Crazy/Inappropriate Gifts

[*Inna*]

An envelope with a check and a card that read, "for a vasectomy":glare:

 

ETA: it was promptly turned down. Obviously.

:001_huh: Wow. You win.

[*Inna*]

A former boyfriend's mother, who made no secret of loathing me, gave me an initial necklace for Christmas one year. Nice, right? Peace offering?

 

Except it was the letter A. My name does not begin with A. It was also bright red.

 

She claimed it "symbolize[d] my good grades in school." Uh huh.

 

:eek:

[La Condessa]

When my husband was a little boy, his grandfather thought that he and his brothers should have a dog. He talked to their parents about it a few times, but they said absolutely not. So the next time the boys were visiting, he told them he had a surprise for them and drove them to a dog breeder to pick out their new puppy. My inlaws were livid.

[Retired]

I have debated sharing this because my dh's parents and our whole family are very conservative Christians now but it is a funny story

 

I received a embarrassing present from my now bil.

My dh and I where dating and his family did the big Christmas party, lots of drinking, and my bil got his girl friends present and mine mixed up

 

I got the gift that was suppose to be given privately to his girlfriend

 

 

 

Yeah you guessed it to my mortification I opened this package in front of my future in laws

 

a personal massager aka vi*brator:blush:

 

I wish I could convey the embarrassment and of course hysterical laughter from the men in the room

 

To those who may be wondering did I keep the gift, no it went to the intended recipient:D

[Margo out of lurking]

After I'd had my first baby, a boy, my girlfriend came by with a gift for the baby. Inside the box was a pink frilly dress. I asked her if she knew that I had had a boy and she said yes. I really didn't know how to respond.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

I think I just blew cookie out my nose.

[Teachin'Mine]

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

This thread needs major WARNINGS!!!!

 

Such as:

 

If you've got anything to drink, do it now before reading any further. Same goes for anything to eat as I've heard cookies can become projectiles.

 

If you haven't peed recently, do it now, or you'll be doing it later.

 

If there's a cat on your lap, remove them now before you burst out laughing and end up with major wounds.

 

If the children are sleeping and within earshot ... well not much you can do other than be ready to field some questions.

[Jumping In Puddles]

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

This thread needs major WARNINGS!!!!

 

:iagree: I woke my dh and one of the kids up because I was laughing so hard! :lol::lol:

[RegGuheert]

Tell me the truth...how bad is it that I'm getting gift ideas on the "inappropriate gifts" thread?

"Really bad!" Reg smugly thought to himself...until he read:

My dh has a habit of gifting me household items.

A very practical man! I like him already! :001_smile:

Last year he got me pots and pans.

An excellent choice! Been there and done that!

They are nice pans, but still, they are a household item, you know?

Yes! I know! Something you can use all year 'round! :001_smile:

Another year it was a vacuum.

Another excellent idea! Keep the gift ideas coming ladies!

The second year we were married he gave me a waffle iron. He said that he chose that gift because he knew how much I enjoyed making him waffles for breakfast... :001_huh: For the record, I don't even like waffles. I like pancakes!

Another terrific present which I have given to MomsintheGarden! ;)

Wow, did he also get you a new iron for when ironing his shirts? Or a nice comfy stool for you to sit on while you rub his aching feet? :lol:

Outstanding! This thread really IS chock full of purchasing ideas. Christmas shopping will be a breeze this year! :D

 

Merry Christmas!

[Paintedlady]

This is awesome. Rarely does something literally make me laugh out loud but I love this story. :lol::lol::lol:

 

Me too! I'm reading that story just giggling away! Love it!

[Impish]

*wonders how Reg has survived this long...decides MomsintheGarden has waaaaaaaaaaay better meds than she does.*

[Melissa in NC]

When I was 16, my sister, age 17, gave me a small box for Christmas. Inside was 86 cents. She laughed as she informed me that she had stolen the money from my desk. My mom was sitting right there and said nothing about it. That was my first step into detesting Christmas.

