter!
  
• And now, he's putting the finishing touches on his 1,000 written sentences "I will tell the whole truth all the time" This was given because 1. we want to cement it into his pre-pubescent brain 2. it's meaningless 3. it's a LOT of sentences. (He had to write a similar sentence 500 times for lie #2, I think, and was told if it happened again, he'd get 1,000)
  

 

For the record, I'm really pleased with the way all these chores/ writing took up all day yesterday -- he still had 250 sentences left for this morning. The crimp it put into his Christmas vacation is substantial.

 

 

So what's in your arsenal? Unfortunately we live in a small neighborhood lot with not a lot of demanding outside physical labor. But if it snows? You can bet that we won't be using the snowblower. :lol:

[SailorMom]

Hard labor is good. Our DS 14 has always had issues with this.....

We also take away ALL electronic devices - including access to the internet and any TV or movies. (We do let him keep is mp3 player)

I think it also depends on what the lie is about - inappropriate internet use? No unsupervised internet/no internet at all. Said chores were done and they weren't? Here - do twice as many now. You get the idea.

Amazingly, he still will lie. I don't get it. We've always been really strict on lying (the worst punishments are for any lies) - and our younger ds doesn't even bother trying. But DS 14 still thinks he can get away with it. Heavy sigh.

[LisaKinVA]

:bigear: here... my 11yo boy will lie about *everything.* It's so bad, I could be standing behind him WATCHING him play some mini-clip game on the computer, and ask him, "Why are you playing mini-clips?" Without batting an eye, the child will say, "I'm NOT playing any games." :glare:

 

We've taken things away, given him more chores... spanked... canceled camping trips. The lying just seems to get worse.

[BMW]

We do similar things as you. One thing, though, is that if they are already in trouble (no games until mid-Jan), then they may feel, "So, what's the use?" and not care about being in more trouble. I can compound. I try to keep the consequences within 3-5 days. Then, they have motivation for being back out of trouble.

 

My boys lose the video games first, for up to one week. After that, bad behavior and/or lying results in chores. Sometimes they have to go sit on their bed for a while. That gives me a break and the time to cool down and work on my "mommy" heart. And my 11 yr. old really wants to be up and at it.

 

Sometimes I have required them to tell on themselves to their father. This is effective because one of their tricks is to pout and complain to dad about mom giving them consequences. So, now I am actually giving less consequences, requiring them to play in their room, or sit in their room (depending on the offense) and then they have to tell their dad what they did. Dad will either let it go and give them a free pass (happens often, but, I had already required them to stay in their room, so I don't get upset when this happens) or Dad will give them a talking to (his favorite thing to do, which, some day he may realize that does very little to change the behavior... or not) or Dad will then give a consequence and mom is not the bad guy... and Dad is much more likely to follow through on his own consequence than one of mine.

[RegGuheert]

FYI, I've added a 'lying' tag below. Click it to see a bunch of previous threads about lying.

[mamato3 all-boy boys]

.... One thing, though, is that if they are already in trouble (no games until mid-Jan), then they may feel, "So, what's the use?" and not care about being in more trouble....

 

Yea, that was the message I got when the clue phone rang :D

[katilac]

What's he lying about? That might make a difference.

 

For repeated offenses, I'd probably tomato stake him (require him to be with you at all times). Yes, I know, a punishment for you, sorry! :D Two reasons: one, if I can't rely on you telling the truth, I need to always see what's going on with my own eyes; two, it will help stop the 'habit' of lying; and actually three, kids this age are usually not thrilled with tomato staking, so it's a consequence in that sense also. So there's no playing in his room or the basement - he can play, but he has to do it wherever you are, where you can both see him and hear him.

 

Just to be clear, it's not a 'shaming' thing. Don't say "you can't be trusted, so you have to stay with me like a little kid" but something more like "This is the best way to help you get in the habit of telling the truth."