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I wish ppl would lay off my kid **warning vent**


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Ok, some of you may remember my post about my oldest ds and basketball. Long story short, he doesn't want to play anymore and he was not wanting to do some of the drills in practice. He was getting a little attitude about basketball. Now that he's played an actual game however, he wants to continue.

 

Anyways, that's not why I'm posting. I'm posting because a couple ppl in out HS group like to bring up the fact of my son's attitude. It has gotten a lot better and we are continuing to work on it. This is a Christian group and one of the ladies is his Sunday School teacher. Yesterday at practice she mentioned how well the Christmas program went on Sunday. Then she went on to say how my ds really did well with the program and how she doesn't have an attitude problem with him in class. I than said that he was having the attitude because he didn't want to play basketball (previously). She said, "Oh, I've seen him give other ppl attitude before". The way she said it was like it was the end of the world. I didn't respond because we were interupted and it didn't come back up later. I was really steamed by her comment (and the attitude behind the comment).

 

Whatever happened to mercy and grace? Especially to a child who is trying to turn around a bad attitude and be more repectful (which he **is** trying). Didn't Christ come to this Earth to *give* mercy and grace? Then why on earth can't we, as Christians do the same to a 10 yr. old boy? A boy who is honestly trying to better himself. He's a child, there is a lot of learning that goes with that. It's a process. None of us will ever be perfect this side of heaven, no one. Yes, I'm defensive...I feel like a mama bear. He's human, he's 10. Mercy and grace ppl...mercy and grace.

 

I just wish I could say something without adding the emotion I feel to the convo. I feel like that lady and another one are kind of harping on the situation and picking on my boy. I'm probably being to sensitive (as usual) but darn it, that's my kid and he's TRYING.

 

I have more to say, but won't bother you with my babble. I just needed to get that out to ppl that don't know me and can just listen without turning around and blabbering to the person/ppl to whom I'm speaking of.

 

Thanks for the ear.:grouphug:

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:grouphug: I really know how you feel. My boy also tries so hard, but some people won't forgive and forget. It doesn't seem to matter how well he behaves now. I fantasize about sending out those cutesy letters sometime in the future heralding his great successes. Just to say SEE! SEE! He's terrific and you were small minded...

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:grouphug: It is painful when we see our child being "labeled" in others' eyes. It feels like, no matter how much he improves, or all his positive qualities, this adult will forever see him as a kid with a bad attitude. Right? And she's his Sunday school teacher. I know how you feel.

 

Maybe you can have a little chat with her privately sometime. Tell her you do see your ds working on his attitude, and you hope she will be an encouragement to him at church.

 

Wendi

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The snarky annoyed mama in me wants to reply "yes, well we all have things to work on, for instance you with the gossip and judgmental attitude.":glare:

Christina...:lol::lol:

Thanks for the laugh :001_smile:. I truly needed it as I'm feeling badly about the whole situation. What makes it worse is these two women in particular attend the same church as I do and the one is his SS teacher:001_huh:.

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Yesterday at practice she mentioned how well the Christmas program went on Sunday. Then she went on to say how my ds really did well with the program and how she doesn't have an attitude problem with him in class.

 

I than said that he was having the attitude because he didn't want to play basketball (previously).

 

She said, "Oh, I've seen him give other ppl attitude before". The way she said it was like it was the end of the world. I didn't respond because we were interupted and it didn't come back up later. I was really steamed by her comment (and the attitude behind the comment).

 

Okay, I wasn't there and I don't know exactly what happened or how it was said. But, it sounds as if she started out *defending* your son. Or at least saying "huh, I don't have that problem in class, I wonder why he has a bad attitude in *this* situation." When you pointed out the problem, she admitted that she had seen something similar. She was just agreeing with you like, "oh, yeah, I guess I've seen him give other people attitude when it comes to things he doesn't want to do too."

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Okay, I wasn't there and I don't know exactly what happened or how it was said. But, it sounds as if she started out *defending* your son. Or at least saying "huh, I don't have that problem in class, I wonder why he has a bad attitude in *this* situation." When you pointed out the problem, she admitted that she had seen something similar. She was just agreeing with you like, "oh, yeah, I guess I've seen him give other people attitude when it comes to things he doesn't want to do too."

 

:iagree:

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I would probably like to know more about what she has seen. I'd want to know what other situations she has witnessed and definitely let her know you aren't ok with these situations and you are working on them with your ds. You seem to be making strides and he is trying- she will be glad to hear it I would think! Most parents and teachers will be 100% behind your and your dc if you are the first one to acknowledge a problem and to let them know you are working on it. I know it seems like none of anyone's business, but it's rather hard to ignore if things happen in front of someone, especially a teacher/coach/etc. It's hard not to be defensive and it's hard to know their intent- hard in person and nearly impossible over the internet.

 

At any rate, I would try speaking with her again. Best case scenario, you are on the same page and feel like she understands your situation which would be a great help! Worst case scenario- she is in it for the gossip in which case there's nothing you can do about it...the situations are out there and you've given her no further ammo really. This would be a perfect time to teach your ds about consequences for his actions in the way people perceive him. Perhaps not popular, but true.

 

Good luck!

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Okay, I wasn't there and I don't know exactly what happened or how it was said. But, it sounds as if she started out *defending* your son. Or at least saying "huh, I don't have that problem in class, I wonder why he has a bad attitude in *this* situation." When you pointed out the problem, she admitted that she had seen something similar. She was just agreeing with you like, "oh, yeah, I guess I've seen him give other people attitude when it comes to things he doesn't want to do too."

 

:iagree:

Thank you for the different view on this:).

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You know, I love what you wrote about how hard he's trying to change. Next time, instead of giving a reason for a bad attitude (basketball, tired, whatever), bring that person alongside you with something like this: "You know, I have seen him really working hard to turn his attitude around. He's not quite where he'd like to be yet, but he's a great kid and I am so proud of him for working to change. I have found he's really encouraged to be his best self by __________," and list a couple things you do with him to remind him to be his best self.

 

I have a child who struggles with behavior. Re-framing his behavior for others in a new light helps them to see him as a child working to change instead of a child with a bad attitude, and gives them specific tools to be a part of that change.

 

I'm glad he enjoyed the basketball game and decided to stick with it. :)

 

Cat

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I can't imagine anyone saying something like that to my face, unless I asked them for a report... well, except for my mother, father, or the babysitter (who watch the kids and give me a report :D)

 

I'm sorry... I can feel for you, only because I have a son who can be a bit of a handful. I would probably feel the way you do right now.

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I guess, as the mother, it feels kind of like an attack. It's not a good feeling. I'm going to let it go and continue to observe and work on the attitude with him. He's such a sweet boy much of the time that I don't want ppl to have this negitive view about him. Besides, he's my BOY!

 

 

Just my two cents, but it seems like your more interested in burying your head in the sand on what others observe, instead of correcting the child. Look at it from the other adults point of view: A disrespectful child with an attitude who's mother just defends him.

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