[Nakia]

I cannot breathe because I am wheezing with laughter!!!! This thread is the best ever!!!

 

I have one to add, though it is not nearly as good as many here. This isn't a Christmas present, or at least I hope not. This past weekend, I stopped by my mom's and she excitedly told me, "I got you something!!!" So she pulls out this hideous crocheted blue Christmas cardigan, complete with a Santa and a Rudolph that has a jingle bell around his neck. The best part is the shoulder pads. The worst part is that she got it at Goodwill, so I can't take it back. I was dumbfounded. She was so proud, so I just thanked her. I made the mistake of showing it to Patrick while he was brushing his teeth. He had to clean toothpaste off the bathroom mirror. It is just so out there. Now, I am no fashionista, but I am only 33, and that sweater probably can't be worn by anyone under 60. I'm giving it to my 75 year old grandmother. :lol:

[TheAutumnOak]

My MIL once gave my (very conservative) DH a pair of tight, black vinyl pants. :001_huh:

 

:lol: This is too funny!

[TheAutumnOak]

My father gave me a VCR tape rewinder shaped like a red sports car when I turned 16...I didn't even have my own TV, let alone a VCR!

[BarbecueMom]

I have one of those families that likes to save boxes from anything and everything all year long, and wrap random carp in them for gifts. One year I got a box of staples in my stocking. I was one of those kids that asked for office supplies for Christmas, so I assumed they were staples.

 

Before the end of the school year the following May, I went to staple a research paper/book report/something to turn in the next day and realized the stapler was empty. I grabbed the box of staples I got for Christmas, opened it up... and was surprised to find one of those pink keychains with the "phone cord" wristband. Why in the world would you save a small staple box to wrap stocking stuffers in?!?

 

I think I had some points deducted from that paper for being unprepared, since I came to class with an unstapled paper.

[Catwoman]

This thread really IS chock full of purchasing ideas. Christmas shopping will be a breeze this year! :D

 

Merry Christmas!

 

Don't make us hurt you, Reg. ;)

 

Cat

[Catwoman]

I'm giving it to my 75 year old grandmother. :lol:

 

Are you sure that's not just evil? ;)

 

Re-gifting a Goodwill sweater with Santa and Rudolph is one thing, but re-gifting a Goodwill sweater with Santa, Rudolph, bells, and shoulder pads is another thing altogether.

 

Of course, with those bells, you'll never lose Grandma at the mall... :D

 

Cat

 

PS. And won't your mother be heartbroken that you gave away the sweater she loved so much? If it were me, I'd keep it for laughs. :)

[Nakia]

Are you sure that's not just evil? ;)

 

Re-gifting a Goodwill sweater with Santa and Rudolph is one thing, but re-gifting a Goodwill sweater with Santa, Rudolph, bells, and shoulder pads is another thing altogether.

 

Of course, with those bells, you'll never lose Grandma at the mall... :D

 

Cat

 

PS. And won't your mother be heartbroken that you gave away the sweater she loved so much? If it were me, I'd keep it for laughs. :)

 

:lol: My mom will never know. It's my dad's mom. Well, she will know if one of my darlings tells her. Ugh. I might have to keep it... But I will NOT wear it and nothing you say will change my mind. ;) Maybe I will pack it up and wait for my mom to turn 75 and give it back to her.

[Mejane]

"Oh look, honey, that nice Mrs Periwinkle gave us a baby gift! It's an adorable disembodied head; how does she always know exactly what we want?" ;)

 

Cat

 

That thing is just seriously creepy.

[Catwoman]

But I will NOT wear it and nothing you say will change my mind. ;)

 

Good heavens! I didn't want you to wear it! :D

 

Maybe I will pack it up and wait for my mom to turn 75 and give it back to her.

 

That would be perfect! You would finally get rid of the sweater, and your mom would be thrilled that you'd kept it for so long -- and she'll know you must have really loved it, too, because you took such good care of it... it looks almost like it's never been worn... ;)

[Nakia]

Good heavens! I didn't want you to wear it! :D

 

 

 

That would be perfect! You would finally get rid of the sweater, and your mom would be thrilled that you'd kept it for so long -- and she'll know you must have really loved it, too, because you took such good care of it... it looks almost like it's never been worn... ;)

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

[dirty ethel rackham]

I got the gift that was suppose to be given privately to his girlfriend

 

 

 

Yeah you guessed it to my mortification I opened this package in front of my future in laws

 

a personal massager aka vi*brator:blush:

 

 

 

:lol::lol::lol: I almost peed my pants on that one. Hmmm. And here I was embarrassed about giving my BIL the book "The Shack" thinking it was a novel about a guy who goes ice fishing.

[Impish]

I cannot breathe because I am wheezing with laughter!!!! This thread is the best ever!!!

 

I have one to add, though it is not nearly as good as many here. This isn't a Christmas present, or at least I hope not. This past weekend, I stopped by my mom's and she excitedly told me, "I got you something!!!" So she pulls out this hideous crocheted blue Christmas cardigan, complete with a Santa and a Rudolph that has a jingle bell around his neck. The best part is the shoulder pads. The worst part is that she got it at Goodwill, so I can't take it back. I was dumbfounded. She was so proud, so I just thanked her. I made the mistake of showing it to Patrick while he was brushing his teeth. He had to clean toothpaste off the bathroom mirror. It is just so out there. Now, I am no fashionista, but I am only 33, and that sweater probably can't be worn by anyone under 60. I'm giving it to my 75 year old grandmother. :lol:

Orrrrr...I've heard of folks hosting 'tacky Christmas Sweater' parties, where everyone wears the ugliest sweater they've ever gotten/can find and has a door prize for the worst/best.

 

Might start a new tradition ;)

[Paintedlady]

Cripes I love this thread!

 

MIL is the QUEEN of terrible gifts. Where to start?

 

When we adopted dd as an infant she sent us a obviously musty, garage sale blanket, still in the original box, which appeared to be about 30 years old, along with an entire box (approx 20 pairs) of baseball socks. No card, no explanation. Huh. :confused:

 

One year for Christmas she gave dh a Native American statue/totem pole. It was about 12 inches tall and thin, almost like a candle holder. Again, no explanation. The only thing we can figure is that because dh is half Cherokee, she thought he would like it. Dh & I also took turns hiding it in plants and other funny places for years. We finally tossed it when we moved.

 

This one made dh mad with frustration and disappointment b/c his mother was so out there. She sent another garage sale find for his birthday one year, this time a plastic singing lobster on a rock. Think of those singing fish on the wall--it was in the same vein. It was so bizarre!

 

Many many Christmases, probably the last 12 years (with this year as the exception--YEAH!!!) she's given us collectible M&M paraphernalia. Every kind of M&M dispenser ever made has been sent to our house over the years. We've never collected M&M anything and the worst part is that the candy that comes along with it is always so old and stale that's it's turned white. At least if we could eat the candy... They all got tossed immediately. We joked this year that there must be a warehouse somewhere in Texas that has finally run out of it's M&M dispenser inventory. :tongue_smilie:

 

This is just the tip of the iceberg with MIL. Those are just the best/worst. This year she sent money and we were a little disappointed. Not really!

[Rivka]

When I was about eight or nine I started being expected to shop for my own Christmas and birthday presents to give family members. As you might expect, the gifts I gave were not necessarily the most perfect and appropriate.

 

So my teenaged sister decided to "teach me a lesson." She gave me a three-pack of ugly, too-big discount store underwear for my birthday. It was to punish me for giving my mother junky jewelry she would never wear the month before. Not that she explained herself, or offered to take me shopping and help me choose better presents. :glare:

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[Miss Marple]

Many many Christmases, probably the last 12 years (with this year as the exception--YEAH!!!) she's given us collectible M&M paraphernalia. Every kind of M&M dispenser ever made has been sent to our house over the years. We've never collected M&M anything and the worst part is that the candy that comes along with it is always so old and stale that's it's turned white. At least if we could eat the candy... They all got tossed immediately. We joked this year that there must be a warehouse somewhere in Texas that has finally run out of it's M&M dispenser inventory. :tongue_smilie:

 

My sister sent the kids the same collectible M&M containers for several Christmases in a row :001_huh: Then she moved on to collectible candy holders that can be used as money banks after the candy is gone. That went on for a couple of Christmases as well. We finally talked her into not exchanging gifts from the cousins :tongue_smilie: She wasn't too happy about it - probably because she still has a closet full of collectible candy tins.

[Susan in TN]

Ok - I'll tell the story of the Great Christmas Disaster, 2001.

 

It was shortly after Sept. 11th. My inlaws all lived on Long Island, and they asked around in Oct. and the whole family agreed that no one would bring gifts - we'd just enjoy being with the family that year. We were fine with that and brought cards.

 

SIL#1 - bought cute P.J.s and winter hats for all the younger kids. She had purchased them the spring before when they were on clearance. We thanked her - she really is a sweetheart.

 

SIL #2 - had bags full of freebie toys from the bank that she passed out to the younger ones. She was really poor at that time, going through a rough divorce. Our kids had a blast with the little items.

 

SIL #3 - brought nothing, as per agreement, and made her entire family sit stiffly on the sofa with a small mound of wrapped gifts at their feet, refusing to let the kids touch anything, because they "weren't exchanging gifts".

 

Since then, no one has attempted to organize gift giving. Last year, when grandma opened the fabric Christmas ornaments that dd had been making for weeks, she gave a kind of insulted snort and stuffed them into the magazine rack. I quietly retrieved them later and threw them out so dd wouldn't notice.

[Lisa in Jax]

:lol: This is too funny!

 

 

Autumn -- can I interrupt this awesome thread to say that I think your hair is fabulous? You're gorgeous. :)

 

Lisa

[bookfiend]

For the past two out of three years, my MIL has given me a vacuum cleaner for Christmas. I guess that speaks to her opinion of my housekeeping abilities ....

 

or to the quality of vacuum she keeps buying!

[AndyJoy]

Several years back, while celebrating Christmas with DH's family, our niece (early-20s at the time) opened a gift from her great-aunt. It was this hideous track suit. Charcoal with glossy black grids on it...with grey splattered all about. She was kind and thanked her great-aunt. Then...SIL opened her gift from same aunt. It was an identical suit. This is when the rest of us started to worry. Sure enough, all of the women got the same thing, except for one SIL (it didn't come in her size). I donated it. I really wish that I'd taken a photo, though.

 

If you'd all posed in them together, you could have sent it in to Awkward Family Photos for the rest of the world to laugh at too!:D

[happyhomemaker25]

An envelope with a check and a card that read, "for a vasectomy":glare:

 

ETA: it was promptly turned down. Obviously.

 

Nope, I'd of kept that check and gotten a nice hotel room and made another baby! :party:

[Impish]

Nope, I'd of kept that check and gotten a nice hotel room and made another baby! :party:

:lol:

[mo2]

Outstanding! This thread really IS chock full of purchasing ideas. Christmas shopping will be a breeze this year! :D

 

Merry Christmas!

 

 

:lol: Your poor, patient wife! :lol:

[Supertechmom]

This thread is hilarious! I'm sure we'll have more to post when Christmas gets here.

 

(ANd it's also disturbing!)

 

 

 

 

 

(and we want a farting bank!):lol:

[Jyniffrec]

My MIL was into ceramics for awhile. My BIL and his wife opened the first gift from her. It was a baby blue fountain with a naked lady sitting on the side. When FIL opened his gift and it was the same thing we started to get nervous. We breathed a huge sigh of relief when ours was penguins! She ended up gifting us her entire collection of unused ceramics when FIL made her get rid of it. We practically have a store in the garage. :glare:

 

We were watching a friend's house over a weekend when one of his sheep had a lamb on Valentine's Day. We called it Valentine and were quite attached to it. Later we received a lamb's pelt in the mail as a gift for our dd's birth. It was poor little Valentine.

 

My mother buys dh clothes that are really meant for me. One year he got a women's leather jacket. It got lost ... somehow.

[Catwoman]

We were watching a friend's house over a weekend when one of his sheep had a lamb on Valentine's Day. We called it Valentine and were quite attached to it. Later we received a lamb's pelt in the mail as a gift for our dd's birth. It was poor little Valentine.

 

Now that's just wrong. :ack2:

 

What did you end up doing with the pelt? It had to be very upsetting.

 

Cat

[mo2]

Now that's just wrong. :ack2:

 

 

 

Cat

:iagree:

[Wheres Toto]

Now that's just wrong. :ack2:

 

What did you end up doing with the pelt? It had to be very upsetting.

 

Cat

 

I agree, that is just awful.

[Krista in LA]

I think it says a lot that my favorite gift from my parents this year was an artificial Charlie Brown Christmas tree.... They also gave me some kitchen towels and pot holders that they cleaned out of my deceased grandmother's house this year. Oh, and the single pillowcase with a lion on it that also probably came from there. My db and dsil left almost everything they gave them here for me to donate rather than lug it home on the plane with them.

[Jyniffrec]

I think it says a lot that my favorite gift from my parents this year was an artificial Charlie Brown Christmas tree.... They also gave me some kitchen towels and pot holders that they cleaned out of my deceased grandmother's house this year. Oh, and the single pillowcase with a lion on it that also probably came from there. My db and dsil left almost everything they gave them here for me to donate rather than lug it home on the plane with them.

 

This so sounds like my family! They gave my dh my grandfather's underwear when he passed away but left the coffee grinder I wanted that has been passed down for 5 generations out on the back porch exposed to the weather for months.

[Jyniffrec]

Now that's just wrong. :ack2:

 

What did you end up doing with the pelt? It had to be very upsetting.

 

Cat

 

We donated it.

[Catwoman]

We donated it.

 

I thought you might have done something like that. It would be creepy to have kept it, but sort of wrong to have thrown it in the trash.

 

Cat

[tammyw]

I was about 12 years old, my brother was 23. He owned a ranch and had always threatened he was going to give me a box of crap for Christmas. That year I started opening the gift from him and his wife. Well it was a box of crap, literally. Cow crap in fact. He was most proud of the fact that it also had a bonus bird turd on top of it.

[Pink Fairy]

Oh my. :ack2: Are you sure your brother wasn't the 12 yo in this story?

[tammyw]

Oh my. :ack2: Are you sure your brother wasn't the 12 yo in this story?

 

In all fairness, he DID have a "real" gift hidden behind the sofa, for me. :tongue_smilie: I don't remember what that gift was, but I sure will never forget that first box!

[Pink Fairy]

In all fairness, he DID have a "real" gift hidden behind the sofa, for me. :tongue_smilie: I don't remember what that gift was, but I sure will never forget that first box!

 

Okay, that's better!

[UmmiSays]

Hello to ALL,

I am going thru a bit of postpartum, and I haven't been in the best of spirits in awhile, but this thread has had me laughing harder than I have in a quite some time. I had to stop reading for a minute to catch my breathe from laughing so hard. I am only on page 6 but I had to post now. These gifts are hilarious, pa-leeease keep them coming. Thanks.

 

Peace.

[catz]

:smilielol5:This thread is just priceless! My grandmother died last week and this has been a great pick-me-up. Thanks!

[Retired]

I was about 12 years old, my brother was 23. He owned a ranch and had always threatened he was going to give me a box of crap for Christmas. That year I started opening the gift from him and his wife. Well it was a box of crap, literally. Cow crap in fact. He was most proud of the fact that it also had a bonus bird turd on top of it.

 

:ohmy: I think you are the winner of the worst christmas gift in history.